Brother stealing pain meds.

[navybrat]

I've been taking a lot of pain medications for the past couple of months for a kidney stone and then for surgery. I'm off them now but I noticed about a month ago that some pills started to go missing. I have my parents monitor my pain meds and at first my mother thought that I had taken them (she counted the pills everyday to see how much was there) but I hadn't. About a week before I went in for surgery I had another kidney stone attack and was prescribed darvocet, needless to say I didn't take very many before I went in for my jaw surgery. 2 weeks after surgery my mother went to look for my darvocet and couldn't find them. My brother said that he had moved them but couldn't remember where. We looked everywhere and couldn't find them. There were atleast 20 pills there. I think my brother took them. He has a history of substance abuse, but if you ask my parents he was experimenting, afterall I'm the screw up who they had to send to rehab. Anyway I don't know what to do. Should I confront my brother or keep my mouth shut? I've still got that kidney stone and I'm having surgery again in early March and I don't want history to repeat itself.

[Brighty to Rachael]

You are not a screw up...if you went to rehab to get help and have stayed serious about your recovery, you have a right to be proud of yourself, even if nobody else notices. Addiction often runs in families and it looks like your brother is having a problem too. There is no reason he should be "moving" or handling your meds. This is serious. They belong under lock and key and only your mom and you should know the location. That should handle it. Since he has a history of drug abuse and took the liberty of handling your medication, then I think you need to approach him. Afterall, meds are hard to replace. They are expensive, and usually, on insurance policies, only refillable in certain time periods. If he will allow you to be in pain so he can feed his addiction he needs to be approached. Maybe you can speak to him in a way that he feels confronted but not condemned. I hope he gets help. Love, Brighty

[Racheal to Brighty]

Thanks, my mother is always reminding me of every bad thing I ever did and how my brother is the "normal" one. It just gets kind of old. I'm dreading talking to my brother but I guess it's really the only way. He's been having a tough time lately. It's sounds horrible but I almost wish he was back in the hospital (he was suicidal for a while there) or atleast back on his medication. So it's hard enough to have a normal conversation with him much less the one I need to. Thanks, I think I already knew what I had to do but needed someone else to say it.

[Racheal to Brighty]

Thanks, my mother is always reminding me of every bad thing I ever did and how my brother is the "normal" one. It just gets kind of old. I'm dreading talking to my brother but I guess it's really the only way. He's been having a tough time lately. It's sounds horrible but I almost wish he was back in the hospital (he was suicidal for a while there) or atleast back on his medication. So it's hard enough to have a normal conversation with him much less the one I need to. Thanks, I think I already knew what I had to do but needed someone else to say it.

[Gina]

I went to the methadone program today. At first they start you off with 20 mgs. and state you may feel some discomfort from withdrawl since this is a small dose. Tomorrow you tell them how you felt--if you slept any withdrawl etc.. and from there they increase by 5mgs. It is liquid. I asked about the LAAM which Dan stated you only need three times a week, instead of making my hour ride daily. It is not an option for me at this time, they must see how I progress. Na or Aa meetings 3x a week are mandatory. I must also attend a meeting at the place I receive meds, plus individual counseling. I believe that I found a good place who cares more for it's patients than just their money. My assigned counselor told me that people should not be on for years and years. He states that they need to build a foundation through meetings and getting a sponser, so when the "juice" stops, you have the tools and knowledge to contine life clean and sober. He has been clean 12 years now and knows I am scared to death of withdrawls when it's time to wean. He also stated that I will feel better as the days progress since the medicine builds up in your system. Wish me luck--cause I have sworn to my loved ones if this doesn't work I will go inpatient and leaving my 5 yr old dtr would be pure torture for both of us!! She is so attached-I can't imagine leaving her for a night let alone ALL those days and nights. I need some advice--My dtr has the most playful, happy mommy while under the influence and a miserable one otherwise. My girlfriend,who is knowledgeable in this field feels I should explain to her what's really going on. I will tell her when I feel she's old enough but I feel it's too soon. She may blame herself--God forbid! What should I do? DAN--Did you know that with the mmt they start you out on a low dose and gradually increase? This is the ONLY thing that bothers me.

