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Day 1 oxycontin withdrawal
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Day 1 oxycontin withdrawal

Today is day one off oxycontin. I was snorting about 5 80's a day. I want to stop so badly. It is painful to type this right now but my body hurts so bad, my eyes are so watery, my legs wont stop twitching, i am sweating and so hot and then freezing cold the next second. My stomach hurts so bad I think I might throw up at any second. But I want to get through this so badly. I know this is just the drug trying to keep me using, I need to get through these WD's I want to have a real life and actually live my life not just watch it go by. Noone knows I am detoxing and I cant really tell anyone, I just want to go back to ym old self and be there for the people in my life and stop causing them so much pain. Is there anything I can do to help with the anxiety i feel like im about to have a panic attack. Also im just wondering about aftercare, what is the best form of aftercare people have done? Thanks for anyone that may take the time to read this and to everyone on here that makes this forum happen it is really inspiring to read your comments and stories, it gives me some hope through all this.
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Avatar_f_tn
good for you!
ok so how long have you been using? you said how much, but how long counts too, anxiety is hard to work through with withdrawaling but just breath through it take relaxing hot baths, keep everything as clean as you can cuz smell is one of my worst thing to have to go through i cant stand how things smell when dope sick, take some multi vitamins, i took, b12,b6,zink copper balance,5-htp,fish oils,valarian roon gaba plus relora and melitonin and drink lots of gatoraid it restores your electro lights which you need to have, eat small heathy snacks and ensure and water, tea too, tetley berry tea is sooo good and its calming, stay focused you can do this if you wanna talk about it i been on alot helping another sweet guy, so im around alot these days so just give me a note if you need someone to talk to hun, good luck it dose get better!
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Avatar_f_tn
I know what you are going thru and I feel for you...The panic attacks are horrible...I try to breathe deeply and slowly and remind myself that it"s not going to kill me but even then it's still hard...Just know you are not the only one going thru thid Hell alone....and it is ABSOLUTE HELL...All my best...Anj
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1697690_tn?1329127238
Thank you so much for your response. I have been using for like 4 and a half years now, I used to be pretty social and would go out a lot and drink and do coke and then one day its like I traded it all in for oxycontin and got so addicted it was shocking. Id never really been addicted to something before the way ive become addicted to oxy. Its literally taken over my life and I want so bad to stop it. Thanks for the suggestions on vitamins, i have 5-HTP that I will take and some valerian root and melatonin so I will try all those. And the hot bathes I will try that too. I see everyone postng on here about taking hotbaths/showers but I am so hot and my skin feels like it is 1000 degrees that I almost feel like I want to take a cold shower but then I know ill get those chills that literally hurt to the bone. I know I should get up and try to help myself but I feel like I cant even move. My body hurts so bad just the thought of walking to the bathroom feels like the most daunting task ever. I am laying on couch watchign some TV but my mind feels like it cant even focus on tv, I have a water bottle and am trying to drink water because i think some of the hot skin and parched feeling in mouth is from dehydration. Thank u for your response and suggestions it is really helpful
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1697690_tn?1329127238
Thank you for your response. Yes this anxiety is so bad, I  never get anxiety except for when I come off oxycontin. Before I started oxy I didnt even have anxiety but now I get it so bad when detoxing. I am trying to drink water and just be calm and focus on whats in front of me. Sometimes the heating pad on my stomach helps to calm my body and mind but my skin is so hot right now and I feel so hot that I dnt think I can do the heating pad. Sometimes splashing cold water on my face helps but I dont feel like i can even make it to the br right now to do that. Plus then I become freeezing, this hot and cold is crazy. But thank u for your response it means a lot to me
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Avatar_f_tn
I also wanted to say I'm withdrawing and I  even have a script for Klonopin and even that does not take away the anxiety and panic attacks..I feel like I'm dying when they hit...like I want to jump out of my skin....I'm on all the vits....especially B-12...we are just going to have to let time run its course and be prepared that it may feel worse before it feels better...Small consolation..I know... as I feel like jumping out of my skin right now as I type this...Feel free to contact me anytime if it gets too bad...Anj.
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1697690_tn?1329127238
Thank you so much. If you dont mind me asking, how many days have you been detoxing now? this anxietty is definitely one of the worst, like the physical pain is so bad, but the anxiety makes it hard to do anything im so tense my stomach feels like its churning. My legs hurt so bad too, how come oxycontin detox makes your legs hurt so bad like this?
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Avatar_m_tn
I'm also a little over a day myself today, 31 hrs to be exact, of 160mg of oxycontin withdrawal.  The anxiety and sweats are by far my worst.  I know I can get through this, I've been through this before and focused to be the last time.  I want you to know you can get through this too, soon you will be feeling like other people are feeling off pills and it will be wonderful.  I have too much to live for and I'm sure you do too. Take the vitamins, baths, eat some bannanas, get some exercise and some sun if possible.  It'll get much better.
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Avatar_m_tn
For legs, take hot baths with epsom salt.  You can get that at the 99 cent store.  Get some Restful Legs by Hylands at Walmart.  Eat a bunch of bannanas, I also take potassium gluconate vitamins.  During the bath, make sure you soak your arms too coz those get restless.  Take walks or if you have a treadmill, get on it.

