This is sort of a follow up to my earlier post about 2 weeks ago, so I'm repeating some of it a little. I had missed my appt with my Psych. I rang to apologise and explain why. I was due for the medication valium so asked the receptionist if she could ask my psyche to mail it. I've posted about all this before so won't elaborate again. She has instructed my pharmacist to only dispense 7, enough for a week. She had been prescribing 2 a day, now suddenly it's 1, and usually I was able to get the full script for 50. She hadn't told me she was doing this. I am struggling to wean off Tramadol. I needed the 2 valium from her, plus I was getting prescribed 2 a day from my GP, making a total of 4 daily. I'd re-scheduled an appt to see her on the 10th April. I'd forgotten to ring for another 2 scripts she prescribes for me, zoloft & zopiclone, before the Easter hols. Rang up after and left a message. Yes, the scripts were mailed, but now she's also cut me down 1 tab of the sleep med zopiclone. I'd been relying on valium to help me with Tramadol withdrawal, then when that was cut down, I foolishly turned to zopiclone to help with tramadol and now valium withdrawal. Now I must wean from zopiclone too. I'm just wondering why my psyche didn't discuss with me, either by a phone call or letter, about why she has suddenly cut 2 med dosages down. Can she do this? I am going through HELL! Anxiety through the roof. I am so ill from lack of food, as I have a bowel condition and waiting to be booked into hosp for investigation and treatment. Can't eat as food gives me terrible tummy pain. So, I'm having a really hard time and I'm scared and have nobody really, to talk to, who understands addiction and anxiety, except the people in these forums, who have given me some lovely replies, advice and comfort.
It sounds to my like the 2 drs got together and discovered that you were getting the same med from both drs. It also sounds as though you are red flagged as an addict and may not be able to get the meds that are addictive any more. I dont know for sure but I have seen this before. You are required to tell all your doctors the meds that are prescribed to you and if you are not honest they will stop prescribing. Gook luck make an appointment with both drs and see what is going on.
The short answer is, yes they can, especially if they suspected abuse or diversion. Plus, you've now missed a couple appts...MOST docs would not give you another script without seeing you in person. You have addmitted to abusing your scripts, and you have said you were going to discuss this honestly with both docs when you go in to see them. I think that's your best bet.
You ended up taking the sleeping pill excessively to help you with the tramadol w/ds if I remember correctly? You're really kind of on a messy merry-go-round, and to be honest, hon, like we discussed on the anxiety forum, I STILL don't think you're being totally honest with yourself about the extent of your problem, and the fact that this was not all a big misunderstanding. You're still placing a lot of blame on these doctors...when the reality is, you were the one abusing the scripts. I know that doesn't help with the w/ds, but of course it explains why the doctors would be hesitant to prescribe the same amts of medications. To be honest, I'm surprised they gave you any amount at all...doctors are really under fire with controlled substances these days...rightly so, and it is their license and DEA# on the line.
RJ above said this...this is what I was trying to explain to you on the anxiety forum as well:
"You are required to tell all your doctors the meds that are prescribed to you and if you are not honest they will stop prescribing."
Can you look into any treatment programs hon? I REALLY think this problem is bigger than you think (or are wanting to admit), and I would love to see you seek out some more intense help for this. Inpatient detox/rehab would be great, as they could help you, being that you've been abusing a couple meds, and need help getting off more than one med. That's what makes this situation even more complex.
Very best of luck to you. Hope you get some help soon!
