Crack

My husband uses crack. He also drinks frequently and smokes marijuana (daily). He has been using crack for about two years. He has admitted he has a problem. But he soesn't stop using. He's gone for a month and then went back. We seperated over his addiction(s) and he seemed to be getting better after getting much worse. So we are back together now since Spetember and he was using about once a month. Now it's every time he has the money to do it.

He says he wants to quit and that he has no controlover himself. I thought that admitting you have a problemis the first step to recovery? He doesn't do anything to help himself stop. His latest idea as to how he is going to quit is he's not going to work. So if he has no money then he has no access to the drug. Can this approach work, if he is sincere in his desire to stop? Or is it a way of manipulating me so he can continue but also keep his family?

And once they stop, like for years, I understand they may still get the cravings for it. So does it ever end? Can someone really get off of it forever?

[Kathy]

Alyssa,
Yes your right admitting the problem is the first step, ( and you and him are not alone in this world), but can I ask you a qestion?......if I told you I had an eating problem ( I don't I'm 110 pds)....but if I did and said to you, that I need to not work or bring in an income, not just for me but my family, so I would have no money to "over abuse on eating" would that make sense to you?......
Yes he has made the right step as far as I can see, admitting he is powerless/ and has a problem, now what?....next?.....my son was 4 when I left my husband who was a junkie, and I went on to build a nice life for us both, he is 25 now, my best girlfriend whos husband was also a junkie, sought help thru NA, Narcotics....and AA, her and I were married at the same time, she has 3 beautiful children know, and thru the program he has been 17 yrs sober, and there marriage is solid as a rock, and they will be celebrating there 29th here soon, so it depends on you, and your relationship, and where you choose to draw the line.....I choose out, but I knew for me it was the best choice, as he was very abusive, but yours maybe different, and if your seeking help, theres plently out there for you, may you find it, and be forever happy.
Kathy

[Gabriel]

I AM SORRY TO SEE YOU ARE HAVING TROUBLE WITH YOUR HUSBAND AND CRACK.  I AM A EXCRACK HEAD, I WENT THROUGH A LOT OF HELP, FALL BACKS FOR YEARS AND BROKE THE HABIT ON MY OWN.  HERE ARE A FEW SUGESTIONS I DID WITH THE HELP OF MY WIFE.
1. NO MONEY, GET HIM TO AGREE THAT YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN GET HIS CHECK, EMPLOYER INVOLVED, NO ACSESS TO BANK, NAME OFF CHECKING, NO CARDS IN HIS NAME OR AVALIBLE, HIDE THESE ITEMS ALSO, NO MONEY NO BUYING.

2. NO DRINGING, NO POT, NO CRACK, YOU CANT DO ONE AND IT NOT LEAD TO ANOTHER.

3. NO FREINDS AROUND WHO ARE INVOLVED IN DRINKING OR DRUGS, STAY AWAY FROM THEM.

4. GET HELP, AN ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY COMES FROM OTHER ISSUES, DEPRESSION, HIDDING FROM LIFE, OR MANY OTHER THINGS FIND A PSYCIATRST TO HELP HIM WITH THE TRUE UNDERLINING PROBLEMS HE IS HIDING FROM BY ABUSE.

5. DISCOVER LIFE WITH OUT DRUGS OR DRINKING, DO FUN THINGS TOGETHER, HIKING, CAMPING, FISHING, PARK, OR ANYTHING. HE HAS TO LEARN TO LIVE WITH OUT DRUGS, WHEN THE DRUGS ARE GONE THE FUN OF LIFE IS EVIDENT BELEAVE ME.

6. HE HAS TO COME CLEAN, HE NEEDS TO ADMIT HIS ADDICTION TO YOU, FAMILY, FREINDS, THEY WILL HELP IF HE IS WILLING TO HELP HIM SELF, BUT REMIMBER THERE WILL BE FALL BACKS. DONT GIVE UP.

7. AND IF YOU OR FAMILY HAVE NEVER BEEN AN ADICT TO DRUG LIKE CRACK YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT POWERS YOU ARE FIGHTING, AND IT IS STONGER THAN ANYTHING I KNOW, IT IS HARD THAN ANYTHING YOU KNOW.
YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT HE IS GOING THROUGH SO GET INFORMATION, BOOKS, AND PEOPLE WHO NOW.

8 HE HAS TO REALY WANT TO QUIT, I MEAN REALY, AND THESE STEPS CAN HELP.

I AM TWO YEARS FREE OF CRACK, AND THAT TOOK TWO YEARS OF FIGHTING BY ME, MY WIFE, AND MY FAMILY. AND MANY FALL DOWNS.
THANK HIM FOR THE GOOD HE DOES, YOU HAVE TO BUILD THE GOOD IN HIM AGAIN, MY WIFE SAVED MY LIFE. YOU WILL HAVE TO BE STRONG, AND LOVE HIM ALOT TO MAKE IT THROUGH THIS, YOU LOCAL COUNTY HEALTH DEPARTMENT OR THE PHONE BOOK UNDER DRUGS FOR AGENCYS THAT CAN HELP.