For anxiety, 5htp helps me alot.  I tried L-tyrosine with a B6 and it helped as well.  I'm still trying to find out if anyone knows what I can do with DLPA, L-tyrosine, L-theanine, Valerian Root, and St. Johns Wart.  I know they're all either for anxiety or depression or to relax you, but I'm worried about mixing everything together into one glob lol.

Watch some good movies, find a movie that works for you, than watch that movie over and over.  Put it on repeat if possible.

I see myself next to you in the race and don't want you straggling along.  We can do this and meet at the finish line!
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Thank you for your response. Yes I have 5 HTp and will try that and the hylands restless leg because my legs and arms are so restless they just like start twitching uncontrollably. I think i am also really dehydrated, my mouth is so dry and skin so hot. Why does opiate WD make you so dehydrated?
Yes lets get through this together, I like your name ... I am trying to find some new hope as well to get through this. I have tried before and was not able to make it but this time I really want to get through the withdrawals and stay sober.  Thank you for all the suggestions I am going to try them all once I can get myself up and able to walk. The littlest things seem like the biggest effort right now. But I will keep fighting through this i don't want to give up on myself and I hope you dont give up either, we can both get thru this I hope.
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Avatar_f_tn
I quit Cold Turkey Morphine and Fentanyl (supposedly 100 times stronger than Morphine) almost a week ago..In fact..it is 7 days today..Problem is I still want to get off my other two meds..Percs and Soma....I got off the heavy duty ones first thinking my withdrawal wouldn't be so bad as I was still taking the other two...WRONG!!!...I feel the Fent. and Morph are out of my system...Now I have to decide if I'm going to quit the others CT or Taper...I do have Klonopin for an unrelated Anxiety Disorder and that didn't even touch the anxiety I had withdrawing...so I just stopped it...I'm hoping quitting the last two will be easier..but I'm not so sure how my body's going to react without any foreign substance in it...For me...the anxiety, depression and mental anguish are the worst....Hang in there and we will ALL get thru this together....Anj
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Avatar_f_tn
Read the Amino Acid Protocols in the health pages and try and follow them ......the theanine in particular is for the anxiety - - otherwise you have some good advice - the showers, the hylands, the vitamins and etc.  Try Immodium if you have loose stools.....and maybe emetrol for the other stomach problems................but most of all stick with the resolve - - the stuff is easy to quit!!  I did a dozen or so times before this lasr multiple year stretch - and I feel that I have finally gotten it correct!  Best of luck -
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Avatar_f_tn
yes, hot baths seem like such a chore and like it wont help, but it really dose, day 1 when i would get out id regret my decision right away of even getting in, so id just stay in all day when you get out you get instant sweat and chills but its better cuz you dont have the sticky grossness so it dose benefit more that hurt and that,
just try it with epsom salts it relaxes your bones and you wont hurt as bad, keep your bathroom warm tho so you dont shiver your teeth off too! lol i figured that out the hard way almost broke a tooth ;P
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1697690_tn?1329127238
anjie
Wow that is a lot of meds but good for you for trying to get off. I think youre right the perc and soma wd's should be easier then the morph and fent wd's. I have done those two before and wow they were strong. Congrats on 7 days when do you think youll start trying ot get off the other two? I thik cold tukey is always the best but it takes a lot of strength to get thru it (as we both know)

The eagle,
THank you, I will check out hte amino acid protocol. I do have some 5htp valerian root and melatonin and i just had a banana but feel like i wont be able to keep it down.

My body is so weak, my hands twitch and shake as I right this. The only thing i can do right now is drink water. My mouth is so dry and my skins so hot and the water does help I think I am dehydrated so I am  trying to drink a lot of water. My body is just in so much pain, but I want to get through this. I have sit by and let these drugs completely rule my life and destroy it. I cant just sit by anymore I need to get my life back. I want to be off the drugs more than anyting right now.  I dont want to let anything stop me but i know its a lot of work. I am just trying to focus on today for now, staying sober today. I kow these wd's are only going to get worse tomorrow, i am only a few hours into it now and it is so bad. Thank you everyone so much for the support.
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yeah my body is crazy tempurate wise right now. One second im sweating and so hot and the next second im freezingg. I will try the hot bath when i can get a little more strength. The water does sound so refreshing, thank u for the suggestions, i am going to give it a try in a bit.
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Avatar_f_tn
Dont underestimate some crushed ice to keep in your mouth - or maybe a hard candy if you can think of one. And if you cant do the shower right now think of an electric blanket or heating pad to wrap your legs in - works great for the RLS....
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Avatar_f_tn
yea give it a try if u dont like it you dont have to keep doing it but my temp was sooooo crazy i loved my hot baths :)
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1641357_tn?1322528430
Hey, you gotta drink TONS of water.  You're sweating a lot and that will dehydrate you a lot faster than normally.  So drink drink drink WATER!  Try juices and other stuff too, that has vitamins in it.  Ensure or pedialyte is good too has lots of good stuff for you!  The baths are what helped my husband the most.  He basically lived in them for a few days in and out in and out, but it helped a LOT.  Especially for him to sleep.  Good luck :)
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Avatar_m_tn
I am sorry for the WD you are going through. I am like 7 hours sober and I was taking a much smaller amount- I can only imagine what you are going through. It has got to be worth it, we will get our lives back. The people here give such wonderful advice and support and the above poster was right....we are all going to get through this.
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Just keep your head up and remember what your life used to be like and keep striving for that.  You will finally be FREE!!!  
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Avatar_m_tn
Try Ace bandages for the aching legs. Move around as much as you can....I know you don't want to but, it will help you Drink plenty of fluids, juice etc.

