Chipping?

I've heard the expression Chipping recently regarding methadone and narcotic use. What does it mean? And what are the Signs?  Thanks.....Susan Lea

[Wizard]

Good morning Susan Lea :-) I may be wrong about what it means today, but in the old days years ago on the street chipping meant snorting small amounts of Heroin intermittantly as to hopefully not get strung out again. I believe it was done in the place of shooting up after a detox. Unfortunantely to the best of my knowledge it very seldom worked. Generaly leading back to shooting or "geezing" as it was called in the 60-70's era, setting the user right back to where they were. I'm 47 years old so my "street info" may be a bit stale LOL. It's been many years since I was out there. Hope this answers your question.
Power & Magick 2 U,
Wiz

[CHAD FROM PHILLY!!!]

I think it means to perform a sexual act for dope usually involving small dogs and hampsters....

Hi guys! How has everyone been? No I haven't been on a drug fueled trip to Atlantic City...My computer has been broke. I have missed chatting with you guys...I look forward to reading your posts........Chad

[petie]

chipping is a saying that refers to doing smaller doeses or not as regularly as you did before....like tring to control it or cut back....ie: i am not using anymore...just chipping...hope that helps...chicago definition

[Angelica]

LMAO>.........on the floor.  Good to have you back!!!(annie)

[Angelica]

Warning, chad!...You are about to re-enter an "unknown" zone.......A lot has taken place, believe me.  Medhelp seems to have done some house cleaning....lol

[Jay-Jay]

Hey all is it cool now???  LOLOLOL... I just learned a hard lesson here myself... Don't come here with a chip dudes!!!  You have to be POSITIVE at all times even though the withdrawls are telling you different...  I am refereing to the Maximus and Thomas episode earlier...  Please forgive one another and get on with it!!  We all have something to give and "forgive" each other about... By the way I am sorry for being such a vulture when I came here myself.. sometimes it is hard.....  xoxoxoxoxox      

^j^  ^j^

[Angelica]

HOUSE CLEANING TIME.........LMAO

[CHAD FROM PHILLY!!!]

What has been going on? Is spooky still out there? What kind of house cleaning? Fill me in.......

[Angelica]

Cindi will have to email you on the whole scoop!  or you can set a few hundred years aside, and do some reading.....LOL

[cindi]

Ahem....hampsters      I know it's really you   LOL    Glad to see your back and I sent you some mail.I missed you and your whacky sense of humor.....just be carefull...WEIRD **** HERE LATELY    to SPOOKY     love to you and deb.....

[Angelica]

Your such a pleasant person.  Always encouraging others, and just genuinely sweet.  Very spiritual too, I might add.  I admire that.
Love, and Blessings
Angelica ( :

[Jay-Jay]

Awwweeee..  No one have ever said such a sweet thing to me, most think I am slightly strange and that I am at times however I am what I am... Thanks, you made my day... Back at you one hundred fold...!!!

xoxox

^j^ ^j^  :o) Big happy smiles..

[cindi]

yep things have been pretty Spooky here lately and I'll fill you in via e-mail   I have to get to work now   LATE AGAIN  nothing unusual for me,,,but after work if i have time   PS. ANGELICA i think the "bad" post has been deleted....love cin

[susanlea]

You all know how depressed I have been recently with my ex. He has come by a few times. I don't know why, but I have an idea. Yesterday I really missed him, I was really down. I was thinking about what he said Monday, that the breakup and our problems had nothing to do with his addiction. I was thinking how he said he was doing well on the methadone, that he was down to 10mg's aday, that he would be off it soon.  He said he was doing well, not abusing it, and didn't need any help,either professional or spiritual. I was thinking that maybe I was being alittle too dramatic, that I was looking for an answer. I called him, against my better judgement, told him how unhappy and sad I was about what had happened. He said he wasn't too happy either, said he had to go back to work. Last night he called, whated to know if I was going to be home, I said no, I had plans. I ask him if   he wanted to talk, he said he wasn't sure. It makes no sense. Then he asked me if he could have a couple of MY PATCHES! I couldn't believe it! I said I thought you were doing well on the methadone, and why were you out early. He said he wasn't, that he hadn't seen the dr. in over 2 weeks. Not true, His dr. told me he had been in last week. That tells me he's abusing the methadone, that he's taking more than he should. I told him I was out of my patches, sorry.  I couldn't give him any. This hurt me to think the only reason he would come by and talk, was for a narcotic. Have I really been so blind? Well 24 hours later, haven't heard from him.....what's new?  I guess he'll call if he starts having withdrawals again. I can't go through this again. Help me guys, and advice.........Love Susan Lea

