I would love to e-mail you but I dont know how!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im new to this computer thing. Just got on it when I started my detox. Sounds crazy huh! I am set up with e-mail its ***@**** Sometimes I can figure out how to open it and sometimes not.My brains in to much of a fog. God Bless.. J.E.W.
I can't believe I read your Doctor just said Stop.; what an ass.
Being a nurse, I'm sure you are aware that abrupt cessation of benzos CAN BE dangerous.
I've only been on Ativan twice, and for short duration; and I am certainly no doctor, but the people that I know who successfully got of Ativan(and Xanax), were switched first to a longer acting benzo., like Valium; then slowly tapered off. The tapering was over several months(I don't recall from what doses).
Please Take Care
Im in Renton. I have a sister in Goldbar & one in snohomish..Its a small world huh!!! The sister in Snohomish used to live in Sultan!! On the Sultan/Basin RD... Wow how weird... Its windy and raining cats and dogs here. Hope not there you guys flood to much!!! Take care. God Bless... J.E.W.
Rex- Thank you for your reply. Everyday for the past week has just been down. Just way down. I feel so sad and depressed all I do is cry...:(
Lifeisbetter: I live 5 minutes from Sultan Basin Road. Is weird huh? I hate the Eastside. Lots of snobs huh? I think so... Thats why I like living in the country. Solitude. Its definatly what I need right now. Maybe we can meet someday! :)
Hey buddies!!! Sorry Im having problems with my Yahoo account. So if you have written I cant write back so I thought I would post here. Im okay today. Just sore, achey and depressed to be honest. All i think about is getting pills. Its sad. I have a friend dropping 10 or 15 off to me. I cant stand it anymore and then my weekend will be hell. detox all over again. Im loosing. I cant not have drugs with my arthritis. What the hell am I going to do. I cant win. I just want to die right now. :(
I see no HOPE.... Im lost
P.S. One thing I cant stop thinking about is arthritis has set into my left knee pretty bad and I know I will have to have surgery in a year for that. THen what? I dont know If I told either of you before but I have two wrist fusions two finger replacements already and Im frickin 31. Sorry Im feeling sorry for myself. I cant write Im crying right now. Ill write back later...
I am sooooo glad you wrote, I did email you this am and wondered how you were, how was your night last night?
With all that pain girl, I can't say I blame you for wanting the relief. As I said before I no longer have pain (I am one of the lucky ones) and I can't imagine fighting this demon of addiction and having pain at the same time. You have to do what is best for you right now, tears all day and night is no way to live...all you can do is come here for support so that you can put some kind of control on the addiction side of the consumption of the pain meds.
I am here for ya!!!
Day 16 for me, I have the urges but not because of legit reasons like severe pain. Don't feel bad, you shouldn't have to suffer so bad.....keep in touch when you can...
when i comes
to getting clean from drugs and helping others
i personally try to put my religious beleifs
aside and deal with addiction , some people beleive that
addiction is a moral problem others think it is a disease,
and still others just gluttony and sin.
i must say in all the years i have been dealing with adiction,
i do not have the perfect answer for defineing the problem.
each case is different.so of a situation ethics.
being a member of thre 12 step program n.a. which sees it as a spiritual problem.i have learned there to set aside my personal beleifs for the benifit of the newcomer, but my experence
still is I WENT TO N.A. TO SAVE MY ASS AND FOUND OUT IT WAS ATTACHED TO MY SOUL.
It is OK to be addcited to this forum (in my opinion)because it is constructive to your healing...I came running to you guys as if yall were my pills....it is OK as long as it is positive...I will one day go back to cleaning..wont I??
There my initials. Glad to here from someone was feeling way down all of a sudden.. my brains in that dreaded fog and you know how it goes. up & down and all around!!! Thanks for the laughs they help alot!!! J.E.W.
You have no idea how many pill bottles I filled with water and then licked clean! Actually, did much worse than that but I can't share that one yet...way to humiliating. Lets just say drinking the water from an empty rx bottle is only a little tiny bit obsessive. I did the pocket search thing too and drove myself out of my mind! I would also try to hide a few pills from myself! Explain that one! When I got a refill,I'd take a few pills out while looking away and try not to count them. Then I would close my eyes when I was hiding them because I was convinced I would forget where I put them (I figured my brain was so screwed up that I really would forget!)....so bizaar! I admire you for writing about things that are embarrasing to you, honesty is a good quality to have, it helps you stay clean. I admire you even more for your "never give up" attitude. When you want to be clean as badly as you do, it will happen, it has to. Believe me I have no clue how many times I tried to stop. I don't know why I finally could, I guess I finally scared myself enough. Keep going, keep fighting, you strike me as a real survivor!