TELL HIM HE CAN DO IT, AND SAID SO. I DID AND DID THEM ALL, LIFE IS EASIER AND FUNNER WITH OUT DRUGS AND YOU WILL AGREE WHEN YOU REACH  THE POINT I AM AT FIGHT IT AND GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS YOU WIFE FOR CAREING FOR YOU THAT MUCH THATS REAL LOVE.

[sky]

You are gonna be fighting a hard battle but with lots of patients you will get through it. I myself went through the fighting of the same addiction I went through 10,000 in 1 month.
I was doing it every day for 2 years straight and then occasionally,If you never had to overcome an addiction its hard for you to be able to understand.Your husband is gonna have to hit rock bottom probably a few times.Before he actually quits.Just be patient if you can and realize it took him along time to become an addict,it will be twice as long getting overt it.Please email me if you want to talk.I think I can help.
               Tony R sky @aol.com

[Jean Greene]

My husband is addicted to crack.  He has been a user for 2 years. He has left me again.  I try to been patient, but there are no rules in this relationship, except his, which change minute by minute.  I don't know what to do to help him.  He admits that he has a problem and has given me his check book and bank card several times only to take them back the next time we get into an argument over his drug problem.  He says he wants help but so far hasn't made any moves in that direction.  I love him very much and would cut off my right arm if that would help, but, of course, it wouldn't.  What can I do to help this man???

[moveitright5]

I dont know if my bf is doing coke or crack ( he only admits to coke after I found out through his family that he is using it) These are some of the things he does & symptoms/signs, please help:

1. he drops me off from work at night, and doesnt pick me up in the morning
2. After he get paid from work he is missing in action for up to 2 weeks at a time
3.  He works in construction and is constantly laid off/looses his job due to absentee
4.  He has stole money from me in the past about 6,000
5.  He sold one of his cars that his mother gave him, and doesnt want to talk about it he sees the car in the street and gets upset that he cant touch it
6.  He has secret friends that I cant meet, the ones I saw on the other side of town looks like crack heads
7. He comes home from hanging out very skinny in appearance.
8.  His hands are always hard and burnt. ( HE TELLS ME ITS FROM CONSTRUCTION)
9.  He talks about coke heads as if they are disgusting
10.  He denies doing coke now, he tells me he just drives around in his mercedez benz all day and night drinking and smoking weed
11. He talks as if he is better than his associates that have problems with crack
12. He gets offended when I ask him if he uses crack
13.  Sometimes when I look at him he looks very depressed and sad, when I ask him whats wrong he says nothing to me
14.  He keeps telling me he wants to move out of NY
15. He is in and out of jail for possession of crack/coccaine. twice this year (i dont know if its crack or coccaine)
16.  He has no goals, I try to get him to take a vacation and its like pulling teeth
17.  He lost his very best friend 6 yrs to heroin addiction and is hurt about that
18. three of his friends died on overdoses this year alone, and suicide attempts
19. He tells me he is suicidal, and when i say Im tired of living my life worrying about him he doesnt try to make me feel less depressed, he makes me more depressed.  He is no support to me.
20.  His family only says that he does coke and its not crack
21.  Alot of people in his family are coke and crack addicts, his step father died of coke overdose, and his biological father died of HIV AIDS and was into coke too
22. He knows all the crack spots
23. Alot of drug dealers call his phone, he keeps his cell hidden from me
24.  He spends alot of time with his worthless crack head uncles, in which his family has abandonded, he is the only one who connects with them
25. He talks bad about his crack head uncles, calling them loosers and good for nothing
26.  He always brags about my job cuz I make a lot of money, tries to live off of me, I dont make that much and he doesnt contribute to any bills.
27.  When he comes home he cooks and cleans a lot, but cant help me with the bills. He swears uop and down that he never cheats on me.
28. He has a gay coccaine addict friend that is more functional then him he is ablet o hold down a job, I dont like him b/c he tried to come on to me and him.  But my BF still hangs out with him, and tells me he is a good friend and when he dont have money his gay friend helps him out
WHAT IS THIS,!!!I GIVE UP I DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK OF ALL HIS BEHAIVOR PLEASEEE HELP ME SOMEONE!!!!

His symptoms to me seem more intense than coke, I dont do drugs, can someone help me.

[TrayCee]

short answer..

Yes you can stop for good.  I smoked everyday for 2 years, and havent smoked for the past 3.

I moved to a different state and change all my numbers.

[fishmeal]

I loved TrayCee's answer.... but you may have to get away from him yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[LadySundown]

I think all of the answers were great. Some took a lot of time to share what they have gone through in hopes of helping others.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LS

[Glauren]

Anyone can stop anything if the REALLY want to. People can say they want to until they are blue in the face, but if they dont make some sort of attempt, then they are trying to take the guilt off what they are doing so that they dont feel bad about doing it. Something like crack is a LIFE change. That is one of those things he is going to have to eliminate the people and sources around him. A user can not get better when they are seduced by the drug they desire because they are surrounded by opportunities. My best success story would be when I was a huge part of the rave scene. I was throwing raves, parting with the top djs in the world, so meth was a natural reaction to the situation. For 3 - 4 years I was doing it almost every other day, and definately every weekend. Luckily I was one of the few that was on point with my life...and going to college. Then one day, Houston had a GIANT bust, and 20 of my friends went down in one of the biggest meth busts we have ever had. So I knew I had to move. So I did. For one year I went to UT. And got clean. New environment, and didnt have a dealer. So it stopped. It has been about 3.5 years off. I will play every now and then, but thats RARE. I cut everyone off that I know still messes with that schnit. And that is what he is going to have to do. Anything is possible. People beat **** all the time. It isnt a hopeless battle, you just need to make sure that he is serious, and that he wants to stop. Because unforchinately you can not MAKE anyone do something they dont want to do.