[cindi]

what a very sad story for all involved...before I started dating my husband we were very good friends...we met at an NA meeting and just started hanging out together..He was in a relationship that was not a good one..I don't think they ever really got along, he used to call me all the time telling me his tales of woe...he caught her with someone else yada yada yada  she was pregnant and was not sure if the baby was his,,,but Doug kept going back for more..he claimed he loved her,(of course now that he knows what love is he's knows that was not the case with her)we, all of us that hung out begged him to stay away from her, she was bad news  etc...he kept on with her until it got to the point that he could not take anymore...what gets a person to that point?  I too was in the same situation, bad relationship but out of comfort and security like a pair of worn out slippers I kept on going back...It's like we keep banging our heads against a brick wall,  causing ourselves nothing but pain...we stop banging our heads when the headache becomes so bad we simply can't take it anymore...Do you have faith?  do you pray?  pray for him,  I can't tell you to stay away from him...first of all if i did that you probably would not listen and do what you want to anyway...then you would resent me for sticking my nose where it doesn't  belong. This has to be your decision hon,  when the pain becomes so bad, just pray for guidance...I can't say he won't change,   change is possible...but he can't really be capable of love in the real sense or any other emotion until he gets his own life together..you do deserve much more and so do your kids lea,,,please, please do not take this the wrong way,and get uspest with what I am about to say...You are a gwon woman with a huge responsiblity not only to yourself but you are also reaponsible for your children...you have stated in the past that they were not happy with things...if you can't muster up whatever it takes to be done with this man for your own good, then you should be able to do do it for the sake of those kids...be a role model for them, and in time you will find someone to share your life with, someone that can make a wonderful life for you and your children,,,someone who will love all of you,,,for you, not your medication, not your sons cough syrup..do you want you sons to grow up seeing this man verbally abusing their mom, calling her names etc..and then of course go through life thinking this type of behavior is ok?  no,, you do not have live and breathe every breath for your kids, but respect them as little human beings and offer them a more stable life...one without drugs, abuse etc...all of you deserve that...I know how much you love those kids,  now, love yourself as much...I hope I have not offendd you in any way, and if I did I apologize but Lea, I speak from experience...I hope you understand I am only trying to help...hang in there,  God bless you and keep you all   Love to all      cin

[Wizard]

Susan, I don't have much experience with the break up scene and I thank God every day for that. But I think Cin is right in her advice about doing what's right for the children first and also what's right for you. I think in a past post I said to you the children MUST always come first. Once we have committed to bring them into this world it is OUR responsibility to care for them in the best way possible. I say this as my opinion, but also I believe it is natural law. Look at any mother in the animal kingdom. She forsakes her well being to protect her young even from their father. I had the sad experience of watching a close friends marriage break up after 3 children and many years. I was told there is 3 parts to it. 1st you get sad, I think that is where you are now. Then you get mad, like getting fooled for your meds. And finally you get GLAD.  That's when you either move on with your life, or your ex cleans up his. I only say these things to you out of caring not only for you but also your children. BE STRONG, have FAITH and you WILL see the LIGHT! I will keep you in my prayers as always Susan. May God bless you and your family this memorial day weekend. Power & Magick 2 U Luv, Wizard

[susanlea]

