I have just ended a year long relationship with a 15 year crack addict. He is the sweetest, smartest, most handsome man I have ever met. He is so gifted in so many ways. But he loves using more than anything in the world. I have spent 2 years of my salary on him, trying to get him clean. Two mental hospitals, four rehabs and six arrests later he is up to about a 3-4 hundred dollar a day habit. I know it has to come from within him and there is nothing else I can do. I would stay with him, if he would just stop the constant lying and cheating. Lies about everything and cheating with crack-whores and junkies.
What is it about Crack that would make someone want it more than your basic animal instincts of food, clothing & shelter. I have been tempted to try it just so I know the feeling. Any advice?
I didn't mean to imply that one dose means life-long craving. But cocaine does affect the brain in a way that does create a physiological, not just psychological, need for the drug. It is well documented that long-term use does affect the pleasure-reward system in the brain. I can't cite specifics, but I know others can. Why split hairs when we're talking about poison?
Cocaine, and especially crack, has profound physiological effects on the brain. In studies with monkeys, when given a choice of pressing a lever for food or a lever for cocaine, the monkeys chose cocaine continuously until they were starving. Please take the advice others have given you and save yourself.
FIRST OFF...CONGRATS ON DOING THE RIGHT THING.I KNOW IT MUST HURT LIKE HELL. AND I AM SORRY FOR YOU.
BUT UNDERSTAND THIS...FOR SOME REASON HE IS TRYING KILLHIMSELF. BECAUSE THAT IS THE ULTIMATE END HERE.
YOU MUST NOW WALK AWAY. I DONT HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE WITH CRACK BUT I DO HAVE EXPERIENCE WITH PUTTING ACLOHOL BEFORE MY FAMILY AND TRYING TO SLOWLY DO AWAY WITH MYSELF.
GOING TO AN ALINON ( SPELT WRONG IM SURE) MEETING MAY HELP YOU UNDERSTAND WHY YOU SPENT SO MUCH TIME AND MONEY ON HIM AND HELP YOU STAY AWAY ....
PLEASE DONT TRY THAT DAMN DRUG JUST TO "SEE"..SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE SMARTER THEN THAT..
GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND IT MAY NOT FEEL LIKE IT, BUT YOU DID THE RIGHT THING..
crack is simply a cheap, smokable form of cocaine. Don't go near it for any reason. Cocaine is profoundly evil. Every time someone uses it, it literally alters the way their brain functions, creating a craving, creating a need for itself. No one can use it with impunity. Even if the user has a horrible experience using the drug, he craves it just the same. It is a horror. It destroys people's lives. Cocaine should be kept on the shelf next to the rat poison and insecticide. Even if your friend stops using it, he will never fully recover. He will never be able to experience pleasure in normal ways. 15 years ... I'm not a doctor and I'm not god, but I'm afraid to say that your friend may be quite literally doomed. You should be about as anxious to try cocaine as you are to get a fatal dose of radiation. Go to alanon as Jo said, AND SAVE YOURSELF. I can't stress this enough. Get as far away from the cocaine world as you can. Find someone with a future. You've already seen your friend's. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is. Cocaine is death.
Take care, Kate.
Cocaine is a bad bad drug to become involved with, especially crack.
However, part of what Tom said is simply not true.
Not everyone who tries it once will develop a craving for the drug the rest of their lives.
Cocaine is not the hardest drug to detox from and return to a productive life. It isn't a picnic by any means, but it is easier than opiates to recover from.
The bottom line his this man will use you and bring you down with him. He is heading for a miserable death as Tom says.
There is no way out if he doesn't want help.
You would be doing the right thing in moving on and keeping your self-esteem.
It is not easy to write about topics such as this. You are to be commended in opening up and seeking some help of your own.
Kate, what a champion you are...for moving on and also for giving all that you could humanly possibly do for your boyfriend. Don't do crack. I have a friend who claims, also, that if you do it one time, you are hooked. She became a slave to the drug and six months later, she ended up in a hospital and is now clean. She has told me over and over, not to try it. She claims after the first try, you are hooked. Kate, later down the road, I did try it...I did not like it and haven't done it since. I have no urge to do cocaine or crack. Kate don't try it...not because you might get hooked for life...but just because you don't need it. You are a strong lady. You have seen the damage that it can do. Don't give in to your curiosity. ***@****
I have to share what I learned in my o.p. rehab. It seems that cocaine affects the part of you brain that controls pleasure. Every time you use cocaine you tap into that area and it becomes unable to derive pleasure on its own. Once you stop using the drug it can take over two years for that area to return to being productive on it's own. This means you literally feel BLAH all the time. Everything becomes ho-hum and depressing. The longer you use the worse the scenario. Sorry for the layman's terminology. I remember the film we saw on this and although I have never had the desire to try cocaine, I still found this info. to be quite frightening. That is one hell of a punishment that our owm body sentences us too.
Hi: Sorry to hear about your situation. Don't try crack, that's not a good idea. Maybe someday this guy will get clean and stay clean, anything is possible. I did it, and have not touch crack in a long time. I don't know why I finally stopped, got sick of being sick I guess. I go to AA and Na meetings alot and changed my job and people I associate with. Also had to stay off anything that alters my mind, meaning Alcohol too. It's easy to kick physically , but the mental part is tough. Noone can get someone clean unless they WANT to get clean. You can lead a horse to water, but you CANT make him drink.
I was once a crack addict too. I know what I put my loved ones through, and it cost me everything. I lost my wife ,my home,my freinds and even my brothers life, all due to my use.But it took that much to get me to realize that I had to stop! I know have a new life without crack cocaine.But all is not well in my new life,I eventually substituted opiates for coke.Now I am struggling to stay clean.So its not an easy life being an addict.The only thing that keeps me going is hope.Hope that one day I will have a normal drug free life. Good luck , KEN
Please, Please Please dont try it. Crack is very addicting and you will get caught up. You boyfriend is in his own hell and I have been there. Yes, nothing matters but the drug and once you try it ususally, there is no going back. Please, do yourself a favor and stay away because it will suck you up worse than a tornado on its worst day.
When I try to recall the state of mind I was in while using coke, I most remember fealing afraid, and yet craving it just the same. How can that be considered anything but a state of insanity? I think of that line from Cronenberg's The Fly, "Be afraid, be very afraid." He could have been talking about coke as far as I'm concerned. We would have been better off leaving cocaine undiscovered.
