Casual Coke?

I'm new to this, but here it goes.  I'm 23 years old and I live in NYC.  I go out with my girlfreinds prob. once a week and drink/dance etc.  I drink wine at home maybe once a week besides that.  I hold a great job, I am super close with my  family and have an amazing boyfriend for the past 5 years.  I would say I prob. will do coke once a month or once every other month.  I don't stay up all night (I have a handful of times and then didn't do it iagin for like 3-4 months.)  I don't have someone I buy it from but I have a couple girlfreinds that if I am with them I know they will have it, I guess you coudl say I don't seek it ya know?

Can you do this and not be an addict?  I'm not going to lie, the more often I do it, the more I want it.  If I don't do it for a while I won't even think about it.  Also, it is hard once you do it, to not want to do more.  I try not to do it and I feel very guilty when I let my guard down.

I should also mention that my brother and my dad are both addicts.  I'm writing this to get an honest opinon.  I did it Thursday night at my friends Halloween party with about 10 other people and we didn't get home until 4 (before that I  haven't done it in a couple months.)  

Am I a horrible person or just party too hard sometimes??!?!  HELP!

[Savas]

You have to decide what's moderation or not. Generally, if you start going out of your way to do it, or your health suffers, or you start changing how you live to accommodate your want of it, then you've got an addiction gonig. If you're "binging", that's another form of it too. I'm not talking about an occassional line. I'm talking about you do a line...pick up a gram or eight ball, and blow through the whole thing in one or two days. THAT'S not a good thing either.

My wife and I drink a half glass of wine each with dinner a few nights a week... or we'll go weeks without doing so. We aren't alcoholics, we don't get drunk (even tipsy! :)  ) We were just raised that way, good wine goes with a good meal. It doesn't interfere with our lives and we don't obsess on it.
    

[miss_barcenas]

your not a horrible person.

im 25....and thats how i started my girlfriends would have it,. and well we started doing it when we went out to clubs and drank too much. wed do some lines and sober up to go home. and it started off just as a casual thing. but then i was like man this **** is great, and i started buyin my self.....id buy 8balls at a time. and i would tell my self id do it just a few times.....but i found my self doing it everyday after work. till i went to bed. cause i slept so great afterwards, and i found my self being such a happier person while doing it.and it helped me deal with  my stressful life. but then id feel like **** on the come down. so i kept doing it. until i went to bed,. cause id be sleeping through the come down.
i mean it became fun to me. well i prob did it for like 3 months straight. but what i did notice. was......i didnt wanna have sex with my boyfriend no more,. lost intrest. rather sleep. and i noticed my money diminshing. and when i was comin down.i felt like a damn crack head. all i could think about was doing another line. or gettin more coke.and just having a strong feeling of anxitey and i hated that feeling.
sooo once i was all done with my last 8.....i told my self this is it. i cant do it no more. i cant afford it. and i hated the feeling i had doing it and then not having it. so me and my bestfriend made a pact that we would stop.
trust me there is plenty of times. im like damn. that would be sooo much fun to do again. but as much fun as i had doing it. i just member the HORRIBLE feeling of comin down...etc....

so what im trying to say is....if i was u. id stop it while u can. before it goes from innocent fun....to something serious.....you know.

so if u can go months inbetween doing it., u could prob find something else to do. while ur friends do a line....u know?

[kyjobr]

The fact that you are asking and that you've got a family history of it makes your situation very touchy.  I wouldn't test the waters and do it anymore.  Quit while you can, please.  You're not a horrible person but you do need to find other ways to have fun without the drugs or you will find that NOTHING in life is joyful without them.  Read some of the posts from people who are addicts and you will see how lonely and painful their lives are (including mine).  The fun you might have at a Halloween party is not worth always having to fight the demons of addiction and ruining your future.

Sandra

[beachtowel]

Hi Hayes and welcome to the Forum,

No your not a horrible person but then again I don't know you.......lol

You bring up an interesting topic and I do have a couple of thoughts on the subject......

It brings up an interesting thought about what is the difference between a social user and an addict...........

and this is the conclusion that I have come up with. Lets use you and me as the participants if I may..

Your 23 and you live in New York you go out with your girlfriends once a week probably a weekend nite Friday or Saturday to a bar or club to have a few cocktails and dance........
You drink wine sometimes at home, you hold a great job and are super close with your family.....
but once in a while with my girlfriends I indulge in a few lines of Cocaine and I get home late maybe around 4am.....but then I won't touch it again sometimes for months.......

I'm 51 and I live in Detroit and I go out with my friends every-nite, one of us always had a big bag of good weed or some good pills to party with......
I smoke and do pills at home everyday, I never hold a job for very long and my dad and I really hate each other....but once in a while we all can put our anger aside like on Thanksgiving or Christmas and have a nice dinner before somebody says the wrong thing and all hell breaks loose....
but once in a while my friends and I indulge in some Heroin or some Cocaine or both and once we start we might not get home for days maybe even a week......it might be a week or two before we go on a wild binge and spend thousands of dollars again.......


