Brother stealing pain meds.

[navybrat]

I've been taking a lot of pain medications for the past couple of months for a kidney stone and then for surgery. I'm off them now but I noticed about a month ago that some pills started to go missing. I have my parents monitor my pain meds and at first my mother thought that I had taken them (she counted the pills everyday to see how much was there) but I hadn't. About a week before I went in for surgery I had another kidney stone attack and was prescribed darvocet, needless to say I didn't take very many before I went in for my jaw surgery. 2 weeks after surgery my mother went to look for my darvocet and couldn't find them. My brother said that he had moved them but couldn't remember where. We looked everywhere and couldn't find them. There were atleast 20 pills there. I think my brother took them. He has a history of substance abuse, but if you ask my parents he was experimenting, afterall I'm the screw up who they had to send to rehab. Anyway I don't know what to do. Should I confront my brother or keep my mouth shut? I've still got that kidney stone and I'm having surgery again in early March and I don't want history to repeat itself.

[RPF]

Kicking this habit is tough, reading everyones comments are a relief to me its nice to know i am not alone.  My private dr. has me on about 80mg of methadone a day, i was taking about 200mg a day of oxycodone, which was very expensive since i was buying my pills from off the street at about 7$ a pill.  The methadone works but when i run out and need my refill the withdrawals hit me hard and fast, i've been on methadone for about 3 months and I'm afraid that i'm not getting better.

[spook]

Try to not get so frustrated with your situation as the other alternative is no Analgesics and antianxiety agents(Xanax).
Your life is in your hands,the pills are in your hands,the pills are becoming your life.
Learn to control your hands,its difficult,but try to work out if you are taking the drugs appropriately and or are abusing them,if you get over your back problems and have no more pain,you will find that you suddenly need even more Pain killers,This weird phenomenom occurs and is indicative of the insidious psychological dependence.
Try to take your medications on a strict time table and "stabilize" yourself,if as you say you have 4 one day and 8 on another day you are going to go on an emotional roller coaster ride,better to take 6 every day.
You are on a steep learning curve now,keep posting,and your questions will be answered.
Also how much Xanax are you taking and are you being carefull to take on a steady regular basis?.
Read the box,it should say take strictly as directed,otherwise, well I think you know what happens now.
Also get off the Oxycodone and get onto Morphine,Oxy is a dangerously addictive drug,it hits hard and fast and the psychological withdrawals and craving are far worse than Morphine,this is a fact,I studied Neuropsychopharmacology at University and I have tried them all myself ,Why the hell do doctors keep on prescribing that absolute RUBBISH.I wish they would try it themselves and compare it to morphine,then they would know,I just do not understand.I am lost,confused,why do they give people such an addictive drug,when alternatives like Morphine are available,why,why,why??????????????goodbye,hey that rhymes...

[Tim]

I was looking up info on oxycotin, And stumbled across this site. I beleive GOD sent me here!I have been on ALL TYPES OF PAIN MEDS, I HAVE A BAD BACK PROBLEM TWO SURGURIES IN TWO YEARS.  Now i am on oxecotin 20mg.4 a day some days 8. I take percocet10. Im on buspar,Selexa,Xanax.AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!,SOMEDAYS i want to just shoot myself.IM AFRAID.IM Married my relationship is good .BUT I HAVE BAD PAIN IN MY BACK and LEGS  I have to take the strong stuff.nothing ealse works SOMEBODY PLEASE  HELP  ME..    PLEASE GINA  OR ANYBODY...TIM  THANKS.

[Tim]

I was looking up info on oxycotin, And stumbled across this site. I beleive GOD sent me here!I have been on ALL TYPES OF PAIN MEDS, I HAVE A BAD BACK PROBLEM TWO SURGURIES IN TWO YEARS.  Now i am on oxecotin 20mg.4 a day some days 8. I take percocet10. Im on buspar,Selexa,Xanax.AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!,SOMEDAYS i want to just shoot myself.IM AFRAID.IM Married my relationship is good .BUT I HAVE BAD PAIN IN MY BACK and LEGS  I have to take the strong stuff.nothing ealse works SOMEBODY PLEASE  HELP  ME..    PLEASE GINA  OR ANYBODY...TIM  THANKS.

[Frankinscense]

Gina>>>
Stay focused! Do not worry about the price of street drugs. Do not even allow your mind to enter the the world of street drugs. This world(the streets) is not concerned about GINA"S recovery. This is a perfect Xample of what sociologist term "criminal addictive thinking." You must not allow yourself to leave your current recovery program. Gina, if you were successful in taking care of your self w/out the aid of professionals,wouldn't you have done it? For heavensake gina pray that you can understand what recovery is about. B/cause it is evident you do not yet see the full picture yet. Girl please! Your Concerned Friend. Dan

[Gina]

I'm curious to know how much methdone costs on the street? I am assuming that's where you got it. I am paying $70.00 a week at the clinic and am taking 55mgs a day. I started last week at 20mgs and was increased by 5mgs until I was comfortable. II'm concerned about the withrawl at the end. I'll probably be going there for a few months.