Gonna send you some happy thoughts:)
I know your situation because we have been talking a little but I cannot add anymore to what they posted above so perhaps I can make you smile at least:
A Simple Mind
Hey everybody come gather around
Look what just opened in your poor little town
Scope out our prices, they cannot be beat
Notice our shelves, they're tidy and neat
Let your kids run wild or buy them a snack
They' scream for McDonalds, for kids it's like crack
Strap them in a cart, there's a seat for a tot
Or leave them in the car, it's not really that hot
We'll take your last dime with our impulse buys
You don't even need it but it catches your eye
We'll close all your shops. those little Ma and Pa stores
They'll have to leave town when they lock their doors
Or perhaps work here there's a job pushing carts
We need a door greater they may fit the part
If I go to Walmart, I'm and I'm out
I know what will happen, there's never a doubt
I'll see a kid spanked for grabbing a treat
When it's really the parent that deserve to be beat
I'll bump into an A hole not giving a sh!t
Walking and texting, unconscious of it
When did it change, our values are lost
They'll empty our pockets no matter the cost
It would make me happy if they locked their doors
And our values grew strong like they were before
What must you have that you can't live without
You're shopping at midnight when danger is out
Wait until morning, you had to before
Help Ma and Pa, they need it much more
We are lining their pockets, it will never stop
Until we stop wanting more and reopen our shops
It's time for a change, let's bring the man down
We'll rise up together and take back our town
Hope no one works at Walmart :)
Hope you keep coming back bud and Nursegirl- as I was scrolling down I read your first sentence and it said "The short version is yes." I was like WOW, this doesn't sound like my bud Nursegirl...then, I kept scrolling-LOL
Anyway wanted to try to add humor to hopefully help with the stress.
I have to since it shut down all of our shops lol
But I don't like it :)
Gotta love you nursegirl,
If I see that you have posted on someones question I can relax and know that there is likely nothing more to say :) I'm like "umm...yeah...what she said."
Hope you get a laugh out of this Shug,
That is funny..I just PM her about the same thing...lol And Walmart..Oh yea..I call it Fall-apart but I still get some things there..Ha!!!
Sorry for High Jacking your thread Shugalug.. I do wish you the best..Your post is out of my experience...
If I see that you have posted on someones question I can relax and know that there is likely nothing more to say :) I'm like "umm...yeah...what she said."
LOL, I know.
I'll post like 15 paragraphs, and someone else will come along, post two sentences that say exactly the same thing I said, only all neat and tidy and brief...no eye bleeding like you may have reading one of my replies.
I'm sure shug will get a well needed chuckle from our banter. :0)
I have to say, the one reason I DO like going to WalMart is to check out the most recent styles of pajamas, considering most of the customers are wearing theirs. ;0)
You've totally misunderstood me on this one nursegirl! I HAVE been totally honest with myself AND on these forums I posted in. I called both prescribing docs for appts. My psych cancelled, not me. I only missed 1 appt with her on the 4th March. SHE re-scheduled me for the 10th April and SHE cancelled until the 22nd. I HAVE posted that I told and wrote down all the meds I was on when I was first referred tho this psych, so she KNEW my GP was prescribing them. My REASON for the referral to her, was to sort out my meds and WEAN me off valium. She did not do this, but prescribed more. Said she'd send her report of what she's doing and prescribing, to my GP. SO naturally, I gathered they both KNEW. OK, so I should have asked them both at each appt, DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE BOTH PRESCRIBING VALIUM, 2 A DAY EACH, for me? But why would Ieven think of that? Of course I liked the idea of prescribed 4 a day, so as to have plenty there for emergencies. I've admitted that. I admitted I took 1 sometimes, 2 another, none even some days then when pressure had built (you don't know what's going on behind the scenes in my life and that of my family), I'd take up to 6-8 over a day to just stop me from losing it and doing soemthing stupid. I won't say what at this point, but YES,I stuffed up with taking them all wrong anyway. I've admitted that. I've admitted I started using that zopiclone when my valium was cut down suddenly. I've asked for help & advice from members in these forums. I NEVER denied I am having a problem, because I ABUSED the meds sometimes. I would not have asked for help if I hadn't admitted it to myself, let alone anyone else. I couldn't get an appt sooner that the 8th with my GP, so will write down everything, HONESTLY and explain how I'm having terrible anxiety, I'm just so ill, and struggling with the withdrawals from 3 meds. I am coping as best I can with herbal valerian and other calming herbs. I'm ill, as I can't eat because of a bowel condition that's taking ages to get booked into hosp for, to be treated, prolapse for a start, but tummy pains the worst.SO, I AM really doing it tough and need comfort, not to be told I'm lying to myself. I'm reaching out for help, for God's sake. I don't want any pity just understanding.