******** Ok, I just read your question again, and shame all over him. Him saying that not working will help? um...no. So you are supposed to suffer the financial burden as well as deal with trying to keep your family together? NO! If anything tell him to hand you his paychecks when he gets them. Becuase I can PROMISE you that even if he has no money, he will find a way. I know people that are crack addicts, i dont hang out with them, but i have heard that they would STEAL CRACK FROM CRACKHEADS to get high, pawn ****....and so whatever else they could to get high.
At this point you need to sit him down and figure out a plan of attack on his addiction. And let him know that you will be there to help, but also make it clear that you are not stupid, and that you are not going to except anything less than his best attempt to beat this. Do not allow yourself to start feeling like your are failing him, becaue that card will get played. At some point this will somehow become your fault. Even though its not.
If he is serious, then he should have no problem sitting with you and figuring out plans of attack to beat it. You both need to be one the same page, and sadly you are going to have to moniter him, his actions, and who he hangs around.
This is something I know a pretty large ammount on. So if you want to talk, let me know. I have never done it, but I know way to many people that have.
So if you have anything you want to know, or any questions, please make a post directed to me and we will talk.
:)
Just be patient, and listen. Dont push your feelings onto him about. But also let him know that

[truztin]

my husband uses. he won't admit it. he says it's something else. whenever he does it, which is regularly, his personality changes. sometimes it is strangely questionable, things that i don't believe he'd do if not influenced by the stuff. i'm afraid of him now because it has progressed and gotten worst and not better over the years. during christmas, he was making all this money, and had bragged in previous months how he would use it to buy our son some christmas presents. At christmas, he said "i aint buying him sh..t!"

That scared me because he has never said anything like that and included our son in it in that way of talking. Recently he got mad at me and told me that he almost said to himself "forget her and him." personally I have heard of people getting angry with their spouses and saying forget that person, but I don't hear often of people including their children in their anger against their spouses.

we are seperated and have been for 8 months. he rarely called to check on our son. then he lost his job and started calling all the time but only to talk to me until my son answers the phone this way now "i know. you want to speak to mommy."

he had moved a man into our apartment who was supposedly helping him pay the rent when he lost his job. he says that man moved a woman into the apartment. when my husband was down to no money and losing the apartment he asked me to come back with our son so we could see if we could secure a place through social services. I told him i wouldn't come back with a man and woman living in my son's room that i don't know.

He said that when he told them i was coming back, the man staged an argument with the woman and supposedly rose up at my husband. during the argument, the man left and never came back. the woman was supposedly homless. that is why the man moved her in but told my husband that she was there for a couple of days till she got into school. it turns out she lied.

then i felt bad and said well i don't want to be responsible for putting someone on the street. I said she could stay. I would come back anyway. well he took this and ran with it over the past week or so. she was still there until apparently 2 days ago according to him. I have no way of verifying his stories because we live in two different states.

the reason i didn't go back was because i slept on my decision and decided that it was not wise. and then i talked to my brother who thinks that they were all having a chemical party.  

like i said, he has gotten worst and not better which is why i left in the first place. he is someone i don't know anymore. so i decided that instead of being alone in another state with him where he could isolate me and my son with the help of this woman, i am better off with my support system here where i am.

he is now saying he is getting kicked out in 3 days and she is gone and he is trying to stay where i am staying, but i am afraid because he is manipulative and very very clever. he says whatever he thinks someone wants to hear. we are losing our home here in the city where me and my son stay. when he left to go to the new state in the first place, he said he wasn't coming back. but then we moved in with him down there when he said things would be better for a new environment but it got worst so i came back.

I recently got employed and i need my mind to work as i work with children. when i am around him, my depression gets out of control. now i am looking for professional help so that i am not fighting any of this stuff without professionals being involved because i am tired of simply consulting with and relying on my family who has been wonderful and the people God has used to help stand me on my feet through all of this.

I want to tell him that I will not be able to continue our relationship without professional help on his part as well. But I fear that he is not ready. he has lost so much but he is unemotional about everything and trivializes the things that he has done as well as not admitting his problems.

his whole family has left him over these issues. he doesn't have a relationship with any of them. and his sister warned me about his ways before we married. i thought that she was being mean because she cussed him out in the middle of the street which i thought was uncalled for so i ignored what she was saying.

he is in his 50's now and he has been at this for some time. my friend said you can't stop at some point. that it becomes life sustaining. we've never really had a great relationship but somehow i keep hanging on.

i actually want out now but i don't want anything bad to happen to him. he has no family that he talks to outside of me. he has lost everyone's trust and even has on /off relationships with his friends.

sometimes i am afraid that everything out of his mouth is a lie. he says so many things that are unreasonable just like expecting me to come back with our son to a 2 bedroom apartment with a woman in her 30's and a man in his 40's (no one working mind you) that i don't know living in our son's room. (facing homelessness as the rent has not been paid) when I shake myself i realize that it can't be a reasonable person talking and expecting these things from me.

