Congrats to 2003 Challengers! What will you use in place of drugs in 2003???

[Rex1]

Since the staff will not be in today, I will use up a question with a comment... sorry.

Congratulations to everyone who accepted the 2003 challenge which I posted on December 1st, 2002! If you were successful in cutting your dosage of your preferred drug to zero, take a moment to both congratulate yourself, and realize just how much better your life is now. There is likely a real difference there.

Even if you did not reach zero, but you are able to cut your dosage, you should congratulate yourself because that is progress in your moving toward your final goal, and proves that you're committed to the right goal.

Can I share something I learned from my pain management Dr. and from the many members here on the forum over the last month? It is a subtle issue, but an important one.  My doctor says repeatedly "it is great to get off the narcotics, but you'll need to replace it with something".  For me, I have found this to be so true.

In the year 2003, what will we replace our drug addictions with to help us stay sober?

(for me, in 2003, I am hoping to replace my 2002 drug addiction with something I call "my life". Any plans anyone has along this line would be most appreciated!)

Hoping for the most healthy and prosperous 2003 for all my friends here on the forum.


Congratulations!!!

Rex

[teeitup]

Congratulations to all those at zero, and good job to those of us who were able to cut back. The main thing is the we have all admitted we have a problem and are ready to do something about it. If you slip a little, don't get to down on yourself and keep trying. I think we all realize this is going to be a daily battle.

Thank you all for the help you've given me, I feel like a have a whole group of internet friends I can depend on that will not judge me but accept me and most of all support me.

Let's all have a great 2003!

teeitup!

[Sturgil]

I have not posted since July 4th of 02. I dropped the tabs and somas for 55 days. Cold Turkey after 3 years. 15 to 20 10/500 per day plus 10 to 12 somas. I noticed that as my meeting (NA) attendence(sp) dropped my will to use came back. So as I said after 55 days I picked up. Just 6 a day at first... then within a few weeks I was back at the old level. Money gone, job was suffering, kids were out of control, I was out of control. Since money was tight I went to the street this time instead of the on-line docs. No, I did not get busted. Not yet.

Long story short: On December 4th of 2002 I checked myself into a Detox Program. They really took care of me. They had meetings all day, the doctor saw you daily and best of all the food was great! Anyway, I stayed 6 days in lock down. Now I attend IOP every week night after work for 3.5 hrs. I also go to AA meetings during the day.

I feel and see mow that on July 4th I was not ready to quit. I did not work the steps, call my sponsor, I just sat on the sofa.

If there is one main piece of advice I think it would be the following: When your body has no energy, your mind is numb and your in that LIMBO ZONE do the following - Make yourself get up and go or do. It hurts, sucks and time seems to stand still, however, at the end of the day you will feel like you have earned to take a rest. Go the distance you will thank yourself.

Now to answer the questions of the thread. I will fill the hole the drugs left with God, Meetings, the 12 Steps. I will also suplement the above with exercise and prayer daily.

Jan. 3rd will be 30 days. My mind is still a fog. My thoughts are are to come by, short term memory is fuzzy and sleep is hard but getting better.

Get a program, stop the self pitty, stay focused and most of DO NOT PICK UP. I fight it daily.

May God Bless us all.

Sturgil

[saveyourself]

Hey All,
Happy New Years to all.  I am on day 24 opiate free.  Working out, feeling better, going to meetings every day, got a sponser and am on step 1 through NA. It is working for me. I am down to a half klonopin am and halfpm. I have 2 left and will be done with all drugs by friday.  I am in PT, it really has helped, besides she is a fox and really cares and knows how important it is to me to get healthy again.

For me I am willing to live with my ailments and at 44yrs old, I have a few.  I only found out that klonopin has WD if taken to long, thanks to this board.  My prayers and compassion go out to the people whose ailments need to use as prescribed meds to live their lives.  You will always be in my prayers.

