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Avatar universal

Been on vicodin/various opiates for cancer treatment, finally getting off them

I'm a 21 Year old Male and I have just finished up receiving chemotherapy and radiation therapy for Lymphoblastic Lymphoma.  During the course of this treatment, I was on many various painkillers, including Percocet, Vicodin, Oxycontin, (IV)Dilaudid, Duragesic Fentanyl Patches, and (IV)Morphine once, mostly, though, I was on Vicodin 7.5/750.  One of the things I enjoyed about the painkillers was the feeling of euphoria they produced in addition to relieving pain,  Because of this there were a number of times I experimented with them and combined them with other medicines that I had been prescribed,  such as ativan or hydroxyzine.  

About a month ago, my oncologist gave me one last prescription to wean off the Vicodin over a 4 week period.  I was doing realy well at first, there were a lot of things distracting me during the period so I was easy not to think about the pills.  But I hit a dry spot around two weeks ago where there was almost nothing going on at the moment, and though I was down to about half - 2 halves a day, my stupid brain figured why the hell not have a good time.  A few days later I did this again, then again and again, and before I knew it I was back to where I was before.  

This past weekend me and my family went away to visit some relatives, I brought the pills with me--stupid in hindsight I probably could have actually gotten decently close to getting off the damn things--and continued to abuse them up there, this time with alcohol, since I tend to drink a lot when I'm with that half of my family.  

After we got back from the trip I realized I had about 7 pills left, enough for a week if I took them once a day.  But my impatience got the best of me and they were gone in 2 days.  Yesterday was the literally first day I've gone with no types of opiate in the house, and the cravings were fairly intense. I ended up settling them down with Ativan, lots and lots of Ativan.  Basically half a mg for every hour I still felt a craving, ended up having about 5.5mg or so of Ativan, and I also had a glass or possibly two of wine, since my memory of last night is a bit fuzzy.  So I woke up this morning after blacking out at some point from all that **** and had some slight cravings, which i took about 2mg ativan for. Eventually all my cravings went away and I had thought that I was past the worst part of it.  Throughtout the day I've started feeling more and more tired.  So I go to the bathroom and for whatever reason I was feelin around my skin and found that I had placed a Fentanyl patch on myself at some point during the previous twenty four hours.  

And now I'm posting this from work, afraid of what will happen when the patch comes off or wears off... I told the palliative care doctor I was doing great with the tapering, I don't realy want to go back there and tell him that I ****** up when I've barely been doing any of the things he's been telling me to do...

Not really sure what kind of advice I'm asking for, I'm just not in a position that I feel like talking to people I know about.
7 Responses
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401095 tn?1351391770
this post is a month or so old...sad to c dan did not continue posting...post a new question as it will help draw attn to ur needs
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey man I just came across your post while searching for methods to quit opiate addiction myself.  Ive been addicted for a little over 3 years on pretty much everything you listed and im finally getting to the point where i cant take the lifestyle anymore or what its done to my emotions, relationships,work, etc.  Anyway i was just wondering how youve made out, i see your last post was about a month ago.  Im 23 and i figured a little feedback from some1 near my age with a similar situation may be of some help.  So if you ever get back on here im interested in hearing from you. Thanks. I hope for the best.
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Avatar universal
Little update on my progress on this: The last day I posted I was having some pretty horrible cravings and withdrawal anxiety, as I said in the post, and barely managed to get any sleep that night even after taking a couple of benadryls, some ativan, and a Trazodone that my pain doctor gave me for insomnia.  Today I did a lot better with cravings and only had a little bit of anxiety.  Most of that I kept under control by hanging out with my girlfriend and listening to music, and there was no need for drinking or ativan to help with it.  Hoping tomorrow will be even easier, and thanks again for replies.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You would probably be much more well off with a longer acting benzo - think librium or valium. You really need to adjust your thinking about the time element though. Dont want to discourage you - because doing the same thing expecting different results is highly unrealistic. But you will need to be cognizant of your fondness for the narcotics and benzo's along with alcohol.  I dont think that I am surprising you by mentioning it. But I Od'd to the point of being on a ventilator for 18 hours in order to keep breathing. It isnt any picnic and its entirely serious. Bring your doc up to speed. Its not like he never heard of the problem in medical school or anything. And he should be able to put together a combo of RX's so that you may sleep and have some calm nerves. This can all be done - but it is work and you will be the one doing a lot of the work. But you have a lot of bright and experienced people here that will help you with moral support and tips for dealing with everything.................just dont stop quiting!  And good luck to you - -
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks for your replies.  I almost forgot I posted this.  I'm still having cravings and anxiety, and today they've been the worst.  I figured they'd start to die down after the third day or so.  I've been stilll doin the wine and ativan therapy for them, which I already knew was a horrible combination of drugs.  I think I might talk to my doctor about this sometime during the week and I'm hoping I haven't developed a benzo addiction on top of this **** as well....
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
12 mg's of ativan for 8 weeks is enough to have a worry about siezures....and sudden death. Only alcohol and benzo's will kill you from the withdrawals and associated siezures.  Opiates will not, barring a pre-existing condition that might pop up unexpectedly. Sounds like its way past time to bring your Doc in the loop.......I have been where you are.....I woke in an ER after my son heard me collapse and called 911 - - it was still a tough save. Combo of narcotics and benzo's shut my respiration down - and it took 18 hours on a ventilator and a near death out of body experience to make a firm believer out of me.  And, as always....avisg is most correct - the wine is just another respiratory depressant.  How long can you hold your breath?
Helpful - 0
199177 tn?1490498534
you are goign to have to talk to the doctor PLZ the wine and benzos are enough to kill you right there.You need help and a slowwwwwwwwwwwwww taper do you have anyone that can hold your meds.
Helpful - 0
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