Thanks to all who replied, it means alot. I can't talk about it to anyone I know so being able to share anonymously (sp?) helps.
Yeah, It does hurt like hell, I am so lost. Went to a couple Al-Anon meetings wasn't able to say anything just sat there and cried when it came to my turn. I did learn alot, but it's real hard applying it. I know I should use the tough love approach, but when he calls and is crying and begging for help, (Not help to get clean, help for money) it's just so hard to walk away. This past year has been such a roller coaster. He has lost his family, they will have nothing to do with him. He did them so wrong I can't blame them. He can't hold a job, lost his car. So he has turned to crime to support his habit. I will not aide and abet him. The girl he is messing with now just encourages this, and I just have to give up. I still believe in him, but I have to give up on us. Thanks for letting me vent.
Ex-boyfriend broke into my home stole checks and wrote over $4000.00 to himself. He already has 7 other charges against him now, 3 felony thefts, CDS posession, misdemeanor theft, violation of probation, concealed gun. If I press charges he could get 45 years, but he has a golden horseshoe you know where. He has had about 30 charges against him in the past 15 years and has done very little time. If he doesn't get in a rehab or do some time he is going to end up dead real soon. Do you all think I should press charges or just take the loss and try to move on ? (Ken please reply)
DON'T TRY CRACK!!! A friend of mine, who is alomost clean but struggling, realized that he was addicted the third time he smoked. The only problem is he didn't realize it for sevral years. You have done all that is in your power to help. It is time to move on. You don't have to stop loving him but you do have to stop putting yourself through living hell. He may be smart, rich, funny, etc... but if he doesn't treat you right when he is on crack and he has on crack a lot then you have to take care of yourself. It will be hard right now but God willing you have a lot of life ahead of you.
This story from Kate is painful. I was married to an alcoholic for eight years who could not stop himself. I separated from him, and he lost his home, his job, his family, his son, EVERYTHING. He ended up living in a drug house. And he died....he drowned in the pool of the house. He was drunk, drugged, alone, and at the edge of the pool. Someone found him hours after he had fallen in and passed out. Addiction will take your life. If you participate in someone else's madness, you may even lose your own life in the process. The only hope is to save yourself, and pray that he will find a way to get out, or to pray for a quick death to end the suffering. Don't feel bad about not giving him money because if he doesn't get it from you, he'll find it from someone else. Jail, charges, losing everything, means NOTHING when it comes to late-stage addiction. And this applies to any drug, coke, alcohol--you get to a point where your condition is irreversible and your only hope to get out of it is death. Believe me, I watched someone slowly kill himself over alcohol, and I enabled the addiction for eight years, thinking that I was sparing him from pain. STOP yourself, move on, and if you need to, get orders of protection, call the police, keep him away!!!! He is no longer the person you knew. Take care of yourself.
I just read your post.It was quite disturbing and painful, but I think thats what I need. Ex called at 3:00 this morning, not wanting money, just to tell me new girl dumped him and he was sorry for all the **** he has put me through. Wanted me to meet him, told him I'm not intrested until he gets in rehab, then maybe we can talk. He can not make it on his own and will probably end up dead. I had not spoke to him for 6 weeks and was feeling alot stronger, started taking Xanax again this morning again. Don't want to feel the pain. Had never had a problem with pills 'til we broke up, now I'm starting to worry about myself for once. He now has 4 new warrants out on him and is just getting himself in deeper. I told him I didn't trust him, didn't believe him and was scared of him even though he has never been violent towards me. Sometimes life just sucks.
I sure can relate
although I did try it and did it with my boyfriend
He gets really weird
I'm sure I do to?
we spent up to 6-7 hundred in less then 24 hours. I thought I was going to die. I had smoked crack befor- I was always on opiats so I guess my rush wasn't as intence as his. NOw It has been 5 months since i have used. He is still bingin'
He lies too. I don't want to ever leave him alone but I have a life and frankly as much as I love him and I love him with all my heart! I am starting to get bored. When He is assamed of his actions, he showeres me with kindness. And wee have fun for a couple of weeks. till he goes on a bender again. I would highly suggest that you never try it yourself. Sometimes I think I just want to, to come down to his level or his secluded wavelenths. But that is such an unhappy place. You might just get plum tired of the deceit and want more in a relationship, then a cluck can offer. I am starting to think that I don't have the strenth to stay clean myself if I stay with him. If you are depressed now. DEtoxing off of crack is a thousand times worse!
I came across this sight looking for some help. It helps a little to know that my situation is not the only one in this shape. Only difference being is I am still living with My husband(the crack head) and we have two children who are involved. So its not as easy to walk away. And I am not sure how to do that any way. I know this isn't good for any of us. But he knows just what to say and it plays on my heart. So I say bravo to you for leaving. Just wish I could.
It was not easy to walk away, hardest thing I ever did in my life. I still love him with all my heart, and can barely function. I cried over him for the first six weeks almost constantly. Then I got on an anti-depressant, which I never thought I would ever need. Please go to Al-Anon, you will learn so much. You need to take care of yourself and your kids first.
I will not give you advice on leaving him except follow your head
and gut feeling. Crackheads know how to play on your every emotions, and can tug on your heart. I know what you are going thru, it's amazing the lies they can come up with. And we want to believe them so badly. Please keep posting, you will become stronger the more you read others insights.
Take Care of Yourself. Kate
Personally, I would press charges. At least in jail he will get help. Even tough he will still be able to get it, at least he will be in a place that will be able to deal with it better then anyone can now. Thats my two cents.
I am dating someone who is using crack cocaine and he denies that it is a problem in his and our lives. I have had about as much depression from all of our 11 months together that I can handle. We have a nine year old son together from the past which I know is tearing him apart inside as well even though he is not aware of the problem. We reconciled, and for the first 7 months I had no idea. All of the sudden, finances started getting out of hand along with his attitude. I just moved in with him and now I feel trapped and lost because I believed his promises and had trust in him. Now I know I've lost my trust over an incident last week and he's walked out on me and the kids because of my anger towards him over all of this. The sad part of it is this is his home. He is a great,funloving guy when he is clean,happy and lovable when he is high,but the most miserable person to be around on the 3 days after. I would like to know where you found the courage to face him with his problem and the strenghth to leave him and his problem behind. I'm so scared to do all of what you've done. I know how you feel and the pain you've been through because of his addiction.