[methadist]

i went out and bought methadone myself.5 to 10mg a day keeps the willies away.

[to gina]

probably nobody in the chat room. this forum has been more post-based. Perhaps because the thoughts need consideration more than most subjects. Try again later.

[From Aunt Lindy to Mariah]

I am in no way mad.  You must understand that whole day was just an aweful day (I mean  before I even logged on to this site that particular day). I was a mental wreck that day. An absolute wreck. I am putting it in the past.  I care for this group SOOOO much.  That one initial response to that post just totally threw me off guard. But that is officially in the past! Now I must put my energy into my six year old daughter who was punched in the face Friday by a second grader!  Guess where my husband and I am going to be first thing Tuesday morning.  With tuition at $6,000 a year they had better not tap dance on this one.
Sincerely,
Marce.

[vickyvortex to marcie]

marcie, I am so sorry I had to log off so quickly.  The ironic thing was it just happened to be when you logged in!!!!!  We were just ready to log off, then my husband came home early and was slightly pissed about me being on a chat site.  I have been upset all weekend, because I know you thought I was angry with you WHICH I AM NOT, and now I know you think I still am.  This is such a mess.  The point is, Everything is fine, the chat was great, I just wish you could have been there earlier and we could have talked.  Be well.

[Gina]

Why am I having so much trouble getting in the room? I put my name in and push connect. There wasn't any other names of people listed as being in the room. Any suggestions? If I keep trying with no success, whom should I contact to walk me through it? Thanks for any and all suggestions!

[Gina]

Thanks guys for your imput. The Lortabs are gone since I handed them over last night. The leg pain is much more bearable today. I went to the clinic this am and received 45mgs. On Mon. I will receive 50mgs and if I need more after that I have to speak with the dr. My counselor told me he can tell that if it was up to me I would take 20 mgs and try to start cut back in 2 weeks. I really wish that it could be that way, but am learning to take it day by day and stop worrying so much about the future and what will happen when its time to go off. I know I must build a foundation through meetings and practicing a new way of life. Before I would get so mad that I couldn't just stop using and have things return to the way they were BEFORE I used. I would ask why do I have to do things to remind me that I am an addict on a daily basis. Now I know that trying to forget is what leads to more trouble! Right now my husband and I aren't speaking and at this point I could use the break. My dtr and I are going to visit my mother for the day. Thanks again guys!

[Frankinscense]

Gina, You have to tough it without the hydrocodones. Every time you use while om methadone you are jeopardising your recovery. After all that is why you are on methadone is for hydrocodone abuse. It is no different that when a heroin addict thinks he can have a little heroin while on methadone. Stop it all ready! If you need temporary pain relief there are other medicines to relieve pain such as toradol for bad pain and ibuprofen for minor pains. For get the hydrocodones and move on!
                                                                   I started on 30mgms of methadone and worked my way to 60mgm's. That is the therapeutic dose(adequate dose) for me. You want to find a dose that stops all your cravings or thoughts about hydrocodone. Once you are at an adequate dose you will stop thinking about lortabs and continue with your program. My best to You Gina!
Dan..

[Gina]