they say that people only go as far as you let them. i am afraid that apparently i have never really drawn the line. so i feel that this time, my line is that i don't want to live with him at this point and only want him to get help and to stay away from us until he does that.

only i know that he is not ready. he seems to really enjoy that type of life and has said that. he thinks that he is a functional person. when he has money, he doesn't know that we are gone. after 8 months he asked has it been that long? he said it seemed like 4. he hadn't even cooked a meal. he ate shrimp, steak and lobster and gave me maybe $200 for our son. he went through thousands and thousands because he had a great job. he doesn't see how he has done me so bad.

i am tired now. and i need to stay strong for my son and give him a life as even in another state, he has managed to get money from me since he has been without any. he doesn't even ask. he just says "you got to give me this or that because I don't have...)"

I stopped doing it however and he asks "how can you do this to me?"

[shortie01]

I to have a husband in his fifties who is addicted to crack cocaine. I am so disappointed and angry.
We've been together for 17yrs. 10 of which we've been married. This addction has caused so many problems, all of which I assume people can relate to. My question is am I a fool for trying to keep the marriage intact? What can I do? I have adpated to his behavior to some degree and I think that
at some point thins will change for the better. He has indeed admitted to this problem and has said he's going to get help. I know however, that this a ploy or dope fiend psychology in order to keep me around. He has never stole from me or anyone else that I am aware of, but he spends most of his money on this drug. It makes no sense and frankly I am fed-up. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

[evaj]

Its time for YOU to LIVE. Don't fall for the guilt trips crackheads run on you. Are you tired? Who is mentally disabled you or the crackhead. Forgive them , walk in love but please use some of the forgiveness and love on yourself. I have a crackhead husband. I know it but like most-he denies it despite me finding burnt spoons, pipes, torn corners of plastic wrap and actually showing it to him. Its not mine or you don't know what your talking about is the usual comment. I guess through all my 14years of dealing with my husband's illness- i never could come to grips at why he was always angry at me- i worked and carried the load of the family while he did hustles for dope dealers and their families fixing cars and handy man work and smoked his money up.We fought constantly but i always fell for the bull jive he laid out. I got tired of living his lifestyle because i had adjusted- Adjusted to not asking for money cause it wasn't coming, letting him just do whatever he wanted because he "needed " me. Yeah right. Can you say' E-N-A-B-L-E" boys and girls and his parents were runnning neck and neck with me. Sometimes we would give him money just to get rid of him for a while. Then he started using in bedroom bathroom and that's when things for me changed because i slept in the bedroom after working at night and would be at home at least 14 days out of month at night. This posed a problem for him because I was around and I would say things about his habit and ask questions. He would be angry and then we would fight, have sex and live to fight another day. That's all it was sex because i would get accused of cheating, and he would verbally abuse me regarding sex. So I stopped having sex with him which opened up a whole new type of abuse. But I know that my husband had more than a $5.oo habit and he was getting crack from somewhere and it was not free especially with him doing handyman jobs all over town at 2-5am. Be real.
Well, I decided that i wanted to live and not die and declare the works of the LORD. see, folks,. in order to enjoy life -you must be here. I know i can't depend on my husband to make decisions for me so i made arrangements for him not to have that power due to him being on crack. I had his name removed from the deed of my property because he would give it over to the drug dealers(his friends) to use as they please. I took my van away from him and you can believe there was a whole lot of drama behind that. I bought myself a cell phone and had the house phone disconnected. He never called me. But he called the dope dealers and his so called "customers" that he did work for. And I put in in life insurance. And yesterday, I had him served with involuntary alcohol and drug commitment papers for him to be in court next week to send him to rehab. Now you know that this has been Oscar award winning drama since yesterday. I've been accused of getting "RID" of him for my lovers, he ran to his mom's house lying, he threatened to "lowgrade" me in court,etc.  But even in the face of no support from my family, low key support from his family, his verbal abuse--I will move forward. You see, i have been told by a lot o people that a crackhead has to want to be free. I agree but what about his wife, his family-where is their freedom because they are in the trenches too but they don't get the benefits of the high. Send them to rehab for yourself not them. Seek help and groups who really know what you are going through and don't be afraid to let your loved ones know and tell them they are CRACKHEADS. Identify the problem(mountain) and then speak to that mountain and tell it its got to go. But you need the Power of Jesus' name to move this mountain. No rehab is not the answer its just a healing period for you and if they grab hold to the truth in rehab-its all good. But 45 days  compared to one moment in God's presence is nothing. Its in God's presence that healing takes place. You get in God's presence-you welcome and receive the healing and the grace (much grace) to stand until your loved one accepts the Way, The Truth and The Life. You may have to remove them from your home in order to keep your sanity. Get the police to help. IF he has old fines remind the court systems so they can pick them up and get them off the streets and clear your home. It sounds cruel but you have got to be firm. Say what you mean and mean what you say. They won't like you but guess what they don't like you any way because crack doesn't like you and it came to steal, kill, and destroy them and their family. They don't realize that they are bound. The strong man has been bound. I telling you that's what's going on. I went through this Hell to come out on the other side to shout and declare to all,"Live, Live, in Jesus' name. You don't have to divorce your spouse but you can let them go on a live the life they want and you be in peace. Just make sure you legally cover all bases so they can get anything because they will through it all away. Seperate  your self if you need to and if you aren't married to the crackhead-RUN don't cry RUNNNNNN for your life. Find someone and marry and stop selling yourself short and living in sin. You are taking on drama that ain't even yours. What's love got to do with it? Your love isn't enough to save yourself or anybody and it can't change a person. Only God's love is eternal and everlasting. Its' the only Love that can hold up to what life brings. Come out the pit and you will be suprised at how clean the blood of Jesus can make you. don't loose your soul over another person's problems.Stop enabling them and help them by helping yourself.  

