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1697690 tn?1329123638

Day 1 oxycontin withdrawal

Today is day one off oxycontin. I was snorting about 5 80's a day. I want to stop so badly. It is painful to type this right now but my body hurts so bad, my eyes are so watery, my legs wont stop twitching, i am sweating and so hot and then freezing cold the next second. My stomach hurts so bad I think I might throw up at any second. But I want to get through this so badly. I know this is just the drug trying to keep me using, I need to get through these WD's I want to have a real life and actually live my life not just watch it go by. Noone knows I am detoxing and I cant really tell anyone, I just want to go back to ym old self and be there for the people in my life and stop causing them so much pain. Is there anything I can do to help with the anxiety i feel like im about to have a panic attack. Also im just wondering about aftercare, what is the best form of aftercare people have done? Thanks for anyone that may take the time to read this and to everyone on here that makes this forum happen it is really inspiring to read your comments and stories, it gives me some hope through all this.
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Avatar universal
My stepson just got arrested Monday night for intent to distribute and three counts of controlled pills. We found out he's been smoking Roxys. Does anyone know when he may start to go through withdrawals ? We don't know how much he was doing or for how long but he had horrible mood swings and we found straws everywhere and tin foil so he was smoking them and doing Xanax and pot and acid.
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1694436 tn?1311419461
Morning

   I don't know what to say, as I am new to this also, except you have it in you to do, and I know you can do this, I feel it deep down in my soul, I am always here as a ear for you if you need to vent or just talk. You can do this you realy can, and like you told me, look at the positive that will come, I thank you for all your support, so I will try to do the same.
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Avatar universal
HI try not to let  fear into the equation its always worst in our minds then it turns out to be your going to be fine you havent been back on them that long .....yes you will feel it but it wont be like the first time you ever did this just remember attitude is everything and having a positive attitude will do morec for you then any other thing this is truly a battle one or lost in ones own mind .....keep posting for support and just know you can do this ....good luck and God bless.......Gnarly
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1697690 tn?1329123638
im already getting scared and nervous for tomorrow.
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1697690 tn?1329123638
thank you.
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271792 tn?1334979657
I will be having coffee at around 7 am and will wait for your new post. Think positive thoughts--YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

No more thinking about this tonight. All you are doing is beating a dead horse. Get some rest and tomorrow is a new day.

You are going to be okay..I honestly believe that. So we will see you in the morning!!
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1697690 tn?1329123638
To everyone,
Thank you for the responses. I know this is a dead end road and I need to get off this track. I know it leads to nowhere. The darkness, shame, self hatred, that comes on this path ive felt it at all. It stopped being fun a long time ago but im still stuck using I guess.

IBK,
I want to start a new post and a "new beginning" as you said. I have little hope but your guys words help. If you guys havent given up then maybe I shouldnt either. I could try to start a new post tomorrow...I already have used today. Maybe if i start a post then ill at least have ppl to be accountable to tomorrow morning and maybe that will help me to actually stand by my word tomorrow.

This last detox was teh worst ive ever had probably and  Icant believe how easily i just went back to using, and now i have to start over. My tolerance is so high and the wd's are so bad and thinking about going thru that again just makes me sick thinkign about it. But i know i have to do it and the longer i keep doing this the worse it will be...i cant believe how fast i go right bak to where i was and how bad it gets so quickly. It feels like ive been using again for months iand its been like a week or two maybe. I wake up sick in the morning again, i think ive got he ll to go thru again.
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Avatar universal
Hey, no biggie, move on.  Listen they dont call this a battle without good reason.  Win some lose some eat some take some.  Important thing is to kewp fighting until u win.  Try mr. new hope's advice and forget it and move on!  Good luck harper!

Helpful - 0
271792 tn?1334979657
Hey hun,

First things first...you need to sit down and take a breathe. You relapsed, okay? Now you need to decide if you want to get clean. I don't think you would be here unless you did so you have to reach down in deep and get this done. You are not a loser--you are not a disappointment and the drugs are making you feel ashamed. Break this cycle now because you are worth it and you can do it.

How about you start off by creating a new post. This one is very long and unless someone reads every single post they will not be able to follow you. If you start a new post you can start your withdrawal.