Cindi, you need never apoligize to me. You have not hurt my feelings and being a woman you have spoke from the bottom of your heart. You and Wiz are both right, my children come first.  I told you he came by Monday night, just sat there, wouldn't talk, just stared at the TV. But one thing he did do was talked to the boys. They enjoyed seeing him, he was pleasant to me. Unfortunately their real father, who is usually a good man has been neglecting them because of his new wife. Long story but she is from Russia, he met her on the Internet and married her in less than 2 months. Now she doesn't want him to see his kids. I'm lucky if he sees them twice a month now, it was 4 or 5 times aweek for years. He lives a mile away. So the boys don't have anyone but me. My sister lives 1200 miles away. Both my parents are dead, and their other grandfather lives about 700 miles north of us, he's quite old and she doesn't want them to see him either. I've been trying my best to  be upbeat and do lots of things with them. But they really have no one but me, and are hungry for  a father figure. My boys are  only 10&11years old. My boy's were with my former live-in for more than half their life. The first few years before the addiction reared it's ugly head, he was great with them, he treated them as his own. But there was always something just under the surface. I have decided to give it all to God. Because I haven't been doing such a great job at it. My boys said to me, if he would get help and treatment they would want him back. How do I tell them, he doesn't want us back? I will never know, or trust him if he were to want to work it out. Unless he was in recovery, I would always think it was for the narcotics. I have become an association to the drugs for him.  I will continue to use the patch, but for fear I will not go back to any pills.  I am tolerating the pain well, surprisingly I don't miss the pills, bad memories, plus I am scared about the dependency. My Dr.s have told me I don't seem to have an addictive personality. I don't believe them,  anyone can become addicted. It doesn't take long. I don't believe anyone sets out to have the Dragon chasing them for years, put sometimes he catches them. Thank you both, everyone's help and insight here, keeps me focused. Sometimes we need others to be our heart and eyes for us.   With much love.....Susan

[cindi]

Hi sweety....My heart does go out to you and those precious boys and in no way did I ever ever meant that you were doing wrong for them and I hope you knw that   after  I posted that i felt to bad and wihed I could have taken it back   I'm glad you understood what i meant...i thought about my own mom,   when i was 12 she started dating after her divorce   i was such a f-----g little brat i think...I was so jealous he was taking my mom away   which of course never happened,,,this guy was good to us, but i don't think he was good to my mom....I did see bruises on her a few times and on her death bed she never would admit that he bashed her around....even a black eye once.. but anyway, my sister and i did not want her to see him anymore,,,we were adamant about it...and my mom saw how it was tearing us up inside...as much as she loved this guy and God only knows wjhy whe put her feelings on hold and dumped his ass...for our happiness,  I did call him when mommy died and he was a paul bearer I only did that because i think after all these years she did still love him...but lucky for her  We, my sis and I had more sense than she did because he went no where, he is an alcoholic, and his very own children do not want to see him...he is still as handsome as ever and he still loves my sister and I and even my mom but it would have not been good for her...so you are right when you say sometimes it takes other people to be our heart and our eyes....i know that to be true as the people here on this forum have never steered me wrong.....that is why in good times and even the bad and ridiculous times on this forum it is my piece of heaven and thses people are my angels......love to all    cin

[Milo]

Your kindness, understanding, compassion, and genuine caring as exhibited on this thread are the reasons I decided to start posting. You may never know what a world of good you are doing and how many people you have helped.
The closest I have come to "chipping" is with weed, which I honestly can take up or put down -- no craving at all. Once someone gave me an unidentified "pain pill" (probably Percocet or similar) and I took it -- stupid, I know, but anyway -- that was a very pleasurable experience. In fact, I was glad I didn't know what it was& had no source for more, because it felt too good.
Jay-Jay -- you come across to me as a positive, kind-hearted soul, non-judgmental and concerned for the welfare of others on the forum. I trust your motives & look forward to your posts. Milo

[cindi]

You and Jay Jay are a breath of fresh air....thanks for the posts,,,keep coming back       love to all   cindi

[Milo]

You don't know what it means for me to hear that -- I only hope to make whatever positive contributions I can to the forum. I don't know much about opiate addiction, but addiction's addiction, right? I invite all who are going through rough times to lean on me. The openness, acceptance, and honesty in this forum are *my* breath of fresh air :) May peace, contentment, and happiness be with you all, Milo