Please feel free to email me because we have a common bond. We were once the victims but now by the mercies of God WE ARE THE VICTORS. WE are more than conquerors. Look in the mirror and see peace -the peace of God on your face and say," I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"  Let's L-I-V-E.

[shirleybquik]

After reading all the above comments your're the only one that I can tell who has found their strength in the Lord.  I am going through the same thing and I plead for the blood of the lamb to deliver my husband as He (GOD) is the only one who can do so at this point.  My husband was clean for 7 years (4 while incarcerated).  Now he has returned to his drug use for the past 3 months and it's killing me softly.  He goes out and stay for 3-4 days, come back looking like death and rest for 2 then gone again.  The thing that makes me the angriest though is his son is his wanna be drug dealer.  I am trying real hard to be strong about this because I still have a family too lead and I don't want them affected about his mess.  I don't have any friends because when he came home from the joint it was just he and I against the world.  We did everything together we were best friends now he's gone out doing his thing and I'm left at home to worry.  Which of course, I have found great strength in the Lord and reading my Bible.  I know sooner or later the Lord will deliver him I just have to have great patience and wait (that's the hard part).  So to all my sisters and families that's suffering because of our mens drug addiction.  I say "Wait for the Lrod.  Be strong and don't lose hope.  Wait on the Lord." Psalms 27:14(NIV)

[ajovitsky]

my bf occasionally smokes crack, he has no money, but he has friends that buy & share, he share some of the behaviors described above, moody, skinny, depressed, unwilling to talk to me about it.  i finally called the cops when he moved back to the crackhouse, i can't be sure what they did, but it is dark and there is a notice posted on the door...his phone is disconnected (i usually keep it on for him, but i am broke).  i do not tolerate illegal drugs in my home, but i have tolerated him drunk.  he's never violent, but he can be sarcastic, blaming, resentful and the last words he spoke to me a few days ago were that I had alienated everyone in my life, that I had crossed the line, that somehow his addiction is MY problem...i had gone to his house to pick him up and go eat...i am praying for him to be clean...he has risen above it many times before, usually the problem is more of an intermittent alcoholism combined with depression, malnutrition and apathy and when he gets over that he does look for work, applies for benefits and is funny, loving, gentle and sweet.  i have seen a side to him in the past few weeks i do not like--the crack side, the man that will spend four hours keeping company with a crackhead on ssi just so he can get a few puffs for himself, the man that spends all afternoon looking for cigarette butts on the street...i can relate to the wife stories very well, we're not married but we have been tog. off and on for years, it is just sinking in that he does more than drink and smoke and that he needs more help.  when i called the cops i told them my bf is not the buyer, my bf has no money, and i named the buyer, who has a record.  it felt empowering and now i am a little scared for him.  

i did read him the riot act, took my set of keys back from him, told him to call me when he's clean & sober, and had been saying stuff like that for about a week before i actually did call the cops.  the hopes i expressed to the cops were that if they can find evidence of narcotics, that they arrest and the people who are responsible for buying and selling so that they will be ordered into rehab.  if my bf gets caught up in it, perhaps it will shake him...this is not the first time the police have been called, the bf keeps going back for more, says he needs "space."  

i have always thought of him as honest, timid maybe, shy, but honest.  when i read these posts and reflect back on some of the arguments we have had--my asking for him to be more respectful & considerate, and his reaction is often a knee-jerk insult instead of trying to please -- and he does not contribute financially, dz not work, etc.  i wonder.  

when we are apart things do change for the better, then we miss one another and get back tog.  we were apart for four years, neither of us too happy about it, we've been back "tog" for over a year, with a break for 2 months.  he came back in sept, with all kind of hopes and promises for change, then 2 weeks ago or so was back at the crackhouse.  the crackhouse seemed a bit cleaner, but it's still a crackhouse.  it's almost as if the house sucks the soul out of its inhabitants.  

[sharonb2]

i too am married to a crack head; and what a mess things have become. for the last 5 almost 6 years it has been one broken promise after another. he has sold almost everything out of our house or destroyed things in a crack rage. i have tried as hard as i know how to hold our family together and pray that GOD will not leave him in this miserable and sad life he had created for himself. his temper has gotten to the point many times that i am afraid for my own safety. he had spent 10 years in prision for problems created by drug use and still he does not stop this crazy behavior. he just finished a rehab program and was about to get his 60 day sobriety chip when out he went again. i have heard so many times this is the last time baby; wait and see i'm gonna do better this time. i', ashamed of myself for always taking him back and believing him. i don't think a crack head knows the truth. i have no family to go to for help so i feel like i'm fighting this hell on my own. i have been giving serious thought to leaving; i know once i turn my back on him he will end up on the streets or in jail; so since he is my husband this is with out doubt the hardest decision i have ever tried to make.  