Dark chocolate will help. Alot of this is mental, keeping a good attitude will help more that about anything.

Hang in there .....you will be fine!
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I was wondering how you were doing MrNewHope. Seems like it's going as good as it can. Just keep it up.
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1697690_tn?1329127238
Thank you so much for the posts. I had a banana and took a hot bath. It did help but when i got out i was freeeeezing got the worst chills, but of course a few minutes later i was back to hot. I literally had to crawl from the bath back to the couch. My hair is soaking wet not but the coolness of it feels good cuz my face is so hot. My body hurts so bad right now omg my legs. I cant keep them still they are so painful. I want to cut them off i cant sit still but i have no energy to move around. The hot bath did help the anxiety though. Even though  i am in so much pain right now, there is a small part of me that feels proud for once that i didnt wake up and rush to call my dealer today to get more oxycontin. Even though i feel so sick, i want so badly to get through this. I want more for myself then just drugs and im so tired of being a dope fiend drug addict. I hate the way those small pills completely control me.

I am kind of scared though because i know in the beginning the deeper I get into my WD the worse things will get. I am scared because this is already so painful i cant imagine it getting worse but ill try not to think about that to much. I have some watermelon here i am trying to eat but my stomach just hurts so bad. i am staring at it but cant eat it. I do hve a wate bottle next to me that ive been drinking all day because i feel so dehydrated.