I have so many things I want to say to you like "you will have to do it sometime", etc., etc. but you know all of this. I HOPE you want to do this now. You have the support of the members here so if you can't support yourself, then lean on the people here and get it done.

It is not going to be easy and you will need to do things different then you did before but it IS doable. I don't think you are a bad person and I have faith that you can do this.

I hope to see you in a new post, with a new attitude for a new beginning.

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Avatar universal
Harper!  You have no idea how good it is to hear from you. :) :)  I am not going to try to be mean here, but at some point one of two things is going to happen.  I too know how bad withdrawls get and just exactly how scary they are.  Been there, done that many times myself.  They suck and they aren't pretty. But back to the one of two things, you will either quit at some point or you will end up dying.  Again, I am not trying to be mean at all.  Tolerance levels grow and grow and it required more and more drugs as time goes on to achieve the same affect we once had.  Enough of that.  Please keep posting no matter what you do.  We honestly and truly do care about you and want to be there.  I would like to give you my cell number if you have a cell phone and would like the number.  Just let me know.  Hang in there honey!
  
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1697690 tn?1329123638
I have fallen back into old patterns. Ive been using everyday as if I never stopped. I have been in this cycle for so long now. It breaks you down. I feel hopeless, like ill never be able to break this. Maybe thats just the drugs talking to keep me using. Its like I know I need to stop but I dont have the desire it takes. I need to find the strength to stop though but every night I say this is it, tomorrow I will detox and stop and then the morning comes and I feel sick and I just give in and then feel even worse about myself and even more dissapointed. This is the wost cycle. Its like i want to numb all the feelings of shame and disappointment i have and i just get high but it doesnt even work anymore. THe drugs stopped working a while ago and yet i still use. I wish i had better news. I havent posted because i dont want to involve anyone in this because it will just be disappointing, each time i say to myself i will stop and i dont. Im sorry. I know I need to stop though, the detox i went thru was so horrible and im scared to have to go thru it again and i have little hope that ill stay sober even if i do make it thru the detox.
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1694436 tn?1311419461
Morning

  Haven't seen you on larely, I trust everything is okay and you are hanging on, I wish you would post  even if you have used, it would let us know your alive at least, Everyone goes through struggles, I know I am and do everyday, but I worry about you, Yes you may have had a couple of hickups but you can do this, even if at your own pace, sometimes that is just easier.
  Hope to hear from you, as I said we all miss you and worry about you and are here for you when ever,,,
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Avatar universal
Harper I hope you know how many people in here really truly care about you and are praying for you.  I was out of town for awhile and away from a computer but I haven't stopped thinking about you or praying for you.  You need to hang on to hope even if it is only a small sliver of hope that you can muster up. You can do this regardless of what the negative talk in your head says.  You are so young and you have your whole life ahead of you.  You do not want to be on here (not saying this is a bad place to be) when you are 50 years old and realize, like I have, how much of my life I have totally wasted!  I pray you post soon whether you are using or not.  We care about you, period, as a person and people come with habits - good and bad.  We all accept you as a whole.  I don't come on here and look when people relapse and think that they are not worth my time.  Heaven forbid that someone would have done that to me.  I would have never made it. You are always welcome on here.  This is such a fantastically supportive place.  It is truly awesome and I know you will find the love and support you need to succeed. It is not easy by any means. No one said it would be.  It is hard to think we are worth it when we always judge ourselves so harshly.  I am here to tell you that we think you are worth it regardless of how you feel about yourself.  Try and hang on to that for awhile.  Take care and I hope to see a post from you soon.      
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1641357 tn?1470495393
Hey Harper, hope that you are doing okay today, have you found any counseling or anything??  Please post :)
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1694436 tn?1311419461
Morning

   I thought i would check in on you and see how you are doing, I hope and trust that you are doing okay, I have become a little worried since I haven't seen you on in a few days, if your using that is fine, I slipped up also and I beleive you said it was just a hiccup and said I could do it, and gave me encouragement. So, you can do it, as I said earlier you may have to lower your tolerance first, and that can be hard all on it's own, but you can do it. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that everyday is a little less. You can do this, have faith in yourself , we all have faith in you, and please keep contact.
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1694436 tn?1311419461
Hi