[melacholy]

I am also married to a man who claims he only smokes crack occasionally.  Can that be the truth?  He keeps telling me that he won't do it again but it always happens again.   I am really worried becasue

[melacholy]

Did no finish last comment.  I am really concerned because I

[melacholy]

Did no finish last comment.  I am really concerned because I

[melacholy]

Sorry my computer is acting freaky.  The reason I am concerned is because he likes to have weird sex when he is high.  I found out a year ago that he has a problem with crack.  I do not know how long he has been using.  He was a truck driver for ten years and I thought he was clean but am not sure now. He now works at a local trucking company.   I would find sex tapes in his big truck when he came home.  Now I am thinking that he has been doing things on the road.  His sister is a co-crack smoker.  She and I do not get along.  A few weeks ago his sister and him went on an over night binge I guess.  She told me that my husband wanted her to participate in weird sex acts with African American people.  It really freaked me out because he has tried to get me to do stuff with African American people also.  I would not do it.  He has always wanted to do weird stuff.  I have participated but not with other people.  I caught him at a African American house last night.  I pitched a fit to get him home.  I am worried because he has not wanted to do any thing weird with me and if he has been smoking crack, who has he been with.  I also know if I leave him he will wind up in the gutter.  This situation is making me so depressed.  It is keeping me from concentrating on my job.  My deceased mother was a prescription drug addict.  My oldest son had or still has a drug problem.  What am I to do?  Someone please help me.  I am losing my mind.  

[IBKleen]

melacholy.....

This is an old post. It will get buried and people may not see it. You need to start your own post. Go to the top of this page...hit the "post a question" button and follow the instructions. OK? Hope to see your new post.

[girlybuff]

PLEASE try and attend an AL A NON meeting.  You can learn how to detach with love and live your life DESPITE what the addict (s) in your life are doing and despite whether they are active or not.  Stopping the physical use of a drug or alcohol is only the first part of recovery, the next part, the part that KEEPS someone sober not just clean is the part that is the hardest and the part that takes the most amount of physical and emotional energy.  That comes after the physical usage stops and since it's a family disease, if one gets better, you haev a better chance of others getting better as well.  If for nothing else, AL A NON can help you come to terms with the disease, understand it better and connect with parents and wives of addicts so you know that you're not alone.....
As an addict/alcoholic, daughter of an addict/alcoholic and wife of one, I know that it saved me.  I go to BOTH AA and AL A NON.  Now, I know that their problems are not and do not have to be MINE.  I have my own issues to deal with.

[melacholy]

Thank you for your help.  So AL A NON can help me with drug addiction in my family?  I said I never wanted to be like my mother and fight it everyday.  I could not help her.  It is great to know that I am not alone

[girlybuff]

It will help you know that you aren't alone.  It will help you understnad the disease more.  It will help you have a life even if those around you are using.  It will help you to detach so that their moods don't become your moods, so that you can stop trying to fix something you have no power to fix and so you can start living your life for oyu rather than living your life for the addict.
I will pray for you.......
Google al a non and find a meeting in your area.  You don't have to speak if you don't want to.  Go and listen.  It's worth a shot.  It's a fmaily disease and everyone in the addict's life is affected one way or another.    

[melacholy]

Thank you so much.  I will do that.  I will let you know what happens.  Do pray  for my family and GOD bless you for your time.

[freedomseeker]

wow..your post hit home..HARD!! i have decided today to STOP living his life of addiction..i cannot save him anymore and i need to work on myself. i lost all self esteem and confidence from my situation. i need to free myself from this marriage. so i have decided to start going to nar-anon meetings and get some support...

[evaj]

Thanks for reading my post. I thought it may have gotten lost amongst all the other forums. You've  lost a lot in your struggle to SAVE someone who doesn't have the ability to put a halt on the spiral that comes with every crack addict. They are not the only ones who say it will never happen to me--we as loved ones have said it too. But take heart and encouragement even if you have to encourage yourself to keep on pressing on.Start small by treating yourself to reading again , getting out of the house and just-hey-take a deep breath. You are alive and you are in your right mind despite everything the enemy(that's truly who is the root here) tried to down you with. Thank God for that because you may not realize it while you are in the storm of a hellish relationship with a crack addict that your inner strengths and weaknesses are surfacing with each wave of manipulation, trial and tribulation. You reach a point where you know that if God doesn't help you -nobody else can.You realize a defiant truth-YOU ARE NOT GOD AND YOU CAN'T SAVE NOR CHANGE ANYBODY!!!!!!!!  Oh yeah, praise God, this is where you humble yourself under the mighty hand of God and He is the one who will exalt you in the right time. Don't give up and don't you give in. Yes, it was wrong the hurtful things you've been through but the keyword here is THROUGH. You have made progress in coming out- the mere fact that you went on the internet is a shift in the direction of freedom. I almost lost my mind medically because for the first 2 years of my remarriage to my crack addict I didn't know the ways and character of crack addicts and we fought constantly. We had the
police station at our house all the time because he would get violent and I would just get tired of physically fighting so I would call this the police. Of course, yours truly or his mom woulld pay the fine and get him out.And thus the rollercoaster would begin two days later and it was up and down, up and down until Dec. 2006 until today. I realized that this lifestyle was desirable for him-he liked it, he enjoyed it and he didn't want to let it go BUT I wasn't even a factor in his decision. So I began to put myself in the equation of life-MY LIFE. When you begin to think for yourself-please be prepared for him or her to all of a sudden get all religious and manipulative on you. But you have the trunk card if you didn't know it. You seek out someone you can confide in. By now you know who it is and it might help if you don't tell his family members I don't care how close you all are your plans.WHY?
Because you have been dealing with him all this time and they were on the outside looking in, okay.? He was YOUR problem. It was YA'LL'S business/mess to deal with. Well, when they began to see that He will become the FAMILY PROBLEM they will turn on you and make you feel guilty. So I already went through that already and so I am here to pass that on to all that might have not thought of this outcome. All of a sudden its You against the sick one. Be wise. Be discreet. Be about getting yourself some help.We need each other to make it because it strengthens someone else who might get broadisided by all this crazy stuff. I am yet pressing and I encourage myself daily. By faith, I AM OUTTA THIS MESS and my future, your future, our future is soooooo bright
we have to wear shades. Take care.