thank u everyone for your comments, its helping me stay sober just knowing there are people who care. It really is helpful, i dont have anyone else that knows wat im goin thru so its nice to be able to post on here. thank u everyone so much.
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1641357_tn?1322528430
By drinking a lot means you should be drinking at least a gallon of water....so try to drink a little more often, the watermelon should help too! Great idea!
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi sweetie!  I am so proud of you!  I looked on your profile and saw that you are 22 yeas old.  I only wish when I was 22 that I would have started breaking the addition hell cycle!  I was using then and continnued to use for several years.  Hang on tight and know this - You can do this!  So much better for you to do it now than to waste your life wishing you would have done it sooner.  I waited until I was almost 50 years old and I have to tell you I wasted a lot of my life as well as my families lives.  I missed alot of precious times when my children wanted to play for instance but I was too tired and needed a nap from using so much.  Now my babies are all gone and so are the drugs.  My point in all of this is that I know you are scared and I wish I could be there to hold your hand for you and to go through this with you.  Baths do help.  Hard to even run yourself a bath when you feel like crud.  Also, I know you are going to think I am crazy - but exercise does help.  I remember someone telling me that and thinking - I have never been a person who exercised and when I feel like I will die if I move you are telling me to exercise?  Are you nuts????  Truly though, I am not saying to go run a marathon but any exercise you can get in will help.  I use to drive out to the mailbox (seriously and we only live 90 feet from the mailbox in the culdesac).  I started out by walking around my home once.  Three months later I was walking 3.2 miles a day.  Make sure you drink plenty of fluids too.  Hang in there and I will watch for your posts.  :)    
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1697690_tn?1329127238
Hi,
Thank you so much for your post. Some of the things you said made me smile for the first time all day  ( driving to mailbox, excercising now of all times lol) I know what you mean though when you say its important to get this done while im young. I want so badly to be off these drugs and be able to take care of this now and make good on my life. I want to break the cycle so bad. I am laying on the couch right now and it hurts just to sit up to type on the computer. My arms and legs and even my fingers as i type this keep like twitching and jerking. My whole body feels like its just gonna start twitching like i have no control over anything. My legs hurt so bad i am just sitting here with my legs and feet clenched so tight every few minutes i realize how clenched they are and have to try to relax my muscles. and my anxiety is so so bad right now. I cant imagine excercising right now i could barely make it from the bath to the couch but i will try to keep it in my mind and maybe tomrorow or later i can do something. thank u so much for your post it was so caring it means so much to me, thank u.
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Glad you could smile :)  Is there anyone to help you or are you doing this alone?  What all have you been using to help with the WD symptoms, like vitamins and such?
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I am doing this alone, there is noone to help me. Ive taken 5 htp, some valerian root, and i have melatonin to help with sleep but i doubt ill get any sleep. My legs hurt so bad, the next time i have some energy i will have to try to get to a store and get the hylands people have been talking about but theres no way i  could possibly get myself up and looking decent enough to go out in public not to mention id probably collapse in the store or at least scare the other customers! I have just been trying to drink water and i had a banana.
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Avatar_m_tn
Sometimes going out in public and realizing how many people function without pills ( or whatever, I don't know if they're on or not" is soothing and can help kill the time you are withdrawling.
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1641357_tn?1322528430
Eat another banana if it helps, can't hurt really.  Do you have a friend that you could call to pick something up for you at all?  Even if they don't know what it's for.  Tell them your car is messing up or something...Have you checked out the Thomas recipe and Amino Acid Protocol on the bottom right column.  You have some of those things already, but there are others that may help you.  Keep your head up, you can do this :)  You need to try to drink something else too.  Water is great, but you need to replenish all your minerals and vitamins that you're losing.  
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....sorry, forgot it was mentioned earlier, just re-read that lol...well go look at it again! :P j/k Hope you feel better tonight!!!
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thanks, i am feeling worse tho. every hour that goes by i feel worse. my body hurts so bad right now i am sweating so hot and cold, my head hurts cant even focus my eyes, my skns so hot. the only thing keeping me pushing thru is how bad i want to be sober. i dont want to be a slave to this drug anymore. i guess this detox is just punishment for all the bad choices i have made the past few yrs i guess in some ways its like i deserve this. i might try to take another bath, but i am so nauseas right now i dont even want to move. my legs wont stop kicking and twitching and jerking they hurt so bad i dont no wat to do about them i want to yell out in pain practically. they hurt so bad. i cant believe this is only the first day and tomorrow will be even worse i cant believe i have done this to myself.
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Try not to beat yourself up over this.  I know the thoughts are racing through your mind, but it won't help any at all, just make you feel worse. Just focus on what you're going to have when it's all over and what you will have accomplished.  You CAN do this!!!  It's going to be hell for a couple of days then it will ease up a bit and slowly get better.  Your body is basically going into shock because it's 'missing' something that it normally has.  But you can't give in, no matter how hard it gets okay?!  Stay strong and you will get through this.  Try another bath and hopefully that helps, if you have to just keep taking baths all night.  My husband had to do that.  About every half hour to an hour depending he was back in the bath.  If you can, try to massage your legs, it might help.  I know you probably are starting to hate everything right now, but just try to stay positive and know that you are doing the right thing and it will all be worth it in the end.  I wish I were closer so I could help, or at least be there so you'd have someone to yell at haha. :) Just remember that you are AMAZING!!!!
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1697690_tn?1329127238
Thank you so much for your comment, that honestly warmed my heart, just the fact you could care about me a complete stranger and youve extended yourself to help me it means so much. Yes i am hating everything right now but i have this small sliver of hope that i havent lost yet that im hoping will grow each day. I want to get my old self back, i have let the drugs completely taken over that. I am upset with myself and am always pretty hard on myself but ill try not to beat myself up to bad, i know that will just make thngs even worse. I honestly might have to take bathes all night, this is so bad and you and a lot of people have said  that will help. ANything to make this at all better I will try honestly im desperate. I wont use tho, i cant i dont want to give up on myself yet.
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Avatar_m_tn
Hey dude thats quit a habit your breaking here but you got a day into it now no turning back
you have been giving much good advise remember to force the fluids get a case of gatoraid
and hot baths will bring the most releaf but this is more of a mental battle as you go forth with it it is truly one or lost in ones own mind....it is 1/3 phyical 2/3 mental although right now your probably thinking its the other way around you have to beet this thing in your mind first that starts with a positive attitude this is only temporary you will get well again right now get comfortable with the saying....'''you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile'' make sure you have cut off all supply chains delete phone numbers you must change persons places and things for this to work the last thing you need is someone on the phone or text telling you they got a smoking deal on some 80s GET RID OF ALL PILLS IN THE HOUSE if you have any left....no safty nets aloud your going to beet this thing and where all going to tell you how tonight you probably wont sleep this is normal I will chck on you later or in the morning....if you beleive in God nows a good time to pray for help he got me threw it good luck and God bless......Gnarly  
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I know what you mean about it being 2/3 mental, i can see how I affect myself when I start thinking F this i will never be able to do it and all that negative thought processes. I am trying to stay positive, i cant even let myself think about snorting a pill or putting it on some tin foil i dont even want to let my mind wander there especially while i am so sick like this. I am trying to keep my mind only focused on why i want to stop and how badly i want to be sober. I am trying as hard as i can to push thru this detox. I am scared for night because i no its gonna get much worse and i wont be able to sleep at all. i have deleted numebrs but i get texts about it sometimes which makes it so hard but i am staying focused i cant think about getting another thats dangerous thinking i cant even let myself go there right now. I want so badly to get sober and get my life back and be proud of the person i am. Not ashamed and contstantly lying and pushing all the people taht care about me away. Thank u for ur comment, i will pray for strength. i dont necessarily beleive in god but i do believe theres something out there and that all things happen for a reason. I will pray for strength to keep getttng thru this. pretty much all i can do right now is sit here with my head in my hands, i might take a bath in a bit but ive been sayng that for a while i just cant even move.
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thank u to everyone who posted today and offered support it helped me so much to make it thru this day. I dont no if i could have done it without seeing everyone on here and how you guys genuinly cared. i am going to take a hot bath and try to sleep. i took some advil pm, i doubt ill get any sleep but im going to try to lay down. will check in tomorrow morning thank u so much everyone. and im sorry my grammar and spelling is os bad right now, im usually much better it just hurts so much toeven type.
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Avatar_n_tn
i know what ya mean about the symptoms.  my legs are killin me right now and have had anxiety attacks in mid sleep.  i have only been doing them for four months and have not yet totally quit but it is in the near future.  i am preparing myself mentally for this journey and tomorrow is my last time using roxys.  210 mg's a day to 0 is frightening but im better than this blue pill.  wish you the best luck because i am sure i am going to be in the same boat.  stay strong!  best of luck!
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today is day 2 but things are even worse than yesterday. I am so cold i am under like 5 blankets but cant get warm, my legs hurt so bad, body aches, head hurts. Didnt sleep last night except for a few mins I think i may have fallen asleep. But i dont want to give in today either, i still want to be sober more than anything.
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Avatar_m_tn
The last sentence is what's going to get you through this.  I'm feeling the same.  I think under normal circumstances, I would be sweating under these sheets but I'm freezing also.  The runs have arrived full force, but I welcome it.  Keep it up!

