DAY 6 AND HALF CLEAN!!!!

[ff829]

Well I have to say this has to have been the worst days of my 38 years of life detoxing cold turkey off these percs!!!!!!!Last night i finally got maybe 3 to 4 hours sleep considering I havent had 0 hours of sleep up into last night ,its been horrifying plus having to work as a full time firefighter and put your life on the line and try to stay mentally tough.Whlie going through cold turkey I wanted to die just to sleep .Well I have a doctor appointment to just get myself checke out blood pressure and stuff and just let my doc know what I have been doing .I hope my body starts to let me really get some sleep and desecend.The crazy thing is I woke up this morning and felt better far as clarity and nit pill fog in a long time you know what I mean just having to take a perc to fill normal its crazy!!!!!I lost a beautiful sister 40 years old to a accedintal methadone over dose 2 years ago a healthy person and 3 beautiful kids a great mother she was a gymnastics competitor and hurt hur back and years and years of pain pills and then when she was getting off everything the doctor prescribed her methadone and she took a little more than she was supposed to because shes always had a high tolerance to pain meds,and one night she went to sleep like a normal person and never woke up they did cpr for 45 minutes and she died.I actually was on duty when I got the call at the firestation and It was like a ton of bricks.Thats  another reason I was taking percs 10,they really took away the bad but i really didnt know how bad I was depending on the drug just to function,I got on them after my back surgery in 2008 and finally realized to go cold turkey being 6 and half days and im not looking back,its not going to beat me I have a 3 year old and a wife thats first.whats bad is my script is this friday for 120 pills percs and i think well just 1 pill but I know that I havent been through this madness for almost 7 days for nothing .take care going to the doc to get checked will be home later thank you!!!!!

[Brrrrad]

Hey Man, How was the doc`s ? From reading above it sounds like you have been through alot and now you have another hurdle. Going to the gym and working out hard helped me sleep and kepy me focused.
Does your family know about your problem? My wife helped alot, she is the only one I let know but she did wonders!
The cravings will be there but the longer your clean the fewer and the eaiser they will be.........  Stay Strong  Brad

[ff829]

Its like you knew exactly what i was feeling and why I was turning to the percocets!!The drug would kill the greving process and numb everything in my life and it was just killing me.My sister didnt mean to kill herself and it just killed me because she never got to see my beautiful baby boy thats 3 years old this month.I didnt have any pain anymore it helped me cope with th grief and get through my shifts at the fire station.I have always worked out and I just completed a full ironman in boise idaho in june 13 2009 of 140.6 miles and I was in a fog then.If i wasnt using then i would of knocked out at least 3 hours because it screwed my mental and physical feelings being foged up while training.Thank u for ur support man it means alot to me !!!!Whats bad is our police and fire are loaded on this stuff whats crazy getting injured all the time on the job and i worked nonstop during katrina,lost my house and rebuilt plus search and  rescue thats where i hurt my vback,but it feels great now.My  reason for the pills was just to block out the greving of my sister and look where thats got me.

[bmdad]

First off, congrats on your clean time and recognizing you had a problem. Realization of our abuse is the first and most important step. After that everything will eventually fall in to place. I too started my pill abuse do to a back injury. I was injured while in the Marine Corps serving in Iraq. I also lost a sister due to pill abuse a little over 3 years ago. She was 31 at the time. I know exactly what you mean about taking the pills to deal with the grief that comes with losing a family member. The thing is, it just masks the pain and eventually we have to grieve. If you were like me you never went through the healing process. After she died I upped my use to to cover the emotional aspects of it. I continues using for about 8 months or so after that until I finally realized what it was doing to my young kiddos, my wife, and myself. I went cold turkey and was finally able to go through the grieving process instead of just being numb to everything. It took some time but I felt so much better and found peace that I should have found long before I did. I'm sorry you have to deal with the death of your sis because I know how tough it is.
As for the withdrawals, just stay mentally focused. I'm sure you get quite a bit of exercise with your job, but if not, make sure you are at least going for walks. It helps so much and speeds up the whole process. Be sure you are pushing the fluids and eating healthy. Check in to the amino acid protocol in the health pages. The vitamins and supplements with help your body recover from the nutrients it has lost while using. I would also tell you doctor you no longer want to take the pills. Just knowing there is a refill waiting can make it so much more difficult if not impossible. One thing I have learned is that you have to make it damn near impossible to get a hold of pills. Easy access to them can be our worst enemy!
Just hang in there and each day will be better than the last. Best of luck and if you need anything, please let me know.
Brian

[ff829]

tHANK U VERY MUCH FOR UR SUPPORT!!!! The drug would alter your mind and block out the bad and thats why I would more so to take them for the block out the bad but it makes u damm crazy and u cant feel normal without the drug in ur system.If I can do a full ironman of 140.6 miles in 1 day like i did on june 13 2009 in her memory I can beat this ****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I have been fighting fires for 17 years and loss my house to hurricane katrina and built back I can overcome this **** I have a beautiful 3 year old boy and wife that needs there daddy !I have been pulling double shifts for 3 days solid with the wd and its been horrible!!!!!!But I can say the 3 hours of sleep I got this morning I am feeling the best i have felt today than i have in a long time!!!Thank u Im not going to pick that script up friday!!!!

[ZJILLIAN]

Cancel the script..! Do not fill it!. Very very very easy to start using again and filling a script brings the wonderful feeling that goes along with holding that pill bottle in your hand after an absence. It's like seeing an old x-love again.

You have done amazingly well. Really! I guess the fire fighting creates very tough men. CT is not easy. But the good news is you are almost done with the bad stuff. Hold on. Go day by day. You will notice a big difference by day 10.

Read the posts. I found that to be the single most helpful thing I did.

You will feel so much better with the percocet out of your system. You will have so much more energy and clarity. Keep going. AND PLEASE DON"T FILL THE SCRIPT!

The death of your sister is terrible! I can only imagine your pain. If you are like me, as soon as I feel overwhelmed by a painful intolerable feeling (death of my mother) I start immediately--do not stop, go directly to--using. And then it is impossible for me to stop.

Unfortunately the grief over your sister will be there and continue to be there. But you will have the ability to learn to tolerate it after you give up the drugs. Drugs do make everything worse. You are obviously a brave man. You can do this!