DID YOUR FAMILY SUPPORT YOU

[stilltrying1965]

As some of you may know me and my wife were heroin addicts for 13 years. Then after looking at MHand reading a few posts.Always thought that we would die heroin addicts tought there was no way out until i spoke to a great guy Gizzy who offered to put me intouch with someone who could maybe help us we always wanted to stop but never new how or could get help in the UK Anyway i got a pm ftom Lesa (LETAKOS ).We talked some and decided c/t was the only way to do it we tryed we failed then the last time 162 days ago me and Kim knew last chance we went for it big time and so far so good.We used to crave heroin that left aswell but did leave me feeling down never going out fear of meeting someone who delt in heroin things were fine until twodays ago.We hadan arguent with my so called sister whos youn daughters started to call us junkies go back to the hole you came from smackhead one shouted it hurt me so bad although i told Kim it never thats the day heroin got back in my life gig time.Anyway i felt that if they my family still thought thatabout me they came so close to undoing all the hard work we put in.So sincethencraving has come back big time they think im worhless and made me feel so bad about myself.Ihave told Kim im ok ut the hurt inside is making my heart ache a just want to try hard for Kim my own mother has told us and my daughter not to come back life ***** all the time now We thought they would support us who was i kidding no support nothing so now the cravings are bac but they will never make me lose my clean time i would die befofore they wil take that from us but feels like they want me too use again .I was wondering who supported you and does your family support you coz Ki thinks im ok but when she left for doctos the tears just came from nowhere i kno i was an imbaressment to them but they dont want me around now i thought that tuey would be happy for us i was wrong James

[stilltrying1965]

I understand your point too as amother it must be hard but the thing is i didnt have a lot to do with my mum during my addiction as i stayed away most of the time. My family didnt even know about kims addiction and it was only really when we started to come of heroin that i told my mum. I ha never stolen from her, nothing, she was oblivious as she doesnt take much interest in my family anyway. So i cant really saythat i hurt her and et her down all the time. Its more the fact that she told the rest of the family, including the small children when she as asked not too. Then when my sister and her kids started al their abuse, she didnt want to get involved. She should never have old them. Thats the thing that hurts and annoys me the most. I kept her out of my addiction for a long time so nt like time and time again i was letting her down, i just wouldnt do that with my own kids. But i thank you for your support and hope your kids can also get through their addiction as it must be hard for you if you have been stolen from etc. i completely understand what you are saying and want to thank yoiu for your continued support James & Kim

[LIZZIE LOU]

i have been reading about you and your wife since you first came here to medhelp...even though i dont post alot anymore.  i am sooooooooooooo proud of your determination and the goals that you have accomplished.  just like the others here...i am behind you 100% and pray for your strength and continued success.  i BELIEVE in you and kim ! ! ! !

i dont know your mother and what she has been through because of your addiction...but i am the mother of three addicts myself.  please give her time and try to understand the hurt that i am sure she has endured.  she will come around and one day will be sooo proud of what you and kim have done...she is just skeptical right now and is scared to let her guard down.  we the loved ones have a hard time doing that because we feel that we are setting ourselves up for more hurt in our lives...in our heart.  the hardest thing for a mother to do is to watch her child self destruct, right in front of our eyes...knowing that we cant "fix it".  after years of abuse...we can also become somewhat void...just as the addict becomes.

prove them all wrong...show them what you are made of and i am sure that one day your mom and your extended family will be able to forgive everything that has happened in the past.  your mom loves you...she is just reacting out of fear...but you have the power to change this.

once again...i am so very proud of you and kim :)

[dominosarah]

You and Kim are a very important part of our family here~~~~~sara

[stilltrying1965]

Thank yuo kim & caredmom yes we are a mighy great family here at MH.Your kind words have made me feel a lot better that is what MH is all about helping each other and never tell someone that your worthless i have never heard anyone on her call anyone worthless or basicaly a sneaky theif Kim & scaredmom we are so happy to be part of the family we thank you both James & Kim
Lizzi Lou thanks for your opinion we all have the right to one yes i have stole I E out of shops on one occasion i robbed a HEROIN dealer what has that to do with support my mother has nothing to do with that does she support me no she does not she lets my sister and her grankids call  us junkies and go back to the hole we climed out of Kim that is why i had those bad couple of dsys nobody here iudges us why should my mother thats not an opinion that is pure utter evil James

[kim715]

You are not worthless.Addiction doesn't define the person we truly are inside.Our families pay a big price because of our addiction,theres no denying that.What some family members fail to realize though is that there is nothing they can say to us that we haven't said to ourselves 100 times over.No one can punish us more then we have already punished ourselves.You and Kim hold your heads up high.You be proud of that clean time.You've been through he!! and back and don't you forget it.Don't you let anyone or anything make you feel less of a person.You both fought hard to get to where you are.We're good people who made some really bad choices in life,that doesn't make us worthless.Worthless people wouldn't care,it wouldn't hurt so much.I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that,I truly am.You stand strong.I'm proud as he!! of the both of you....All the best...Kim

[LIZZIE LOU]

i never thought my kids were "worthless"...but i have to say that after years of addiction and the lies that follow...it is VERY HARD to believe a damned word they say.  does that mean that i dont support their recovery?  NO...but what it does mean is that UNTIL they show me they mean business...UNTIL they have a significant amount of clean time...i do not trust or belive anything they say.
what you need to understand is that WE have heard it all ! ! !  we have enabled our loved ones...we have been used...we have been stolen from...we have heard all the broken promises.  WE HAVE PAID THE PRICE FOR THEIR ADDICTIONS.
just as the adddict wants US to understand...the ADDICT needs to understand also.
time will heal all wounds...the PROOF is in your sobriety..,.dont expect too much too soon.