[tom to Gina and Dan]

congrats, you finally got things going for yourself. Gina. I'd tell your child mom's sick and cranky, they usually accept that.
I'm interested in Dan's answer about the low dosing. Since I'm "only" on Darvon (albeit up to 8 at a time), I wonder if I'll get one of those docs who thinks Darvon isn't serious drugs and tries to put me on some rediculously low meth dose. Truth be known, my tolerance is so high I could take 20 Darvon, or 30 Vicodin, or 10 Oxy 20's, or anything else you'd care to mention at about that dosage level and keep right on truckin. I'm afraid if some doc sends me home with a 20 MG lollypop of methadone, after I finish laughing, I'll most likely just refill some more Darvon or Oxy or Vicodin and get myself well and start the whole circus again.

I really think I'm going to wait to get the buprenorphine from a private doctor, rather than go for the meth under the current restrictions. CSAM tells me it's still a few months away from being legal in California. Can't anyone just get it done and move on? What's the delay? I'm getting really frustrated waiting for the bup and no access to good methadone clinics in my area.

The schedule the methadone clinics makes you keep with the dosing, meetings, etc. also is beginning to sound unworkable to me. I'm a principal at a software developer working 12-15 hour days and I doubt if I could keep the meth clinic schedule anyway.

Common, California, where's the bup? Get off the pot for christ sake! i WANT HELP. i'M READY TO ACCEPT IT. SO DELIVER!!!

[From Aunt Lindy to Mariah]

Gina,
Like your gut instinct is telling you I think it is too soon to tell your Angel anything.  I put myself in your shoes.  I mean I am in bed alot because of feeling bad.  I have fibromyalgia and chronic pain and fatigue.  I have some really rollercoaster days.  I think that you are underestimating how you are with your daughter. If you are talking about how you feel interacting with her when you are having withdrawals (if that is/was the case at all) that is one thing.  But you have to remember with what you are going through now.  Think of this as the first day of the rest of your life.  

If anything Gina let your daughter in on days when you dont feel so great.  I tell my kids that "mommy is having one of her rough days".  When I go to the doctor (which is alot) I let the kids know that "Mommy is working on getting better".  The kids know not to expect much on those days.  My husband is great! He scoots them off to movies, skating, etc. Gina, I am hoping that you are going to start feeling better.

Gina, I think rather than trying to tell your babe anything why dont you wait until she starts ASKING.  Then address whatever her concerns are.  In the meantime when I am going through a rough time I make it a BIG point to tell my kids (8 and 5) things like "Do you know that I dont know what I would do without you" , "Do you know that you make me feel so happy inside".  "Can you believe that of all the little girls out there that we got you, that you are our very own!", "Do you know that if I could that I would sew you to my side and take you everywhere!" "Do you know that when mommy is not feeling good you still brighten my day".  The main thing I do is let my kids know that they are so loved.  If I am in bed I think of games or crafts that we can do in the bed.  I have them get a video and lay in bed with me.  That way we are still getting the closeness and I can rest at the same time. Unlike I have done to you Gina, I wouldnt max your angel out with too much information.  Wait for her to give you the signal.  

I wanted to make sure Gina, that you know that all the above is only my opinion.  Some of it may sound mushy to those who do not have kids.  I just wanted to let you know what works for me and maybe it can help you.  I know where you are coming from. As moms we want to be the best we can be. We want to be a Superhero in our kids eyes. In the situation we are in there is alot of GUILT involved.  I think the bigger lesson is for them to know that they are very loved and that even though we are having bad days we need to let them know we are NOT dying.  We will live and be okay.  Let her be your special nurse or doctor.  Let her help you out with things. There I go again, anyway Gina if I can do anything let me know.  Give that little angel a hug.  I know that you are an awesome mom. I mean look at you!  You are getting yourself together! I dont think you are a miserable mom either.  You know that your babe does not think that either.  You know that life is one big WORK IN PROGRESS.  You have alot of Guts and Courage. Okay Gina! GO GETTEM!!!!!!!!!!

