Creek continues be too scared to make a committment

[creek]

I am frozen in fear. The pills are gone as I said they would be.  When does the moment come when you DECIDE TODAY< NOW, this minute is the time?  It is quit or go for plan B, that is unsafe and expensive. I won't be able to sleep tonight thinking of which way to go in the am.  Who am I kidding,I will call a friend and arrange something.  But what about when they (the next batch)run out too???  On and On and On and on  I am like a broken tape with years of erased memories and obviously more on the way.  I feel like a chicken.  I have no support system but you all, because I cannot tell the truth about this to anyone. I get "aloner" and "aloner" by the week.  Thanks to you I am actually looking at this problem through honest eyes.  I just can't make the right decision to leave it all behind.  Thanks again for listening and STAY STRONG YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION AND EDUCATOR>

[vicaddict]

Ditto to what chem said! And you got it my friend, you are NOT alone anymore!!!!


I do hope you had a restfull night. Please let me know how you are doing.

Blessings
Tracy

[creek]

I feel less alone saying goodnight to you all, praying for your recovery, and feeling blessed I have found a forum to communicate

Rest well my friends

[nefesh]

you are a darned wonderful person!  it's downright beautiful to see all the hard won honesty that still shines in you and in all these people here - even after all our deceptions, contrivances and connivances - there's still a strong clear beam comin' outta you...    like Matine here says, "one step forward, two steps back, just keep stepping along and with Heaven's help yer'll make it begorry!!         Nefesh

[creek]

Recovery vs. maintainence/being able to take as prescribed.  Does it ever happen that you can go back to taking as prescribed, or once i have a problem I will always have a problem.  I just figure, what if it went back to enough being enough?  Am I a dreamer?  I don't even have to ask that question, I know the answer. I have to get it out of my  body and out of my mind.  I am working towards a plan. I thank you for listening tonight and for your support.  I want to be the one helping others through this, ha Better work on myself right now.  Credibility and accountabity.  I have told the truth so far, and that is a step in the right direction too.  I tell lots of lies to hide my lifestyle.  And now just making that promise to you, then I will be able to share my PROGRESS, and it will be awesome.  I do want that peace and CONTROL in my life.

[vicaddict]

Hey sweety. I know EXACTLY that point you are at. been there way to many time I care to count. But you said it yourself hun:

"I will call a friend and arrange something. But what about when they (the next batch)run out too??? On and On and On and on"..

It is just a continous cycle. I was so proud of myself this week. I actually have money left! I did not go to my
"Emergency pharmacy"

I know it sucks, I know it is going to be hard. But I also know you can do it. Even if you just taper sweetheart. I am not clean YET..but the taper makes a huge difference. Well for me it is. I know it is prolonging my recovery however I am ok with it because like I have said repeatedly I have never been more serious than I have been the past week about finally saying goodbye to these pills. And I will get there. This forum was put in front of me for a reason, and I am going to make sure I do not lose the opprotunity that fell into my lap out of no-where. There was a reason for me finding this place. I know it.
You will be ok hun....try and know that. I am here for you!

[LadySundown]

Creek,

Only you can decide to stop. You have to have a desire to fight your addiction because, I'm not gonna lie to you, some of it's not real comfortable and that's putting it real nice.

You have all of us for support. Read back through some of the posts and chances are you will find a few that you can identify with. Always look ahead to a drug free life. The addict in you is never going to say it's time to quit. That has to come from within.

I think you can do it. I have faith in you.

Take Care and keep posting please....LS