Wow.. sounds like u hav some real legitimate pain to manage. Hope u can get a good caring pain managment Dr. Knee replacememnt is very succesful but not orthoscopic. I am a therapist.
Plz do not feel guilty about seeking relief from sever chronic pain. You have proven u can detox.. now u need to find that delicate balance between pain relief no abuse of pain meds.
Suc a horrid deliemna we face if we have chronic pain and are also addicts.
I am sitting here now.. wiht a bad headache with essentially nothing to take. Got Dr. appointment Friday. My imitrex did not work. I have 2 more darvocet but i wonder if it just aggrevates em. I'll just go lie back down with my ice bag and pray it subsides.
Peace to your life!
Have you read the post way below by braindead? It sounds like pretty scarry stuff to me... Almost like they would reprgram your whole brain. And turn you into who knows what.. If you havent read it do. And let me know what you think..Ill be gone till tonight so Ill get back to you later. God Bless... J.E.W.
I did read it, I am no PHD but that's what it sounded like to me and I really think they can re-program a person.
I always did say "If only I could take that small part out of my brain that makes me an addictive personality I would be set"
How little did I know that I was not far from what they may actually be able to do....
I Have been an addict since86.I drank at first (case of bud dry a night.)Then Id go backand forth from any kind of pill I could get. Never mixed the two. I thought that would kill me!!!!!!!! What a joke..I was killing myself all the time... Well in early 98 I got a hold of oxiecotin mind you no one told me they were time released. I was poppen one every 3to 4hrs. And feelin great..Then my supplier moved. I dont even remember two wks. of my life. I woke up in detox at hospital. From there I went to in house recovery. It was a 12 step program. Learned alot. Stayed there 29 days. All was good for about a month or two. Then I thought I could do some crystal meth. It wasnt my drug of choice so I was alright!! WRONG!!! I ended up taken by ambulance to E.R. had tubes running out of everywhere. Dont remember any of it. Woke up 3 days later in room.. The Dr. tolds me what happend. Did good for awhile..Then I started taking vics,percs,pain patches even did methadone (off the street.)Then on 1/10/03 I woke up took my last 2 vics. And here I am.. Praise The Lord!!! Pillfree day 13!!!(my lucky # too!!!) God Bless... Jerri
im doing good alive and kicking feeling much better, did the gym thing it wasnt as hard as i thought it would be , wats that i here rainy and windy and not walking , its like 0 degrese here im walking i think i saw a polar bear today im going to send him your way to bite you in the butt , just joking best to you be strong .
You better keep that polar bear Im cold enough dont want no cold bears on my butt!!!!!!!!!!!! Glad to here youre feeling better. Wnt to work and felt alot better after getting out of the house.. Big day 13 coming up!! Were doing good.. keep at it my friend... God Bless... J.E.W.
Save, you sound sooooo good.
I read over our early posts, and all I can say is YOU ARE DOING IT.
As one of my friends reminded me, "This addiction is like a boxing match, when you think you have it licked, just remember, "IT'S regrouping in "IT'S" corner"; so stay strong and on the offensive!!!
Great thread. I have been investing a lot of time in the process of recovery. Of course, a lot less time than pursuing pills, dr. appointments, flunky pharmasists telling me I have to wait 3 days for them to legally fill the script. What a friggen joke and pathetic way for me to live. To have freedom from my active addiction and the slave to my addiction that I was, is as Mel Gibson screamed in Braveheart, FREEDOM!
It amazes me how long and just what I would do believing the lie of the drugs, the medical industry is in dire need of a major over haul. For that matter, so am I.
Well, I am at 45 days opiate free, hitting meetings, working steps with my sponser and actually feeling emotions again. It feels good to feel human again, a human with an attiude of gratitude and empathy for the newcomer. The great thing is I really feel the good, happy feelings, the flipside I REALLY feel the sad, regretful emotions too. Some sort of support group can be the difference between stopping for awhile or staying stopped.
For those of you beginning detox or in the middle of it, this board and the very special, caring people got me through the most horrible WD of my life. I CT off 400mgs of oxy and a 120mgs perc 325/10 per day for 8 months and have been on various opiates for the last two years. I couldn't leave the house for two weeks, still have moments of WD from the oxy. It takes so much courage and determination to stop opiates. Add a little faith and it can be done. My prayers are with you all.
rex- your right about the exercising, I started PT a month ago,it sparked my work out program. It is amazing how many ailments have gone away as a result of early morning walks and hitting the gym. My strength and endurance is increasing weekly.
hippy- Greetings, my friend. I just know someday our paths will cross and I look forward to the day I can meet you and say thanks for your generosity of one addict helping another.
percs- it is a conspiracy, oxy is a combo of heroin and methadone. They and you know who they are, are out to get as many people addicted as possible. Soylent Green is People. Old C Heston movie. The above statement about oxy is NOT true. See, I have got some humor back. I hope all is well with you, brother.
suzie- love and hugs to you, girl. You are an awesome lady who has helped more people than you know.