Thanks to all you others who posted. I will write a small thank you reply to each of you, as I appreciated the way the thread went. Great to see the rapport between members. And a Special thanks to Larry as it did indeed give me a chuckle, well half-grin at least. Can't smile much at the moment, especially after being so misunderstood by nursegirl. Sorry, nursegirl, but you've read me all wrong. Can't afford Rehabs detoxes, and certainly can't get into hospital, as they don't have enough beds here for things like this anymore. You have to be on your deathbed to get into a hospital here. I soon will be, the way my bowel is and lack of nourishing food and protein since January. I'm a walking skeleton as it is.The only thing holding me up is my prosthetic leg. SO you see, I REALLY haven't got A LEG TO STAND ON! HA DE HA HA!
About time they worked together! I was under the impression they were, as I gave my psyche a list of meds I was on when first referred to her by my GP. At the end of the consult, the psych told me she faxing the report on what she's doing and prescribing for me. Reason for referral was to sort out my meds and give me a weaning off plan for valium She instead gives me more plus other dangerous addictive junk. I'm the idiot for taking them, I know, so it's not all their fault and I know I tended to blame them until I saw that I too was to blame, for not taking meds as prescribed, and abusing them sometimes mabe once every 4-6 weeks, I'd need to take extra on a day when I couldn't take any more of what life was throwing at me and needed to calm down. My psych knew all this and okayed it, to take it as needed and that included those certain days when I had up to 6-8 in that day. She's well aware I take the valium like that. I'm never dishonest! I've tried to get sooner appts with both these drs but the psych cancelled on me and put me back to the 22nd Aoril instead of the 10th. Seeing GP on Mon 8th.Will get this all sorted out. meanwhile, I'm suffering hell like , well if you've had anxiety and been through withdrawals you'd know what it's like. I've admitted and NEVER denied I have an addiction to prescribed meds. That's why I posted on her and reached out for help. Some have given me comfort and good advice. Others have judged me telling me I'm lying to myself. If they'd read my other posts properly, they would see I've admitted and do not deny I've got a problem, with which I am dealing with by withdrawing from the poison meds I stupidly allowed my doc and psych to give me, and foolishly took. Nobody forced them down my throat. Both know of past addiction history to alcohol. All these meds have warnings that they should not be prescribed for persons with a history of addiction. They just did not care. I trusted their judgment, and now I'm a wreck! I came to this site for advice and hoping to get some comfort. Thanks to the oned who gave ensible and helpful advice and did not judge and make up in their own minds, the kind of person they think I must be. If they knew me, they'd know I'm a true blue, fair-dinkum downright honest person.
Hehehe! Thanks for that. Not really funny tho, cause it's sad but true. But thanks anyway. It's the thought that counts! We don't have walmart, but do have Coles, which forced out our little family grocery store about 30 years ago.
I just read your reply to NG and it sounds like you're really going through it. I checked your page and saw you were interested in alternative therapies. I'm a big Alt. Med person myself. If you ever want to talk, I'm here. I feel for you, your frustration and what little I know of your situation.(Btw, I can't believe you chose that as a best answer...I was kind of astounded but it tells me a little bit about how you're feeling!)
I just wanted to give you some support..I so so so feel for you..I went c/t from my methadone, adderral and a clonazepam..I used the adderrall to help get the Buzz..I do not have the addition disorder..So it is not easy to come off of Three Meds at one time...I sure wish now I could of done a taper..I had to get out...Now...So you just hang in..We are here for support..OK
God Be with You.
I'm sorry you seem to keep getting defensive with each of my replies. My reply was based on ALL of the info you have posted. I thought I was perfectly clear on what you posted...but maybe I wasn't. You stated you called to apologize for missing your appt? You didn't state anywhere in your OP that the office cancelled the appt. You didn't mention that until your reply to me. As for the fact that BOTH docs were Rxing the valium, we've discussed that on the other forum. I understand that there was confusion about that, but like I said, in the end, it would have been YOUR responsibility to let both docs know what everyone was prescribing.