I read your post early this morning, been thinking about it at work all day. I'm not sure if it wasn't more out of fear than courage. I truly fear he will end up dead and I am no where near strong enough to bury him. The addiction part I was handling OK.
The broken promises and the constant lies is what broke my heart.
Not only do I not trust him, I find myself doubting what anyone else tells me. He has totally changed the way I think about life.
And not for the better. I am on an antidepressant, and I feel like I have no passion for anything anymore. Nothing angers me, nor does anything make me happy. All I do is think and worry about him and question whether or not I made the right choice.
I know in my head it was, but in my heart I want to run to him and make everything OK. But I know for him it's too late. He has been on a crime spree to support his habit. The Fed's are now looking for him. I want to help him but he and the situation are so out of control. I am so glad children were not an issue. The lies keep growing along with the addiction. I know how trapped you feel and I know the pain and hurt you are going thru. Has your boyfriend gone thru any inpatient programs? He has to be the one to admit he has a problem and be strong enough to ask for help. As far as advice, do what is best for you and your child. Keep the lines of communication open, and never let him take your hope away. Kate
to everyone who has issues with loved onesaddicted to coke ,crack heroin,the addictions ruin peoples lives all the same go to this web sight..crackreality.com, it has alot of knowledge , thousands of people go there and tell thier stories about crack addiction and what it has done to them and how to deal with it..
So you would like to try it to see what it is like hmmmmmmmm.......
If I may can I tell you about crack heads.......
For men and women even the excitment of using is a high a lot of times you will have to use the bathroom first...........
Many times that first hit is sitting on the toilet.........
Another part of the crack head life for a man is when he does buy his crack women are a big part of the party.........Even after hours of smoking when a guy couldn't get hard with a gun to his head he will still try but for the most part he will be as soft as posh puffs......
I have been a crack houses and crack parties where women are treated like dogs and they don't mind as long as they get to smoke that pipe they will do almost anything and with anyone........
You will also not want to stop hours days months years if you have the money and a pipe you will smoke.......you will spend every dime that you could ever find to continue the crack addiction...
Do you still want to try it? Does any of this really appeal to you?..........
I totally coould have written your story EXACTLY except "mine" was 21 years old. BELIEVE ME I completely know what your going through.
Let me tell you how mine ended.
June 29 2004 a high speed police chase through 2 states a 4 counties (23 police cars). IN MY CAR with him driving and me in the passenger seat. (He was actually hitting the pipe during all this) He finally stoped the car, he was charged with lots o charges, the one that stuck was "false imprisonment" for not letting me out of the car. GA does not play....they gave him 10 years serve 3.
I gave him TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.... the worst part was he talked me into smoking with him. Trust me comming down off rock is the worst feeling in the world. (A hot bath doesnt help) I havent smoked since he went to prison.
This may sound harsh but.... YOU CANT HELP HIM, SAVE YOURSELF!!!!!
He told me he loved me everyday, he was young, hot and fun. I was totally taken in... I was a FOOL.
I would not hit a pipe today if my life depended on it NEVER AGAIN. I moved to a different state, changed all my numbers, today I dont know anyone who smokes are could get me some even if I wanted it. ITS THE DEVIL!!!!!!! I'm forty years old with 3 children I TOTALLY knew better
I have been with a crack addict for 2 years, same old story, an awesome guy with a nasty habit. Was clean for a long time but just relapsed again, got completely out of control, was using for more than a month solid. Can anyone please inform me how to handle the come down. He is extremely irratic and irritable. He's pushing the envelope constantly, trying to get me to explode, almost like he can give himself enough reason to go do it again. He's most definately getting better, as I know relapses are part of recovery or so they say. He fell hard on the last relapse and is trying hard to make things right. It's the mood swings, the false accusations. I don't want to be trampled on but this is a fight I know nothing about, I have no problem with addiction myself. What are the symptoms of the come down and how long does it last? With such irratic behaviour, how do you know that he is really fighting it or actually losing the fight?
Well if it gives anyone hope, I was a hardcore crack addict for 19 years! I have been clean and living a wonderfully blessed life for the past 4 1/2 years. I'm a very productive part of society, I work for a criminal defense attorney, I just got married this year to my soul mate (I'm 38 years old) and my life has never been better. Sure, the crack messes with your mind long after you've been clean, but I wouldn't say that you never get your pleasure senses back. I know I depleted many of those cells, but I function normally, am very happy. And remember, for addicts, tough love is a MUST! Today, I'm a wonderful mother of 2, a wife, a good daughter, a good sister, a good aunt, a good employee!!
Peace and blessings!
wow - that does give me some hope. My CH fiance is once again in rehab while I work full time, take care of our 1 1/2 year old and his two aging dogs. . .I want to move out, but he is begging me to stay. Says "this time" it will be different. He was exposed to crack nine years ago and when we got engaged he had been sober for two and a half years. Then, three months after our son was born he relapsed and it has been going on for the past year and a half. This time I told him I was leaving. . .of course now I can't leave because I have to take care of his dogs! I am so tired of his BS. I am scared of leaving but I am more scared of him coming home. this whole thig just sucks.