I will keep checking in with you all. I will always be grateful for the people on this board and med help for keeping this board open and uncensored, for the most part. Recovery is a process, just like addiction. There is no shame in relapse, the shame is not getting back to recovery ASAP. Once you get your life back, drug free for a period of time, you will not be able to use again and have the enjoyment the drugs origionally provided. Because once we cross that invisable line of addiction, the days of using successfully or as prescribed are over. Those who have to use meds for legitamate pain, my prayers are with you.
Strength and Honor
hows your new addiction today???(reading this forum..) Im still hooked big time!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I shut off the computer but Im back in 5 or 10 mins.!!!!!!!!!!!! This is pretty crazy huh. But its better than poping pills.. To me its like a natural high. Maybe Im weird or something. You know us grandmas are strange sometimes!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im so happy to be getting back to myself again. My kids and grandkids like having me back too!!! Isnt life grand!!!!!!!!!! So how you feeling today hon.? I hope as good as me..Dont let those kids drive you nuts... When they grow up and have kids of there own your going to love it...Cause you can spoil them and send em home!!!!!!!!!!!! God Bless.... J.E W.
Thank you so much for asking...
I have seen many posts from you for many days and I think we have only written twice directly to each other, wasn't sure your story. I now know you are a grandma but that is about it. Are you in detox, recovery, tapering, meth or what?
I am soooooooooo addicted to this forum, everytime I want a pill, I come here. Each day though, I get a project done and them come bach here as oppossed to every sec of the day.
There are sooo many wonderful, wonderful people on this forum, I think it was a549056(Tom) that said yesterday, it would be cool to get everyone in one location to meet in person...
I have issues of addiction and religion that I am getting help with on these forums and they are great!!
Wow...with the exception of a few extra opiates my life has been somewhat the same....you may have read some of my postings in the last few days of how i tell about the rehab from the last hydro habit lasted 3 or 4 days and I checked myself out and bought a bottle of vodka every day for 2 months after.
Went to AA a few times quit the everyday drinking and after a little bit convinced myself I could social drink only I was then going out almost every night. Duh!!!
Then I went to a dr for a broken tailbone (fell down when I was drunk on night) and he gave me Vic ES. Alot, with many refills and then each time I would go in his office I would get another script(he would write it) for alot with alot of refills...then I took more and the pharm would fill until 17 days ago, they caught on. I am glad they did. I told my dr and I told the pharm no more for me. If I had to make a label on myself as an addict because of it so be it.
You are an inspiration and one of the many people that have kept me strong thru this...and I thank you!!!
Hope your feeling better hon. I was wondering where you went.I didnt know if that computer virus got you or what. It was a human virus instead..Congrates on day 22. Keep up the good work my friend.. Ill be praying for you to feel better.. J.E.W.
It is taking everything I have to type this right now. I got HIT big time with a flu/cold and I haven't eaten since Fri nite, every waking moment is a really, really bah headache. Boy, am I being tested and so is my relationship....My BF just went thru a week and a half of "flu like" symptoms with me now I am really and truely sick. Satan really wants me back doesn't he? I was just feeling really, really good and the very next day this hits me.
I have to say I am still clean...DAY 22!!!
Unless OTC cold meds don't count.
Thank you for checking on me, it really means alot to me..
How are you doing??
Sorry, I just noticed you posted to me earlier. I am kind of in a fog but not drug induced, sinus induced. Thank you for being concerned and your prays, they are helping please continue them as I will with you and everyone else, especially the ones we've come to depend on that are being banned from the forum.
Freedom of speech is the american way isn't it? Shouldn't being on this forum and sharing feelings be the utmost concern when it is truely helping others cuz I know b'belt has helped me probabley more than he realizes...pity things like this happen to good people.
Again, thanks for the kind words and the prays...
Good for you!!! Wow, what would I do in that situation, not sure if I could be that strong, maybe...cuz the way I felt during detox will haunt me for quite sometime and will probabley be what keeps me from returning to the evil. I have had lung diseases in the past, pluericy and pnemonia and I have a feeling I have something again but fear that it may be the addict in me "overreacting" to my symptoms. Will wait another day or 2 to see if I get an apetite or worse symtoms. How long can one go without eating? I have been nursing a glass or 2 of orange juice for the last 4 days with no food intake.
Linda, I am proud of you...the cravings are worse when you know how close you are to the evil, it just makes you that much stronger when you know you have defeated that craving!!!