[Milo]

Forgiveness, yes! Judgment, no! It feels so good to be able to spill my guts and know that 1)you understand where I'm coming from and 2)will accept what I have to say without condemning me. I can't tell you how much that means.
I had some friends whose friendship I truly valued -- they cut me off because they interprested my frequent absence from work as a sign of drug abuse. Ironically, I wasn't abusing drugs at the time -- I was suffering through the hell of depression, extreme anxiety, and related physical problems. My heart has been broken just as if a lover left me...I really hate rejection, esp. for no reason! Now I make use of Fioricet, etc., to numb the pain this and other events have caused. Well, there were many years when I was drug-free, and those days will come again. In the meantime, I offer whatever help I can, be it simple moral support or whatever. Esp. to Jay-Jay, let's help each other not feel so bad about the mistakes we've made in life. You're all a great bunch of folks. Milo

[Wizard]

ALL of you are a breath of as Cin says, fresh air:-) Especially when I've been smelling the fire breath of the "Dragon" for so long LOL ayy Jay-Jay? I got that ******* locked up in a dungeon now. The rainbow is so bright and I'm glowing! YIPPEEEEE!
I'm CLEAN, MEAN and really SERENE!  Hey, I like that! Anyway before I get to far from the Emerald City here, I just want to say to all of you that are in various stages of quiting,trying to quit or thinking about quiting, you CAN DO IT! I'm 47 years old and like Thomas I've been chasing the "Dragon" for over 30 years. I can't get back what life and opportunities I've wasted, but I CAN make the best of the rest of my life. No time for regrets, just more time for life, hugs and GOD in my heart. To all of you I say GOD BLESS us little addicts.  We know what hell is and I don't want to want to be there anymore! You are in my prayers.
Power & Magick 2 U,
Wizard

[Jay-Jay]

You guys make me feel so good... Thanks for the compliments, I can hardly stand it..lolol... Before I let my ego go to my head however I can't really say that these things are absolutly true about me.. I have indeed posted some things that only reflected my own insecurities about myself... I am glad that people do forgive me and see my positive side (that darn darkside comes out from time to time, hard to tame that dragon aye Wizard? heheee) I am happy to see that you all are seeking the positive in people and forgiving the negatives.. Blessings to you all on this honored memorial day weekend, peace be to all the Veterans...  Donate for the great address labels they send... I always do and it makes me feel good (especially when I use them, heheee).  Peace and truth and love be with you all and always...

xoxoxox

^j^ ^j^

[Jay-Jay]

Man oh man... what can I say...??? Getting teary eyed here.. haven't felt this this in awhile..  All I can say is " I LOVE YOU ALL TOO!!!"  XOXOXOXOX  Times a million!!!!

^j^j^j^j^j^j^j^j^

[Jay-Jay]

Too cute!!  A clean, mean and serene machine...  I am soooo happy that you are doing well...!!!!  That Dragon is locked up for good, you won the battle hun!!  Don't let the dragon's ruler "satan" talk you out of things... he is good at that stuff but he can't win... You know the truth and who your true ruler is...  Take care sweets...  xoxoxo

^j^J^

[cindi]

hey you guys,,,,,off to work but wanted you to know  that you are all like a bunch of brothers I never had,,,my brother is 18  dad's 2nd marriage) and I am 40  LOL   that tells you something....MEN NEVER QUIT !!!   LOL   Wiz, i'm glad you had a great day with the wife and kids...makes it all worth while  huh?   Love to all of you   cin

[shane]

Hello Wiz my friend, I'm so glad your doing so well.You certainly deserve all the rewards of feeling good again!Your positive posts always seem to inject a sence of hope through out this forum. Thanks for that Wiz. I however have not felt well since I quit Norco addiction on April 1, of this year. I have been suffering awful day's of depression and hopelesness.I have recently (One month ago) started taking Depakote and Nerontin for Bipolar disorder. I've always had periods of manic hi's followed by depression. Anyway I just seem to be depressed all the time now without ANY hi's at all. I'am wearing out. I don't know if the depression is from my addiction, or from the Depakote or both? It's all F***ed up. I just keep thinking about taking the Norco again. At least I had a few good hours a day. I definatly need to find help! Anyone with any knowledge of this would really be appreciated. Thanks and God Bless all. Shane