I have a fortune card book called gong hee fot choy.  Maybe you've heard of it?  Anyways, it's more like a horoscope telling book but it's held lots of truth since I've had it.  Well I did my cards today one of the cards I got was in the House of Health - You can overcome an illness through right thinking if you are ill; think healthy thoughts; we were never intended to be sick.  You will be blessed with good health.

That right there made my day :)
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1697690_tn?1329127238
Wow thats really cool, thanks for sharing that, its true the second i let myself startt thinking about using or negative thoughts I can feel my whole demeanor shift. These wd's are taking a toll, I am just on the couch right now, my head is killing me, so are my legs. Glad you are doing well and we are still both moving forward here.
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Avatar_m_tn
HI just checking in to see how your doing....under the circumstances your withdrawal is going good ....I got those mind bending headaches to they su ck just remember to do the things we suggest soak all you can drink a lot to stay hydrated it will make you feel a bit better being dehydrated makes you feel sick all by itself you dont need that on top of all this keep your attitude good remember this is the beginning to the end keep posting for suport
if you got a heating pad rape it around your calves it helps get rid if the chills
keep moving forward good luck and God bless.......Gnarly  
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Avatar_n_tn
You can do this.
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1697690_tn?1329127238
Hi thanks for checking in.
Today is even worse than yesterday but i know thats what everyone said would happen. This morning i was freezing now im so hot my skins on fire. I have a banana for my legs but my stomach is so bad i cant eat it. I can just lay on couch curled in ball, not up for much movement, just counting the seconds trying to get thru this. I have some tv shows to watch to pass some time but its hard to focus. I keep thikning about all the time ive wasted and money ive thrown away and relationships ive hurt or ruined cuz of drugs. In some ways its helping me want to be sober but also i just feel so pathetic that i have let this drug take over my life. Everything has gone so downhill and its my fault completely, i just want to get off these drugs so bad. I hate what its done to my life yet i still havent been able to stop it, its been on my mind all day today like all my memories of using. I dont no if its my addiction like trying to get me to keep using, but im trying to distract myself. In some ways this pain is so bad that at least its a distraction right now, just trying to get myself better. I have some water and i had a gatorade in the refrigerator. Ugh i just want to get thru this its so painful. This website is really helpful though, the responses to my post and reading thru other peoples stories, thanks everyone whos taken time to commeent, i rly appreciate it.
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Avatar_n_tn
Just think...this time next week..you can live your live without having to reach for a pill.
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Thanks, I really really hope so.
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Avatar_n_tn
Hope is for the week. It will be so!
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1697690_tn?1329127238
Thank you i am still trying. This wd is getting worse by the second but not giving up. thnks for comments and support.
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Avatar_n_tn
Dont give up, this is day two right? One more day! and you should start to feel better!
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Avatar_n_tn
Hope, your still fighting.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hey there sweetie!  You are doing great!  I know you are feeling like crud and I just want to tell you that you are worth it!!!!!  We are masters at convincing ourselves that we are not worth it and that we are worthless but it is not true.  That is the thinking that keeps us using.  You are going to be successful!  Don't beat yourself up over things of the past. Here are a couple of sayings that I like to think about.  "Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."  "The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it."  "We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future."  You have a bright future ahead of you honey!  Grit your teeth and keep hanging on.  YOU CAN DO THIS!  You are not alone.  Thought of you all day long at work.  Tomorrow will be better.  

  
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Thank you for those quotes, its true im really trying ot just think about each day as it comes, if i start thinking about the past i get real down on myself and if i think about the future a voice in my head tells me ill never make it there. I appreciate your post and how much you care, it means a lot. Sometimes its hard detoxing alone cuz i know how easy it would be to make a call and get more and then i think well who would know anyways, what difference would it make in the world, but then i ahve to tell myself id know and I really want to be sober. I have been using for too long and letting it destroy my life. I hate to admit this but even tho i want to be sober so badly today i still have some cravings. is that crazy? it makes me so mad at myself to think i could actually want to get high after all the destruction it has done to my life. I wnat to be sober more, even tho its hard to see that as i am in the worst wds ever riht now. words cant rly even describe this. thank u for posting it means a lot i appreciate ur support.
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yes still fighting. sorry i wasnt on a few hrs i was just so sick i coudlnt even get on comp. thank u for posting and caring it means so much to me.
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Avatar_m_tn
I am pulling for you, dude.
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thank u, i am having such a hard time right now. i keep thinking how it would just be so easy to feel better with one pill one phone call and id have it. i am trying so hard not to think like this. i am so sick and i just keep thinking noone wud even no noone wud even care, nobody in my life can tell the difference high or not. i want this so badly for myself but i am having so many thots of using.  i want to be osber so bad i want to get out of this lifestyle but why am i thinking about it so much. im just so depressed tonight os sick. i am trying to do something to distract myself but its a really tough night.
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Hey dude just checking in on you.....your going to have to work on your thinking .....first its a thought then it becomes an obsession onece we start obsessing on it it can very well become an action.....relapses occur hrs even days in advance we get ''stuck in our heads''
you need to nip this thinking in the bud not only for now but for a month from now....try to find something on tv or get lost in some music for a wile take on some small simple project like cleaning out the closet or fixing something ez anything but what your doing now ....obsessing
once you can get past that this will become a whole lot ezer......everybody here had thoughts of using wile detoxing it normal ....but its what you do with them that will make or break you...look at it threw my eyes witch are clear right now.....if you use you will have thrown away all the pain and agony you have all ready gon threw.....you will destroy yourself mentally and what now seems really hard will seam imposibe....this is a race one by the tortus not the hare....as addicts we look for instant gratification  ''I want it and I want it now"" DUDE if your in acute withdrawals witch you are...YOU CAN DO THIS  its no more then a waiting game you can beat this thing hang in there keep posting I will check up on you later good luck anfd God bless..........Gnarly  
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We do care! I keep coming on here to make sure your still fighting for you. This is an amazing place.