Thanks for your reply. I have a few ques. for you: #1 Did they start you out at 20mgs and work up to 40 or 50mgs and then bring you down? Before my scheduled appt at the clinic I went to the dr for my on going back pain to obtain Lortab 7.5mgs to avoid withdrawl for the most part. After receiving my 20mgs I was having withdrawl at night--legs shaking, irritability couldn't sleep etc.. My husband who is probably on his last go round with this and me was given the pills I received from my dr. as a sign of my honesty and proof that I was really going to give it my all. He very reluctantly gave me two Lortab to ease withdrawl. Remember, I am used to taking 40 a day, but was thankful for his sympathy. My counselor informed me that I wouldn't be eligible for take home until after three clean urines(90 days or so). He stated that he will not even test me for my first urine until three weeks or so since he knows that until people reach their comfort level they will probably continue to use something to ease discomfort. Well I have been feeling preety good after the first three days or so--I will be up to 40mgs tomorrow. I really hurt myself at the gym two days ago and could BARELY walk. I had to hold on to everything. BENDING from the knee up was pure agony. I decided to refill my Lortab script, take a few too see if they eased the pain and then hand them over to my husband. See, I knew he would check at some point if I got the refill. Well, today I took 11 pills from 9:30am until 5:30pm. Just as I went into the room to retreive them, he had called the pharmacy and was coming in to confront me. Things got so ugly--He was yelling at me saying I was trying to get high, this clinic wasn't going to do me any good because all I ever need is a pill. He swears he is going to tell my parents, who are involved with my treatment, that I need inpatient. I tried to rationally (with tears) to explain that I wasn't out to get high just some relief (which by the way I did not get) ,That I haven't been in the program for even 1 week. He threatened to tell my counselor--but I told him I would tell him myself and sign a release form so my counselor would be able to talk to him about me. Earlier in the week, when my husband was being supportive he suggested having a family session with my counselor on Tues. since he was off from work. I called my counselor, who stated he felt it was too soon, and not fair to put me in that kind of position while I am on this emotional rollercoaster. I said I completely understood and appreciated his concern for me. I am very upset at our ugly argument--We never fought so hard and ugly before. How wrong was I? I knew if I asked him for anything for the pain he would have said,"NO!" I have not used anything after that first night because the urge wasn't there. I wasn't craving or obsessing. I know this treatment will work if given time. I attended an NA meeting(must do 3 a week plus 1 inhouse on Tues. What the hell am I supposed to do now? I really didn't feel like I was being the con artist that I have been so many times. I will tell my counselor the truth, but I need some input from you guys--Right now I feel like I'm losing my mind. I am home alone since my husband took my dtr to a birthday party at his family. I couldn't even go--I was swollen from crying--plus he was yelling where my two stepsons 19 and 16 and my 5yr old could hear. I kept saying please don't yell they can here you although they were in another room. I really feel he stepped way over the line. HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!

[tom t GINA]

has your husband been exposed to alanon at all? Nothing in a "normy"'s background or personal history can prepare him to help or understnd what you're going through. He just literally has no experience to empathize with. Really try to get him to an alanon or equvalent session. It's so imortant that your mate be made to understand that you're still the same women he loves, with just a few "extra dimensions." If he cares about you, he's got to realize that this stuff isn't about or because of him and that you've got what is probably the most common disease on the planet -- one he may one day conrtact himself. Get him in touch with some husbands of addicted people like us. Good luck.

[tom to Dan]

some of us used the chat last night 6PM PST to about 7. Mostly abut buprenorphine. MaryAnne hooked up with Gooberman and got her first few bup syringes. She was waiting for withdrawal to set in before she was suposed to inject. The guy then wants to implant this nalaxone pellet to "help" her stay clean. I'd sooner have someone implant a slug of plutonium in me, as nalaxone. Its the next day now, so she should be posting soon here about how the bup went.

Man, the two meth clinics here in OC are just too hardcore for me. One won't have me because I' not using heroin and the other basically expects my family doctor to write a confession note for the DEA before they will consider me for maintenance. The doc woldn't do it and I'd never dream of asking him to. I'm being told by CSMA (of NAMA, I think) that this new legislation should kick in in California that will let docs use the bup in private practice, but I think it also enables them to prescribe methadone, which is what I'm really interested in. Anyway, I'm "maintaining" myself with propox and a little Xanax and working about 12 hours a day at my job. Got to go in tomorrow, in fact. Interesting thing, I got so busy the minute I walked in the door at work yesterday and didn't manage to take any Darvon or Xan till early afternoon. I really functioned well, thought clearly, got things done. But then I was sure glad to get home and get well ASAP.

I keep holding out for this notion that I can get the methadone from a private doc and do the maintenance that way and avoid the scuzzy cliics. But I'm hazy on the new laws. I'm not 100% that it opens up meth therapy as well as bup. But I seem to remember it being included in the law.

How are you doing?

[Frankinscense]

Tom,I just wanted to see how your quest for a decent clinic in your area was coming along. Also Tom. I think you are an early riser. I am on line every morning between 6:00 and 7:00am central time. Can we(everyone) find a time to chat on the attached chat room.  
                                                                 My hands have been full with my new caseload. I am counseling multiple felony substance abuse offenders( probation and parolees)  The guys give new meaning to the word "drug fiends"! Needless to say my hands have been full as of late. Is anyone using the attached chat room lately? Lets chat! I think we all could exchange some great info. I can give everyone the latest info on putting this terrible disease in check!
Dan..