Only my opinion, the pharmasutical companies want the drugs to be addictive.  Remember when ultram came out, the big issue that was made was no WDs with their use. Was that true? In this day and age of the hyper speed of progress in the bio tech industry, I would make bet that they have at least ten non addictive pain meds as strong as opiates that are non addictive.  However, once the patient is cured, he will have no need to go in and exagerate the injury because he or she is down to their last two percs or oxys.  It is always about the money. Meds are big business.

So, it comes down to us, warning people when we can, supporting the addicted in letting them know there is life after drugs, a much better one. People keep sharing their experiance, strength and hope. I know I would not have made it without you people on this board.  I did't and couldn't go out of the house for a week because WD.  If I sound angry I'm really not, I am like that guy in the old movie Network, I think it was william holden who finally said out his window I am mad as hell and I am not going to take anymore.  I have met some special people on this board that I am in contact off the board, we are becoming friends, you know who you are.  My thanks and gratitude to all those who have posted and had the courage to share the pain and thier victories.
Strength and Courage
Greg

[whippet]

My mom nearly died today. She was so out of it with her pills and alcohol, that she choked while eating and some people who saw her choke, saved her life. (They tried pushing on her near her ribs but she was so blue and flask that they had to sit her on a chair, push on her stomach and grab the food staight out of her throat). She is now in the hospital and i'm waiting at home with my 3 kids till they tell me when and if she wakes up. Tonight was supposed to be our new years supper with my kids and the only family i have left...my mom.

Geezzzzzz....i'm so sad. Sad that my mom is probably gonna die from drugs and alcohol. (Not the first time she's had a near death incident with all that poison.)

This just makes me think exta hard about my own quitting klonopin. How many times have i heard my mom say that she was gonna get clean. I can't even count anymore. I guess, she doesn't really intend to. It nearly caught up to her today. Soon it will...and for good. So sad. I'm resisting the urge to down a couple of pills with a couple of drinks...cause what the hell....i'm just gonna end up in a hospital bed beside my mom?!?!?!?! NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!

Tonight i'm tempted to dull this hurt...but i won't. Not anymore. Now, i really KNOW what all of you's were saying when you talk about being STRONG. Hope i will be. Really hope i will.
(I'm strong willed, but not when it comes to my klonopin!)

For me 2003 will be a struggle with inner feelings and drugs. I feel like i'm losing the struggle most of the time. But everyday, i will read the posts and get a grip on myself. Deap down, i'm sure that nothin happens for nothin. I DO NOT WANT TO END UP LIKE MY MOM.

Hurray for this forum.

Take care everyone and may your God be with you. Whippet

[lisabet]

I want to thank you all for the great posts - it's what keeps me going; thank God for all of you.  Rex - your challenge kept me (for the most part) from falling back on bad habits; although I'm still using (STILL 5 vics a day); I've kept steady to that and no more through the holidays, and to ME that is a huge victory! I'm actually starting to feel a glimmer of hope; maybe there really is life after using.  Rex-your comment about replacing our addictions with something else is an issue that has scared me since I've started trying to get clean.  This pill chasing is so ingrained in my being I'm afraid I'll never be able to "untrain" it...smile.  I love your post about replacing the addiction with "my life".  I'm scared and excited at the same time.  Is there really life after addiction?  I would welcome anyone's comments how they carried on after telling the drugs good-bye.  This one is my greatest fear.  I want to wish everyone on the forum Happy New Year; I love and respect all of you. Special thanks to Bodymechanic for his expertise, Rex for his compassion (and giving me "belly laughs), Hippee for his insight, Suzie and Southernbelle for their honesty and sincerity, Thomas for his experiences and humour (ditto teeitup), and really EVERYONE who posts...I've learned something from every one of you. And here's something I've learned in the past couple of months on this forum: Addicts, through their suffering and life experiences, are abundant in wisdom (through their own mistakes), tolerance and understanding to suffering souls. In my opinion, this is more valuable than all the "educated" professionals in the world (ai: doctors, etc.) I credit ALL of you, the recovering users as well as those still using for the progress I've had just in 2 months.  Well, didn't mean to write a book, but I've tried to use today - a new year - to reflect and appreciate all that are dear to me, and of course, that includes all of you.  Love to you all - Happy New Year, Lisabet