[scaredmom330]

no matter what anyone says, youare not nor will you ever be worthless, you and Kim are very special people. We are MH are your family, we care and worry about you. and are just so proud of you both.

I couldnt image disowning my children., regardless of what they have or are doing, James I have adopted you and Kim both as my children. I have quite a large family here on MH and you two are now my children too. Know that you will never disappoint me. Know that each day is another day clean and something to be very proud of.  I am proud of both of you. you are living the life now.

take care my children, again Know that all of us on MH are proud of you.

[newstart730]

You are not nor have ever been a worthless person.  None of us are.  Like everyone else in this complicated world, we've made mistakes.  People who haven't made the exact same type of mistakes may not understand, but they lack understanding about addiction.  I think, when I was younger, I absorbed the mantra taught in school that drugs are bad and, therefore, the people that do them are bad.  Well, if there is anything positive that has come from my addiction, I am a more compassionate person.  I know that people who are killing themselves with drugs aren't loving themselves.  Since I have been in their situation, I've decided that I will love them until they can start loving themselves.  I think this is hard to understand for people who have never been in our shoes.

I quit a few months ago, but had overwhelming feelings of guilt and lack of self-worth. I relapsed.  It took awhile for me to forgive myself, and I am getting clean again, but I've got my OWN back this time.  I had a friend "disown" me when I confessed my addiction.  Since that experience, I am careful about who I will tell and when.  It's a personal choice.

You have amazing clean time and have fought through serious adversities.   I AM PROUD OF YOU, and I can't wait to have your clean time under my belt.  Be proud of yourself and be compassionate to yourself, even when others don't know how to be.

[dominosarah]

I have found that my actions speak louder than words.  People that are uneducated about addiction have a tendency to act like what you had happen.  My recovery is first and foremost in my life and i have had to step away from one of my kids as i was not going to be emotionally beat up all the time.  It hurts bad but this is my life and my recovery and i have to surround myself with the ones who are supportive.  I think they are uncomfortable with us as they only know us to be one way and that is high.  Dont give them the power to bring you down.  You are NOT worthless at all.  They are entitled to their opinion but only YOURS matters.  You and Kim have fought the devil and are now 162 days clean.....You do whatever you have to do to protect that clean time.  Hold your head high James as you have so much to be proud of....This is about you now....sara

[stilltrying1965]

thank you and you are correct am going to just get on with the jo in hand my recovery thats all tha really matters god bless you a wish you well my freindthanks again

[rhumatoidnorcouser]

Well I have lost a lot of family due to addiction problems over the years. It seems the only family who chooses to have anything to do with me or my husband or our kids are the ones who have experienced the battle of addiction themselves. Which in my case is alot my family has an exceptional lage number of addicts in it but on the down side not all of them are recovering and some are very hard for me to be around. Bottom line tho, if you are doing the best that you can than you should be proud of yourself and not worry bout what anyone thinks of you, except for yourself and your higher power. I have done herione before and kno a lot of people who died lovingly addictted t that stuff so I kno your battle and feel for you. Hang in there.

[stilltrying1965]

First wannabefree you are a very careing person.And i think your mom would be very proud of you right now.What we are trying to do is get our lifes back to some kind of normality.And you are so right we just made the wrong joicrs .My wife who is also 162 days clean has cancer of the lungs so i think i can understand what you went through and going through and the way you speak a can feel that you will make it tank you wannabefee keep your possitive attitude and you have made it god bless you and your mom James                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         Madalina thanks for some possitve answers i also used a lot of coke, crack but the heroin is so much harder for me to kick a just want to proect our clean time as it has been the best 162 days we have had in 13 years. A think your freinds will return if no well you sound such a nice person its there loss.There is not much after are here in SCOTLAND and that needs to change as we have a big problem here as regarding heroin again i thank you and wish you well god bless you James

[WannaBeFree79]

I have had this problem for about 8 years now or so.  About 2 years into it, I told my mom who (was very supportive) tried to wean me and we were successful for about 2 months and then she got Cancer and I started all over again.  I was once again down to 1 pill a day weaning then within 2 weeks my mom got very sick and passed and I spiralled and didnt try to stop again until now.   My husband knows and is very supportive.  I have never told my dad or my brother because they will not be so supportive.  They would look at me different forever.  The only other people in my life who know are 2 of my aunts and only because my hubby told them.  I didn't want anyone to know because people who are not addicts do not understand.  

We are not BAD people, most of us are good people who made very bad choices, it doesn't mean we can't change.  Let them think what they will, the only person you need to worry about as far as the addiction is you.  In time I am sure they will come around after you have been clean for a while.  Just focus on getting you better :)  Good Luck!!!

[madelina]

Speaking from personal experience as a crack, heroin, and oxycontin junkie on and off for the last five years, my family had a very hard time being supportive. I joined NA/AA, because at least there were people who didn't view me that way, just as another person with my own personal demons to fight.Also, i ttalked my parents and family into going to Al- Anon, they learne alot about my addiction and were able to be supportive instead of judgemental. It does take time for those old perceptions of you to fade though. As long as you stay clean NO MATTER WHAT those old feeling will eventually fade. My biggest problem was my friends- even the ones who never used saw me differently and they still do. Not much i can do about that excet prove them wrong and make amends and hope someday they will come around.You did do the right thing, that has to feel good and Congrats! kicking is one of the hardest things to go through.

[stilltrying1965]

a guess the were right i am worthless thanks Tracee

[TrayCee]

My family doesnt know.  They would disown me.  Period.

Good Luck