[crashdummy]

I am married and my husband is a crack head. We have been together 11 years and married for 6 years. He has been smoking crack for over 20 years.  We have been around and around with his habit.  I had him court ordered for treatment, but he is currently in jail.  We have done the jail thing the whole time we have been together. I have been lied to, cheated on, and of course he stole from me.  Now he wants me to bail him out after he left me one night to go be with his crack prostitute. I can relate to some of the comments that were posted.  You name it I have been there.  I just feel so dumb cause I want to give up but something wont let me.  The thing that hurt the most is the disrespect that I had to indure.  I have done everything known to help this man.  Now I need help.

[GoingToMakeIt]

Crash, this is an old post. Copy yours into a new one. You will get more answers that way.

[crashdummy]

i read your comment as to rather he is smoking or sniffing.  To answer the question, he is smoking.  Trust me I have been there.  The staying out the excuses the attitude.  It makes U feel like you are walking on egg shells.  Losing the jobs, or in my case he quit good jobs.  Then he makes it seem like everything is your fault.  you try to do everything to please him.  His friends you are never going to meet cause he is afaid that they will tell you what is really going on. When looks sad and says nothing is wrong, he is feening for the drug.  He get mad when you ask if he uses crack cause he doesnt want you to think of him as less than a man. My husband cooks and cleans like it nobodys business.  Yes, he cheats.  The excuse I got is that this girl is his "Buddy".  Next thing I know I get a 14 page letter she sent when she was locked up. He had a Cadillac, that got repoed and he rode around with these prostitutes and lied and said he never been with any of them.  LIES, LIES LIES.  Everything you described I can relate to.  Craack is no joke.  They will do any and everything to get it. Pray real hard.  Pray hard. May God bless.

[crashdummy]

i read your comment as to rather he is smoking or sniffing.  To answer the question, he is smoking.  Trust me I have been there.  The staying out the excuses the attitude.  It makes U feel like you are walking on egg shells.  Losing the jobs, or in my case he quit good jobs.  Then he makes it seem like everything is your fault.  you try to do everything to please him.  His friends you are never going to meet cause he is afaid that they will tell you what is really going on. When looks sad and says nothing is wrong, he is feening for the drug.  He get mad when you ask if he uses crack cause he doesnt want you to think of him as less than a man. My husband cooks and cleans like it nobodys business.  Yes, he cheats.  The excuse I got is that this girl is his "Buddy".  Next thing I know I get a 14 page letter she sent when she was locked up. He had a Cadillac, that got repoed and he rode around with these prostitutes and lied and said he never been with any of them.  LIES, LIES LIES.  Everything you described I can relate to.  Craack is no joke.  They will do any and everything to get it. Pray real hard.  Pray hard. May God bless.

[crashdummy]

i read your comment as to rather he is smoking or sniffing.  To answer the question, he is smoking.  Trust me I have been there.  The staying out the excuses the attitude.  It makes U feel like you are walking on egg shells.  Losing the jobs, or in my case he quit good jobs.  Then he makes it seem like everything is your fault.  you try to do everything to please him.  His friends you are never going to meet cause he is afaid that they will tell you what is really going on. When looks sad and says nothing is wrong, he is feening for the drug.  He get mad when you ask if he uses crack cause he doesnt want you to think of him as less than a man. My husband cooks and cleans like it nobodys business.  Yes, he cheats.  The excuse I got is that this girl is his "Buddy".  Next thing I know I get a 14 page letter she sent when she was locked up. He had a Cadillac, that got repoed and he rode around with these prostitutes and lied and said he never been with any of them.  LIES, LIES LIES.  Everything you described I can relate to.  Craack is no joke.  They will do any and everything to get it. Pray real hard.  Pray hard. May God bless.

