Day 1 - AGAIN

[Alex29]

Well Im back and honestly I forced myself in this situatioin.

Im 30 and addicted to oxycodone 3/325 - i took 7-8 daily sometimes more. I have been doing this for about 4-5 yrs. I convinced myself I needed them for pain but really they took away the stress from my life. I am a damn good liar - i think I lie on a daily basis to get what I want. However, I feel like my mom can see through them; well anyways, i ran out of funds and asked if she could float me a loan to pay a bill. She said NO, NOT THIS TIME. So I have no choice but to quit. I have to say I didnt try to con her or plead, I accepted it. NO BS, NO NOTHING. I think my body is trying to tell me to chill out. I have an addictive personality which is bad. GEE! Why cant I just be addicted to air, water, working out - darn it.

I wanted to tell my mom for a long time about my addiction. She was there for me way back then but I just dont want to disappoint her.

DAY 1

In good spirits laughing about wd's. Lets see i sneezed a million times, i keep coughing like something is stuck in my throat and i feel like ****. However, I am laughing .....Go figure.  I figure as this is my second time the wd's will be the same as last - i just wish the feeling or anxiety for another pill would go away.

[gizzy32]

first of all congrats on day 1 here, even if you were forced somehow. it took 5 years of repeated behaviour and dozens of relapses to figure out what i needed to do. it' so great your being honest and trying to do this, this time, but sometimes we need to do more than just quit. you keep going back because addiction is powerful, it rewires our brains. i stopped wanting to use, i hated it, yet i could not stop. i guess what im asking is, what are you willing to do to stay clean this time. support is vital to beat this. i thought i was cured when i made it a week clean only to fall again and again. just a thought here man, but it would be great to check out an N/A meeting or stick around here for support. a lot can be learned about yourself and why you repeat this behaviour. i did the same thing until i learned what it took to stay clean. good luck and keep posting. you can do this

[concernedfiance]

No problem. i understand that you don't want to answer that last one....it's like someone waving a smoke in your face when your trying to quit!

I think that it's like I'm reasoning with myself that what he's doing isn't that bad or something, when i know it is...stupid eh?

[Alex29]

UMMM....i guess its time. I will say your post concerns me and i think like you. I cant explain why i want to quit but i do. Maybe someone more equipped can answer you back as i am feeling very anxious about answering the?

[concernedfiance]

I think what I just wrote scares the **** outta me....

"If it creates a good feeling why stop"....Seriously....

[concernedfiance]

I'm a cigarette smoker, and I do it because its around mostly, but if I have a stressfull day that's the first thing I reach for...I did quit however when I was pregnant with my son, I started again after I stopped breast feeding. I get that addiction. I think I understand his...I mean that's usually what I try to do to understand something...research. It seems to me like it creates a good feeling, so why stop it? it's not like he was behaving horribly, just the non-sleeping was wierd and I guess tipped me off. I have no desire to start any drug use, but the thought of something taking away any mental pain sounds good to me, but like I said I have no desire..I think pain is good for people to experience it is what makes us human.

[Alex29]

Addiction is weird. I truly wanted it last time and i did so for months without them. I honestly don't know the reason I went back. I blew threw my savings doing so and it is definitely a learning lesson for me. When I got the funds there was no going back? I just racked up the bills. However, this time its weird. Did you ever do something for so long and your like dam i need my life back? wake up that way? well, i have some money and i could actually buy some BUT i dont want too. I think this time different from last I am more ready and sick of them.

[Alex29]

Lack of money, yes but this time it is different I don't want to go back if that makes sense.

[concernedfiance]

Wow that scares me Alex. I just found out 2 weeks ago about my fiances addiction to Oxys and that he was doing it on and off for 9 months....I read some of your other posts and this is scary. Why do you keep going back? What is going on the moment you do it again?

[johnnykelly]

Hi Alex,I hope your lack of $ is not the only reason you are not using.The amount that you where taking is as prescribed,or a little more,that is the reason for your mild withdrawl affects.Alex its better to come to the decision now and get clean and stay that way.The addiction will only graduate and your ability,or desire to quit will be compromised.That it from me,ive used 20or so years,for 2back serguries and a hip replacement,but like you said.I to liked the feeling of well beaing that percocets and oxycontins provided.Nowadays i take methadone instead,I on accasion pop a few but,then cant work their way through the methadone at a dose of 40mgs a day.Goodluck as you are clean and sober john

[britney1663]

You seem to be in good spirits...keep it up and this will be over in no time! keep us posted...

[cathy5841]

i am glad you decided to quit.  or were forced to quit.  when the funds come in do you plan to get more?  i hope not.  you can get through this and life will be good again.  you just ahve to keep on keepin on.  good luck.

[Alex29]

oh and i keep yawning like crazy.........correction they were 5/325 pills.