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1322872 tn?1275101862

Can I find quality of life after opiate addiction? I just want to be "normal" again plz...

Hi everyone of my fellow opiate strugglers,
  My husband and I both have become addicts to any kind of narcotic painkillers that we can get ahold of... Sad to say that it all started with me and my rx's. I was given several prescriptions over the years for vicodin or perc's. I used to be able to take just one 5/500 vic and it would mess me up for a few hours... Now I can take 6 of them at a time and I literally feel nothing but nauseous from all the Tylenol in them. I secretly had a rx for them about 5 years ago when we had me and I would take them just when I had them and no more than 1-2 a day. No big deal, right? Well as time went on I realized that I needed more, and did some things to get more from doctors. My husband asked me what they were like and why everyone was taking them and so I gave him a few to try... HUGE mistake! We casually took them just when I had them for about 6 months until I got scheduled for some cosmetic surgery that they gave me 90 perk's for 2 weeks on advance and then got more.  By the time my surgery went down my husband and I had taken all of my pain pills and I had to deal with augmentation (under the muscle) with nothing more than advil... It was pure painful hell to say the least. That was in October 2008' and things have spiraled out of control... I had a child in June 06' adding to my already 4 1/2 year old boy at the time and let's just say he was the hardest child ever to raise, still is but I love him. I thought that if I took pills then I could clean my house, take great care of my boys, get tons of energy, cook large meals for my family, basically be super mom and super wife... Now without them I can't even muster up enough energy to get out of bed and I am SO depressed that life just isn't worth living without them. I, my husband and I actually, have a HUGE problem here and I so need some support /advice! Things have gotten so bad that I was stealing 60/month from a man that I was care giving for... Not that he even needed them. I convinced the VA that he was in pain so I could feed the monkey on my back. Then I get the 30/7.5/750 vic ES from one of my dr's, 52 every 2 weeks of the Norco 5/325 (104 month) and my husband gets 30 5/500 vic every 2-3 weeks from his dr. I get Tramadol in between lately just because I had to go tell one of my dr's that I thought I may have a mild issue w/ opiates... My withdrawals were SO severe OMG... I really thought I was going to die. Oh and the best part is that if that wasn't enough drugs we are also have recently been spending over $1,000/month. This is so scary to even write this down. I guess it's time to come clean to somebody and if you are reading this then you're it:) I am frightened for my life right now... My addiction is much worse than my husbands even. He weighs about 220 and I am about 120 yet I can tollerate so many more than him. I am taking around 10-25 of whatever I have at the time to take. Last Sun. I took 7 10/325 Norcos then followed that up w/ 24 5/500 vics 'in one day. I basically took way too much tylenol and I have been vomiting since then. Sat-present I haven't though so I hope the worst part of that is over now. I have about 20 vic, 2 perk and appx 5 methadone at my disposal right now but my rx's are due next week... I want to GET OFF THIS S**T!!! Please please help me! I don't know how to live without it now... I started on Celexa (anti depressant) and Xanax (anti- anxiety) back in Feb. because I thought if I could deal with my severe depression then I could finally break this cycle but I am still depressed- now with or without the pills. The xanax helps me sleep at night because I can barely cope with all the racing thoughts that pour through my brain when I lay in bed at night. I feel so much guilt for being a mom like this. I know that my 8 year old has caught on and I finally had a talk with him about it because he wanted to know why I always go to the pharmacy and why when I dont I get really "sick"... It was a horrible talk for me. My own mom is in prision for events that have occured due to her drug/alcohol addiction that started when I was just 3. I love my kids and family and I know that I am living a lie. No one would ever suspect that my husband and I are addicts and we have to keep it that way! This is the only forum I have read or posted to because I feel like I have to share this with someone... I am really just hoping someone can tell me that my energy will return and eventually I will be able to get out of bed in the morning without wanting to cry my eyes out without the pills. I can't even take my kids to the park unless I am high, this is pathetic. How did I do this to myself and my family?: I swore I would never be like my mom and now unless I make huge changes I will be. I am a good mom and most wouldn't know I have to be high to even take a shower and put clothes on in the morning but it's all true... It's so hard trying to quit too since my husband and I are never on the same page and wanna quit at the same time... My time is now though. I want to use the few m I have to help me get off the V= trust me, it does help a lot w wd's! I am ready to do this but please tell me how long until I am ok??? I just need anything positive that says that I am going to make it and live a clean and sober life for my family,,, Thanks for reading my rant and rave and any advise is so appreciated:) God bless, C
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Avatar universal
Thank u everyone i know these posts are yrs old. But they help me. I can use someone to talk to right now. It's hard
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1 Comments
Hi,
I know this is an the old post of course. But I was going through this thread and I hope you're still doing well. I've been off of opiates for 6 months now. Life is good.