[suzieneedshelp]

Thank you for your inspiration!  Congrats to al who have  succeeded and to those who tried!  You will do it eventually!  
WEll i am on day 5 now!  So.. even though i relapsed now i am full throttle in my detox and doing ok ty!
Love,
Suzie

[suzieneedshelp]

Very eloquently said lady!
Suzie

[theGolden1]

Gee ... I hope your Mom is ok. I will say a prayer for her. Maybe she will get the help she needs at the hospital. Please forgive her .... she wanted to quit, but it's not that easy. It's by God's grace that we are saved, after all we can do. Just love her ... and take care of you and the children. The way I look at it ... we are in the best possible hands we can be in ... Goldie

[madeline]

Hey Saveyourself and everyone,

Glad to be on this board again.  Well I have
kept my weaning down to the percs for five
days now.  Tho on New Years Eve, my hubby
was pissed cause he wanted to drink and I
didnt. So at the time I popped 2 more so
I could cope. (Shame on me)  Yesterday I kept
it down to my tapering process.  However
thismorning the headache (slow WD symptoms)
was so bad, I took one and just a little ago
took another.  But with the best of me I am
only taking them when my head hurts bad,
I have dropped 6 percocets a day so far.
Hope I can stay with that. and go down from
there. I dont think I am tuff enough to
go Cold turkey.  Soon as the WD starts I
have to pop, cause I cant stand the pain.
You all have been so wonderful and Greg
especially for helping me find this board,
and I wish you all a Happy new year.  I turned
50 today (wow) and want this (clean)
for my new year and new age.

God Bless you all,
Love yas
Madeline

[lisabet]

Congratulations on your tapering process. I too have been tapering and am now stuck on 5 vics a day. Maybe with a little more time and effort we'll both be able to let them go completely. I for one am glad the holidays are over and things can go back to a normal schedule. I'm going to make the effort to be good to myself, nutrition wise, time wise, etc and learn how to say NO once in awhile. 2003's gonna be all about me; family and friends are gonna go on the back burner for awhile. Sounds selfish, I know, but I think that for a lot of us that uses, we're so overextended emotionally and physically by trying to take care of everyone but ourselves, that it becomes an easy "fix" to pop a pill or two, in effect, to maybe pamper ourselves a little and to relieve the everyday stresses for a little while. I'm gonna have to try to find alternative methods to control my life instead of sticking my head in a pill bottle everytime I feel stressed...smile.  If you have any suggestions, I'd sure welcome them.  You have a great day today, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Be sure to pamper yourself today; you deserve it!  Love/Peace, Lisabet

[kebby]

Ladies, I just wanted to give you encouragement. I am on day 9 of NO pills!!! Pers were my thing. I slowly weaned over 6 weeks, and also started an antidepressant 6 weeks ago. It takes most antidepressants 4-6 weeks to start working. Anyway, today, on day 9, I feel great! My natural energy is way up! I have even started to take on the basement! LOL I feel as though the antidepressant is making me feel "even"/"stable".
Also, on a side note... I know that I took more pills to get me through certain situations, when in reality, it did not make me this wonderful person to be around, it just felt that way to me! My sister commented on how glad she was to have "ME" back.She said they actually dulled my personality! Funny, I thought that they made me the best that I could be. Now I can see that that was all a lie! You can do it. Do it the right way so that you succeed! BTW, I have a broken ankle and was still able to do this! That is actually the catalist that really started all of this. I had never thought about what would happen if I actually even really need acute pain relief. When I got home from the hospital, I had to take 30mg. of percs to get mild relief! They wrote the script for 5mg. every 4-6 hrs. That was MY wake up call that I had a real problem. Love and peace to all. You can do this!!!  Kebby(mother of 3 little people, and 1 aging pup);0)

[lisabet]

Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. Are you new on the board? I don't remember seeing any of your posts. Anyway, CONGRATULATIONS on your recovery. I love reading posts like these; they're really inspiring. Thanks and have a good day (By the way, you should see MY basement)... Maybe I'll get to the point where I have the energy to clean mine up too!..smile. Love/Peace, Lisabet

[PING]

hi everyone. hope everyone had a good christmas, and a good yr,
the dr says i am ok on 2 10mg of oxy's a day, i was trying too fast of tapering. bmac did you play any music on new yr's eve? hope you are doing ok. catch all later.
                                   lee.