Keep us posted too! Please!

XO
Marcie!

[To Tom and rest of forum from Maryanne]

First I want to say to Marcie, I am sorry to hear about your fibromalgia - and I want to say to both you and Gina that I also have a 5 year old and understand how you both feel.  Marcie, you do not sound mushy, you sound just like me!  We are SO affectionate toward our son and this disease of addiction (withdrawals, too high, etc that go with it) are the things that our son is dealing with and not deserving it.  Gina, I do not believe you should tell your daughter you are addicted yet - not for a while actually - that is just TOO much for her little head to handle (my opinion).  I agree completely with Marcie, let her know how you are feeling but not why.  You can comfort each other through this - and remember, you will be an even BETTER mom than you already are with sobriety!!!  It's very important to address a child's questions and give them lots a reassurance (something I'm sure you already know) and I wish you the best of luck.  I am going to detox on the buprenorpine myself in two days and I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!  I am so happy inside just knowing that I am going to be able to get off this stuff that is ruining my life (ruining all of our lives)!  I find that the more meetings I go to, the better I feel.  Sometimes that means 2 - 3 a day.  I know some people can't manage it but remember - it WILL pay off in the end.  I always used to say, but I want to spend that time with my son - but guess what - that extra hour or two made the little time I had with my son EVEN better than if I had skipped the extra meetings.  Just remember, we will die if we don't keep sober....when all else fails, remember that and think of how your child/family would feel if you were gone....scary thought, we love them so much.  Thank you all for your continued support.  And To Cindi, I want to say that I am so sorry to hear about your mother passing away, God Bless you.  Maryanne

[From Aunt Lindy to Mariah]

Hi Maryanne what a great post! Please let me/us know how your detox goes!  How did you find your meetings?  Is your family dr. giving you the Buprenoproperytghslg (I cant remember the spelling haha)?  Can you say what part of the country you are in? I wish you the best! Best of luck to you! Please Please keep us posted!!!!!!!!!
XO
Marcie!

[Gina]

Last night after I received my 20 mgs dose, I experienced withdrawl where I couldn't sleep or stop my legs from moving. What a wonderful memory to relive. Since I didn't sleep, I arrived at 7:00am for my dose which was increased by 5mgs. So today I got 25mgs. The counselors told me I may experience "some discomfort" since I was used to taking so many pain pills (40 a day) and the dose of methadone was very small. All people at this place start off at 20mgs and increase by 5mgs daily until you reach your stablity level. No withdrawl symptoms, cravings etc.. Usually when you reach around 40 or 50 mgs that should do it. However, some people are actually on 80mgs due to history of big time substance abuse--I know I don't have to explain that one, but you must speak with the dr. if 40 or 50mgs isn't working for you. For the first time , I am not looking for the buzz--just level of functioning "normally" (don't we hate that word?) After this am dose, by 8:00am which was an hour later I felt great. I stopped at the gym on my way home. (A Christmas gift from my parents that I had requested to get my endorphins motivated)!! I am hoping tonite I sleep well or at least part of the night. My husband and I had a talk last night which did us both some good. I want him to attend a family session so he can better understand. He told me last night "But it's not like you have to go to the meetings forever" He, of course, doesn't understand and the only way you do is to be an addict and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Hey, I noticed the option of chat room--How does that work? I couldn't seem to get in--I'm new to the computer world. THANK YOU ALL for your great advice concerning my 5 yr old dtr. I will wait until she's older. All she know's now is that sometimes mommy doesn't feel good enough to play all those great games we make up. I don't want anyone to think I am verbally or physically abusive when I'm coming down--I will leave the room before I get to aggravated or my husband will kind of take over..I thank God for you guys on this forum. Please tell me how to use Chat Room. Will definitely keep you posted...XOXO