READ THIS: Take this too heart..You are suffering right now, BUT in a week or two...you will be on here helping someone...just like you. You will tell them about your day1, day 2. Someone out there needs you to get them through....you both dont even know it yet.
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Your 3 days clean!!! Too late to go back! Your soooooo close!
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Thank u so much, that really helped to hear. id love to be able to help someone else one day. sometmes when im getting down on myself and thinking ive wasted 4 yrs to drugs i think well everything happens for a reason and maybe this happened so that one day i can use my own experiences and struggles to help someone else find their way out. and i dont mean to sound so negative in the above posts i know i need to be positive and not let my thots get the best of me. its jsut so ahrd, spent last hr throwing up, body is so sore i can barely move. stomach hurts so bad. legs hurts so bad. and im sorry i dont mean to be like just complaining, i no i need to s u ck it up and get thru this and  i want to so bad i just get lost in it sometimes and a voice in my head starts saying u cant do this u never have before u cant now, but i know thats just my addiction, i cant listen to that voice, i want to be sober so badly, i know the worse it feels the more the drugs are getting out of mysystem so thats good at least. and im sorry for all my typos and bad grammar and speaking right now im not usually like this its just so hard to type and get my hands to stoop twitching and focus my mind and eyes, so sorry if u cant even read this right now but thank u so much for coming on ehre and checking on me it means more then u will ever no to see peple that care and no im not completely alone in this. thak u.
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Glad to see you still posting and who the heck cares about your typos hon.  We care about the real you!!!  Don't listen to the "stinkin thinkin".  You are smart to realize it is dangerous thinking.  As someone above said, it becomes an obsession and as you said, that little voice in the back of your head starts in with - well no one would even know.  Just one to get me through the worst of this..........  You are right when you say you cannot listen to that voice.  The drugs truly were your best friend.  Thus my name that I chose was changingbestfriends because just like if you use your drug of choice with people, you have to get rid of those friends too in order to survive and ve successful in the recovery process.  Tomorrow is going to be a better day I promise.  I will check on you from work to make sure you are still doing ok hon.  I pray you will be able to get some rest tonight.  Hang in there and know above all else that you are so worth it and I mean that from the bottom of my heart!  :)  XOXOXO
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You are doing great.  Yea, don't worry about the typos.  We don't get grades and we all make them.  Getting your thoughts and feelings out is all that matters.  Congrats on how far you have made it.  This is just day one for me.  You have made a great choice.  You have a great future ahead of you.  Yes, the cravings are normal.  Nothing crazy about that man.  Your body is just trying to tell you that you need them, but you don't, and the great thing is that you know you don't.  You'll start feeling better REAL soon.  Trust me.  I've done it before.  You have already made a great accomplishment!  Keep it up and if you ever need anyone to talk to, just shoot me a message.  Remember, we are all going through this together.  You aren't alone.  I'm kind of doing it like you.  I'm not talking to anyone yet.  I might eventually.  But right now this website is my support group.  We may not know each other, but we are still here for one another.  Once you feel better, treat yourself to something.  You've earned it.  Could just be a hot bath with some good tunes in the background.  Maybe a good dinner, once you feel like getting out.  A nice long walk with a big grin on your face.  Buying something you have wanted for awhile.  Afterall, you will have more money now.  Whatever you enjoy.  Best wishes....
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How are you doing? You still with us?
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Try not to dwell in the past too much right now and beat on yourself..This is not easy to get thru from an emotional aspect..There will be plenty of time to eveluate how you strayed into this H*ll later..

If you feel the need to cry, then let it out..All kinds of stuff is going to re-surface so let it out as best you can.Tears are a very good thing to let go of right now..

If I read into where your at time wise correctly ,you should be getting near the 72 hour mark??? Thats the first milestone in this process. The first three days are the real bad one's,,then the next 3 things start turning to the better but feels like a numb state of mind with almost zero energy or motivation to do anything is the best way I know how to describe whats next..Sleep is going to continue to be an issue along with anxious feelings so try to settle in and accept the turning around process does take a little more time than all of us would wish for..

Gatorade, soups and sandwiches was what I did for nutriution as I'm sure your appettite is not the greatest but you need to eat something. Even if its a spoon of soup here and there or a bite off of a sandwich..The aches and stuff should start subsiding in the next day..Try short showers if your not up to sitting in the bathtub..I relied on showers mainly as I'm just too darn tall for bathtubs..For me to fit in one, my legs had to be straight up toward the shower head (chuckles). Then short walks, move some laundry, put a movie on and try to make it a habit to get up and move around every half hour or so..It feels exhausting just thinking about it but do try to move around. Right now time is not moving fast enough for you and one thing you don't want to get caught up in is "clock watching".

