Couldn't handle it - part 1

Well, the last 3 days in a row, I've had one 30mg Oxy in the morning or afternoon and a Valium at nite.  I know that's bad but I can't get through the PAWS.  Please feel free to smack me, I know it's wrong but I just can't get through the depression without it.  I'm perscribed 3-30mg oxys and 3 10mg percs a day so one 30mg oxy is nothing compared to what I was taking and I was taking way more than what I was prescribed also.  Now that I'm not over doing it I still feel great, not sluggish or pushing the kids away from me.  I only did that when I was takin 5 or 6 pills at a time.  So if I can get through this month with taking one pill and no more, I'm going to continue just taking one pill a day.  I thought I would crave more but I actually feel perfect with just the one pill in the morning and the Valium at nite.  

I can't really make anyone feel better while there trying to quit because I would be taking one a day but I can't go through this depression without taking the one pill.  I know I'm weak but I feel way better.  Would you guys want me to leave from this forum knowing this about me?  I mean this forum is for people that are tryin to quit.

I'm sorry, I know I let everyone down but I just can't handle the depression without the one pill. :(

[depressedwoman]

Hi..I just wanted to let you know that what you are doing is not so bad. I believe in whatever gets you through this but I'm sure many wont agree with me. I think that taking one oxy a day and a val at night is ok if it makes you feel like you can get through your day. Remember you are taking signifigently less than you were taking in the past and hopefully as time goes on you will realize that you really don't need to take the pills at all. I believe at this point that it's psychological more so than the addiction. Please don't beat yourself up over this, think about it, I have read your posts to other's and I know you would not be so harsh to someone else as you are being to yourself. We are our own worst enemies!! I know how valuable you are on this forum and I know nobody wants you to leave!! The best to you.

[lil_rab2005]

OMG thank you for your post depressed!!  I just couldn't stand the depression and anxiety.  Hopefully taking one a day for a month, I can realize next month that I don't even need that one but for now I just couldn't deal with it.  I went fishing last nite with my family and it was awesome!!  I didn't even think of another pill.  We caught 7 Whiting, 2 Spotted Trout, 2 Salt Water Cat fish (yuck lol), 1 Sailers Choice, 1 Yellow Tail jack (Jack Carvale), and 3 Sting ray.  And I had the time of my life.  My little 5 year old caught her first Trout lol.  Then when I got home I took a Valium before bed.  I'm not condoning what I'm doing is right, but I just couldn't shake the anxiety feeling before I started taking one a day!!! I have 3 children and a hubby that needs me.  So if I can just leave it at one a day, I'll be fine.  Then in a month, if I still am taking just one it will be that much easier to just quit altogether.  Thank you so much for your opinion and thoughts.  I need all the advice I can get right now.  Take care and god bless you depressedwoman, Lil :)

[Wilted Rose]

I think everyone here is at different stages of recovery. Some have not even quit yet (myself included). But Im trying and I will succeed!!

Hang in there!!!!

[oxysbliss]

Your NOT PERFECT...Dont try to be...Its pretty hard to live up to the limits that we put ourselves in...

It takes time to quit..if you have to do it this way for now...Then do so..You are the one that has to live in your own skin for the rest of your life...you have to live with your choices that you make, granted we often want the people in our lives to be happy...but we cant do that if we arent happy ourselves...

I dont condone it...yet, that doesnt mean it doesnt work for others...It didnt for me...but I knew that...deep down inside..I do alot of writing...I try really hard to find answers that fir my life, they often change..and I come to a different spot at times..but lately I have been trying to make better choices that fit my life....Ive found myself in different spots even with the pills..I cant say I will never go back, I dont know if I will or not..I cant say I will or I wont..but I work my hardest to find a spot that I can live wiht...that isnt hurting others around me....

I hope thishelps in your upcoming choices along the way, Im not saying its alright, but you have to find a spot that is comfortable to YOU....at least thats how I see it

[lil_rab2005]

thank you so much sweetie!!  Like I said I really wanted e1's advice no matter what.  I started writing this morning, and wow did I have alot of feelings to write down lol.  Did make me feel a little better about myself.  I think that is the biggest issue I have in my life is not really loving myself.  I think alot of people turn to pills because it makes them feel better about theirselves.  Well, I have to learn to love me and it's really hard.  But the writing helped tremendously this morning.  Thank you so much oxy!!  You are a true inspiration!!  Ya'll try to have a good day today!!  I'll be here on and off.  Sure wish I was fishin' or sittin' at the beach right now lol.  Take care, Lil.

[Hunter123]

I just saw this post and you are still doing great!  Please do not stop posting here - we need you ;)  I think a wise person - oh - it was you - does not pass judgement on anyone and are always supportive! I for one do not know what I would do without your cheerful, positive, happy, honest and great posts!!!!!