Day 1, No Hydrocodone

[997_911]

I don't have a specific question, really.  Just looking for support.  I've been taking Hydrocodone 7.5/500 4-5/day, Ultram 50mg 6/day, and Soma 1-2/day for a year and half.  Of course, during this time, I have taking a variety of other muscle relaxers and changed the dosing of the above meds.  The dosage and quantities listed above are where I've been rather consistently for about 3 months.  I take these to curb back pain that is quite real, and somedays, deserves the meds listed above.  Other days, I take them anyways, even when the pain is really only bad enough to justify Ultram alone, and even then, probably not 6 pills a day.  My doctor recently tried me on 24 hour release morphine 60 mg, mixed with 3x25mg of amitriptyline nightly.  I did this for one week, and hated the side effects so much, that I simply stopped the morphine 3 days ago, and tapered off the amitriptyline over 4 days, and didn't take any today.  I am still allowed 2 of the Hydrocodone 7.5/500 daily, but I'm finding that I want to take 4 or 5.  I've only done this for 2 days, but today woke up and decided to take nothing at all.  At this point, I'm only about 14 hours from my last dose, and I feel very emotional, am sitting still, but sweating like I'm exercising.  I really feel like I'm on a slippery slope, and need to stop this before it gets worse.  My pain isn't bad today, so I know I could tolerate the day without the hydrocodone, but I so bad want to take some, RIGHT NOW.  I'm choosing not to, and instead am writing to this forum.   I have God, I know his Spirit can help me through anything.  This is really hard, though, and I know my case can't be as bad as others, and I'm also scared about how much worse this is going to get if I continue to take zero meds.  I just feel, deep down, that I really need to stop taking anything. Not sure what else to say.

[10356]

Good morning I'm sorry to hear of the pain you have to deal with.. I also have chronic pain but I'm also a addict.. Out minds are very powerful and in order to get us to take more drugs as it likes those feel good endorphins is manufacturers worse pain.. Now that I have stopped taking the norco and soma, have gone through the wd process. I feel much better my pain is still their but tolerable... Good on you that you are taking your life back.. The pill game consumes so much of our life.. getting out of the cycle is a very freeing and rewarding experience.. You will feel wd for sure but it does not last forever and you came to a great place for support.. keep reading there are things you can do to make the process bearable.. and remember it does not last forever Take care and reach out for support.. lesa