Just do your best to divert your attention into anything to get the hours to pass by..Its a mental contest..A real tough one to deal with so you need to countermove against your racing mind and thoughts. It "will" settle down soon.A couple days from now you "will" note a difference taking place..

If your still having stomach issues, then try some immodium..That is godsend for these first few days..My oxycontin useage was right up there with you so what I am sharing relates directly to you and your wd's.

So get up,,take a short walk, grab a broom, sweep the floor for the heck of it, put a pot of soup on the stove..I found the Progresso vegetable soups to be the most agreeable for me.. Premake a few sandwiches and put them in the fridge, munch on some crackers, drink and drink more fluids, jump in the shower, dry off, stop for a second and breath, then get up and move around again..Soon the sun will be going down and this day will be over..

On sleep, you might be getting an hour here and there and then might start getting real pissed about it..Try not to fall into that trap. Put a movie on..Stare at it. I found sci-fi movies about the only thing I could even begin to hold any focus on which would remove me from the reality of what was going on..When your mind is switching from sadness to anger , use that anger to your advantage. Turn it against the pills..Use it to reinforce yourself to get more days inbetween you and that last pill..I too never imagined these pills could reek the havoc they do on a person and was totally caught off guard myself..I never ever imagined they could sneak in and do what they do to a person...But you know what? Your about to break free. Your at the tipping point for all this to get undone..Next week will be here before you know it..Place your mind there. In the meantime? Busy things. Find busy things to do in increments..You can and will do this..Keep that thought alive and in the forefront of your mind....
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HEY Dude how goes it ?? thought I would check up on you....you still craving bad??
like I said b/4 you need to find something to focus on other then the oxy go rent some funny movies if you can get out otherwise have a friend do it for you...NOT A USING FRIEND
one of the hardest things you will have to do to make this stick is give up your using friends THIS IS NOT OPTIONAL ......you will be able to meet new people at N/A meetings and often old friends that dont use come back into your life if your honest with them they can become some of your strongest allies keep pushing threw post to let us know how your doing
........Gnarly
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Thank you all so much for the posts. I am so happy to say todays day 3 and I didnt use last night even though it was in my head. I took lots of bathes and watched some tv and used the heating pad because my stomach hurt so bad i thought i was going to start crying just from the pain in my stomach it was out of control. It still hurts today but not as much. My leggs were absolutely out of control, last night has been the absolute worst so far mentally too i felt like such a wreck. honestly i still feel really sick physically andmentally but maybe a little little super small amt better this morning. I am happy with myself that i didnt use i know that wud jsut start me back over and id be so upset once the ten minutes of hte high wore off. Because i barely even was getting high anymore to be honest the drugs werent even working. I wish i could have checked in more last night or today but my internet went down for a little and then things were so bad i just cudnt even come on and type and figured it was to late anyways. But it feels so nice to come here thsi morning and see some people have commented it is helping me stay sober to know i am not doing this completely alone anymore and tht some ppl out there care so thank u so much.
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Also i really cant say thank u enough to all the people who have been taking time to help me thru this. I am still so hot n cold and achy and my minds all over the place and my stomach and legs hurt so bad, i thought on day 3 things might get a little better but its still prettty bad. do u think this is cuz my tolerance was so high? I want to get thru this so bad and each morning i pray i will wake up feeling better and i dont and i dont mean this in a complaining way because i know i deserve everything i am going thru right now and i broght this whole thing on myself with all the bad decisions i have made but it is getting so wearing and tiring. I feel like i am just gonna break down if im hit with more of these bad symptoms today like the throwing up stomach pains etc. i really hope thngs calm down a little today.

Also Gnarly,
Thank you for checking in it means a lot. I know i will have to stop talking to my using friends. One called last night when i was craving and i was sitting there looking atmy phone and honestly thought if i pck this up right now even if im not admitting it upfront to myself somewhere in my mind i have made the decision to use because that is the only thing i do with the person who was calling and so i decided not to answer and i am so happy i did that but i no it will be so important and hard to change my frienss but i no there not my real friends

Movienut and changing best friends
THank you so so so so much for checking in on me all last night you helped me mke it thru the night knowing that i wasnt only accountable to myself because u guys were checking in too so helpful thank u so much i cant express how thankful i am to you guys for caring about me a complete stranger honestly i didnt even think i was worth it and then i come on here and say i want to stop and get all this support from people i am shocked. thank u so much

dav125
thank you for all the suggestions. i took it all to heart, i have some tv shows to watch today, and i am going to to try take a short walk and get some fresh air later if i can. Strangely the one food ive been able to eat is like sweet cereal, i dont know if that is any good for me but i have been able to at least eat it.

sanchez,
thank u for the support and congrats to you for deciding to stop you can get thru this i will try to get thru this with you, and hank you so much for the support

i think those were the new posts i just saw this morning but to everyone else giving me support thank u so much u have made me believe i am worth this and that i am important enough to get thru this thank u so much.

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Your welcome, and your soooo close! You do have alot of people who care, and are with you..more than you know!
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hey Harper,

Just wanted to check in and say thank you for all your kind words. You are an inspiration for me and, because of your help and advice, I've decided to stick with it and kick my pill habit right along side you.