I'm sorry to hear your not feeling well. Congrats on 22. Today is day9 for me. Yesterday I was REALLY tested. The morning was great but then I got home from work to find to "friends" at my house who I know use oxycontin and like to sell them to me. I finally just told them the truth and asked them to leave. It was HARD!!!! Then, two minutes after they leave the phone rings and its someone ELSE wanting to get rid of stuff. I was like, this must be a test! My cravings were out of control. I just stopped answering the phone, and went and picked up my kid. I didn't sleep real good. But hey, Today is day 9 NOT day 1. Thank god.
I completely hear and understand what you are saying. I am a single mother of a 3 yr old boy. I am 10 days clean from a oxycontin and vicodin addiction. I felt such guilt when i would be investing sooo much of my time in my habit, wether that was finding pills, finding doctors, being high, being sick etc. and NOT enough time with my son. When I decided enough was enough a huge weight was lifted. I detoxed cold turkey and it has not been easy. But I already notice a difference. My patience level with my son is much greater. The joy i get from seeing him and listening to him and holding him is so much more now that i'm not "zoned" out. If there is anything I can do, let me know.
Hello everyone, I have been reading this forum for about 2 weeks now. I realized about a month ago that I am addicted to Hydro. I depend on it. And days like today, Two days without it. I feel like ****, and still part of my mind tells me that I don't want or need it anymore. And the other part is telling run to the Doctor now. I never in my life thought I would get addicted to painpills (I fooled myself). Anyway, when I realized that I had a problem, I take about 8-12 Lortab 10's in a 24 hour period. Realizeing I had a problem scared me so bad. I have three little girls that I need to take care of and they need me. But what scares me the most is that in may of 2002 I had and Aunt pass away from oxy And some other drugs she had taken. But I do know the main drug was OXY. I have taken OXY once I found out what it was and heard so many stories about it I have never touched it again. But the Lortab is bad enough, you get a tolerance to that and you move to something stronger. I need help and a whole lot of prayers to get me through this. I ask God everyday to hold my handand lead me through life the right way. I guess somewhere down that road of life I let go of his hand. But I have my grasp on it now and I don't ever want to let go again. I need to get clean for my girls but most of all for me.
Thank you all for your enspireing words. They have helped alot. And I can use more hands to hold to help me get through this. You can email me at ***@****
BLUE, 10 days now? That's GREAT! I'm really proud of you. It good to know you're still getting on with it & getting your life back. I'm at day 25 off hydros & feeling great.
4mygirls, I know where you are with this nightmare addiction - been there too! Now, I did what you are doing with stopping the pills & feeling like **** for a couple of days then getting more pills and the "relief" from withdrawal hell for a few days, then got disgusted and would decide to stop again & the cycle would go on ... I created a living, drawnnnnn-out hell for myself. I finally got so sick of this on/off mess & started reading the posts at this forum. I swallowed the last pill on Sunday morning, Jan 5th & stuck it out. Now, the big kick in the a** for me was to realize that had I just stayed off initally and rode out the withdrawal for more than 2-3 days, I could have avoided ALOT of physical & emotional suffering. All I'm saying is this: you have to decide when to pull the brake and get off the roller-coaster & just decide for one day at a time that you won't take a pill (sometimes this starts hour by hour - well, it did for me) Take some time off & take lots of hot baths and in a short week (it will seem like a week of eternity at times - I won't lie) you'll be thru it and then just have to stay clean, day by day, but feeling better every day that you're clean from the hydro-hell.
Keep posting ...we're all here to help you & each other.
Thank you, I don't mean this in a bad way. I just feel so much better knowing that I am not alone in this battle. Congrats on 10 days. Can't wait until I'm there. It's so hard looking at my kids (i have 3 girls ages 3,6, and 8. Sometimes I think if I didn't have my girls I would have given up a long time ago. They keep me going and this last week when I really decided that I wanted to quit It was my kid's that made me see that they need their mommy back. The real one, not the one with moods spings like there is no tomorrow. I have not quit yet, but I have made up my mind that I am going too. I made it two days, went to the doc to get my antidepressant filled and he also filled my lortab script. I should have thrown it away, but I am an addict. I did get my antidepressants filled, haven't taken them in 6 months. Started takeing them again today, and vow not to get off of them. I know that they will help me from the depression that comes with w/d's. I wish you and your little boy the best of luck. And you the best of luck staying clean. I hope that I can be as strong as so many people on this sight.
Hey, Linda! 12 days - that's great! I'm doing well, and at Day 26 today. Getting ready to go to NA/AA meeting in a moment. Looking forward to a warmer, sunny Sunday here in Atlanta - hope you're here to enjoy it. Take care, my friend! Lay-ta ....
Good morning. I'm sorry i didn't post yesterday, I was not near a computer. Today is day12. It seems to be getting alot easier. I really hope all is well for the both of you. Let me know your doing fine (or not.) I care either way.
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