[lifeisbetter]

Good point about how the pills made YOU feel. I never really thought about what other people felt about me taking them. I took the pills so I could do better, be better, live better.  The truth is I took them so people would LIKE ME BETTER, doesn't happen that way. People will like you better only when you like you better. Your doing so great!

[LAPPER]

hello everyone,
i need help............i feel hopeless. i am stuggling everyday with hopelessness. i have detoved from o.c.'s in early october, have been going to outpatient rehab, doing a.a. meetings and have two sponsors. the only thing that seems to give me a good head is if i chew a pill. i read books on recovery i am working or going thru the steps but nothing seems to be helping my hoplessness. i am not a stupid person. i just can't seem to go on unless i have indulged. every second of the day i fight temptaion. i pray all the time but still can't beat this war. i am not physically dependent but mentally i am not strong. i do not know where to turn. i feel very lonely inside. why am i feeling this way????????why why why why why ******* why????????????????????????go to meetings, share, talk to your sponsor NOTHING IS WORKING. i cannot believe hope lonely a person can feel. i am not even sure i want to go on anymore. what should i do???? i am doing everything i am told to do. i cannot believe a little pill controls me. is it the lack of spiritualality? i am very open minded with GOD, i pray morning noon and night please show me hope oh LORD. i have supporting people all around me but yet i cannot get this program. ant suggestions.............

[suzieneedshelp]

I could not tell if you are still clean?  You are suffering the malaise of no meds. Your brain is looking for that feeling.  Opiates deplete your serotonin levels and it takes time to build them back up.  Do u take the vitamins and l-tyrosine or St. John's Wort?  They should give you a boost menatlly.
Take care fo yourself and this too shall pass.  One day at a time!@
Suzie

[lifeisbetter]

It does get better. You have to hang on a little longer.  I know where your at, wanting to die.  I did too, the main reason I did not kill myself was I wasn't sure if that would make it worse.  Who wants to rot in hell for eternity, you know what I mean? I had heard more than once if you kill yourself you don't go to heaven.  I wasn't sure if I really believed in heaven or hell but I wasn't taking the chance. Being the addict that I am, I want the easier softer way. I don't think suicide is easy or soft.  Hang on you just have to stay clean for awhile.  Sorry to tell you this but you are making it worse when you take the pills here and there.  Your body must stay opiate free long enough for it to start making its own natural opiatelike hormones.  Antidepressants may help you too.  I think they did help me. Keep posting and more importantly keep going to the meetings and praying to whatever you believe in. In prayer, ask to be led and give up that will of yours.  It does get better.

[hippy]

hey there, i hope you are feeeling better then earlier.
how we are feeling is not the same as how we are doing.
in my early recovery my N.A sponser asked me how i was doing
i answered him , i feel like killing myself, he said , that
is not what i asked you. i said what? he said i asked how are you doing, what did you do today?
i looked at him  ,thought for a moment, ans said, well i got up
prayed, went to work, met someone from the program for dinner.
went to a N.A meeting. and now im here talking to you.
He looked at me and said sounjds like you are doing pretty good.
it dawned on me he was right.
he said it was going to take a while for my feelings to catch up withthe reality of how i was doing.

some time the depression can be so bad we may need an anti depressent like prosac , which works wonders for some people.
you may want to see a doctor about it.

as far as the 12 step programs go , in the begining the only real  thing that helps us is  being around other people,
the fellowship with others.
also reaching out to a person just walking through the door
with one day,
just talking with another addict can be the most we can get out of the program in the very begining.
one addict helping another
is without parallel.

i can relate to hopelessness i suffered from it to the empth degree.
it was suggested to me to write a list of all the things i was grateful for. what is called a gratitude list
it did help me, i was such an ungratefull person at the time.

peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lisabet]

Just read your post; as always...inspiring. I've realized I'm ungrateful, when I have so much to be thankful for; tonight my project is to make a "gratitute" list.  One question: if I'm not mistaken, I think I remember you saying you are taking the amino HTL-5 or something. Is this for depression?  Could you tell me more about it?  Thanking you in advance, Love/Peace, Lisabet

[suzieneedshelp]

anyone here. i am soo depressed...
suz

[Rex1]

I'm here - what's up?

