Day 1 no ultram

well, my symptoms haven't been too bad...yet. The mental aspect is breaking me. I have a 6yr old who has a function @ his school tonight and he doesn't want to gob/c I am sick...I feel like a piece of crap... I am starting to justify taking a handful of pills a day. Maybe its not so bad after all @ least I cld go to his school and function. I have always been quite functional despite my addiction. I was abusing ultram, lortab and xanax off/on for yrs altho tram is my beloved DOC, altho I believe it is rat poison. Graduated with a bachelors great gpa, good nurse/mom all the while a drug addict. I am so SAD I am 36 and have used and abused my whole adult life. afraid I don't know another way. Plz help me...

[blackie361]

Hey Wannawean. I agree....one of the hardest things I have found with kicking the "habit" is menatally. I mean, after a week or two the physical symptoms go away, but I had to deal with the mental aspect. I'm not going to lie to you & say it's easy but it is attainable. My mental hurdle was more to do with the whole ritual part of using. But you know, the saying "time changes everything"...it's totally true. At the begining of my recovery I went to NA, which I found very benifical. I must admit that one thing I hated about those meetings was all the little sayings that they had. But one that stands out for me is....I may have another run in me, but I don't know if I have another recovery in me. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's attainable. You have a little boy who needs his parent in his life and after each day of soberness (not sure if that's even a word but anyway) it gets easier. Every day you will get stonger. If you have love in your life...which you do in your son...you can climb any mountain...reach any goal. I don't know if I was much help but I wish you all the happiness and joy this life has to offer. If you would ever like to talk, you can contact me anytime....I'll always be here to listen.

[tomskat]

Hi I sent you a p.m. so please check your inbox:):)

[wannawean]

Big surprise day 2 is worse... i am 36, tomorrow. i have taken pills my entire adult life, except during a pregnancy. i am so emotional. narcotics dull all the pain from a trauma childhood and a crazy young adulthood. I have seen shrinks, NA...i dont know how to deal w life w/o opiates. they never let me down except after a nights sleep when i'm w/ding and wake up with my shirt soaked in sweat. i am such a f up person. dont  think i've ever loved or cared about myself. its a pity party!!! welcome all.

[all_alone1]

i know the feeling of using the pills to numb the pain..because that is exactly what I did too.....it is hard to deal with life sometimes...especially when it throws you a curveball....

just know there are many..many people on this forum who are or have been where you are right now....and are here to help support and encourage you every step of the way.....you are not alone