Thank you God.
Sending Positive Vibes and prayers.

Always remember God is good.
Avatar universal
let me tell all of you out there my quick story so maybe you will be scared into quitting.  My addiction started when I was 26, when I was diagnosed with MS.  The Dr. Gave me a prescription of Vicodin which I placed in my medicine cabinet for a year.  One night I had a terrible headache so I took a couple, and about 30 minutes later, I felt the best I ever felt before.  This was the mid '90's, before all the pill craze, so within 2 months I was refilling 50 5/500 Vics a day.  With no internet, I had no idea about stronger meds, or why when I stopped taking the pills I got sick.  I thought It was my MS, and the doc would refill it, and my copay was $.50.  So this went on for 2 years.  I then went to see a Psychologist , who informed me that I was addicted, and thats why all I did all day was stay home, and take my 50 vics.  I got clean, got a great job.  Got married.  Started writing with a partner, who 1 day offered me Norcos, I took a couple and within a month I was on.  But times changed, and all I could get from my doc was 180 a month, so I started buying from the internet, and dr shopping, next thing I know I was taking 100 pills a day.  My doc became concerned about all the tylenol, and mentioned oxycontin-  I heard of it, but did not really know what I was getting into.  Mind you I was 33 at the time, within 2 months I was crushing and taking 1000mg of oxycontin a day.  This went on for 7 years, and being in the real estate business , despite myself I was able to make a living.  But I spent my whole 30's in a drug filled rage. I blamed everything on MS, so my wife thought I was just very sick and stayed with me, until my best friend convinced me to go to rehab-  I spent the next 4.5 years and a half a million dollars trying to get clean.   When I finally did, I had a horrible MS flare, and unfortunately needed pain managment.  I would love to say that i take my meds as prescribed, but that monkey.......does not go away.   I'm 46 and all I care about are my pills.  Not being able to crush the oxycontin because of the new way they make them..... I convinced my doc to give me The instant realest oxy 30's 12 a day.  Basically people it gets worse and never gets better......stop now, or your whole life will be a pill.
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Avatar universal
I am sorry for ur pain I. Have been in the same battle for many yrs . I have made it through crack addictions needle addictions and I'm still addicted we always will be. U need to get on ur knees only if ur serious . U may loose ur husband over this cuz u may quit and he might not u have to rite now quit for urself . The vicodin isn't good and plz dnt go stronger . If u think ur heads messed up now dnt do the next step like I did cuz let me tell u . After time theese pain pills make us sicker than when we started . Pray to the man upstairs if ur serious and ask for his help and everyday tell urself u can do this u will be sick but thts how we get stronger. I went from using everyday like 3-4 times a day ur talking like anywhere from 400 to 500 mg of morphine intravenously used a day I went from 160 to 135 when I really started getting sik caused my lungs distress matter of fact I'm on the nebulizer rite now anywhere from 2-3 times a day . Plz get help if u have family tht will help u with children during rehab if ur not strong enough to do this and no 30 day program gonna work for u it gotta be 90 days and tht still isn't enough time but enough time to work on ur mind ur family can help with the children and cps no1 has to get involved. Cuz the rehabilitation center only reports when the children r in danger they ask what ur going to do with ur children and if ur able to tell them with support of family u can do this. I'm not completely clean but close I use probably 5-7 times a yr now .compared to everyday now if I would have went to a rehibilitation program I probably wouldn't use at all. I wish u the best of luck . It takes pain and sickness to get better so u can do this now u no..keep us posted and maybe me and u can support eachother.