Dear Kate...I'm sorry you've been placed in such a tough situation. Besides the legal problems, the fact that you mention "crack whores" leads me to believe he is a very high HIV risk now. Don't want to be a downer, but that is just one more reason to stay away from this way of life. PEACE AND RECOVERY AND LIFE TO ALL. Steve
Well, I found this blog/forum late last night. I have a horrible situation on my hands...I don't even know where to turn. To first clear the air...my name is Amy and I have been with my partner Helen for several years. She is a recovering crack addict. Apparently she was a hard core user back in the 90s and has been clean since 1998. Well, she relapsed this past week...she has been going through a bit of stress lately with her son...however we have a wonderful life and a great home. We have amazing friends and family...the life that I have always dreamed of. She has been very withdrawn and quiet over the past few weeks...I knew that she was depressed by her son, but I never knew her depression was that bad. I never saw the signs...we live in the Northern VA / DC metro area and she was apparently doing google searches last week for housing projects in DC...looking for locations (we are not orginally from this area). 5 days ago...after I left for work she decided that she just wanted to smoke it "one time" and she headed to DC and bought $100 worth...I never thought anything of the withdraw from our checking account...thought she just need the cash...remember we live very normal quiet lives. She apparently smoked all that crack and was "normal" when I came home that evening. I had no idea what she had done, nor have I ever seen a person on crack before. She stayed away from it for the next few days and then on Friday she was preparing dinner for a dinner party that we were having with our friends that night. She had food cooking in the oven and told my son (15 years old) that she was heading to the store and would be back shortly. She went to DC...when I left work at 5pm I had been trying to call her for a few hours and I could not get her on the cell phone...my son had told me that she went to the store...and she never came back. I had no idea that she would have gone to DC...I continued to call, but she would not answer her cell phone. I waited until around 8pm and then started calling all family and friends...I was frantic...I thought she had been taken or something. I checked the online banking/checking account and I saw a $100 withdraw and then a $200 withdraw...I started to have thoughts that she went to get drugs. By 11pm that night, I called the police and they came over...they filed a missing persons report on her and our car. I continued to check the checking account and she had withdrawn another $100. Since I could not get her on the phone...I went onto T Mobile's website and tryed to look at her cell phone usage...apparently they will post incoming and outgoing calls real time...What I saw shocked me...she started calling a DC area code cell phone that afternoon and had called that number over 35 times throughout the course of the afternoon / evening. I quickly called all our credit cards and had them disabled. I called that DC cell number and only a voicemail came on...you had to leave a message to get them to call back. A friend and I went done to SE DC (very scary area) around 4am and started searching for her...we combed that city for 5 hours...nothing. I came home and waited...nothing. Saturday night came...it had now been 24 hours since she had left. I continued to send her text messages to her cell phone in hopes of getting her to respond...she finally answered this morning...Sunday 6am. She texted back to me, "I fu***** up". I asked her where she was and could I come get her. Apparently she was tired and had ran out of money. I met her this morning around 8am and brought her back to the suberbs (where we live)...I check us into a hotel, because I am scared to take her home...we have a son. She has showered and has been sleeping for the past several hours...she is a basket case to say the least. She looks okay...not harmed...just very tired. She did not sleep for 2 days. I have NO idea what I am dealing with, as she has NEVER displayed this stuff to me. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she has been clean for the past 9 years. She is being very honest with me and telling the the "sorid" details. What do I do at this point? I am sitting in the hotel room typing this blog now...while she sleeps. I know she needs help...I don't want to just "give up on her"...I would rather give her the opportunity to get treatment. I am scared to death...we have a wonder life, home, family. Someone please help...
Get her into to rehab NOW. Don't wait, if she is still asleep, call around and have it pre-arranged. find a good center, but do it NOW. If she is awake drive her to the center yourself, talk to her about it and let her know that is the only option. Don't give in to "I can do this on my own" because she CAN'T. It has been medically documented and researched that addiction is a brain disorder and she NEEDS HELP that you can't provide. DO IT NOW, it will save her life and yours.
I am married to a crack addict. I didn't know anything about what crack addiction would do to someone, I found out the hard way. The only option I gave him was rehab. I didn't know it had been going on for a long time, as soon as I found out I told him to leave. I could tell you stories that would make your hair curl...I'm sure many on this forum have been there done that. The only thing that will help is REHAB. The only way she will get clean is with the help she can find at a clinic. You can't help her, and your love won't change her, trust me I know. If she refuses to get help then she is not serious about getting clean. And if that is the case, you need to let her go and make a life foryourself. As hard as that is to think about it will be even harder to live with the pain that is sure to come if she does not get help. DO IT NOW, DON'T HESITATE. IT IS THE ONLY WAY. I hope things work out for you two. I wish you the best. Helen
I know from personal experience at least what the addict does through,too. I put my wife of at
the time only 2 years through hell,due to my Coke and alcohol addiction. Don't get me wrong
by saying that I don't think the drugs were not destroying our relationship. I was working about
70 hours per week and was always so stressed out,that I would go get my fix after work and
drink my dinner.I made unreal money and was able to pocket hundreds per week for my hard
liquour and coke. It did catch up with me later,though. I was always hung over and strung out at work,but did manage to keep my job,so long as I went to rehab. After 3 months after the rehab
went successfully,I had to have 2 hips replaced due of the bone disease I contracted from the
drugs. I can't work anymore,at anything,especially a well paying mechanic position. My wife
is still with me 3 years after the nightmare,but I'm misserable now. No work,no money,no nice
ride,no friends. Just plain missing the old days even though they weren't especially great for
my wife. I guess the old saying"You Gotto Pay to Play" is very real to me now. What I'm saying
is t do whatever you can as soon as you can to get yourselfor your loved one off that junk before
it destroys not only their life,but yours as well.God Bless.
there are a couple of really good boards I have found dealing with these horrible situations - one is an MSN group called "Ask a recoverying Crack Addict." And the other is Naranon Family Group. Both of these have helped me in trying to deal with the crack addict in my life. My fiance and the father of my toddler. This whole thing sucks.
I am living with an addict and he has been doing pretty good.....he just slipped last night or early this morning. He snuck out while I was in bed I woke up to find him gone. He is saying its not about me and that he is sorry, well F*** that sorry only helps if you try to correct things. I don't know what to do I love him so much and I have found myself now in a very terrible finacial rut because of it. I have a daughter and she is telling me why do you keep letting him hurt you, she is only 7. I don't know what to say to her. I just want him to be better but I don't know how much longer I can be understanding or whatever you call this mindf***
I just can't do this anymore.. How can you give someone your heart and love and they pick dope over you!! All the bullsh*t talk they talk.. they do good a couple of days but get around another crackhead and everything is gone again... I just don't understand.. why is he ripping my heart out???
First I want to say I am sorry! Second as you know (400-500$) a day on crack is not cheap like someone else mentioned. I am a crack addict(well recovering I should say) I havent used in 3-4 months and hope I never do again! It has ruined my life, my marriage, my relationship with my children, I have sold for my drug,lied, stole and cheated. My crack came before my husband it even before my Kids. All you care about is MORE CRACK! It is a never ending cycle. Thankfully my Husband supported me and still does and has given me numerous chances. I have been to rehab 3 times and also outpatient counseling for my addiction, and I keep relapsing, it is a strong drug.Even though it has ruined my life to this day I cannot say I hate it because that would be a lie, I love how it makes me feel and to tell you the truth if there were no consequences I would be still using it. I hate to admit that but its true. Being a crack head I will tell you like it is, he probably will not stop, if he does it wont be for long before he gives in to it and says one more time like I did. I am not saying he cant stop but it takes alot of will and support on your end. And whatever you do do not trust anything he says for a long while. My hubby took away my checkbook, cash,credit cards, jewelery, hid my dvds alot of ****. Good luck to you and especially good luck to him .
