Hello everyone, I am a mother of 5, although I only have custody of 2 of my children at the moment, (I didn't lose the other three because of addiction though). I was and have always been the person that just could never understand addiction or how people even let themselves become addicted...it was a foreign concept to me. (Especially the part where you waste so much money). I have back pain that never goes away and has been there since I was 10, but I guess it has never bothered me enough to seek help for it, because I have never told a doctor or seeked help. Then in Feburary of 2012 I gave birth to my fifth child, my little man, whom I love so very much as well as all my other children, they are my reason for being alive right now. I of course was given vicoden for the pain after childbirth and although at first I didn't really care for the way they made me feel, I was in love with the fact that they helped my pain (the pain from childbirth and the pain in my back) so when I ran out I started buying them from a guy I knew, at first i was just a few here and there so I didn't hurt so much. Somewhere along the way I started liking the way they made me feel, and of course because of tolerance build up, kept getting more and more. Then it got into the stronger stuff because the Norco/Vicoden's were no longer doing the trick. It continued to escalate and now I am completely addicted, even though it has only been a year. I have tired to quit numerous times but that back pain I spoke of now seems so much worse than it did before and feel as if I NEED them, which of course being an addict, I do. Eventually it got to the point where I could no longer find the pain pills, as in my state they are not really prescribing them much anymore and are very hard to find, so I ended up turning to the only thing that helped my pain and gave me the same high as the opiates and that was and still is heroin. I am now to the point that I am injecting it and the withdrawl when I don't have it is so horrible that I have resorted to ALMOST anything to get my next fix. I am scared to tell anyone about this, and I am scared to seek help because I am afraid that my children will be taken away from me. I have already gone through that a few times and it is not something that I want to expirence again. Is it possible to seek help for this addiction without losing my children? They are my world and mean everything to me, but that is just not enough for me to kick this addiction...I can finally admit, I NEED HELP. I am not to the point where only heroin will do though, any opiate is ok as long as there is enough, and a lot of the time I will do some type of speed to combat the withdrawl and pain. This is something I never thought I would ever have to experience, but here I am, addicted and alone and I don't know where to turn. Any help, advice or insight would be greatly welcomed and appriciated, and I wish to thank everyone for their reply in advance.
Addiction counselors and 12 step meetings are not affiliated with police or CPS. You didn't kill someone. Of course you can get help without losing your children. I think you'll be amazed at how common opiate addiction is. You are telling the story of so many of us.
Also, you are experiencing what they call rebound pain. You're body has stopped making its natural pain killers, because you've been getting them chemically. You will feel much better after you detox. Hydros and heroine are fast acting and you will feel much better in a week or two without a dose. Do you know what resources are available to you in your area? NA meetings are a great place to get local info. We can support you and give advice, but I always suggest hooking up with some local aftercare. It takes a lot to stay clean.
Read the Thomas Recipe and Amino Acid Protocol in the health pages at the bottom right of this page. There is lots of great info and tips to help with some of the detox symptoms. Keep posting with questions and for support.
Thank you for your post and I am glad to know that I can seek help without losing my children. I have just moved to the area so I am not sure what is available around here but I intend to find out. So the next thing I was wondering is I have heard a lot of people say they can get through the detox doing it cold turkey by taking otc meds and staying in bed...my question is, is how do you stay in bed through the detox when you have two small (1 and 2 years old) children to take care of? They are very demanding and need my attention constantly and honestly when I'm detoxing I just can't handle it.
A taper is the least painful way, but difficult for many and you'd have to score some norcos to do it. IV heroine is really hard to taper down on. Do you have anyone that watches the kids for you, or can someone hold the pills to give you each day? If you can slowly take less, the withdrawals are not as bad. How much H have you been using?
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