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Avatar universal
I'm sorry to hear tht . I have lost a real good relationship due to oppiate abuse. My partner started sceamn with his sisternlaw to do more I tried telling him our relationship was going to **** and she kept getn in the middle because she lost her baby she didn't care about my life and sobriety.I started on pain meds 2004 after I almost kild myself in vehicle accident they started me out percs then after a yr they gave me 2 kinds of morphine instant and breakthrough. The first 2 yrs were ok didn't abuse them then like u they stoped working at regular doses then a friend showed me how to intravenously use them it is almost 2014 I am still an addict trying to fight the want to use. When u don't have them and u hurt worse well then ur body is becomming addicted then ur mind.tramadol is a supperioror opiete
Helpful - 0
6730847 tn?1385619549
Hi I've been clean 4days but still feeling sick nervous have an 8year old and boyfreind and just wanna feel normal been taking vitamins and all how long will this take I'm doing it cold turkey
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Avatar universal
It is a long road and I never abused them well illegally, but even on days my spinal pain wasnt too bad I'd take them because they have me super mom powers ! I decided a week ago I was goin to stop no one told me i am just discusted w the control a blue 15 mg pill of oxycodone w out tylenol (being stron enough wout tylenol tylenol kills your liver bad!!!) xs 4 xs a day had on me. I tapered fast prob too fast my A type personality kicked in Im all or nothing, i went from taking 30-60 mg a day to 7.5 pm so my heart would not beat so fast, I am an athlete and they also made me accomplish way more cardio! Now im staring at piles of my son husb cloths to fold, I am currently jobless an aspens a lot of my days alone till they get home. My advise to you and anyone in this thread is to know this is a national issue and can lead to the biggest downward spiral of your lives is it worth potentially losing your loved ones over pills NO it isnt ! People so know when you are on them dont be fooled the rapi talking the energy of 10 people isnt the norm . i too suffer from anxiety depression and w or w out them. Today , I am going to call around to see if i can seek alternative meds like herbs and acupressure I do need surgery but i dont want it on upper spine to risky. Is still rather have some pain then depend on the evil blue pills! i hope hat you all find comfort and we can chat to help one another when we feel like giving up to them! Best of luck and God Bless! Sheryl C.
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Avatar universal
I know its been years for these posts but I really hope your in recovery all of you and I would love to hear success stories and hear how you got through it.God bless you all
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Avatar universal
HI  I realy hate to see people so hopeless with drug addiction  it dosent have to be this way  after 35 yrs as an addict on and off I finely found solitude in the rooms of N/A....it is time for you to start living your life again and you can as I have by going to meetings treating your addictin and I found after much trial and error  this works if you work it  please take time to check it out  meanwil keep posting for support .......Gnarly
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Avatar universal
Hi,
I just want to start of by saying that everything everyone is saying is pretty much the same thing I went through for 2 years I'm a young mother of two! Today I am 21 days into being clean off of norcos I was up to 11 a day not all at once in the am I would take 4 and the rest through out the day it took about a week to go threw WD which was the worse week of my life today at 3 weeks clean I feel better but i still have 0 energy everyone keeps telling me I will get it back and I keep fighting but at the same time I think to myself is this ever going to end and its hard knowing that all I have to do to get that energy is just take a couple but honestly it's not worth it cause of the WD I went threw to get to here so I guess my ? Is when will I get my natural energy back cause I'm tired of this!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey Lizzy, You may want to start a new thread as this is a bit old and may get overlooked. Good luck......keep posting.