Don't know if you are married to a crackhead or not. But if you are not married to a crackhead and even though you may have a lot tied up into the relationship including children and a home-RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. Cut your losses before you get sunk in deeper and deeper. Its a crackhead rollercoaster.That's what i told my crackhead husband of 14 years and i ain't riding it no more. The lies, accusations and the schizo stuff will have you sitting in a corner counting the specks on the ceiling. Who is has the mental illness him or you? Because its a mind affecting drung yours and his. You can't keep up even if you are the best drug detective in the world because once you gather all the info and evidence that he's on drugs-Whatcha gonna do with it? Put his butt in rehab-no joke. don't ask him if he's your spouse-just DO it. What's his is yours and vice versa and you are his voice , you are his thinker. And why should you try to sit down and rationalize with a mentally disturbed person who puts on a front like he's Einstein. Get a grip. Did he have a family meeting with you and tell you he was going to use or was using? Well, that answers the question about should i discuss it with him. HE CAN"T HEAR YOUR VOICE RIGHT NOW. Send him to rehab away from you because you are more than likely an enabler like the rest of us who just want it all to end and hate to see them do without. And listen, baby, YOU LIVE. Do you hear ME---YOU LIVE. don't
sign a do not rescusitate on yourself. HOPE against HOPE for better days for yourself because I know that crack affects the nonuser too. You become a passive user without the benefits of the high. we fall for mind games like" Go on and use. I'll be right here when you come down because i love you. "You need me. you just going through stress right now" or " He's got to want to quit" NEWSFLASH--YOUR MAN'S ON CRACK-YOUR MAN'S ON CRACK-YOUR MAN'S ON CRACK
The ride aint' over until Crack lets him off and by that time he is of no use to you. Find you a good Christian based church, take your children(if applies) treat yourself good, pray to God often and baby, GET THE DEVIL OUT OF YOUR HOUSE!!!. IF you aren't married to him, talk to his familly about committign to rehab. Have a family reunion charity fund for troubled family members, do a yard sale, look for free or low cost government funded rehabs--Take action. If you can't afford it, seperate yourself from his world. He's been gone out of yours for awhile. You just kept the light on for him.
you can always email me if you like. We are no longer victims but victorious in Christ. That's the greatest life changing love of all.
Dear Kate, I to have an addiction to crack cocaine. In desperation you stated maybe you shouid try it to se whats the big deal, Well!!! JAILS< INSTITUTIONS AND DEATH.not to mention the social, financial and moral degradation. Kate when I use this **** im perplexed, I wonder how a person with all my knowledge did it again.I insight i can offer is ,its usually after a few Drinks a few percocets and then at times im off to the races, hanging with Liars, CHEATS AND THIEVES. Kate I have my own money I dont steal, con etc. Well maybe myself. The final result is im broke with a massive depression, and the famous words I will never do crack again.Kate this dude has to change. people, places and things.By what you stated this seems an up hill climb.p.s. this guy knows what to do.So i wish you the best. johnnykelly
I too was like you i wanted to try it just to see what the hoopla was all about. when i thought about I decided against it. I have two funtionable sisters who uses crack, that means they hold jobs take care of their families but still do crack when the craving comes how often I do not know. My childrens father use to do it to. He it rock bottom went to jail and vowed to never do it again not even drink he has been off drugs & sober ever since, I also have a brother who went out there as a teen and never came back I am always angry with him because I lost my big brother he is 48 and still out there with no signs of coming back. I thank GOD everyday that I have another brother who has always been there for me. I have a husband of less than 1 year who is on it, and I know it is time for some help. I have not gotten to where a lot of people have but I am not trying to go there so help we will get, but you can not get that help if you are out there with him. I said all this to say do not try it in the end it will not be worth it.
Take care and get as much help as you can!
From personal experience I know that Crack feels better than food or sex, (maybe not really hot sex) thats why it is crazy to get habituated to using it - It totally wrecks ones appreciation of all the simple, good things in life. It sounds like your ex-boyfriend has lost his soul and needs to be left alone to find himself through spiritual rebirth. You need to move on and find a real man to love and share your life with. Sweet, smart and handsome just does not amount to anything if you cannot feel empathy for the one you are meant to be caring about. I am surprised you wasted a year on him, you sound more intelligent than that. Oh well, live and learn. Better luck next time.
I just found this site and god must have guided me here. I just need to vent. My soon to be ex husband just called me last night to ask for my forgiveness for all that he has put me through. I told him i forgive him, but dont call me trying to pull at my heart strings, he is exactly where he has always wanted to be and then i shut my phone off. We were together for 12 years and married 9 years, i literally ran after this man. He was so beautiful, he got me. He is a chef, i worked and he worked and would still come home and cook dinner for me. But he to is an alchoholic and crackhead (found out about crack 5-6 years ago, i dont drink or smoke). I always made everything, i mean everything, okay. I am an enabler. I finally could not take it anymore, his anger, his 2 personalities, all of the lies, he constantly lied about everything, I dont know if he cheated, but if hes a liar, welll..... He pawned everything i ever brought him. He had me believe my family stole his jewelry. He sold my new car to the dope man, it was a rental rock for a couple of days (what the police called it). The police would not let me report it stolen at first, i finally got it back. Our home is in foreclosure, we have 2 children and currently i am unemployed. Who by the grace of god am barly getting by. I filed for divorce in feb 08' and the judge ordered he could stay in the home because he never hit me, i cried to the judge that he was putting his family in danger and that i caught him smoking crack on the porch, found his crack pipes and had to pay off drug dealers, because they were threatning us because he owned them money. His family will have nothing to do with him. I finally got him out of the house about 1 month ago (really long story) and sometimes i feel great, sometimes i feel really guilty for feeling so good. Like all of the other people on this forum, i loved him more than i guess i loved myself. To be honest i am still searching for my inner peace and a job.
