Darn it I want to see the dance and it won't stop saying "Loading..."

It never ceases to amaze what our kids will do to embarass us.  BUT I CAN'T SEE IT the doggone thing won't run.  I sure am getting frustrated with this computer stuff...I seriously need a class.  I seriously need a laugh too, and I really wanted to see it.  I signed up as a user and I can see the little picture of it but it wont booty up there and play it just stays black and says Loading....

I dunno, no big deal, but I feel left out.  I can't get these buttons figured out sometimes.  I am fortunate to have a great computer man-god who understands and deals with my weaknesses   ha   I think my computer needs a doctor (or I do) after this "crash" episode.

So if I can't view the video I think marce should have to tell her w/d story while on vacation in a foriegn country.   Not all that funny to marce i'm sure, but the rest of us were laughing our asses off.  What an addict won't laugh at these days...it is if we are actually having some fun in life.

Well I'm on for another saturday night.  I'm glad for your company and support and I wish I could see lizzie dance.

Peace~

[phony]

I'm new but Im here. Could use a laugh myself.

[creek]

I have been on the forum for about 4 months.  I feel it is my social life some weekends.  That is sad, because if not for my addiction I think I could have some real fun out there in human land.  I tend to stay pretty isolated.

Whats your story?  Are you actively trying to quit?  How is it going?  Whats your plan?

Phony...as in fakey?  I am an expert at that.  I complete and utter EXPERT>

Peace~

[phony]

yes as in a fakey - at least I thought I was but the more I hear and listen I c that it is the story of an addict.  lets c short story of a long story is 2 months ago found myself in a detectives office and he questioned me as to why I had never tried treatment after being arrested 3 times on forged RX.  he decided that was hwat I needed and it seems like I made a deal with the devil.  I already had no life unless I took a few pills on an empty stomach I could somehow manage to be a social butterfly but then when u crash - its hell to pay....anyway I now have treatment 3 days a week., have to got to 3 mtgs a week, once a wek meet with an ******* for a casemanager, go to court every two weeks, work 40 hours a week oh and did I mention all this and SUPPOSEDLY no pills.  Even with all of this I have managed to still fool myself into thinking ok I am doing something by trying to comply but at the same time have fell through the cracks and still using.  Tried to stop twice within past month and could not handle w/d.  Had a birthday this month and have convinced myself and family that I am tryin to change but in my heart of hearts I feel like it has the best of me and as bad as I want to stop and as much as life seems out of control and as much as I hate knowing I only have a few pills for 2day - I still am being "phony" to the person who should matter the most ME.  I must be crazy or something

[phony]

oh and I hate these d#$@ mtgs My name is and my drug of choice is opiates.  It makes me feel worse.  I actually have felt better 2nite just letting it out knowing I control whether I will be judged or not or whether I even have to respond but just someone who "really" knows what I am going through (from reading some previous postings) is here to listen and truly may not condone but understands. TX

[desertgirl]

i don't think you are crazy. take it one day at at time and only you will know when it's time. i have tried several times and this is the first time in a year that i am sticking to it.

[creek]

No judgement here.  I don't understand why meetings that should help you are not.  Is it aa or something court ordered?  They need to get their **** together if you feel judged.  That won't help and beating yourself up won't help either.  I am an expert.  The more self-loathing we feel, the more the vics appeal to me.  It covers up anything I may have to deal with. Then the guilt sets in and the vicious cycle starts over.  I have lived on this rollercoaster for eight years.  It is definitely time to do the things that will help YOU most.  YOU are not alone in this and you are the one calling the shots.  YOU CAN DO THIS..and think how much less stress you'll have when you don't have to lie about ****.  Being phony and fake are stressful.  The truth shall set you free...what a cliche`...I certainly am not telling the truth to anyone...thats my deal...I don't talk about it.  Never did until I got to this forum.

But our logic is flawed and really being ourselves would be the greatest thing.  I wish you luck and remember a lot of people support you here.  Keep posting

[phony]

Yes it is court ordered. Honestly 1 night on this forum has helped more than any class and maybe its me but...  you should hold a mtg or write a book - you have a gift to put all these thoughts into simple understanding words.  Again thanks... people at work say  awww you look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders but yet you look as though you have it all together.  I want to just scream - no i don't have it together and if you havent been down this road - step aside - ok have to pull it together and get the raccoon eyes fixed - and get phony ready for the world again I have to go take care of a customer - at work. thanks

[phony]

Thanks - Can I ask you a question?  How long before the w/d physical pain stops?

[desertgirl]

I am on day 5. But this time I am REALLY pushing myself. I got out of the house yesterday and I am just keeping myself extremely busy!  The first 3 days are the worst. But make sure that you take care of your body while doing it. I didn't eat, drink or sleep for three days, and I got very sick. Last time I tried it i was very lazy and didn't do anything at all. Keeping busy really helps.

[phony]

thank u - and congrats on 5 days.  I thinks it awesome that you r pushing yourself to stay busy b/c I know how easy it is to just sit there and lay there all day.  Keep Going and maybe I will fall in behind you :)

[desertgirl]

just let me know and I will be here for you : )

[FLaddict]

Hi I just logged on and came across your post.. are you going cold turkey?? How many days had it been??

Welcome to the site.. Hope we all can help you in some way big or small..

Stephanie

[phony]

Tried cold turkey already so I am trying tapering down to 6 vicodin a day. Although in drug treatments eyes that means nothing if u come up positive on a test which i have on monday.  Vicodin and Hydros are the same right?  
I have 3 left and I am in panic mode. Any wise words to share

[FLaddict]

I too am tapering.. I started at 6-10 per day.. mostly 10mg hydro/vicodin/sometimes percaset. I am down now to 2 and half a day.. I was down to only a half a day two weeks ago then I broke two toes.. lead me to break my taper.. I have been a member here for 7 weeks..
You are probably gonna fail your drug test.. I don't have any words of wisdom there.. drink lots of water and cross your fingers.. I am sorry that you are in the situation.. but of course like the rest of us.. you probably did it to yourself.. I know I have done alot of shitty things to myself for pills.. and years ago i did the same thing for heroin.. much worse things then...
As far as having 3 left.. I would take a half when the Wd's are bad.. hold out as long as possible.. 8-10 hours if you can.. its a fast as he77 taper for sure..

[phony]

Thanks - I will keep all that in mind and if you don't here back from me after Monday - I did flunk drug test and don't know what happens after that.  I just want it all over and why do some people ie sisters, mother, father, etc. have such self control but not me the black sheep. Just a big f up.  Gracias to everyone who let me vent I am getting off work now so good night and I will try to log on at work 2mrw around 4pm.  To all who are tapering and all who are c/t continue and you are in my prayers. I am sure i will be up all night but need to get computer at home up and running so will just watch movies all night. Feel like I have met new friends and hopefully I will not let you all down. Good night.

[FLaddict]

please keep us posted throughout the weekend..