[To Tom and rest of forum from Maryanne]

My family doctor is not giving me the buprenorphine - I'm going to an addiction specialist that I was referred to in NJ (where I live) by a friend who went to him.  I found my meetings by calling my brother who lives in another state and has been in recovery for 15 years.  He started here and told me where he had gone.  He was suprised to here from me (thought I'd be the last one to have a problem) but was very glad I called him for help.  I remember my first meeting - the speaker's name was Maryanne (talk about a coincidence) and her story was actually similar to mine.  I also remember a very distinct feeling of belonging there.  I had felt like someone let me in on a big secret,  since before I had ever attended a mtg, I did not know how great AA is!  I'll definately talk to you Friday at 9pm!  God Bless, Maryanne

[From Aunt Lindy to Mariah]

When you first get to this site look at the buttons at the top.  Do you see where it says "On Line CHAT"  click on that one.  If you want to practice just whenever you want like right now or later just click on the button.  You then have to agree to something you click on I agree and then you are put into the chat room!   I hope everyone that said they were going to show does show! It should be fun!
XO
Marcie!

[To Tom and rest of forum from Maryanne]

Marcie, I live in NJ - just double checking - that is 9pm to chat, right? (Friday)

[From Aunt Lindy to Mariah]

I am in Florida!  Yes 9 pm Friday.  Maybe we can put up a reminder or I will break into my thread and put it there.  I think this will be great! Tom had a good idea about us all having a topic or an idea! Maybe we can do this every Friday or pick one day during the week.  We could even have an INSOMNIAC chat where we could say like between 1 - 4 am Eastern if you cant sleep and want to talk we could check in the "Online Chat" room!
Have a Great Day! I am FREEZING.  
Marcie.

[To Tom and rest of forum from Maryanne]

GREAT IDEA!  Sort of like our own weekly meeting!!  Talk to u Friday

[vickyvortex to marcie.]

Marcie, you have done a fantastic job of organizing this chat.  And an insomniac chat is a great idea too.  Why didn't we do this earlier?  I hope you are doing well. I have just switched from Valium to Xanax.  I like the fact that it doesn't seem as mood altering.  I haven't had any anxiety attacks since taking it.  Can you tell me what to expect as far as withdrawal.  With valium, I had horrible insomnia and terrifying nightmares when I did sleep.  Is Xanax any better.  Also, how can you be cold in Florida? Talk to you soon, V

[From Aunt Lindy to Mariah]

It is so great to see you posting tonite.  You made my day with your kind email.  Today was a rough one for me as you will see lower down in the postings.  Enough said about that subject.  Anyway, I am looking forward to Friday night too.  

Vicky, I NEVER had any kind of withdrawal from Xanax.  The most I ever took it was 1 .50 at night to fall asleep.  When the kids were VERY small I was so full of anxiety that my infant son was sleeping through the night and I was wide awake swearing I heard the baby.  Finally, I was going nuts with no sleep so I was convinced to go on Xanax!  It was sad because I had to wean my son off breastfeeding much earlier than I wanted in order to take the Xanax.  GUILT GUILT GUILT! It is that Supermom thing at work.  But needing sleep so bad Xanax was such a help.  

Vicky I must tell you too if I knew back then what I know now I am sure I would have had withdrawals! I would have had every symptom that I read about.  But I had no trouble at all.  I still have them in my cabinet when I cant sleep.  Some insane days I do take them during the day but rarely. I really get groggy.  I currently have the 1 mg.  I just break them in half so that they will last longer.  I hope I have answered your question probably TO MUCH!  It is funny, I think if I never heard about Oxycontin's withdrawal symptoms I dont think that I would have any of them. But now a different ball game.  When I get down to a few I am already getting ready to hurl. Its CRAZY!