  Your not wasting anyones time, we are always here for you, i will be the first to admitt it wasnt easy at all, I may make it sound that way sometimes but it wasn't I just down played some of the feelings I had and some of what was going on, It was pure hell, no doubt, and today still I am depressed and don't know why. You CAN do it, it may just take lowering the tolerance to a level you can, thats what I did, and it still hurt but I did it. You will when your ready, and I am sure everyone will be here for you, Just please don't give up all together, you CAN do it, you really can.
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1653969 tn?1390331661
You can do this and you are trying so hard -keep trying.If we all did it on the first or second or third that would be amazing but for some it just takes alonger road and a harder time doing. It does definatly sounds like you need to get into some kind of counseling sooner then later.And as Tiffany said YOU ARE NOT GIVING UP. You can do this!!! You can!!!!
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1641357 tn?1470495393
Dude.  Calm down.  As long as you keep trying that is what matters.  You can fall a million times but just so long as you get up one more time than you fall down.  Someone else said that in one of the threads...you gotta keep going.  You KNOW that you don't want this.  You KNOW you want your life back and the old you.  Don't say that you aren't worth it, because you ARE.  I think that you need to look into seeing a counselor/psychologist or something along those lines.  You tried to do it by yourself, but it's obviously a lot deeper.  Maybe you can get on something for the depression and that will help greatly when you try to detox again.  Read the first post that pops up when you come to this thread....it's my post saying that you are NOT giving up.  I"m not letting you.  So don't even think about it anymore.  You gotta keep your head up and not let the addiction overcome you.  Go read my story again, you don't want that life.  And you don't have to have it.  YOU CAN DO THIS HARPER!!!!!  And stop disappearing from here!!!  Keep posting when you feel down and depressed and want to use, we will help you.  I wish that I were your real life friend so I could help you more :( Just please get back up and try again!!!!
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1697690 tn?1329123638
Ive been using. I go to bed each night wanting to be sober saying tomorrow i will wake up and NOT use and then i wake up in the morning and i just feel like sht and am depressed and just say whatever im getting high and do it. I am very depressed, i think using makes me happy....it doesn't. I felt better when I was trying to get sober, but yet im still using. Its frustrating i want to throw my head through a wall. i dont get this disease i dont get what the hell i am doing. I am screwing things up in my life, all i want to do is be alone and get high and have the world leave me alone. what is wrong with me???? A few yrs ago if i had seen myself now i wouldnt have believed it, my actions, thoughts, I honestly would not believe this was me. Its like now I dont even let myself fight it, i just get high and try not to think about it to avoid the guilt and shame and anger but of course that doesnt even work. Its miserable.  anyways, if anyone wants to respond, i appreciate it, but honestly, dont waste ur time on me, and i mean that not, saying that to ttry to make people feel bad. its the truth, maybe im not ready i dont no but im wasting ppls time. And i really am sorry about that to everyone.
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1694436 tn?1311419461
Morning

  Wanted to check in to see how you are doing, hopeing everything is going well for you and you are progressing at a rate that makes you happy, stick to it, you can do it, we all have faith in you.
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1641357 tn?1470495393
Hey Harper, how are you doing today?!!!  POST MORE!!! lol....keep your head up girl :)
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1694436 tn?1311419461
Hi
I borrowed a friends computer for a moment, I have faith in you, those bumps are just that bumps, not road blocks. I should have my computer back tomorrow and will check in with you, if need be do second by second, whatever works, Still thinking of you and hoping for the best. You CAN do this, you can just stay positive
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1697690 tn?1329123638
Hi guys,
Thanks for checking in. I have been struggling a bit. I still want to be sober but there have been several "bumps in the road" I dont even want to get into it because its shameful and depressing and upsetting and just makes me feel worse. I am still trying to be sober though, today is a new day. I dont feel very good mentally or physically but i deserve that. I have taken into consideration what everyone has said about aftercare, it seems I su ck at doing this on my own, even tho its very hard for me to reach out to others and accept help but I am going to try seeing a psychologist. Ive never really been able to stick it out in the past, i leave when things get personal but i will try it with an open mind. Today is hard, i am just trying to get thru it, minute by minute, and not use.
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Avatar universal
How are you? How did it go? W/d???
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