Rex

[Rex1]

***@****

[lisabet]

hey suzie - I'm here - how you doing, honey?  Not doing too well today?  Are you still off the stadol?  I'm doing fair today; taken my 5 vics already, and to tell you the truth wanting more; guess that's why I've been on the forum for the past hour...just to pass the time till bedtime.  Thank god there's no Jack Daniel in the house, or I'd probably be in that...smile.  It's just been one of those days where nothing goes right; everything seems to be getting on my nerves. My teenager does not realize how close he's gotten this evening to getting his head pinched off...he has gotten on my last nerve!...smile.  Have you ever felt like you were literally jumping out of your skin?  Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day (we have to think so, don't we?)...smile  Love, Lisabet

[suzieneedshelp]

ty hon..i am just soo depressed .. i am really down... it seems i am either depressd or realy up.. i am on day 6 now.
suz

[Rex1]

day 6 cold turkey?

[kebby]

Hi, to answer your question, I have only been on this loop about a week. I am loving getting to know everyone. Tonight I am worried about Southernbelle, because I know that she ran out of her pills a day or two ago. S.B. if you are out there let us know how your doing. Now Lisbet, I think tomorrow is the day you go to four. Do you have an endless supply? Are you in need of them for pain? You had also asked about what to do instead of the search, or the popping? For me, it was only a few days of that, and sometimes I would pretend to take one, and sometimes I just took four Advil. But, I think you will fall bak into normal life and routine fairly quickly. Real life routines will come back to you! Oh, and this loop has filled a big void! If you have enough to ween... JUST DO IT! You will be extremely please after all is said and done! XXX Kebby

[suzieneedshelp]

i am using ultam to help w withdarwals..
suz

[Rex1]

Alright,

But no Vikes or Percs, right?

I will break this up in to two parts so read this and then read pt2.

You are not going back, not giving in! You know why, because you are going through the very last stage! You can see the exist door for goodness sake. Promise me something now, no matter how tough you have been in your life, the next three days, you are going to be tougher.

The thoughts in your mind right now are lying to you, because they eant the drugs back. The toughts you have now are NOT NOT NOT the thoughts you will have in just a few short days!

...pt 2 follows

[Rex1]

Have you tried the LTyrosine?

Also be careful with the Ultram, it made me a little anxious.

I have been thinking about what it is that causes us to fail on our recovery, and I think it is this...

When we get ever so close to getting out, our body and mind know it and they launch everything they have at you, and it hits hard.

Smile, though, becuase you know its a lie, and you know the end is near! That's the sign that the end is near, patchy sunshine with dark clouds - that's the way it feels right?

Rex

[suzieneedshelp]

i know rex...i am surviving...i am just ve4ry deprerssed...
i feel so low.. i cant function..
suz

[Rex1]

Do you have someone there to help you? Is there someone you can call to come over with you?

Rex

[suzieneedshelp]

No.. my daughter is here with me..she is 8 .
Suz

[Rex1]

I have said a prayer for you.

I have a son who just turned 7 and I know that this is tough when you look in their eyes that have no clue what you are going through.

Still, you know you are very very close, at least in my experience when you start to have those up and down days. The up will eventually break through.

Think of all the positive things in your life and also think of how much things will be better once your finished with these.

Refuse to believe the lies your mind is telling your right now. Will continue to pray for you - let me know if there's anything else I can do - OK!