I think you will be very happy with the Xanax.  Of course now we wont see you at the INSOMNIAC CHATS!  I think I could start the INSOMNIAC one tonite.  I can tell it is going to be a long one.

As far as Florida weather.  It has been in the high twenties to low thirties at night.  COLD but I really dont mind it.  I will be getting the vapors soon enough. Summer is not far. Again, so great to hear from you!!!!
Sincerely,
Marcie.

[vickyv to Marcie and thread]

I have just practiced entering the chat room.  I typed my message, I hit enter, and there it was.  I also changed my background to pink for the sheer fun of it.  Just thought I would share.  However, I have not thought of a clever opening remark other than the afore mentioned F word(in joke to tom.) This is scarier than a speech!!!!  Also Marcie, I have a musical recommendation, although I am extremely embarressed to say that it is the artist known as Sting.  I have downloaded not one, but two versions of Desert Rose.  It is a duet with an Arabic singer, and has awesome chanting, similar to Enigma's "Beoyond the Invisible."  I think you would love it.

[From Aunt Lindy to Mariah]

Music sounds great.  This is going to be fun!  Sting will be here in a week in concert.  Anyway, Cant wait for tomorrow!
Marcie.

[Gina]

Marcie-- This was supposed to be submitted two days ago, but my computer wouldn't let me. I swear I think it's my free internet service. So I printed out what I wrote so I wouldn't forget. Marcie--Your response about motherhood and asvice about telling my 5 yr old brought tears to my eyes. I am sure you are the "SUPERMOM". I, too, am sorry to hear about your fibromyalgia. My neighbor was diagnosed several years ago and I saw the pain and suffering daily. She recently moved back to Minnesota from NJ to go to Mayo clinic. I want to thank you guys for your great support--I can't stress that enough.Well today was day 4 of methadone treatment. I am up to 35 mgs, however yesterday after receiving 30 mgs I decided to go to the gym (a Christmas gift from my parents since I wanted to bring back my endorphins naturally) I OVERDID it in my spinning class (I've been a total of three times in 1 week and pushed way too hard). When I finished my hour I couldn't walk, literally. Today my leg muscles hurt so bad that even the methadone didn't reduce the pain. The clinic thing seems to be going well. I feel great during the day and I actually slept through the night!!! TO TOM--I really wish you could find something in your area Cause I believe this would definitely agree with you. There is no stupid buzz, just the feeling of "normalcy" Sorry to use that word but it's the only way to describe it. I feel like doing things, I'm motivated, but not all hyped up where I can spend two hours in a grocery store having a grand old time deciding which tomato sauce is best. BIG DIFFERENCE! I am going to try and join the chat tonite-- so hopefully I will talk to everyone later!!!

[Frankinscense]

I am happy that you have found a MMT program to suit you. I hope you use it to it's full capacity. There are all the necessary tools at this clinic for you to beat this disease. Stick with it and Let me know of any problem that I can assist you with. I will check the message board as often as I can. Be patient and I will get back to you.
Dan

[Frankinscense]

Tom,I just wanted to see how your quest for a decent clinic in your area was coming along. Also Tom. I think you are an early riser. I am on line every morning between 6:00 and 7:00am central time. Can we(everyone) find a time to chat on the attached chat room.  
                                                                 My hands have been full with my new caseload. I am counseling multiple felony substance abuse offenders( probation and parolees)  The guys give new meaning to the word "drug fiends"! Needless to say my hands have been full as of late. Is anyone using the attached chat room lately? Lets chat! I think we all could exchange some great info. I can give everyone the latest info on putting this terrible disease in check!
Dan..

[tom to Dan]

some of us used the chat last night 6PM PST to about 7. Mostly abut buprenorphine. MaryAnne hooked up with Gooberman and got her first few bup syringes. She was waiting for withdrawal to set in before she was suposed to inject. The guy then wants to implant this nalaxone pellet to "help" her stay clean. I'd sooner have someone implant a slug of plutonium in me, as nalaxone. Its the next day now, so she should be posting soon here about how the bup went.