[crashdummy]

i read your comment as to rather he is smoking or sniffing.  To answer the question, he is smoking.  Trust me I have been there.  The staying out the excuses the attitude.  It makes U feel like you are walking on egg shells.  Losing the jobs, or in my case he quit good jobs.  Then he makes it seem like everything is your fault.  you try to do everything to please him.  His friends you are never going to meet cause he is afaid that they will tell you what is really going on. When looks sad and says nothing is wrong, he is feening for the drug.  He get mad when you ask if he uses crack cause he doesnt want you to think of him as less than a man. My husband cooks and cleans like it nobodys business.  Yes, he cheats.  The excuse I got is that this girl is his "Buddy".  Next thing I know I get a 14 page letter she sent when she was locked up. He had a Cadillac, that got repoed and he rode around with these prostitutes and lied and said he never been with any of them.  LIES, LIES LIES.  Everything you described I can relate to.  Craack is no joke.  They will do any and everything to get it. Pray real hard.  Pray hard. May God bless.

[crashdummy]

i read your comment as to rather he is smoking or sniffing.  To answer the question, he is smoking.  Trust me I have been there.  The staying out the excuses the attitude.  It makes U feel like you are walking on egg shells.  Losing the jobs, or in my case he quit good jobs.  Then he makes it seem like everything is your fault.  you try to do everything to please him.  His friends you are never going to meet cause he is afaid that they will tell you what is really going on. When looks sad and says nothing is wrong, he is feening for the drug.  He get mad when you ask if he uses crack cause he doesnt want you to think of him as less than a man. My husband cooks and cleans like it nobodys business.  Yes, he cheats.  The excuse I got is that this girl is his "Buddy".  Next thing I know I get a 14 page letter she sent when she was locked up. He had a Cadillac, that got repoed and he rode around with these prostitutes and lied and said he never been with any of them.  LIES, LIES LIES.  Everything you described I can relate to.  Craack is no joke.  They will do any and everything to get it. Pray real hard.  Pray hard. May God bless.

[crashdummy]

i read your comment as to rather he is smoking or sniffing.  To answer the question, he is smoking.  Trust me I have been there.  The staying out the excuses the attitude.  It makes U feel like you are walking on egg shells.  Losing the jobs, or in my case he quit good jobs.  Then he makes it seem like everything is your fault.  you try to do everything to please him.  His friends you are never going to meet cause he is afaid that they will tell you what is really going on. When looks sad and says nothing is wrong, he is feening for the drug.  He get mad when you ask if he uses crack cause he doesnt want you to think of him as less than a man. My husband cooks and cleans like it nobodys business.  Yes, he cheats.  The excuse I got is that this girl is his "Buddy".  Next thing I know I get a 14 page letter she sent when she was locked up. He had a Cadillac, that got repoed and he rode around with these prostitutes and lied and said he never been with any of them.  LIES, LIES LIES.  Everything you described I can relate to.  Craack is no joke.  They will do any and everything to get it. Pray real hard.  Pray hard. May God bless.

[GoingToMakeIt]

This is an old post, start a new one. Those people aren't here any more.

[crackheadspouse]

Learned of my husbands crack use just after he found out my father was dying. he has been in and out of NA using crack 1 day and back for the past 2 yrs.  He also was sexaully abused by his oldest brother as a kid.  His gay friend who got him into crack had him running around getting it for him and had been having affair with him.  I confronted husband about the use of crack may now be used for sexual confusing and acting out sexually with the friend so he needs to come out of denial and stop blaming crack.  He is seeking help since his NA sponsor was not equipped to deal with it. he was alone in this. but there is no hope to believe him as he may not be gay or bi. he wants the marriage to last.

[j34]

I know the core of the disease of addiction is self centeredness! it wasnt untill i lost all and given up hope that i seriously searched out help. you have to help yourself first. Put boundries down and stick to them, I can say one thing since I am an addict is we will suck you dry and spit you out and still blame you for our bad behaviours!!.
I suggest al anon or nar anon whatever you hav access to , you are the one who needs to change the situation, he will never get better for you , your kids, or his job. the way to happiness is doing something yourself, leading by example and looking I mean REALLY looking at how his self, centered, selfish,scary behaviour s affecting you at your family , is it really what you want ,it isnt easy but in one of those programs I suggested you will find ppl who will guide you support you and care for you , that is what we do in 12 step programs I wish you all the best j34

[mamaC1230]

My husband and I have been married a little over three years.  We have a little boy.  Up till 2 months ago, we have had a fairly decent marriage.  Other than my husband’s occasion temper getting out of control, we have gotten along.  My husband was a crack user years ago and had been clean for almost two years when I married him.  I knew NOTHING about drugs, so I assumed if he was clean that it was for good.  Not the case!!  My husband started smoking crack two months ago.  Our lives have literally fallen apart.  He won’t get help.  He, like other addicts, SAYS he wants help, but when it’s time for an appt with rehab or a counselor, he won’t go.  I have been patient.  For the safety of our son, I can’t stay with my husband while he is an addict.  He is now smoking the mess in our home and I am SO afraid of our two year old finding a crack rock.  I am so lost at this point, as to where to go from here.

[dominosarah]

You need to take care of you and your son right now.  That is not a safe environment for either one of you to be in.  Have you contacted your local Alanon?  They will be able to help you also.

If you could, go to the top of the page and there is a green box that says Post a Question, hit that and copy and paste your post you made.  That way others will see it and will respond as this is an old thread......sara

[thesorrysmoker]

I'm stuck in hell because of crack..I want the balls to take my life