Rex

[lisabet]

Thanks for the encouragement, sweetie.  You know, tomorrow just may be the day to cut back to 4!  Since the holidays are over with, I feel more relaxed (with the exception of having major PMS today; you can probably tell this with my above posts to Suzie)....don't worry, I wouldn't really kill my son...smile.  He just really knows how to push my buttons!!!  But he's my heart, and my life.  And the #1 reason I'd like to put this addiction behind me.  As for taking them for pain, only slightly. I'm sure advil would help me as much pain-wise as the vics.  Well, my before-mentioned 15-year old just emerged from his bedroom (where he spends 75% of his time) demanding chocolate chip pancakes....will talk to ya later. Love/Peace, Lisabet

[suzieneedshelp]

u r the angel on my shoulder tonight.  Ty
suzie

[kebby]

Hey Girlfriend, I'm here for you too! I will also say a prayer for you, for strenth and clarity. Rex is right about once you are at the up and down stage, then you are about to break through! Kebby (put all three kids to bed at 7:30 for peace of mind!)

[lisabet]

Hey Suzie - I really hope tomorrow is a more tranquil day for you.  If you want to talk one to one - E-mail me @ ***@****

Rex - where you been hiding all day?  Hope you're feeling well. I'm glad you were there for Suzie - you always seem to know just the right thing to say. Hope I can be here for you the way you always are for others.

Love/Peace, Lisabet

[hippy]

hey lisa , it is called 5htp and it is good for depression
it is sold at any vitamine store.
you can look it up on the net.
have a good day

peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[suzieneedshelp]

i need yur words of wisdom...i am very low and depressed.
Suzie

[teeitup]

Hang in there were all pulling for you!

teeitup!

[hippy]

hi suz, i hope you feel better, i know it's a rough time.
there is no majic cure, just the practical things.
like finding something to distract you, like a good book or a good movie, hot baths.
a few ultram along with a few L-tyrosine and 2 b-6
in the morning really helps a lot, that was my experence.
as you stay clean it will get better, there is life and happiness
at the end of the tunnel.
make sure you eat, try to stay away from sugar it add's to depression, i once read a book called sugar blues.
you are doing good , posting and sharing with others.
it always feels like it is worse then it really is.
you are past the most difficult part. it will get better.
there are a lot of people here who really care about you and your situation.
i know everyone s heart is with you and im sure there
are a lot of prayers being said for you tonight.
think about that , it is pretty amazing, all
the people he feeling your pain and caring for you.
that is love ,people you have never met , are shareing thier
love and support twards you.  choosing this difficult
path of getting clean will make the world a better place
for you and your daughter.

peace!!!!!!!!! you are in my prayers  ////michael/ hippy

[suzieneedshelp]

Ty dear sweet hippee!
Suzie

[suzieneedshelp]

Ty to all of you!
Suz

[LAPPER]

i just got back from seeing my sponsor and a meeting. thank you all for replying. i have been dabbing here and there with a pill. wrong thing to do i know. i completed my 3rd step with my sponsor and shared with him my thoughts. i feel much better than earlier. prayer is a big key in this i know but i believe that sobriety will not be handed to me. prayer will lead me in the direction but i must do some work. i am optimistic for now and will post on my progress as time passes. i need to learn to be strong. this seems to be the hardest thing i have ever had to face. i want to feel graditude with myself. i heard someone mention some over the counter meds (st. johns wort)etc. and anti-depressants.......could someone elaborate on these things and should i get some good clean time in before i suggest taking antidepressants.........
thank you........philly bee

[hippy]

hi, bee,
it is fri morning,i hope your feeling better today.
you said you are going to aa, my father is in aa sober a long
time, i know a lot of 12 step program people frown on
anti-depresents, you need to talk to your famly doctor about
the issue of wether you should take them.
i took them for a year when my brother died, i took prosac
and it worked wonders for the depression and fear.and the feeling of inpending doom.
you mentioned you were takeing a pill  or 2, what are you taking
and why,? i don't mean to intrude i was just wondering
what is going on, i ask so that i can understand where you
are coming from.the last thing i want you to feel is that i am being  judgemental , because i am not , that is the last thing
in the world i would do.
i think we are all in the same boat here , trying to get better
one day at a time.
sait jhons wart is a vitamin/mineral sold at the vitmine store.
it help some people with depression, also another vitamin
for depression is 5htp, .
i do not think you need clean time to take any of these things.
you are gping to aa  was that your drug of choice alcohol.
i am an addict and i go to narcotics anonymous.