Man, the two meth clinics here in OC are just too hardcore for me. One won't have me because I' not using heroin and the other basically expects my family doctor to write a confession note for the DEA before they will consider me for maintenance. The doc woldn't do it and I'd never dream of asking him to. I'm being told by CSMA (of NAMA, I think) that this new legislation should kick in in California that will let docs use the bup in private practice, but I think it also enables them to prescribe methadone, which is what I'm really interested in. Anyway, I'm "maintaining" myself with propox and a little Xanax and working about 12 hours a day at my job. Got to go in tomorrow, in fact. Interesting thing, I got so busy the minute I walked in the door at work yesterday and didn't manage to take any Darvon or Xan till early afternoon. I really functioned well, thought clearly, got things done. But then I was sure glad to get home and get well ASAP.

I keep holding out for this notion that I can get the methadone from a private doc and do the maintenance that way and avoid the scuzzy cliics. But I'm hazy on the new laws. I'm not 100% that it opens up meth therapy as well as bup. But I seem to remember it being included in the law.

How are you doing?

[Gina]

Thanks for your reply. I have a few ques. for you: #1 Did they start you out at 20mgs and work up to 40 or 50mgs and then bring you down? Before my scheduled appt at the clinic I went to the dr for my on going back pain to obtain Lortab 7.5mgs to avoid withdrawl for the most part. After receiving my 20mgs I was having withdrawl at night--legs shaking, irritability couldn't sleep etc.. My husband who is probably on his last go round with this and me was given the pills I received from my dr. as a sign of my honesty and proof that I was really going to give it my all. He very reluctantly gave me two Lortab to ease withdrawl. Remember, I am used to taking 40 a day, but was thankful for his sympathy. My counselor informed me that I wouldn't be eligible for take home until after three clean urines(90 days or so). He stated that he will not even test me for my first urine until three weeks or so since he knows that until people reach their comfort level they will probably continue to use something to ease discomfort. Well I have been feeling preety good after the first three days or so--I will be up to 40mgs tomorrow. I really hurt myself at the gym two days ago and could BARELY walk. I had to hold on to everything. BENDING from the knee up was pure agony. I decided to refill my Lortab script, take a few too see if they eased the pain and then hand them over to my husband. See, I knew he would check at some point if I got the refill. Well, today I took 11 pills from 9:30am until 5:30pm. Just as I went into the room to retreive them, he had called the pharmacy and was coming in to confront me. Things got so ugly--He was yelling at me saying I was trying to get high, this clinic wasn't going to do me any good because all I ever need is a pill. He swears he is going to tell my parents, who are involved with my treatment, that I need inpatient. I tried to rationally (with tears) to explain that I wasn't out to get high just some relief (which by the way I did not get) ,That I haven't been in the program for even 1 week. He threatened to tell my counselor--but I told him I would tell him myself and sign a release form so my counselor would be able to talk to him about me. Earlier in the week, when my husband was being supportive he suggested having a family session with my counselor on Tues. since he was off from work. I called my counselor, who stated he felt it was too soon, and not fair to put me in that kind of position while I am on this emotional rollercoaster. I said I completely understood and appreciated his concern for me. I am very upset at our ugly argument--We never fought so hard and ugly before. How wrong was I? I knew if I asked him for anything for the pain he would have said,"NO!" I have not used anything after that first night because the urge wasn't there. I wasn't craving or obsessing. I know this treatment will work if given time. I attended an NA meeting(must do 3 a week plus 1 inhouse on Tues. What the hell am I supposed to do now? I really didn't feel like I was being the con artist that I have been so many times. I will tell my counselor the truth, but I need some input from you guys--Right now I feel like I'm losing my mind. I am home alone since my husband took my dtr to a birthday party at his family. I couldn't even go--I was swollen from crying--plus he was yelling where my two stepsons 19 and 16 and my 5yr old could hear. I kept saying please don't yell they can here you although they were in another room. I really feel he stepped way over the line. HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!

