Pills give us a false sense of security. Everything you think they did for you was a lie, There is nothing glamorous about this addiction. We have death to look forward to if we continue and NOONE is exempt from this. Using is just a symptom of addiction. Check into some aftercare and get going with that. There is a life out here with your name on it. You can do it~
Just a quick PS and BTW...
The two posts from IBKleen and Gnarly are wonderful. They are true veterans here and have been clean for many years. They have tried to help me so many times I've been here. But like they said..YOU have to want it bad, like I do now. I'm 55 years old and don't want to live the rest of my years in that drug induced state. Running from Dr. to Dr. to anywhere to get those damn pills. I want to live again, really live! Enjoy everything good this life has to give. You gotta want it. Do you want it? It's up to you. You're almost there.
Kat
Hi there girl,
I know exactly how you feel. I have been trying to get off oxy's for years. I had legitimate pain too, surgery 8 months ago, but I can't use those for excuses anymore. My Dr. said I don't need the meds anymore, and she cut me off after two months. Then I was accepted at a pain mgmt. clinic which was 2 hours from my house. I really stood back and looked at myself and said, Really? Are you going to commute 4 hours a month to get a RX that I will inhale in 2 days? I ate them like candy. Sure I loved the way I felt, nothing at all. It dulled my pain, but that was BS. I was taking them, running out too soon, the same as you, got sick when I didn't have them. I just said to myself, Enough is Enough now. I can't live my life this way anymore. I want to feel things. I want to laugh again, sing again. All the things I never did when I was numb. I was a zombie. So I can relate to what you're going through now.
It's all normal. And you're on day 11, you can't stop now. You're almost there. Just take it 1 day at time. One minute, one hour. Don't put all that pressure on yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself, you're doing great. I'm on day 20 today, and I feel great!! Those w/d symptoms will be gone in no time now. Your brain will become clearer, and you'll find you don't have as much pain as you did on the pills. You'll be fine. Hang in there. You can do this!! If you need me, just write me a message, and I will get right back to you ok? Everything you're feeling is normal, and it will be gone in no time!!! You've come so far...don't quit now!
Kat
Hi well you have been given great advise IBKleen is one of our wisest and veteran members and knows her stuff I agree with everything she said this is a brain thing not a pill thing we use the pills to fill the void in our lives....with that said the only way to get past this is to treat the addict that is alive and well in your head I have tried most aftercare the pastor of my church a substance abuse counselor even a shrink ...all helped but I dident find recovery until I hit the rooms of N/A and I recamend this program to everyone it is a simple 12 step progam that with time you will loose the desire to use it is the only progam I know of that can do that the meetings are only a hour long and you can share with people that understand this disease it is time for you to get out of your comfort zone and reach out for help Google N/A meetings in your area keep posting for support...........Gnarly
Do yourself a favor...BREATHE. Try and relax. You Are taking on the whole world at once and trying to predict the future. What if? What if? You need to get back into the here and now and take it one step at a time..baby steps if need be. I am sorry I have not read your past post but it seems that you have 10-1/2 days clean? If so, that is awesome!!!
So I gather you were taking them for pain and the pain is still there now? You need to give it some time before you are able to really assess your pain level and I will bet the bank that it is not as bad as you think. It will take time before you can really get a good reading. BTW, you will learn to hate the word "time". As addicts we want what we want and we want it now.
You are not alone. Your story is like so many others. That is the life of addiction. I started using when I was 13, I am 62 now and have 7-1/2 years clean. Do the math. I spent way too many years as an active IV Heroin user. I detoxed so many times until I finally got clean. Then I had an accident and got on pain meds. I was off and running. Just like you I would eat that script up in one week and suffer for the next three. I was knocking people over in line to get my script. Calling it in early in hopes I could got it a few days earlier. This was back when you could get refills. Back in the 80's I even had my boss calling in refills acting as my doctor. I dad some crazy stuff for those pills. Every time it was a dead end road. I was chasing that first high and I never found it again.
Hun, you need to be sick and tired of being sick and tired. You need to hit a bottom and sometimes it is something that is enormous. I think your hubby is probably a great guy but if he is supporting you through this insanity then he is simply enabling you. There are no consequences for your actions right now so why should you stop, right? It's a merry-go-round with no gold ring and it just keeps on going round and round.
YOU have to want to stop this madness. YOU have to see that it is a dead end. And why do we suggest aftercare? Because it works. Because the problem is not the drugs. the problem is YOU. You need to get to the core issues and learn new skills. You need to learn coping skills so that you don't reach for that bottle when things are had. You need to learn life skills and you need to learn relapse prevention skills. All of this comes with aftercare. You can't do it alone. You don't have the tools.
Coming here is great and I am glad you did but you need some one on one and a group that knows exactly what youa re going through. They will guide you. I hope and pray that that light bulb goes off in your head and you realize you are going nowhere and wasting your life. In the meantime, please keep posting. It does help.