Hi I am turning 20 next month and my ex boyfriend was a crack addict. I met him when I was 16 and I thought he was perfect - he was one of those people you could just talk to about anything and he was cute and smart. I didn't hear from him again until a year later. I found out he had a warrent for his arrest (long story). Within these days until he got caught him & I "fell in love". It got to the point where I dropped all my friends, my family, just to be with him. My friends are the bestest friends a girl could ask for - and my family, they loved me - they provided me with everything I needed. I left and lied to my parents because I was young and naive. At this time he just had gotten out of jail and told me he would "never go back". He of course had conditions upon his realease. He had a 10 o'clock curfew and I kept him inside our home before 10 o'clock for a good 2 weeks. But one day he just decided he needed to go out to have a couple of drinks and he wanted me to go with him cause he knew I would get him home on time... Well, we got a little drunk but I still managed to call a cab at 9:15. It came on time and we were having fun being drunk. I rolled down the window and saw some of my friends that I knew through my cousin and I waved. He looked at me and slapped me. We got kicked out of the cab and he slapped me and punched me right across the c-train station.
There were so many people watching and no one did ANYTHING (makes me sick). he left me there walking away screaming "****, *****". I cried to the train station and took the train home. I packed all my stuff and called my parents to come pick me up - within an hour or two they were there. To cut the story short - He went to jail that night and he called me crying and apligising and I was stupid and took him back .... He hit me again & I took him back - I don't know why I was just not using my mind. I have a big heart and I believe people deserve chances... He got out of jail 11 months later and I came to pick him up.. he seemed really werid and just out of the ordinary. My parents agreed to let him live with us (only because that way they could watch me & feel more safe that I am home). He worked with my dad and I worked with my mom everything was going good. He told me he started to smoke salvia he would take out some tabacco from his cig and put "salvia" at the end and smoke it. It got really frustrating and it got to the point where he was smoking it almost every 10 minutes. He would go outside and I wondered what the hell was so good about it.
He was a "drug dealer" and I would drive him around. One time he brought a crack head into my car and he took a hoot from his pipe I freaked out and kicked him out and as soon as I started to smell it I thought "what the hell that's the same sh*t you're smokin" but i didn't say it because I knew my ex, he had a short temper and I was just terrified of him. he then continued to smoke it Outside my family home, inside my car, when we would take a walk. And I started to act really funny around him and he could tell... Everyone was starting to suspect it - his best friend even asked him if he smoked and he freaked out and almost shot him... he asked him because he's the one who supplies him with the crack and he usually gives him it and tells him to pretty much double the money and he would never recieve not even half of the money my ex would owe him... We were living with his best friends at this time. After his friend asked him if he smoked he stole 500 dollars of his money and meet up with me (i didn't know about this money). This was a day before new years eve. He told me we should rent a hotel with the 500 but first buy smoke dope to "sell" so we could have more money later. So he spent 400 on the dope... and now we have only 100 for a hotel. He took me to the cheapest hotel possible SOO DIRTY. We got into the hotel and he ran right to the washroom.
He came out half an hour later. He went outside to look for people to sell it to. He sold 100 to one guy. He was in and out of that washroom probably 10 times. Everytime he would come out I would ask him to lay with me and he wouldn't he just kept looking out the window. I asked him why and he said because he thinks his best friend was after him. I told him how can he possibly know where we are? and he said he just does and he put the little couch so it would block the way of the door and pretty much everything but the beds so no one could get in - HE WAS TRIPPIN. and i sat there and just watched him I could sleep. I know if i was to do the wrong move (call the cops call for help etc.) then he probably would have killed me if not killed me close to killing me. We had to check out the next day - - he did not look good, he didn't even sleep at all. We walked through downtown with our suitcases (LIKE I WAS HOMELESS) and he just freaked out for no reason he told me to stop walking behind him and to walk the oppsite side of where the street was because he didn't want anyone to look at me then one minute he would just start looking for things to yell at me then we just got into a huge arguement and he broke it off with me and called his friends saying "we're going out tonight I'm single!!". then after he would say sorry... We ended up at his friends house and it turned 12 he said HAPPY NEW YEARS to everyone BUT me. He even saw his friend kiss his girl and he just looked at them and went "AWWW" didn't even bother to come to me. After that he said he was going to go to the club and I told him I didn't have the proper clothes I was in sweats so he gave me money to rent out the same cheap hotel so we could have a place for the night. so i went back there and i tried calling him over and over and he said he was on his way back home (I couldn't get a cab cause it was so busy).
He didn't get home til 6 a.m.. WHAT A JOKE!!! From that day I told him he needed to go back to his father (who lived in the Yukon - we were in Calgary at the time). I took the greyhound with him 24 hours long!! His Dad is a loving and understanding person and has had problems with my ex ever since he was 14. He helped me get a job and everything. I had to go back to calgary for my best friends birthday and I was even surpirsed he let me. To make the story short - I got back there and he was smoking it right in front of me he would go to the corner and look back right and left and smoke from his damn water bottle pipe he made then after he would walk all over the house with a febrezze bottle which was replaced with water and soup and he would spray it all around the house (thinking it would take the smell away- YA RIGHT!!). the next day he was out - he was trying to feel up on me and have sex with me and i told him "you're so unattractive right now!! you don't think I know what you're doing" and he would look down and be like "i know" and then the next minute he would get so mad he would say "why are u not putting out what the FU*K is your problem" then he grabbed my legs and dragged me all over the house and I ran to the washroom. He was banging on the door and he said if I didnt come out he would have to break the door so I came out he punched me right in the jaw I literally saw stars and got knocked out for 2 seconds. I ran to the bedroom and he grabbed my jaw and pushed me aginist the wall and he told me to be quiet he threw me on the bed. I thought I was going to get raped. I started kicking him and he grabbed my legs and started to punch my stomach.
I told him to stop and he finally left me alone. I had to go to the doctors cause he dislocated my jaw. I left him the next three days because it was the only available flight and i was not up to take the 24 ride back to calgary. I had to act like nothing was wrong with me those 3 days and his dad knew right when he saw me and took me to the doctors I had to lie and say I fell in the tub. He knew and before I iwas leaving to take my flight I told him and he told me I deserve someone who loves me and he was only going to ruin me. I left. After he had to courage to finally admit to me on MSN MESSENGER that he was smoking it in jail for those 11 months he was there cause he thought he would never get out. he told me he was coming back to calgary cause his dad and him got into a fight. he came back and called me and threated me saying if I didn't see him he would come to my house and kill my family. I was so scared of him that I didn't know what to do BUT see him because I knew he would actually come to my house and something WOULD happen for sure. So I met up with him and he wouldn't smoke it around me but he would be so depressed.
