Clean from smoking oxycontin for 10 months

Hi everyone. I have been reading your posts and I see a lot of people who have been clean for a couple days or even a couple months, but I havent seen any posts about those of you who were addicted to smoking oxycontin on tin foil. First let me tell you my story.. I got into pain pills just like most of you, I was 18 in high school and pills were all over the place. I had tried vicodin and percs, but rarely used them, I was into ADD medication at the time. And then my wisdom teeth extraction surgery came and I got a full Rx of percs..and then another refill and then another. finally a friend got my boyfriend and I into oxycontin 80's, called "beans" up here in the Pacific Northwest. we started out snorting quarters and sometimes halves on the weekends just for fun, soon enough it got heavier and things went sour. Finally we ended up smoking atleast 4 each a day, we housed a drug dealer in our apartment and I was sneaking into his room at night to steal tons of oxys out of his bag under his mattress while he and his gf slept. anyway, finally my family got involved because it had gotten really bad for me, and especially for my bf, Cam. I did not go to inpatient rehab but decided on an alternative approach as I am not the religious type and I do not really relate to the 12 step program and AA. I got a great suboxone doctor and have now been taking 3 8mg Suboxone's a day for almost 10 months. I also have a drug addiction therapist who I was seeing 4 times a week to work on my internal issues related to my drug addiction. I cruised through the first 9 months of sobriety. I knew it was too easy. It has not been easy for my boyfriend who has suffered many relapses. you could say he was a "chronic relapser", however I am not. I have not relapsed once, passed every drug test, pleasing everybody but myself. this last month has been AWFUL for me. completely utterly hopeless. My cravings are so severe I only trust myself to go to work and come straight home afterward afraid I may go out and use. The last thing I want to do is relapse, but I miss certain things about my addiction. not even the feeling of the high itself, more the lifestyle, the act of smoking, the people, the atmosphere, when I shouldnt miss those things at all! My cravings are so intense I am afraid I am going to break down at any moment and use.

has anyone else had this problem this far down the road in sobriety? should I still have these feelings almost a year sober? even though I never had this problem before? Why is this happening? I just feel like I have nobody to relate to. I want to go to meetings just to hear other people's experiences, but I am afraid others will shun me and label me as "not sober" because I am prescribed suboxone. (which I have also started weening off under my doctors recommendation of course) I feel that I am sober and am very proud of that label, so I am worried that someone will try to take that away from me. Mostly I would just like someone to relate to, so if any of you have a similar experience, please share.

[dominosarah]

Congrats on getting off the oxycontin!!!  We will always battle our addiction.  Do you live with your boyfriend??  That has got to be hard with him relapsing.  Have you cut off ties with the people you used with??  That is very important.  This is YOUR recovery.....noone elses.  If the sub is working for you then that is great.  Noone can take anything away from you if you dont allow them to do that.  Most of us here can relate to the struggles and cravings.  Keep fighting those cravings with everything you have.  Get busy, turn on music, get out and go for a walk or go to the gym.  Are you taking any vitamins or aminos?? You will find alot of support here........sara

[Holliee]

quick question how in the world would you smoke an oc and why I am lost I have done oc's for yrs snorting. You are still on a high dose of sub but your also at same time doing well . It's been year and I still crave oc and sometimes I swear I can still taste them and going down back throat...

[xerinmichelle]

No I do not live with him. and actually him relapsing just made me want to be clean even more. thanks for your help.

to Holliee:

It will trigger people here but google it.

[trainerpt]

I totally understand how you feel.  I stopped smoking OC 8 months ago and started taking 2 8 mg subs a day.  I have since weened my way down to 1 sub a day and take 1/2 in the AM and 1/2 in the PM.  Soon I will cut it to 3/4.  The only reason I have not relapsed is the sub.  Physical addiction is so difficult and I at times wish I could taste and smell the smoke.  The behavior of smoking it is incredibly addicting.  While things have gotten better, I am concerned about what will happen when I stop.  Right now there is no point to smoke since Sub blocks the receptors.  I'm scared when I'm done though.  I've cut all my friends who use any type of drugs.  They aren't thrilled but I have no other choice.  My wife daily askes me about how I am and still at times is very nervous that I am using, although I haven't since April.  I hope this gets better.  I feel like my brain is healing and my dependence is weakening.  However, I'm concerned about the addiction.  I never saw a doctor like you to deal with that.  I hope you stay clean.  The Pac NW is loaded with this stuff and easy to get.  Good luck

[Ocngrl]

A man I am in love with smokes oxy again after rehab and he's so sweet and works 40 hours a week. . Then he gets on it and all I can do is remain silent . He and I are supposed to be together . I got a boyfriend he knocked some girl up who has no idea about us and now I'm just blank. I'm totally there for him but I probably shouldn't be. All I do is think about him and how I wish he would stop. He comes from a high society family etc. These kids are all from wealthy families. And the preg girl omg she just has no clue . Help