[tom t GINA]

has your husband been exposed to alanon at all? Nothing in a "normy"'s background or personal history can prepare him to help or understnd what you're going through. He just literally has no experience to empathize with. Really try to get him to an alanon or equvalent session. It's so imortant that your mate be made to understand that you're still the same women he loves, with just a few "extra dimensions." If he cares about you, he's got to realize that this stuff isn't about or because of him and that you've got what is probably the most common disease on the planet -- one he may one day conrtact himself. Get him in touch with some husbands of addicted people like us. Good luck.

[Frankinscense]

Gina, You have to tough it without the hydrocodones. Every time you use while om methadone you are jeopardising your recovery. After all that is why you are on methadone is for hydrocodone abuse. It is no different that when a heroin addict thinks he can have a little heroin while on methadone. Stop it all ready! If you need temporary pain relief there are other medicines to relieve pain such as toradol for bad pain and ibuprofen for minor pains. For get the hydrocodones and move on!
                                                                   I started on 30mgms of methadone and worked my way to 60mgm's. That is the therapeutic dose(adequate dose) for me. You want to find a dose that stops all your cravings or thoughts about hydrocodone. Once you are at an adequate dose you will stop thinking about lortabs and continue with your program. My best to You Gina!
Dan..

[Gina]

Thanks guys for your imput. The Lortabs are gone since I handed them over last night. The leg pain is much more bearable today. I went to the clinic this am and received 45mgs. On Mon. I will receive 50mgs and if I need more after that I have to speak with the dr. My counselor told me he can tell that if it was up to me I would take 20 mgs and try to start cut back in 2 weeks. I really wish that it could be that way, but am learning to take it day by day and stop worrying so much about the future and what will happen when its time to go off. I know I must build a foundation through meetings and practicing a new way of life. Before I would get so mad that I couldn't just stop using and have things return to the way they were BEFORE I used. I would ask why do I have to do things to remind me that I am an addict on a daily basis. Now I know that trying to forget is what leads to more trouble! Right now my husband and I aren't speaking and at this point I could use the break. My dtr and I are going to visit my mother for the day. Thanks again guys!

[vickyvortex to marcie]

marcie, I am so sorry I had to log off so quickly.  The ironic thing was it just happened to be when you logged in!!!!!  We were just ready to log off, then my husband came home early and was slightly pissed about me being on a chat site.  I have been upset all weekend, because I know you thought I was angry with you WHICH I AM NOT, and now I know you think I still am.  This is such a mess.  The point is, Everything is fine, the chat was great, I just wish you could have been there earlier and we could have talked.  Be well.

[Gina]

Why am I having so much trouble getting in the room? I put my name in and push connect. There wasn't any other names of people listed as being in the room. Any suggestions? If I keep trying with no success, whom should I contact to walk me through it? Thanks for any and all suggestions!

[From Aunt Lindy to Mariah]

I am in no way mad.  You must understand that whole day was just an aweful day (I mean  before I even logged on to this site that particular day). I was a mental wreck that day. An absolute wreck. I am putting it in the past.  I care for this group SOOOO much.  That one initial response to that post just totally threw me off guard. But that is officially in the past! Now I must put my energy into my six year old daughter who was punched in the face Friday by a second grader!  Guess where my husband and I am going to be first thing Tuesday morning.  With tuition at $6,000 a year they had better not tap dance on this one.
Sincerely,
Marce.

[to gina]

probably nobody in the chat room. this forum has been more post-based. Perhaps because the thoughts need consideration more than most subjects. Try again later.

[methadist]

i went out and bought methadone myself.5 to 10mg a day keeps the willies away.

[Gina]

I'm curious to know how much methdone costs on the street? I am assuming that's where you got it. I am paying $70.00 a week at the clinic and am taking 55mgs a day. I started last week at 20mgs and was increased by 5mgs until I was comfortable. II'm concerned about the withrawl at the end. I'll probably be going there for a few months.