[shane]

I forgot to ask in my previous post; Has anyone heard of study's being done to treat depression with Buprenorphine? I read a small report on this, but it did not say alot. Anyone heard anything? Thanks for any help.  Shane

[jewells]

Hello All!!!I have posted on other parts of this forum. I just wanted to start talking with you all here. I have a back injury and I am on oxycontin. My prescribed dose is 4 80mg a day. Somedays I take more then i'm suppose to. Say 6 at the most. So I am always running short. I take them for the pain. I have been on them since a car accident 2 1/2 years ago. Anyways, I was thinking I must have a problem. So I looked up this site. I love it. I have been cutting back for around the last 6 days to only 3 a day. I haven't felt that great. You know how that goes. Sweating at night, weak, stuff like that. But I did order the B-6 and the L-tyrosine?(SP) and it does help. I am taking it every other day while weaning myself down. Hopefully tomorrow I can only take 2...It is hard when  I try to get down to 2 cuz it really sucks. I also have two kids. Two teenagers that is. And on  my second marriage. 7 years in February. My first marriage was awful. I got married when is was 16 stayed with him for 11 year had my two kids. He cheated on me and was abusive, mentally most of hte time, but sometimes physically. I finally got up the nerve to leave him after years of him begging me to stay. He would never cheat again, but of course he always did. Then I met my husband now and he is wonderful. We have been married 8 years. And he is great with my kids. Anyway, I want to get down to only taking one oxy a day buy I dont know if I can becuase of the pain.Buy I do know my body is addicted to these pills because if I run out I feel it bad!So any advice I would sure appreciate it. Or if anyone can help me mentally I'd love that to. You all seem like wonderful people and I hope you don't mind me posting here...Hope you all have a safe and happy day.....Jewells:)

[cindi]

Do you really want to get off the oxy's ?   what will you do for the pain?  can your doc switch your meds if you have built up a tolerance?  if something improves the quality of your life as far as pain control why get rid of it?  seriously....maybe you can get some other kind of meds...when we take narcotics  especially long term we do become dependant,,,it is pretty much a given.....maybe be homest with your doc  by saying "look,  I'm taking too many because i have built up a tolerance can we take a break from these, go with something else for awhile and maybe he can even play around and titrate the doses of various meds....you need quality pain control....this is my concern for you.....good luck   love to all cin

[Wizard]

Shane hang in there man! Don't throw away the gains you have made. It sounds like you are seeing a Doc about your other problems ahve you discussed the depression with them? You may have a legitimate chemical imbalance that CAN be treated with the right drugs. Don't sell yourself short  dude! It took a long time to find the right ones for a family memeber of mine who couldn't even leave the house and now is LIVING a normal life and they didn't even abuse or use any drugs. DO NOT GIVE UP! Keep focused and reach for that Light! I will pray for you as always!
Power & Peace 2 U,
Peace & Light upon U always,
Wiz

[cindi]

Hi Shane,  I agree with wizard,,,re: the depression not a good idea to start with the norco again,,,the euphoria is nice I'll admit but when it goes away what are you left with?  depression,  then my friend you are right back to square 1...I don't know much about neurontin except is it an anticonvulsant and is used for seizure disorders such as epilepsy how and why it works for seizures is a mystery to me...has your Doc. ever tried Lithium since you have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder? I don't know i left nursing am few years ago, so much has happened.  I do know that alot of times when treating bipolar disorder or any other condition that it does take some trial a d error to find the "right medication" for each individual person..I'm wondering if the combo of both anticonvulsants are not responsible for the depression,,,I'm no doc but I'd be asking one...talk to your pharmacist, doc,,,,someone with alot of Pharm knowledge....i do know for sure tho if you go back to self medicating, you are going to get caught up in another viscious cycle...good luck to you and keep coming back.....love to all  cin   HI Wiz if ever oh ever a wiz there wuz....hee hee

