Can Anyone Relate?

[kje2010]

I am on day 25 opiate free. I am super proud of myself for it, and not only do I have no desire to jump back on that train, I have no means to do so either. I was on Norco for back pain, and only ever got them from my doctor. I have since asked him to not give them to me again. Here's my issue though...I REALLY miss them! Not only do I miss them for the pain relief they brought me, but also just the general sense of well being they gave me (not at all a high...just a pain free, everything's ok right now sort of feeling). I hate that I feel this way and that I still think about these damn pills everyday. Can anyone relate? Will I always kinda feel this way? :(

[kje2010]

Thank you all. Today is a little better. Just want this depressed and indifferent feeling to go away.

[jethro733]

They are a dirty little liar.  Never forget that.

[weaver71]

I found that addiction counseling was very helpful. Psychiatry is good, but people who are trained specifically in addiction really helps me. Learning the patterns of thought and habitual actions that are signs that I am heading for a relapse, has saved me. A relapse happens long before one ever puts a drug in their body, there a symptoms that can warn you to take action or avoid a situation. That's what I like, but any form of self-discovery and digging into the mental, emotional, and spiritual reasons we use are what's important. Drugs are usually a symptom of an ailing heart, mind, and spirit. If you are a church goer, that's good too. Do anything you think will make you the best you there is and you will be just that. You will find your way, there's a path that was carved just for you, and it will make you feel fulfilled.

[kje2010]

No aftercare really. I see a psych and take meds for depression/anxiety and am planning on getting myself into a personal therist pronto. Is there something else you would suggest? Weaver, thank you. Your words mean more than you could know.

[weaver71]

"Happy with this life right now." That's priceless. Peace will come and you will instinctively handle situations that used to baffle you. Waking up feeling good, having a good cry and getting over it, the full measure of your love will be evident to you and others. Such and exciting time, the possibilities ahead are endless. You didn't get addicted in 25 days, it takes time to recover. I was advised to reevaluate my expectations. I too expected to be feeling better sooner, but it doesn't matter how long it took, I am so grateful to all those who helped me stay on the path. In my weakened state, I stumbled a lot, but a friendly hand was always there to lift me up. You can, you will, you are doing it, you are taking back control of your life, the rewards will amaze you. What kind of aftercare are you a part of?

[kje2010]

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply. Weaver, I really like your analogy. It just fits so damn perfect. I guess I am still in the grieving stage. I told my husband how I was feeling tonight and he just didn't understand at all. Norco was a part of my life for almost 2 years, but after just 25 days I should just be back to normal? I feel so depressed some days I just sit in my car and cry. God I miss it. I will never go back, but I feel like I will never forget either. All I want to do is forget. Be happy with this life right now. :(

[Brightfutureahead]

Kje as time keeps marching on you will feel that way less and less. In line with what Weaver said, you may miss them, or remember them, but using is not an option- so bon voyage!! Sometimes we tend to 'romanticize' the pills- miss them and perseverate on them- only thinking about the good they brought us and not recalling all of the hopelessness, mystery, etc that came along with that.

25 days is awesome some people would give anything to be where you are...keep up the good work and keep setting a great example :)

[Miriska]

Only a few days out but I already miss that little euphoric feeling. I never took 10-15 pills at a time like some people but 2 Norco sure made my morning start a little peppier then right now. Alas I say good bye and I put it in the only perspective I can that will make me choose the right road. I had two boys approaching their teen years and what would it do to me if I thought they were abiding their bodies and minds this way. They are beautiful bright individuals made in a perfect image (whatever way you believe is yours to insert) but my babies are too good for this junk and I'm going to hold myself to the same standard and with the same grace so that I can hold my head up. I may have come to these pills in a legitimate way by my doctor but I didn't stop when I first noticed a problem and that's my cross to bare. Please say good bye to them with me. Lets find something else to fill our voids:)

[EvolverU]

Great analogy, Weaver! (actually both of them..)
Congrats on your 25 days, kje2010! Great job. It's true that the cravings are more intense earlier in your recovery - (and I'm only at 4 mos.) - but what you've got to appreciate is that your brain is still healing and these cravings are actually 'chemical' in nature as well. Your endorphin/dopamine/serotonin, etc. receptors haven't had sufficient time to heal yet. So, take heart! It will get better.
That said, for us addicts the cravings may diminish but the real tests come later. We tend to get blindsided by them. They can come out of the clear blue and be quite insistent and sustained. As Weaver mentioned, being 'witnessed' keeps us honest and humble. A grounding in spirituality helps, for sure. One of the most important keys for me is to be constantly vigilant -- to be armored at all times -- when that 'habit' blows in your ear -- you gotta' stop and say to yourself: "What's going on here? What is it trying to trick me into now?" Know that these feelings are not 'YOU' and that they're a lie and want to take you backwards. Know that it's OK to feel all different sorts of emotions - even if they're uncomfortable. Just sit with them and don't battle them - don't panic. You'll find that these things blow in and out like the wind. Mindfulness, self-knowledge, self-belief, positive mindset and humility are the name of the game here.

[weaver71]

I describe giving up pills like a family member dying. I will never get the chance to be with them again. It broke my heart to let the friend closest to me go. After some time, it continues to feel like a deceased family member. I remember them, but it doesn't hurt me so much anymore. I'll never forget the good times or the bad, but I have come to accept that they are gone. I don't think about it all the time by any means. Early on, I would have dreams that would make me think about it all day. Addiction is like cancer, always growing when active, but can go into remission indefinitely. Congrats on 25 days, that was when things started to feel a little better for me. Nicely done.

[eagle101]

No = the longer you are away from them the more the thoughts and cravings disappear gradually.  It sounds like you may have the fortitude and intelligence to drop them before they bottom you out. Sooner or later (acccording to individual. dose. length of time and etc. the pills will turn on you. They were never made for long term use and somwhere between 4 - 15% of the population just has the genetic problem of escalating doses and either having a vehicle wreck or an OD> - or incarceration.   It czn be a daily battle. But I know that you can hold out for 30minutes. And hours and days are merely collections of 30 second happennings. Stay strong. look to the future and not the present lie that the pills have found you in.