Anyway, I'm going to bow out, I'm trying to give you my honest opinion on what I'm seeing from everything you've posted on MedHelp. I'm trying to give you advice that would be helpful. You seem to think I'm judging you, I can promise you I'm not. I want to see you get better and feel terrible that you're going through what you are, but I still maintain that you're not fully accepting this situation for exactly what it is. I think you're in deeper than you really want to acknowledge, with abuse of more than one prescription. I just worry for you, because until a person really accepts things for what they are, progress will be limited. Again, this is just my take on your situation from everything you've posted (and I've read all of your posts).
I hope you can talk to the doctors soon, and I really hope you look into getting some help for the addiction issues. I'll refrain from replying, as you keep taking everything I say very personally. I'm sorry that's the case, I certainly never intended to make you feel badly.
You are on such a roller coaster ride here. All these meds need to be tapered slowly one at a time. You take the one to combat the tram wd's etc. You really need to get totally honest with both doctors here and have them on the same page. One gives you this amount and the other gives you that amount. Then add the pain meds to the picture. Your body needs to detox off some of these. Your body is used to them now and your tolerance is going up. You are going to need some help tapering off these meds as you have medical issues that need monitoring.
IYou're a bit of a ranter,
but I do like your banter.
And hey my dear nursegirl
Do you have to rehearse girl?
All your lines of advice
I have to read twice.
Tho I try to explain,
How I got half a brain,
My intentions were good
but you've misunderstood
To hell with the lot of em!
Then there's sleep meds and pain meds
All taken in vain, meds.
They once worked their magic
But now it's so tragic
Because now I'm in HELL,
I feel very unwell
Fright feelings, despair
Have you ever been there?
Withdrawal & Weaning
Life loses all meaning
As living's too Sad
When you're feeling so Bad!
That's terrific! I think alt medicine, natural therapies is the way to go. I just got caught up in the medication cycle. I was OK until Tramadol. Made me anxious so started weaning off it too fast. Then I learnt that it acts like a SSRI. I'm already on 3 anti-deps, so tram tipped the balance.Went thru similar last year. Worked it out myself, after psych tried different meds that made me worse, so I weaned myself off before becoming addicted to those, at least. Read up on neurotransmitters and natural remedies to help the brain balance them, plus going back on Gabapentin. Long story. Was fine till the tramadol, like I said. Used valium to ease w/drwls, bad anxiety. Ran out of valium as scripts were due. Had been getting one from my GP. Psyche prescribed another. I thought she thought I must need more because of the anxiety I had at that time. Psyche always said she sends her report on me and what she'd prescribing, to my GP. Thought both knew so didn't bother asking. Yes, I was glad to be getting 2 scripts tho it was inconvenient and often told others I didn't understand why I needed 1 from each and not just 1 from one of them. I've admitted I was hooked I came to this site hoping for advice and understanding. Got hooked on zopiclone when valium was cut down, a very stupid thing to do, but desperate for relief at the time. nother long story.Not looking to get high, just want relief and to feel 'normal'. Weaning off all 3, and at this stage I don't care how bad it gets. I just want off and be done with it! Can only eat broth & yogurt. Have bowel problem. Worst pain after eating any solid food so cannot eat properly. Undernourished and skin 7 bone. Waiting for hosp o book me in for ops. Another long story. Taking herbs for anxiety arthritis & tummy. I'm also hooked on other pain meds. Will wean off those after valium. thanks for saying you're there for me. It'll be great to talk alt medicine with you.