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Avatar universal
Oh Dear, I could have written this post. Chin up. Your in the acute phase of w/d and all your emotions are running wild. Is there someone you can confide in to help you shoulder the burden? Were you getting your pills from a Dr. that you could talk to about giving you meds to soften things? This is not hopeless and you'll get thru. Are you taking supplements? Tell us what your symptoms are and how much of what you were taking and others will chime in with help. Your not alone. Just don't use, you'll only prolong this pain.
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Avatar universal
I am actually now starting the painful process of withdrawal! I hate myself! I hate my life the way it is right now! I feel like crap and don't have the energy to do anything nor the desire ! The even bigger pro Len is that NO ONE know! I am living this hell by myself! I don't want anyone to know! I am too ashamed and embarrassed to admit what I am!!!!  I am not sure I'm strong enough to do this because the real truth is that if I had a pain pull right now I would have taken it with out a second thought !
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Avatar universal
I'm have been clean from opiates for 24 days now, I used daily for 6 years and after loosing everything I had I finally decided to make a change. So I checked my self into a detox/treatment facility, first 2 weeks were hell, all I wanted to do was die, eventually I started feeling better physically, but emotionally I'm still damaged.  I had dealt with or felt any emotion in so long from opiates, so it hit me all at once and I'm still trying to deal with it all.  After I left the treatment program (successfully) I returned home, then the depression and overwhelming anxiety set in and from what I'm being told by doctors and such this may continue for a year or so.  This makes recovery a hitch for sure, I figured I would detox and bounce back,  not the case !!!! Best advice I can give is get involves with aa or na, get a sponser and work this steps, so far this is my only savior.  Structure is good too, the more time u spend sitting around isolating the more you wanna relapse, for me that's not an option...as bad as I feel now doesn't even compare to how bad I felt using drugs everyday just to get outta bed and function. When the pain to stay the same is worse than the pain to change, we will change!!!  My life is in gods hands now, I just take it day my day and try to stay busy and out of my own head, and in time hopfully ill be restored to sanity and be able to live a normal life soon.  It's Sux but there is no easy way out of opiate addiction it's a long hard road but if u want it bad enough and are willing to ask for help it can be done.  The disease of addiction is powerful and beyond doctors and medicine, it's proven that the wisdom and knowledge and help of other recovering addicts  has the highest success rate for recovery so I can't stress enough to ask for help
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Avatar universal
I'm on week 6 of my sobriety after being hooked on painpills and adderal and I'm doing much better. I have a 4 yr old son and 6 yr old daughter. I never had a problem with pills until I came home from the hospital with my 2nd child and realized after the pain was gone that HEY these pain pills give me energy to clean house, get up with a baby, & take care of my 2 yr old. Just like you I found myself taking more and more to feel the same effect. Then I made the mistake of going to a methadone clinic for 2 years which is much worse believe it or not to come off of not to mention I gained 30lbs. I eventually weaned off it but still felt like HELL for the first week. I feel much better but am still kinda depressed trying to learn all over again how to live without being dependant on meds.
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4495462 tn?1355640963
Wow, these write ups totally scream out everything I've gone thru, going thru and want to kno. I m recovering from opiate dependency for chronic pain n disease conditions. I've been off hydromorph for 2wks now n would give almost anything to have my energy back. I cannot accomplish much n what i do is done thru pushing myself extremely hard n it is hard. When does the energy come back? When do u feel "normal" again? Its awful, so hard to care for my children n husband, i want the old, me back, baaaaad!
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Avatar universal
I agree with grace1208 that you need to cut of contacts with anyone who is also addicted and is not trying to quit.
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Avatar universal
Share your problems with someone you loved. He/she must be clean tho. Supports from loved ones definitely helps you in some ways.
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Avatar universal
I am almost the same like you. Just that i am not married and have no child. Addicted to codeine. Depressed till not even getting out of bed for couple of days. Helpless. Thoughts of when i am getting the next fix keeps bombing inside my head. Knew it is totally wrong yet can't stop cause of the withdrawals. Until one day i summoned the courage to tell my mum about it. Told her frankly whats happening to me, why the sudden changes in personality etc. Immediately, make a call and got an appointment with a detox specialist. Now under detox treatments. You are not alone. Hope you and your husband overcome the problems. May we succeed in the war against opiates.