getting involved with a home group and making coffee and cleaning up, and getting to know everyone there  before and after the meeting is most rewarding.

peace  !!!  hippy//// michael from philly

[Chucklebug]

In 2002, I really got serious about my photography ... I especially love taking pictures of kids ... they are so beautiful and innocent and their eyes are so full of hope.  There is a picture of me from Christmas 2002, about a week before I went into the hospital, and my eyes are so dull and glassy at the same time ... I just look really sick.  I am so thankful to my dear Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who is the only reason I was able to detox fairly easily in 6 days and stay clean for a year!  Thank You, Lord, for Your forgiveness and grace!!

Anyway, to answer the comment about what you'll use to replace drugs in 2003 ... I plan to continue making pictures.  Doing something creative with my hands really makes me feel useful.  And when I give my cousins pictures of their kids that make them cry, I know I need a clear head to continue being creative and keep touching people with my photos!

For those of you that pray, I need your prayers ... I had to get a Vicodin refill for an attack of pancreatitis (it's hereditary, I've had it since I was 10) and I've taken about 20 in the past 2 weeks, even though I didn't really need them for pain.  I don't want to relapse, and I am not going to take any more today or tomorrow, or the next day ... !!!  But please pray for me.

Good luck in 2003, and God bless you all!

[lifeisbetter]

If you don't want to relapse flush them. Right now. You said you've taken some for reasons other than real pain, some would say you've already relapsed.  I just think you may have slipped.
DO NOT TAKE ANOTHER PILL OR YOU MAY END UP BACK IN DETOX BEFORE YOU KNOW IT. Sorry, I just know this from experience. If you want prayers, I will pray for your ability to turn your will over to God.  When you read this, I want you to picture Jesus  sitting next to you with his hand reaching out to hold yours. Stand together and walk to the bathroom. He will weep with joy as he watches you flush them. Thats what I'll pray for you. You are weak but he is strong.

[lisabet]

hey chuck - congratulations on your recovery; it sounds like you have a real joy for life and your vocation---good for you. Please be careful; if you have to take meds for pain, try to take them responsibly. Pancreatis is no picnic. Sounds to me like you're gonna be Ok, by the sound of your attitude.  Please come back and post and read everyone else's posts - it will keep everything in perspective.  Love/Peace, Lisabet

[freeman]

Hi, i'm 24 years old and addicted to cannabis. I have smoked more or less every day since I was 18. I don't see no way of giving up. I've tried many, many times to give up but find it to difficult. The last couple of months I've been determined to give up on the 1st jan. I didn't smoke on the first, I was so determined, but the next day I was a different person, I just had to smoke, I couldnt think about anything else. I don't know what to do, rehab isn't an option because my parents dont' know and I can't tell them. The only thing I can do is maybe take an holiday somewhere, but I havent' no money. I can't keep a job long enough because I can't soicalise very well and just end up being unhappy. I just can't get out of the circle.

I'm posting this in hope others have experienced this and have found someway of getting out it.

I realise this isn't as serious as other addictions, but I got to get it off my chest.

Sorry for hijacking the thread.

[teeitup]

Don't worry about cutting in, addiction is addiction. Make up your mind to quit, find someone you can trust to help. Get active or you won't be able to slow down. Being busy is the only wat to combat any addiction! Good luck!

teeitup!