That came out of nowhere lol
Got another one for you:
I’m never ever done
Today I'll try again
The addiction's already won
If I have already given in
I need to gain momentum
For these hurtles that I’ll face
I’ll never cross the finish line
If I never run the race
I need some inspiration
I need to see the light
I’ll need to find support
If I expect to win this fight
I must believe in something
In something else’s will
I’ll never find sobriety
If I can't believe it’s real
Thanks Vickie, You've been thru the wringer too. I just wanted to feel normal, as the anxiety was horrific. I wanted to get rid of 'fright feelings' in my tummy and stop my pounding heart, shakes, well you know how it is. Valium helped a little. When that was withdrawn, had the bright idea of using zopiclone. HUGE mistake! Wasn't addicted before that, as I only had it once or twice a week, if that, but sure became addicted in 3 days, as I had to use 4, spread out over the day. It only worked for about 2 hrs, then I'd have to have another, then had 1/2's, but one day, I'd had enough, and a nasty comment by my hubby was the last straw, and I took heaps only leaving myself 10, in case I survived, which of course I did. Waited till I could get my script which was well and truly due, so had to have less of that too, for the next week or so, as well as less valium and less tramadol of course.What a Fool I've been! I hate being controlled by meds. I want off as fast as possible. Going thru HELL, but somehow I'm getting there. Time does pass and soon I'll be free, off all poison. Stupid to take meds to help wean off another med, then have to wean off that too, and so on. It's no circus. It's a LIVING HELL! I've been thru too much in my life to let this Strangely enough, nursegirl's comments make me even more determined to just stop taking any of these meds. I've suffered worse, when I had the accident that caused me to lose my leg. I've survived alcohol addiction of more than 25 years, now 4 years sober. SO, I can beat this prescribed med addiction that crept up on me so insidiously, is the word that always comes to mind when I describe it. Thanks so much for understanding and congrats on how well you've done. I know I'm in deep sh***t with my dependence & addiction, but I refuse to take the whole blame. I own some of the blame, but not all. I just might not take another pill and will sweat it out! Hope I CAN do it! I'll certainly try not give in and take any, even the prescribed dose I'm supposed to take apparently. I've done well today, and had less than prescribed, and to be quite honest, I am coping, enduring the indescribable suffering so will keep sweating it out. Tomorrow's another day closer to freedom!
I apologise too. I've misunderstood your words to Thanks for saying you want to see me get well. i appreciate what you're trying to do. I'm sorry I forgot to mention about the psych cancelling my appt on the 10th. My mind is a jumble and I forget some very important points, as I don't want to keep repeating my posts, so forget exactly what I've posted before. I just want to make it clear to you that I DO indeed, understand the depth of my addiction. I have NOT denied it. I have posted so many times that I DO take s lot of the blame, for abusing the meds, not daily, but certainly now & then with valium anyway, then I admitted, when the valium was less, I abused zopiclone for $ days, then did a foolish thing and took about 30 one day when I just couldn't cope anymore, with tummy pains, hunger but can't eat solid food and little other food like soup or yogurt. Anyway, one final nasty comment made by my hubby to me, tipped me over the edge and I rebelled by taking about 30. I just wanted to get rid of them too. I've admitted I did it and that it was wrong, stupid and only made it harder for myself anyway! So I've been punished for it, don't you worry about that! I've dealt with my past addiction to alcohol. Finished with that poison. Now I am finishing with this med addiction. I've decided, and it's thanks to you that's made me so determined to get off these pills, that I'm just not going to take them, full stop! Tapering down is too slow and bad enough, but to prolong the agony by weaning down is not for me. I'll cope. I'll pray, I have Jesus to walk with me and help me heal, mind, body and soul. Why take meds when they don't work for what they were prescribed for in the first place? At the beginning of all this pill-popping, I was Told by my GP and Psych, to persevere with these meds, as they take awhile to start working. So I did as I was told. Then all that happened is that I got hooked and now have to wean off. Madness! I'll take extra Magnesium if I need to, for stabilizing myself, mentally & physically. I have plenty of herbal preparations to help too. So, I'm really sorry that you want to bow out. I hope you don't, as you are the one that has spurred me into taking action Thank you nursegirl!