He would whine and cry to me about everything and how he lost his life.... I finally got rid of him the next day at 6 a.m in the morning. He kept calling and calling.... He told me to met him somewhere and I told him i would be there but I really didn't want to. I got my cousin to pick up my phone and tell him that I left my cell phone at home and that I was on my way and he said "you're a fu*kin liar" and hung up. He called again and said he would come to my house if I wasn't there in the next hour. My cousin advise that I called the cops. So I finally had the courage to. I told them to met me across the street at the gas station. I told them the location and I stayed away from my house and told my brother to lock all the windows. He called my little brother and said "do me a favor and tell your sister she's dead" and hung up. the cops called me an hour later and told me they went to the location but he left 10 minutes before. AN HOUR LATER? it took 10 minutes to get there!!!. My cousin and I sat in my car parked til 4 a.m and we finally decided to come home we were so scared to get out of the car in fear of him being there but he wasn't we slept in my brother's room cause we were so scared.
The next couple of days on the news there was a person who stole a taxi - put a knife to the driver but the driver manage to run off. The cops were in the oppisite direction and the person saw and paniced and crashed into a semi-truck. IT WAS HIM... I checked my messages on nexopia the next day and it said "I'm going to downtown and smoke my sh*t and come to your house and kill you" the news said the driver was headed to the downtown core. THANK GOD he didn't make it to my house. The calls started coming in from jail. He would love me the next day and hate me the next. Then I started to avoid his calls and he accused me of cheating while he was in jail for 11 months. Now he is out of my life!!! EVERYTHING made so much sense when I found of he smoked crack. All the lies and all the time he was so violent with me. GIRLS PLEASE GET YOURSELF OUT OF THIS SITUATION! ALL CRACKHEADS THINK ABOUT IS CRACK AND WANTING MORE AND MORE AND THEY WILL HURT THE PEOPLE WHO ARE CLOSEST TO THEM BECAUSE THOSE PEOPLE ARE THE ONES WHO USUALLY SUPPORT IT AND ARE SCARED TO LOOSE THEM. This situation not only has effected my future but i think about him everyday, not because I still love him because I can't not forget him. all the places in calgary remind me of him. It hurts but I keep strong. You gotta look at it in a way where as you live and you learn. It has lowered my self esteem so much that I don't love myself. I can't get into a serious relationship because I can't trust any man. ONCE YOU DRAW YOURSELF AND SUPPORT SOMEONE WITH THIS DIRTY HABIT YOU WILL ONLY FEEL GUILT IN THE END - YOU WILL ONLY HATE YOURSELF AND IF YOU DON'T LOVE YOURSELF YOU CAN'T LOVE ANYONE ELSE. this goes for all users and NON users. CRACKHEADS can't LOVE ANYONE because they don't love themselevs to begin with they only love the high. US WHO DEAL WITH IT - hate ourselves because of what we put ourself through ... well STOP BEFORE YOU HATE YOURSELF EVEN MORE. I hate to say but you put yourself in this position - just like I put myself in mine. Just put your mind into it and you can do it. DO IT FOR YOURSELF. don't do it for someone who will ruin your life.
I hope this story encouraged all of you..
i have with the same person for 5 years, it has recently come to my attention that he has been doing crack , cocaine and god only knows for some time, i would really like to believe the :im sorry" i love you" and the "your more important" but i cant. i was told more than once that he stopped and would never touch them again, ive cried myself to sleep more than once. Noone knows how bad i just want to tell hime to get out and that i never want to see him again but i cant.. my sister is going through the same thing i am. her boyfriend as far as i know got him into it...one day i will be strong enough to tell him to get out becaues i cant take it anymore
God, this is so depressing. I have a crack ***** for a wife and I guess I should have known where it was headed. We've been married for a year and a half and she's already been in jail twice. She got off parole after five years and is now on probation on another charge. One of the times she went to jail I had her violated by her PO. All it did was hurt her kids and prolong this agony. I'm here reading all this trying to decide if I should do it again. It sure would make me getting out of here a whole lot easier. In any case, I'm seeing a lawyer tomorrow.
I've been sober for just past 30 years now so aside from loving her with all my heart, I have a special place in there that wanted to help her but all I did was enable her. I've discovered the secret to living with a crack addict: have an unlimited source of funds, an infinite amount of patients, and repeat after me - "Yes Dear!" That's the only way it will ever work. Looking back, it was the only time she was ever happy - when she got everything she wanted. She never takes responsibility for what she does, there is always an excuse and it never had anything to do with her.
It's such a shame. A beautiful woman with hope and desire, all wasted on the next hit. The lies, the money, the screwing around, I mean really, this is not a marriage. And as for the kids, I have to keep reminding myself I didn't do this to them, she did.
She is a user; drugs, people, money, it never ends - except of course in death. I love her too much to stick around and watch that.
My husband of 2 years is a crack head. It's a horrible feeling for someone you love to steal money from you and constantly lie to you. I have truly loved him for him and its so hurtful that I feel now he's cheating on me. He is trying to be with someone who will allow him to do what he wants to do. I put him out immediately upon finding out he was doing drugs and he is living with his sister and she allows him to do whatever he wants to do. He was a faithful Christian man that went to church faithfully and loved the Lord and its like Satan took over. He is constantly telling lies and trying to cheat me out of the money he owes me some stealing from me. It's so painful and disgusting. Thank you for your feed back it helped me so much.
DO NOT TRY IT!!! ITZ THE GATEWAY TO HELL!!! IT JUST WANTS TO TRAP YOU TOO! BEEN THERE DONE THAT. MARRIED AN ADDICT THINKING THINGS WOULD CHANGE. IDK WHAT IT IS ABOUT CRACK BUT IT WILL TAKE GOD TO GET YOU OFF OF IT!!
Please watch out for xanax dependence. I started taking Ativan (a similar benzodiazapam) to alleviate the anxiety created by living with a crack addict. I only took them as prescribed, 1 pill a day as needed. I became dependent on the pill and had to get help from my doctor to taper off. Believe me, I'm no wussy either. This class of pill is highly addictive and the side effects of coming off are horrible and took me 30 days to recover. Google it and read what others say about it and you will think twice about using this drug or other benzos. This was another wake-up call for me that helped me realize that living with a crack addict is not healthy and not bearable for me. Maybe others can do it but if I need a pill to help me bear the discomfort of daily living, than something is wrong. The real question for me is, "what is it about ME that makes me stay in this kind of abusive relationship?" IT'S NOT THEM.