The difference between the social user and the addict is this:

The social user can go to a bar and drink a couple of beers maybe do a couple of lines of cocaine spend a few dollars and go home to his family..........

The addict goes to a bar and will have a bunch of drinks but if the opportunity comes up to do some cocaine he goes on a wild binge......the more he does the more he wants and they will spend every dime they have and do cocaine till its gone and don't rock it up because if the addict starts smoking crack he may not be home for a while, you might even miss you Plasma TV or your car may suddenly dissapear while he is gone and when he does return he will look like hell......

Once an addict starts they cannot stop have a few lines and go home a addict goes home when he is broke or there supply runs out or they can't beg, or barrow or steal any more........

Hayes I probably went off the deep end here but wanted you to see what a true addict is and what goes on in there head and your now reading the words of an addict who started getting high at age 13 and did not stop until his 49th birthday.......

[beachtowel]

The scary thing that you mentioned though is that your brother and your father are addicts........

You also said that you like doing Cocaine and that is dangerous.........

Beside being illegal and if you get caught with it your legal fees go to a C/A meeting once I think you might rethink doing Cocaine...
Hayes any drug starts out fun the drug is Seducing and makes you feel good but then one day it all changes because when the drug Cocaine starts changing the brain well the worst things in life start happening....drugs destroy people and there families.....

[addictedme]

look up obsession and compulsion,if it looks famliar then you may have problen

[Beargizmo]

I was lucky with cocaine.  I used it maybe 3 times before I actually got "high" from it.  and within minutes of that high wearing off I was searching the party I was at for more..I would have done anything for another line or 2.  I left the party and never did it again, thank god.

[lurker]

[beachtowel]

The first time I ever tried cocaine was in a speed ball shot..........

Heroin and or opiates was always my flavor of choice first......

[kimmiek]

Beach, I think your response to Hayes was well put!  I think you have a great insight and you can put your thoughts into words pretty good!   Hayes you might not be addicted and right now your young and having fun and partying, but like Beach is saying; its dangerous, you might be playing with fire, why bother?  If you go out with your friends and have fun on the weekends why not just stay away from the stuff that is illegal and can mess with your brain chemistry?  You dont need that **** to have fun anyway, I bet you have plenty of good times without it.    I hope the best for you and I hope you make good choices.  

[beachtowel]

The one thing about being young is you think you can fly.......
you think you will live forever..........

and the biggest mistake you think there is always enough time to change........

hayes your brother and father are both addicts is there any glamour that attracts you to their lifestyle....
May I ask what type of addicts they are?

[1234betterlife]

the fact that you are worrying enough to ask leads me to believe you know you have a situation that is getting out of control. please stop while you are ahead. the first admission of addiction is admission itself. i think you just kinda sorta did.

[1234betterlife]

i am sorry, where are my manners? welcome, glad you came on. you are so young. i want you to have a great life without this worry.

[unheard70]

I can only tell you what I know myself.....I too do not have to purchase or try to go find blow......I think that is one of the most dangerous dabbling because I know how that goes....Please read my stories on here before you also are stolen from yourself........Although my situation is quite different from yours I started the same way when I was 28. I am now 37......a couple of lines every once in awhile ended up being the worst mistake I have ever made in my life, as it led to the situation I am currently in at this moment.....I too thought...ha...no biggy...it isn't like I'm spending my money on it......please hear me......just like it takes baby steps to quit.......starting blow in baby steps also leads to crawling, walking and running......into BIG PROBLEMS....you are young and have the world at your doorstep....don't sit on the stoop with everyone else......Live, love, and laugh....that won't happen with the devil's dandruff on you......
good luck........peace

unheard70

[HayesE]

thank you so much for your response...i have thought about it a lot and i really dont think i am an addict but i think i will not do it again.  i feel so guilty after and i am not the same.  from this day forward i am really going to try not to do it.  it is so hard tho when you are drinking with everyone and everyone is doing it.  any suggestions>?

[HayesE]

my dad has been clean for 18 years and my little brother 1 year.  they both did crack (someone asked earlier)  and no i dont ever want to go there

[pk89]

Dear Hayes,

The fears that still exist for you are the presence of unhealthy contaminants in the cocaine that probably won't kill you but could make you sick, the possibility of legal trouble (in my opinion the worst part of cocaine addiction) and the possibility that the cocaine will be a "loose brick in your wall" and cause you troubles if you ever fall unto hard times.

if you do decide to use, try to keep your nose moist with the right kind of sprays (I can't tell you off the top of my head what they are, look up what kind of sprays are good for preventing damage to the septum-some worsen it mind you, and none prevent it completely, only partially) and don't try to push yourself-you never know when you might get an unusually pure batch and overdose. Try not to get caught, and if you find yourself doing it more often stop.  Don't allow yourself to do it more often than you have been dedicated to doing in the past, but if you do stop it entirely, it can't be bad. Coke is bad for your social skills :)

best of luck

[HayesE]

Thanks!  It is really good to talk to people who give you the honest opinon, judge, don't just say what they think they are "supposed" to say etc.  

I feel much much better and I am really going to try to stop.