[Frankinscense]

I am happy that you have found a MMT program to suit you. I hope you use it to it's full capacity. There are all the necessary tools at this clinic for you to beat this disease. Stick with it and Let me know of any problem that I can assist you with. I will check the message board as often as I can. Be patient and I will get back to you.
Dan

[Gina]

Marcie-- This was supposed to be submitted two days ago, but my computer wouldn't let me. I swear I think it's my free internet service. So I printed out what I wrote so I wouldn't forget. Marcie--Your response about motherhood and asvice about telling my 5 yr old brought tears to my eyes. I am sure you are the "SUPERMOM". I, too, am sorry to hear about your fibromyalgia. My neighbor was diagnosed several years ago and I saw the pain and suffering daily. She recently moved back to Minnesota from NJ to go to Mayo clinic. I want to thank you guys for your great support--I can't stress that enough.Well today was day 4 of methadone treatment. I am up to 35 mgs, however yesterday after receiving 30 mgs I decided to go to the gym (a Christmas gift from my parents since I wanted to bring back my endorphins naturally) I OVERDID it in my spinning class (I've been a total of three times in 1 week and pushed way too hard). When I finished my hour I couldn't walk, literally. Today my leg muscles hurt so bad that even the methadone didn't reduce the pain. The clinic thing seems to be going well. I feel great during the day and I actually slept through the night!!! TO TOM--I really wish you could find something in your area Cause I believe this would definitely agree with you. There is no stupid buzz, just the feeling of "normalcy" Sorry to use that word but it's the only way to describe it. I feel like doing things, I'm motivated, but not all hyped up where I can spend two hours in a grocery store having a grand old time deciding which tomato sauce is best. BIG DIFFERENCE! I am going to try and join the chat tonite-- so hopefully I will talk to everyone later!!!

[From Aunt Lindy to Mariah]

Music sounds great.  This is going to be fun!  Sting will be here in a week in concert.  Anyway, Cant wait for tomorrow!
Marcie.

[vickyv to Marcie and thread]

I have just practiced entering the chat room.  I typed my message, I hit enter, and there it was.  I also changed my background to pink for the sheer fun of it.  Just thought I would share.  However, I have not thought of a clever opening remark other than the afore mentioned F word(in joke to tom.) This is scarier than a speech!!!!  Also Marcie, I have a musical recommendation, although I am extremely embarressed to say that it is the artist known as Sting.  I have downloaded not one, but two versions of Desert Rose.  It is a duet with an Arabic singer, and has awesome chanting, similar to Enigma's "Beoyond the Invisible."  I think you would love it.

[From Aunt Lindy to Mariah]

It is so great to see you posting tonite.  You made my day with your kind email.  Today was a rough one for me as you will see lower down in the postings.  Enough said about that subject.  Anyway, I am looking forward to Friday night too.  

Vicky, I NEVER had any kind of withdrawal from Xanax.  The most I ever took it was 1 .50 at night to fall asleep.  When the kids were VERY small I was so full of anxiety that my infant son was sleeping through the night and I was wide awake swearing I heard the baby.  Finally, I was going nuts with no sleep so I was convinced to go on Xanax!  It was sad because I had to wean my son off breastfeeding much earlier than I wanted in order to take the Xanax.  GUILT GUILT GUILT! It is that Supermom thing at work.  But needing sleep so bad Xanax was such a help.  

Vicky I must tell you too if I knew back then what I know now I am sure I would have had withdrawals! I would have had every symptom that I read about.  But I had no trouble at all.  I still have them in my cabinet when I cant sleep.  Some insane days I do take them during the day but rarely. I really get groggy.  I currently have the 1 mg.  I just break them in half so that they will last longer.  I hope I have answered your question probably TO MUCH!  It is funny, I think if I never heard about Oxycontin's withdrawal symptoms I dont think that I would have any of them. But now a different ball game.  When I get down to a few I am already getting ready to hurl. Its CRAZY!

I think you will be very happy with the Xanax.  Of course now we wont see you at the INSOMNIAC CHATS!  I think I could start the INSOMNIAC one tonite.  I can tell it is going to be a long one.

As far as Florida weather.  It has been in the high twenties to low thirties at night.  COLD but I really dont mind it.  I will be getting the vapors soon enough. Summer is not far. Again, so great to hear from you!!!!
Sincerely,
Marcie.

[vickyvortex to marcie.]

Marcie, you have done a fantastic job of organizing this chat.  And an insomniac chat is a great idea too.  Why didn't we do this earlier?  I hope you are doing well. I have just switched from Valium to Xanax.  I like the fact that it doesn't seem as mood altering.  I haven't had any anxiety attacks since taking it.  Can you tell me what to expect as far as withdrawal.  With valium, I had horrible insomnia and terrifying nightmares when I did sleep.  Is Xanax any better.  Also, how can you be cold in Florida? Talk to you soon, V

[To Tom and rest of forum from Maryanne]

GREAT IDEA!  Sort of like our own weekly meeting!!  Talk to u Friday