Yeah, so I've been told. I've posted that I really thought both my GP and Psych knew they were prescribing the valium for the same dose each as I wrote down my list of meds on the form I had to give to the Psych when I was first referred to her by my GP. She in turn told me she was sending her report on me and what she's prescribing, to my GP. both have my file in front of them at each appt. I didn't know it was up to the patient to tell the same old list of meds at every appt when they have it there right in front of them. I AM the patient here, not their keeper or protector of their careers. If they couldn't see what was in front of their noses, how am I supposed to know if they haven't happened to read that part about my meds? I would've thought that was the most important part. I don't take all the blame, but do admit to not taking them as prescribed, I admit I am addicted. I came on here to ask for advice, help and understanding. At least I've learnt something, and that's to recite all my meds at the beginning of every appt from now to eternity, before stating the reason for my visit to see them. Yeah, it's a losing battle if you use one med to help while weaning off another and so on, then wean off that med and on and on and on it goes. Telling these docs doesn't seem to sink in. They just prescribe another pill to help with the weaning off the one you're trying to get off, then another to help you sleep while you go through the withdrawals then another to counteract the one they gave you before, especially if it turned out you were getting too much serotonin from the 3 anti-deps they prescribed, then adding tramadol, which acts like a SSRI. Me, the patient, had to learn this the hard way. By suddenly getting anxiety from the imbalance of neurotransmitters, and then having to research the new drug myself, as I wasn't told anything about I took the stuff, so I'm the idiot, not the doctors, never the doctor's fault. No it's up to the patient, who has told them but have to keep telling them. I'm not going to bother tapering anymore. I've had enough of the lot and want off them all. I don't care how bad it'll be. It's bad now, so do not want to prolong the agony by tapering over so many months. I'm going to try and sweat it out. I really am going to try. I hope I succeed. I've had enough of doctors & psychs. I've been irresponsible, not often, but some, so I'll take the consequences! Thanks for your input and advice.
I hope you are doiing better today. I knew you would realize that nursegirl was trying to help, she is a great person.
It is hard when you cannot hear people's dialect to understand what they are saying. She has been on here a long time and I am sure she understood. You are going through a rough time. I understood that you were having a hard time and that you would come around. All of the people that have posted on this thread have been there for me and they are some of the best most supportive people that you will ever meet. They are not easily offended and are very understanding. I was trying to bring some humor into it to make it a little less tense so I hope you understood my post. I am ofen labled the funny guy.
Anyway, I am glad to see you sticking around and I hope you stay because the support here is amazing.
Ooh, very deep! I like that one. Did you make it up? Very clever, if you did. Shows real understanding and the words are so wise. I enjoy making up poems on the spot. The words just seem to flow (sometimes). Thanks for that one. It does make you think. Here's a short one, if my mind's flowing smooth.
Never Ever say Never Ever,
As it might be always, all over again.
I've run my races and I've always won,
So I'm running another
Yes, another, and it sure ain't no fun!
But I'll give it my best, give it all I have got,
I'll earn my rest, if I give my best shot.
But enough is enough
I've no more to give,
And tho it is rough
I'm going to live
Of course this is real'
I've been there before
So I know the deal
And I know the score
It's time to hand over
to my Higher Power
There is not another, so
NOW is the hour.
With Him on my case
We will win this race!
My race has been run
And now I am done!
Hahaha! Hope you like it. Very tired and I'm going to bed now. The clocks go forward tonight. Daylight saving. So, it's later than you think! Haha!
I was really torn about your poem. I was impressed by it but then I was like...um I better not give you kudos on it until the dust settles on this thread.
I liked that last one too. I would like to read some of your poems and I will share some of mine if you want to message them to me. Other than that I will leave this thread for the purpose it was made and hope to read some of your work...
Thanks Larry. Yeah, I tend to get a little carried away at times. Somehow, whatever I'm feeling at the time, words just come into my head and I just have to write them down as they flow. A bit deep, those ones. I usually, or at least used to, write comical ones, as I love to find words that rhyme and that belong to the the thread of the poem. I'd love to read some of yours too. I haven't saved any of my poems, but will start to do so I think. I just usually make them up on the spot. Thanks for adding a bit of fun to the thread of my post.
I'm seeing my GP tomorrow and will explain all and get things sorted out, and help with my weaning off the 3 meds I'm having to do now. Coping OK, except early in the day, then seem to not too bad as the day goes on. By evening, I even feel quite normal. Weird!
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