[cindi]

Hi Shane,  I agree with wizard,,,re: the depression not a good idea to start with the norco again,,,the euphoria is nice I'll admit but when it goes away what are you left with?  depression,  then my friend you are right back to square 1...I don't know much about neurontin except is it an anticonvulsant and is used for seizure disorders such as epilepsy how and why it works for seizures is a mystery to me...has your Doc. ever tried Lithium since you have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder? I don't know i left nursing am few years ago, so much has happened.  I do know that alot of times when treating bipolar disorder or any other condition that it does take some trial a d error to find the "right medication" for each individual person..I'm wondering if the combo of both anticonvulsants are not responsible for the depression,,,I'm no doc but I'd be asking one...talk to your pharmacist, doc,,,,someone with alot of Pharm knowledge....i do know for sure tho if you go back to self medicating, you are going to get caught up in another viscious cycle...good luck to you and keep coming back.....love to all  cin   HI Wiz if ever oh ever a wiz there wuz....hee hee

[jennyfla]

Hi Susan,

I just wanted to say that i agree with others here.
From my experience, what happens to the addict is, nothing in the world more to them than getting high.
They turn into such king manipulators, liers and theives just to do anything to get their hands on the thing that makes them happy.  They get to the point where they will bypass you in the gutter laying there dieing if the drug is on the other side of the road.  Believe me, i know what i'm talking about through experience.  Not all addicts get to this point, but it seems that your boyfriend has some very very very deep rooted problems steming from long long ago.  I can relate, because my husband shares many of the same personality traits as your boyfriend.
I'm sorry i am so negative, but i've been kicked in that gutter by the man that i love, and if you would have asked me if he were ever capable of such a thing long, long ago, i would have looked at you as if you were crazy.
I know you've been through a lot with this man, i've read everything written by you, and you've written to me about it too.
I've been so so so hurt, and ripped apart in my heart, as i know you have, and i hope he's worth the fight.  
I think your boyfriend needs some very indept counseling before he will ever have a chance of getting better.  He may have good intentions of changing in his head, but the problems are do deep-rooted, that nothing magically is going to happen.  Even if he is sincere, he's not being straight with himself if he thinks it will come so easy.
People with minor problems have a hell of a time fighting this demon, that i know your boyfriend is going to have to give it everything he's got, and then some before he will even be ready to open up to counseling.  
Gosh, i hope that i didn't offend you or say things to hurt you, i'm just trying to be realistic.  I was so niave once, and still am to a certain extent.  I thought, as long as my husband went into treatment, he would come out fine.  I never realized how deeply embedded the problems are in a person (not everyone, but people like your boyfriend and my husband and others), that they will actually have to completely change so many parts of their thinking to finally be able to beat this thing.
Good luck sweetie, and i hope i didn't come off too harsh.  I just hurt so so so darn much, and i feel your pain in your posts, and i know that pain all too well!
YOU are in my prayers!
Lv Jenny

[cindi]

I forgot to mention the buprenorphine...when I first started stealing drugs from work the first drug i ever shot into my body was the buprenorphine...why?  I did get high from it and it was not locked in the narcotic cabinet..it is addicting..yes, used the proper way they do use if for detoxing but that is at certain doses and monitored by a physician....there is the detox protocal....I just wanted to let you know it does produce a high and can be addicting.....love to all   cin

[Wizard]

Hi Dorothy! LOL...Nice double posting ROFLMAO!!!! Don't you hate that?  Did you check out that zinc recipe down below? I think it's in the nicee thread. What do you think about that? Sounds really to good to be true.  What a Godsend that would be for us hurting addicts huh? I'm gonna follow those posts and see what happens. All I know is I heard when you got a cold if you suck the hell out of zinc lozenges it's supposed to knock the cold out in 2 days. Hell, I tried it and got the runs for 4 days and still had the stinking cold don't a know LOL. Anyway, I hope Shane takes your advice and really talks it over with a Pro. Sounds like more then one thing going on there. Shane, you reading this? Take care of yourself cause we need you around man!
I'm leaving work now so I'll be praying for you on my way home.
Power & Magick 2 U both,
Love to you all,
Wiz