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Avatar universal
I was coming on here for support on How long does it take to feel normal again was? I am on day 17 and it hasn't gotten easier, even though my sickness is gone I still don't sleep good, wake up sweating, still sneezing and get chills, but worse of all I have have absolutely NO energy and my brain just won't function, every thing is so hard to do, but I have 3 kids and 1 step child all ranging from 2 yrs to 12 yrs old that I have to take care of, so more than anything I just want to feel normal and be able to do for them. That's what makes it so hard, but I have to remind myself all day to look at this as long term because short term would be to take a pill and feel better but that would only be for that day and then what about tomorrow, so that has helped because I know that my daily pill use got me no where but here even though then I thought it made me super mom, more outgoing, happy, able to do everything I needed and now look I am more miserable, unmotivated, lost, confused than ever before. I have never experienced dipression or so unhappy with myself ever in my whole 30 years of living!!         But back to you, already you have done the most important and first step you have admitted you have a problem and even more you were open and honest about it and your reaching out for help, so really your already in step 4 in the 12 step program so you should definitely be proud of that!! I wish I could tell you more but I'm only on day 17 but I will definitely keep you posted as I progress because if anything this was my first time ever posting or writing about my recovery and I must admit this is the first time today of feeling any relief, so thank you for your honesty it really helped me.  Thanks and we can do this!!  
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Avatar universal
Just stopping through to see how your doing?!?
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Avatar universal
No problem! I wish I had known all of this before I started using the Trams, but I had a part of me that didn't care at the time of any form of addiction. Again, I've had issues with other drugs so I have a huge addictive personality. And it's really not surprising that your Dr. assumes that Tramadol isn't addictive, it's just sad how one doesn't know!! How are you feeling today? Are you off the opiates completely yet? Anything can become an easy addiction if you are an addict, just remember that.
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1322872 tn?1275101862
Wow, I am shocked... I never thought of Tramadol as even being potentially misused. I have a bad addiction, not just to opiates but also stimulants... I have misused most anything that comes in pill form. If it says that may cause dizziness/drowsiness of euphic effects then down the shoot it went. I see exactly where you all are coming from. The effects when I have taken it have however not been euphoric in the least. It surprises me that after telling my dr. that I had a problem with narcotics that he would prescribe me Tramadol to help me off? He said that it was not a narcotic and I could use as many as I need until I break the addiction from my other meds. I guess he must think that because it is not a narcotic that I wouldn't get addicted? I don't know... He is a great Dr. but I have to take it from other ppl in my situation and ppl that have been there. I doubt my dr is taking pills hand over fist like I do. Tram does seem like a lesser evil to be but sounds still evil none the less. I appreciate the information very much!
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199177 tn?1490498534
ready,
Unforutly lots of people have to find out the hard way about tramadol.It is a nasty withdrwl .You gave some great info ...Welcome to the forum
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Avatar universal
Also, I wanted to add that MOST DEFINITELY your life will get better after opiates. I also know about depression and anxiety,and thought that taking opiates was the best thing ever. I was able to do anything, for the first few months anyhow. I became so involved in my addiction that I really started slacking on all my duties, all I wanted to do was sleep or lay around. The uppity doesn't last forever. Remember that! AS time goes on, things WILL get worse if you stay in this addiction. I look at things day by day, you have to. Or else you become too overwhelmed. It's rough having kids, but I tell you from experience I have noticed that my kids have HELPED me to stay more focused, and having to stay busy and care for them, helps with cravings as well. There hasn't been a day yet that I haven't briefly though of a pill, but I'm not getting the super anxiety feeling when I do, and the cravings don't last. You do have to get everything that is a negative influence or a possible relapse far away. Use whatever support you can get.
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