God yes, and moving away from it and keeping your a55 busy with a job. If you don't move away and start fresh it only takes one chance meeting with another jackass who smokes it to set it back in motion again. YOU will do it again if you are around people who do it.When you take root in another place, stay away from the types that drink and do drugs, that's just common sense.Lastly, stay alert. Once you have worked a while and you start getting your feet under you again, you will get that feeling of accomplishment.This is good. However, the craving to do it again will NEVER be completely gone. So you have to be on your toes and always remember that it isn't worth it.Just keep busy, cherish the ones you love,and never forget the bad times so you can stay in the good ones.
The golden rule concerning crack: "One hit is too many, a thousand is not enough".
I disagree dice... she should get as far away as possible. Love is NOT enough to help him. The only thing loving a crackhead will do is destroy you. He will NOT quite for you, children, family, or jobs. He will continue to smoke until HE decides he wants help and even then the odds are not in his favor. She can't cure his infection she isn't God. Let him go and get the help you need for yourself.
Mam I told myself I wool never try that drug. I was promiscuous I had sex with men that were crack smokers. They would always ask me to just try it. Still I was scared. Then one day my curiosity got the best of me. The first experience was the most amazing high I had ever experienced in my life. So I told myself . I will just do a little bit and go to bed. Well that little bit turned into me being late for work everyday to only working to buy drugs. I lost my house ,my car, most important those men I got high with and sex with are no longer in my life. I hid it well ,what I mean is I still could function until I lost everything my job it was over for now. I've been smoking since I was 28yrs old. I am 38yrs old now. I ve been clean for 8 months . But theirs not a day go by that I don't think about getting high. I've been thru hell and back and then back to hell 3 times. I'm tired of that lifestyle I pray to God everyday for support. If not I will keep it inside and start using again. I found out I was HIV positive I was devastated. I couldn't believe this had happened to me. That drug does not discriminate. But I've been thru so much and have lost so much. I feel I am on the right track I pray every day I also journal when I am heavy with those thoughts. I am happy
now I have clarity in my mind. I have repaired broken relationships with family an friends . What ever u do PLEASE don't try this terrible drug it is the devil an he will still everything from u like he's done to me and many many more people. I am going to pray for u and ur family. Take care and God bless .perry b
My heart goes out to you. Your situation and mine sound so much the same. I was in a relationship with a crack addict for 6 years. He waned on and off the drug, and, like your man, is one of the most gentle, creative, wonderful people I have ever known. But at the end of the day, the lying, the let down promises and the cheating on me with hookers just became more than I could stand. I felt like I was falling into a bottomless pit and that the relationship sucked me dry (never mind the financial cost). I loved him like no one before but had to let him go. I know how hard it is and just want to say I'm standing by you in cyber-space because you need to do what's right for you and protect yourself. It is the greatest gift of self-love you could ever give yourself. And probably one of the toughest things you have done in your life.
The whole time I was with him, I kept thinking it was me that had the issues (not sexy enough, not interesting enough, never good enough for him) but now I realize those were all fall-outs from his brain in addiction. I am working with a really great counsellor to rebuild my self esteem and reminding myself of all the goodness in me and in the world. It's there, we just have to see it. Power, strength and love to you Kate.
I disagree with dice too..at 49 and new to the dating game...I fell for a smoker...I didn't know he smoked..i knew he was doing something..big pupils...red looking eyes..acting paranoid....lying about small ****.......then when he would make excuses to leave......pic fights to get away.....then finally moved to that crack hotel....where he fitted in and loved it. He never had to go find it...it was there 24/7... I finally realized he wanted nothing but to get high....quit work...started hanging around smokers....driving them everywhere....calling them family and ****..GET AWAY FROM A CRACK SMOKING MAN...HE LEFT ME SAYING...I LOVE YOU TO MUCH TO HURT YOU.....I thank god for blocking the devil from destroying me... GOD INTERVENED BECAUSE MY LOVE WAS BLIND....LISTEN..........A CRACK SMOKER HAS NO FUTURE....KEEP IT MOVING......ON--- ON TO THE NEXT.....
ITS BEEN 6 months...dude still smoking...moved in wit a fat black chick,,who thinks she got a good dude...running him to church....getting loans for him...paying his car..feeding hm.....she doesn't know.....I pray ole T.R don't take down with his ship.......ITS FULL F HOLES AND IS ON A ONE WAY TRIP TO HELL.......don't walk ladies........run like hell......RUUUUUN.
i'm struggling with this addiction myself. it's ruining my life and i've tried to kill myself twice because of how miserable it makes me. but it's all that i can think about, i torture myself constantly wanting another hit, then when i get that hit, all i want is another one. plz dont try it... im going to die because of this.
Wow! I am glad I found this thread. I just started a "relationship" with a guy and very quickly discovered he is a crack addict. He admits it, but says that he is functional, which he is, when it comes to his job. But in the very short time we have been together, I have watched him change completely. I just don't want to believe that he has lied to me about everything. I was very wary about getting involved, because I had been so hurt by my ex-husband. This guy was very honest about not wanting to be committed. But he can be so sweet, yet sending mixed signals. I think part of him really does care about me, but when he is using, he doesn't honor my wishes about not wanting to be around it at all. I am just glad to know that it is not me, it's him.
I ask for prayers for me to be strong and stay clear. I have dealt with a crack addict for over 5 years now. I found out 8 weeks into our relationship and I advised to get out. I have been there through so much and he has hurt me so much. I am so surprised to read so many people saying how gifted, talented, sweet and wonderful these folks can be. And I AGREE! which is why I hung in there so long. I kept thinking the GOOD in him is going to come out and over power the drug. He insist he can stop on his own..and uses cigs and weed as a way to stop. I know that is just another part of denial. He won't get help. He says he has been clean for about 6 months but sometimes his behavior says otherwise. He is also the sweetest talker and always gets me to believe that I somehow caused an argument or pissed him off when things are bad between us. I am 55 years old and he is 58--I say this to the young people out there...TRY --give it all you have--to get off the drugs and into your true LIFE. I know this drug is powerful. I have never used, but seeing what it does to someone. I end this letting your know for those that LOVE you this is an long and hard journey. To let you go to walk away is just as hard for those that must do it as it is for you to break the habit. I ask for prayers on my journey at this time. My heart is broken in ways I never thought possible and as I said. I'm not young.
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