[cindi]

huh,,,computer at work,,,,forum at work   must be the head honcho  LOL   and thanks for your input re: the double post..go ahead  rub my face in it  ROFLMAO...:)  UMMMMMM  i didn't do it  errrrrrr   toto did LOL   I really hate when I forget to say something then have to PS...my husband thinks I talk way to much   hell, I can carry on a conversation while I'm having sex,,,or at least trying to  LOL   oppss did I just say that?   he thinks I type like I talk   too much  LOL  I hope shane does get turned around here....and follows your advice as well....well, wiz...ol dorothy is feeling 40 tonight   bed early...talk to ya tomorrow......love to all   dorothy aka cin

[Thomas]

I have a bipolar step son who's only sane moments are when he's not not getting high and taking his Depakote - that's the anti-bipolar drug of choice these days. Very effective, too. Makes Lithium look like a sugar pill. Check'm out with your doc.

[cindi]

aw  ****,   i hit the button twice.... hate when i do that  lol

[cindi]

I knew about the depakote,,the neurontin was the wone that has me puzzled  what do you know about that?   love ya   cin

[shane]

Thanks so much, all of you, for your response. It really helps when I feel so down! Wiz and Cin, Your 100% correct about staying away from the Dragon. It's just so tempting to have even one evening away from this awful despair. I know in my heart it is just a lie though,and I haven't taken the plunge. Thomas, I have been on depakote and nerontin, for the last month now and have felt nothing but flat. Zero emotions! This is what is so disturbing. Cindi, The Nerontin is also an anti convusive,though milder than Depakote or Lithium. I was diagnosed with, get this:an underlying depresive personality, ADHD, AND bi-polar.And I used to wonder why I always used drugs to self medicate! Hell to me it was just relief from all this Turmoil inside! Anyway, I have to get somthing going with these med's or I'am afaraid i'll silp back. All you very wonderful people have helped me hold that at bay with your support! Thanks again so much. When I get back to square(i mean hip) I will hopefully be there for someone on this forum. Pease to all of you, Shane

[susanlea]

Wow! What a day! My Dr. who just happens to be his Dr. Called me and ask me to come by his office to fix something for him (I have an electrians license). After I was done I was hanging out with the nurses. She asked how my patch was doing, I said great. She told me my ex had been in on Sat. to get his weekly refill of methadone. I told her he had said he was about weaned down, she looked at me like I was crazy and said" you've got to be kidding, he's nowhere near being weaned down, he comes in once aweek for a refill of 30 10mg's and on top of the 30 oxycotins he gets". I was floored, I didn't know he was back on the oxy's. My heart was breaking. So stupid me calls him up, he sounded awful, I asked what's wrong, he said he thought he was coming down with the flu. I said you sure it's not withdrawals, and that I knew he was back on the oxy's. He flew into a rage, he got angry at me. Started yelling, calling me a liar. Needless to say it didn't go well. I have got to stop worrying about him. He's been lying to me along. Guess things never change......Love Susan

[jennyfla]

I'm sorry sweetie, but it's part of the disease!
I've seen it and i live it every single day of my life.  Unfortuately, it is with my husband whom i've been with for 20 years and we have three beautiful children together.
I feel stuck for the moment because, #1, I love this man, #2, he's the father of our children together, and #3, I know what he really is deep down inside because i've seen him, it's what he once was, and i can't let that go, therefore i'm stuck!
You will learn more and more about this awful disease and what people are capable of as time goes by.  As long as your boyfriend is in your life somehow, you will see and learn!  I just hope you don't get too hurt by it and all beat up over it!
Stay strong, and try to center your world on yourself and your children, and you'll be ok!
I'm here for you ANYTIME!!!!
Lv Jenny