[lisabet]

Welcome to the forum - lots of good people here that can share with you their experiences. I personally never had any experience with weed; the few times I smoked it either made me sleepy or gave me the "munchies"...smile.  Since you noted your parents doesn't know anything about your habit, I'm guessing you're maybe still living with them.  You say you don't think it may be as serious as others problems, but if it's effecting you in a negative manner, it's as serious as anyone's addiction. You say you're not socialable; is this what spurred your pot usage? Maybe to make you feel more at ease in social situations? You realize you've got a problem, which is why you're at this forum. First of all - congrats! You've taken the first step to ask for help.  Hopefully, others on the forum who is familiar with cannibus abuse, will step forward to answer your questions.  Remember, you are not alone - we all are trying to deal with our addictions.  Love/peace, Lisabet

[freeman]

Thanks, I'm thinking about cutting down a little first. Maybe the cravings won't be so bad then. I read some other posts and realise how weak I am compared to others on this forum. You are all exceptional people. By reading this forum I can see things more in perspective, and will hopefully find a way to give up. Good luck to you all.


"Do not go gently into the night,
Rage, Rage, agains't the dying of the light."

-Dylan Thomas

[leadchest]

my dear ones around the world !
you know you are not alone. even though you may feel lonesome.
i started to cry when i read your posts because it really touches me to see so many people going through this.
i dont know most of the substances you mention, but the addiction is in our minds so only our minds can challange whatever substance or illusion it might be.
i have been off heroine (weed for 3 days, keep going freeman) for about three and a half months now. i actually lost count which astonishes me. first you count days. its a real accomplishment if you can start counting weeks, y'all know that. this time i am so far but i am only starting.
to be honest i havent been really clean all this time. every other week some xtc found its way into my blood and also powder slipped into my nose. so i am still far from clean. but at least i dont shoot up anymore and havent had heroine and i did not own the stuff i took. it was offered to me. i am 26 by the way.

but WE CAN DO IT.  its so hard to remember that it will get better when youre still on it, that it will feel a lot better.
BUT IT DOES.  lets keep the days busy...
and its so important for me to remind myself that it took time to get this low and it will take time to recover.
I REMIND MYSELF OF WHAT I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED WHEN I AM TORN APART BY WHATS AHEAD OF ME. i dreamt of shots and suicide for months but it now is really getting less. christmass and new years eve always is a hard part.  
LETS STICK TO OUR DREAMS TAKE A STEP AT A TIME; TRY METHODS LIKE WRITING DOWN WHERE OR BETTER WHO YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE AND GO TOWARDS THAT JUST A TINY BIT A DAY: BUT LETS DO

sorry for taking so much space. i could keep writing for hours. my sincere love goes out to you . we learn from this dont we? this pain reminds us that its ourselves that set the course.
thank you.  

what will i use in place in 03? make music,practise forgiving myself and standing up, love, honesty, life.
a healthy, energetic year i wish to each one of you.

[lisabet]

What an inspiring and honest post - and congratulations for kicking herion. That's fantastic.  There's a lot of us here that aren't completely clean, either (myself included). Nonetheless, the important thing is we're trying.  Don't be too hard on yourself about the relaspes, it happens to most of us at one time or other.  Keep posting, believe me, it will help you and will help everyone else here that posts. I try to read every one of the posts here, absorbing all the hints, information and inspiration I can, and the support of the people here are amazing! We're all kindred spirits, being in the same boat so to speak.  Continue doing what you're doing and take it a day at a time.  Way to go!  Lisabet

[kebby]

Hi there, just wonerding if today was another 4 day? I hope so. If not how about 4.5 tomorrow?
peace/Keb

[lisabet]

hey kebby - yep - kept it to 4 today, but to be honest with you, I feel really crappy.  But getting ready to go to bed - hopefully, tomorrow will be better.  Hoping you're still doing OK - your recovery is so inspirational - I always love a happy ending...smile.  You keep going on, girl. :)  Love, Lisabet

[Chucklebug]

I flushed part of them and I asked my mom to hide the rest.  She has knee problems and needs one occasionally, and we both have pancreatitis, so we need some around, but certainly not 90 (which was the prescription) ... and I DO NOT need to know where they are!!!  Thanks for your encouragement ... and prayers!  I still need them.

[lifeisbetter]

You are amazing! Also a brilliant example of how the Lord works in our lives if we let him. Way to go! You not only saved yourself from another trip to detox but you saved others by showing what faith in our loving Father will do for us! I will definately continue to pray for you. (((hugs)))