Curving the alcoholic desire

[april]

I have been drinking for fifteen years now I am now 34 I started when I was fifteen, slow and then whenever it was around, later it was to celebrate an accomplishment, as small as a finished day of work, to socialize, to drown depression. I later became violent, verbally abusive to those around. Now in the last year whenever I drink alcohol, the first drink makes me sick, but I continue to force it down until I have finished the bottle, regardless of what it is. Then for days after I feel like death. I don't wake up craving alcohol, never did. Now I may drink once a month, but a whole bottle in a matter of hours, when I get really depressed.

What can I do to gear away from taking that first sip. Do I just need more activities or help?

[Anonymous]

I remember feeling so obsessed with the thought of drinking that I would force myself to drink even when I didn't feel like it just to relieve the pressure of the thought. I've been sober for 3 years now, and the major difference for me in dealing with my obsessive/compulsive nature is learning how to think a thought through. I used to just act on a thought, but now if I feel an urge to drink, or think maybe I could drink normally again, I go on a visual trip of the most horrible memories from my drinking years. When I recall that stuff, I can feel the hopelessness and despair all over again, and I have the strength to say "no thanks!"