Best friends Heroin addiction.....help

[tiredfriend]

My best friend has been fighting Heroin addiction for approx 4 years now.  We go back to the 7th grade, both 32 now.  He has lost his job, his house, almost died from pneumonia, lost his truck, harley, and the list goes on.  When he hit rock bottom, i took he and his wife into my house, helped him through detox, then methadone detox (worse than H IMO).  For a few months things started to work out, I found him a job, helped him get his finances back inline (mostly).  He talks as if he really wants to be and stay clean, but about June I noticed some of the signs at times again.  It started as 1x month and has progressed to about 2x month for 2 or 3 days in a stretch.  I have studied so much and watched so closely that I can almost feel it happening before he even does it.  I have confronted and even gotten him to admit to use after each setback(most of them).  But it's the same old story each time "I don't know why i do it, I'm gonna try something different, promise"  lasts about 2 weeks then same old ****.  I try to maintain calm and give him an outlet so he doesnt' fall completely off the deep end, but my patience is running thin.  I have turned my life upside down for him and I am starting to lose hope.  I no longer "feel sorry" for him, instead I feel anger. It's almost rediculous now when he tries to lie and say he's not high when I can tell if he's even done a tiny amount.  Someone help me stay motivated and steer me in an another direction, I want to help but don't want to enable in the process.    

[cathy5841]

the truth is you cant persuade him to do it.  most addicts have to hit rock bottom before they claw their way back to the top.   you may need to just back off andlet that happen.  sorry to say it may get much worse before it gets better.  you may benifit from some narc anon meetings..they are designed to steer you in the right direction....sorry, i could not give ya more positive answer but that is just the truth...

[tiredfriend]

I've tried to suggest NA meetings, he entered rehab a few times only to leave within days.  I've given him names of counselor's who have helped other addict friends get clean.  It's like he puts it all on the back burner and takes no action.  Says he doesn't believe in any of the "group" things cuz they push god on you.  Frustrating thing is that he can be so normal and straight for a while, then just screws up and ruins it.  Moved him away from the city (where he still disappears to when he gets it) so it isn't in his face constantly.  Truth is, if he still lived there he'd be dead. no question.  What will it take for him to finally see the light and follow through with getting clean and staying clean?  His wife is almost no help.  She has thrown ultimatum after ultimatum without following through once.  Don't know what triggers it.  They are doomed financially, and she's probably as much to blame as anyone for that.  But every time he starts to progress, something tragic happens (i.e. she wrecks a car a week after her insurance lapses, or he opens her mail and finds out she is 4 months late on car payment), and he starts to fall into depression.  How can I persuade him to move forward and go to NA meetings?  I think it would help, but don't' have a clue how to get him to make that decision and stick with it.  

[cathy5841]

there is a fine line between helping and enabling.  does he go to NA meetings?  in order to maintain sobriety you have to have some sort of after care.  na, or an addicton counsellor.  there are reasons we use that we have to deal with to stay clean...good luck to you both...