[Frankinscense]

Gina>>>
Stay focused! Do not worry about the price of street drugs. Do not even allow your mind to enter the the world of street drugs. This world(the streets) is not concerned about GINA"S recovery. This is a perfect Xample of what sociologist term "criminal addictive thinking." You must not allow yourself to leave your current recovery program. Gina, if you were successful in taking care of your self w/out the aid of professionals,wouldn't you have done it? For heavensake gina pray that you can understand what recovery is about. B/cause it is evident you do not yet see the full picture yet. Girl please! Your Concerned Friend. Dan

[Tim]

I was looking up info on oxycotin, And stumbled across this site. I beleive GOD sent me here!I have been on ALL TYPES OF PAIN MEDS, I HAVE A BAD BACK PROBLEM TWO SURGURIES IN TWO YEARS.  Now i am on oxecotin 20mg.4 a day some days 8. I take percocet10. Im on buspar,Selexa,Xanax.AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!,SOMEDAYS i want to just shoot myself.IM AFRAID.IM Married my relationship is good .BUT I HAVE BAD PAIN IN MY BACK and LEGS  I have to take the strong stuff.nothing ealse works SOMEBODY PLEASE  HELP  ME..    PLEASE GINA  OR ANYBODY...TIM  THANKS.

[Tim]

I was looking up info on oxycotin, And stumbled across this site. I beleive GOD sent me here!I have been on ALL TYPES OF PAIN MEDS, I HAVE A BAD BACK PROBLEM TWO SURGURIES IN TWO YEARS.  Now i am on oxecotin 20mg.4 a day some days 8. I take percocet10. Im on buspar,Selexa,Xanax.AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!,SOMEDAYS i want to just shoot myself.IM AFRAID.IM Married my relationship is good .BUT I HAVE BAD PAIN IN MY BACK and LEGS  I have to take the strong stuff.nothing ealse works SOMEBODY PLEASE  HELP  ME..    PLEASE GINA  OR ANYBODY...TIM  THANKS.

[spook]

Try to not get so frustrated with your situation as the other alternative is no Analgesics and antianxiety agents(Xanax).
Your life is in your hands,the pills are in your hands,the pills are becoming your life.
Learn to control your hands,its difficult,but try to work out if you are taking the drugs appropriately and or are abusing them,if you get over your back problems and have no more pain,you will find that you suddenly need even more Pain killers,This weird phenomenom occurs and is indicative of the insidious psychological dependence.
Try to take your medications on a strict time table and "stabilize" yourself,if as you say you have 4 one day and 8 on another day you are going to go on an emotional roller coaster ride,better to take 6 every day.
You are on a steep learning curve now,keep posting,and your questions will be answered.
Also how much Xanax are you taking and are you being carefull to take on a steady regular basis?.
Read the box,it should say take strictly as directed,otherwise, well I think you know what happens now.
Also get off the Oxycodone and get onto Morphine,Oxy is a dangerously addictive drug,it hits hard and fast and the psychological withdrawals and craving are far worse than Morphine,this is a fact,I studied Neuropsychopharmacology at University and I have tried them all myself ,Why the hell do doctors keep on prescribing that absolute RUBBISH.I wish they would try it themselves and compare it to morphine,then they would know,I just do not understand.I am lost,confused,why do they give people such an addictive drug,when alternatives like Morphine are available,why,why,why??????????????goodbye,hey that rhymes...

[RPF]

Kicking this habit is tough, reading everyones comments are a relief to me its nice to know i am not alone.  My private dr. has me on about 80mg of methadone a day, i was taking about 200mg a day of oxycodone, which was very expensive since i was buying my pills from off the street at about 7$ a pill.  The methadone works but when i run out and need my refill the withdrawals hit me hard and fast, i've been on methadone for about 3 months and I'm afraid that i'm not getting better.