Cant transition off

[Fiatlux]

I am a 42 year old mother to a daughter who just turned one.  I do not want to bore anyone with the full detail of my situation but here is the skinny.  I was sober from alcohol for 4 years.  It took years of falling on and off the wagon and severe deterioration of my health, from seizures and vomiting blood to quit drinking.  I did.  Against all odds and the support of absolutely NO ONE except for the kind people of AA, and my commitment and hard work, I did it.  Three years ago after I FINALLY divirced my alcoholic husband, I moved out and on my own.  I started taking a pain killer here and there thinking no big deal.  I had my daughter via C-section last year and the doctors gave me vicodin for recovery.  A year later, I can't stop.  I have friends who have always been pill poppers, but it never was my thing.  Needless to say I have connections for an endless supply.  I have tried suboxone, I did great, and then just keep falling back to the pain killers, not to mention when I tried going off the suboxone, I felt just as horrible.  This really sent me into a depression because I am terrified of withdrawls.  Coming off severe booze benders was horrible.  I have tried cutting back on pills and I feel like I just cant take it.  Mentally and physically it's terrifying.  I want off the this stuff so bad, it has really sucked the life out of me.  Im so disgusted with myself and my boyfriend, who does not know that I take these is starting to catch on that something is seriously wrong.  My mood swings, chronic fatigue, loss of appetitie and weight loss, lack of interest in everything including us, depression, and anxiety and the list goes on.  Please tell me this isnt permanent?   Please tell me I can get through it?  I feel like a horrible mother.  I may be doing everthing that I should, but I'm missing out on everything because Im in this sick vicious cycle that stops me from enjoying the beauty in life.

[jenimarie89]

and it really sounds crazy i know... that just 5 effects me so badly...but it does..no idea why...i have been starting to think im really crazy

[jenimarie89]

thank you, i guess just stopping all the sudden wouldnt be good for me. especially since i do have depression and cant take medication yet....i dont know if u can answer..but do u have any advice on when to take the anti dep...or if it will help...

[vicki595]

That's not a lot so don't beat yourself up...

Do you still have pain from your accident?  

I think you could taper and be fine with it. Just drop a little bit, very slowly over time. We're not allowed to give specific taper plans on this forum but I think you know what to do. Get the advice of a doctor or nurse from the office where you get the Tramadol. Remember, a taper should not be fast,okay?

Anything else bothering you?

[jenimarie89]

5

[vicki595]

Yes indeed!  That's why it made you feel better. It wasn't your imagination at all. How many do you take per day?

[jenimarie89]

there is an antidep component? really?

[vicki595]

Okay, so you feel so bad right now because you've taken less of the Tramadol or stopped it all together?

Here's the thing: Tramadol contains an antidepressant component so that's why it made your depression better. The AD is similar chemically to Effexor so that's why you were told not to mix.

Tramadol withdrawal is particularly unpleasant and I DO know what you mean about not meaning to get addicted.  It's really best to taper off of this stuff.

Tapering properly will diminish the withdrawal symptoms. You could get with your doctor for a good taper plan but basically you cut back a very small amount of the drug,graually and over a long period of time. I'm sure you're anxious to get the heck off of this but it's not a race! Just go slowly for the best results and you'll feel MUCH better in the process!

[jenimarie89]

to clarify my addictions were never hard core drugs...i had an eating disorder for a very long time...thats also linked to depression i sopose...and i also drank too much as well. it seems that i tend to lean towards things that numb me out...when i went into treatment for the eating disorder and alcohol abuse i thought i had gotten all  my demons out..and understood why i was numbing... but i guess not. but all i really want is to live free of this ...and what i had gone thru before...im not sure why im having such a hard time with this, its just really hard on my body and mind when im trying to rid this out of me.

[jenimarie89]

hi vicki, thnx for talking to me. ive had depression my whole life...so when i got in an accident and got perscribed this i didnt think much of it. but as time went on my moods stabilized ...somehow its corrected me it feels like. ive tried tapering..i still feel awful. so i guess im about to go cold turkey. i take 4 at a time....ya..then one later on in the day, i guess after two years ive gotten used to it. but i didnt mean to get addicted to it. i do have a history of addiction to other things..but pills never were one. and the most horrible feeling is beating everything i did...and now having another addiction. i dont even know what i need...i just want to get better for my baby. and i have effexor an antidep. but they said not to mix it.

[vicki595]

Hi Jen-  Have you spoken to anyone about the depression?  Having just given birth, you may be experiencing post partum depression as opposed to depression from Tramadol.

Have you tried to taper off your dose? Or are you trying to stop cold turkey? How much do you take per day?

I'm sure we can help with this. Just be a little more specific about what you need.

[jenimarie89]

hi, i am a mother of a 3 month old baby and battleing a pill addiction. im trying so hard to withdrawl on my own and just get through it...but my depression is so severe. i feel so terrible. and like ive heard alot of woman say..i feel like a terrible mother. ive been addicted to tramadol for 2  years. no one wants to help me because its not a "true" opiate. but how i feel is so terrible that i just go back everytime. i guess i just have noone to talk too. and i feel alone scared and depressed. i want to be a wonderful mother and take care of my baby. its such an awful feeling.. :(

[missmolly402]

I just like you battled alcoholism and am still winning after 4 years. I am also about to stop taking my norco for my chronic neck pain. My dr gave me tramadol to help but after reading a great deal of posts im not sure it's a good idea. Anyway, you have AA remember your steps, the most important being "you have admitted you are powerless & your life has become unmanageable.  Work the steps again from 1 to 12 and remember you have a sponser (I hope) that will help you every step of the way. You got this!

[Free2agoodhome]

Hello and welcome....

Stick around and let us know your plan.....sounds like you're ready....
It is very do-able..


Much support


Free~

[Sonrissa]

Please forgive my typos! I really hate this darned auto correct! LOL! Smile, a good, no a great sense of humor really does help!! Best wishes, and stay with us!

[Sonrissa]

Hi Fiat and welcome here! Yours is quite an Incrdible story! Beating alcohol is an amazing accomplishment! If you can do that, you certainly can beat the pills! The withdrawal process is a lot mind over matter! Yes, physically, the withdrawals are tough, but don't let you mind make it worse! Its like have a bad case of the flu and typically the worst of it is done in about 5-7 days! If you check out the Thomas Recipe at the bottom right of this page, there are many things you can do and take to help with the withdrawal symptoms! There is tons of emotional support here on this forum! Believe me, the people here made all the difference! We can help you every day and every step of the way! I am now about 14 days clean of my pain pill issue! It hasn't been a piece of cake, but I have don't it so far! You are not alone! You can do this if you really want to! Begin by making a plan, a detailed one! Then just get started! Probably the most important thing is to set yourself up for success! Cut off your access! Whatever that means for you! Get rid of your supply and kiss your suppliers good bye! We are here for you! Post as much as you feel like and ask any questions you have! Others will be along after me to offer additional advice and support! Read read and read some more! There are great stories of success and hope! Stay with us! You can do this! Best wishes!!

[CWKavinRAS]

It is not permanent and yes you can get through it. It is always better to have some medical supervision throgh any withdrawal process, but you can win the battle, you have won before.
All the best...My prayers are with you.