Stay stong my friend and know that I'll be online as much as I can if you need someone to talk with.

Best of luck!

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Thank you so much, I just want more than anything for peopel not to give up on themselves. I have been so close to giving up on myself and I told myself i'd try one more time and thats what I am doing, I don't want to hand my life over to the drugs and give up. It is heartbreaking to see people suffering through addiction especially when theyve lost hope so keep trying. I am on day 3 right now, honestly i stil lfeel hrrible, my stomach is the worst I have heating pad right now but it hurts so bad, i guess its all the toxins getting out. I wish i could chop my legs off too but im sure id regret that post detox :)
ANyways, im sorry i cant type much typing is still painful and my head is pounding but i dont want to give in, i want my life back and i will do anything to gget thru this. Lets do this together.
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Hey, sorry I wasn't on yesterday to help!! Had lots of errands to run in town!  Your message to Gnarly above says a lot about who you are.  You already know how the thought process works and what would have ended up happening if you answered that call.  So proud of you for not answering it!!!  Most at your stage probably would have, especially if they were there by themselves with no one else to help and nothing else to do.  You are going to make it!!!  You're very strong, just keep your head up okay?!  Most say to delete contacts, I'd change your number too.  So then even if they call, you can't be tempted later to answer a "number you didn't know"!  It's just a good idea.  Hell even if it comes down to you having to move even it would be worth it in the end.  I'm glad that you are able to eat something, it will help, even if it's cereal.  Cereal gives you more than you think it does really.  Smile okay :)  You can do this....you ARE doing this :)
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Thank you for your comment, yes it was tempting to pick up the phone last night but i have to remind myself i didnt quit for anyone else i quit for myself, so when i am thinking of using i have to remember it doesnt matter if there is noone around or a million people around i have to want this for myself. of course everyons support on here is so helpful though and is prob one of the main things getting me thru each day but i also desperately want this for myself. I really want to be off drugs and get my life back. As far as changing phone numbers and deleting contacts i am going to do that, and i may even be moving in the fall so that will help too. I think maybe some of hte symptoms are getting a little better today, at least i am hoping, it is realy hard to eat and drink because of how bad my stomach hurts. Overall i am feeling kind of depressed, just like down, i think its just cause i was puting so much opiates into my brain that now my brain doesnt know what to do without the drugs? I did just take a 5 htp though which will hopefully help. I have the heating pad now and will take some advil i think for my legs they are killing. I am hoping maybe ill feel better tonight or tomorrow morning to try to go ot store and get the things you guys have been talking about. For throwing up, legs, stomach pains, etc. i know its kind of late in the game but i just havent been able to go out and get stuff, and honestly most of my real friends are away at college right now, (but will be coming home soon for summer thankfully) so the people left around here are mostly my using friends and so i havent been able to ask anyone to get this stuff for me which is ok i will wait til i am ok enough and get it for myself. I just look so bad right now i dont even want to go out around town my face is so pale and i am very thin this detox is wearing on me, i am hoping thru detoxing though ill get back to the way i used to look which was ten times better than when i was on oxycontin that was for sure. but most important is my mind, i just wnat to feel good about the person i am, i want to be able to be there for others, and not put getting oxycontin or doing oxycontin in front of my most valued relationships as i have done the past few years. anyways thanks for listening sorry im rambling again, but i rly appreciate ur support
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Rambling is good, it helps a lot.  At least it helps me sometimes.  Yeah, your brain is kind of freaking out and doesn't know what to do right now, it's like.."what?  I have to make my own chemicals now?!!"  It will get better over time though.  Don't feel too bad about not looking your best.  When you go out tomorrow remember that people don't know that you just don't have the flu.  They don't know that you are WDing or anything, so keep your head up and just pretend you're sick, cause well, you technically are! Are you pushing lots of fluids still? Keep doing that, juices and ensure or anything you can really will help you.  Hope the rest of your day is better :)
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Tgtiffany is right.  Don't feel too bad about not looking your best right now.  I have seen you mention that actually several times off and on throughout some of your posts so I know that is something that is important to you!  Know this - that your worst day off of drugs is better than your best day on drugs by far.  Sounds strange but it is so true.  We fool ourselves in to thinking otherwise.    Think of these sayings and repeat them to yourself.   "Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can." by Unknown.  
Alexander Graham Bell Encouraging Quote:  "When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."  I think when you are going through withdrawals this is especially true or at least it was for me.  "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. " by ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt.  So get out your rope and hang on cause you are so close to that knot and I know you can make it.  I can tell you are strong whether you can see it or not just by some of the things you have said.  I will check on you again soon.  
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Harper get some exercise!  just do it!  as impossible as it sounds plz plz plz try it.  Do you have a treadmill? a pull bar thingee that hangs off your door? jumprope? any exercise equipment, get on it, and I don't mean exercise till you die, just exercise untill you feel it's enough then quit, but as you are exercising, start thinking about how you feel, then think about how you feel after. then think about how not bad that really was.  All these people rooting for you.  You can do it!

google dopamine and exercise. its what we all need.
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Thank you everyone for the comments and quotes. It is helpful and those quotes are helping me stay positive. I wanted to share something with you guys. I have always had so many issues with trust but you guys have been so caring and supportive ive never had this in my life and i feel like maybe i can sshare this with you,

I was raised in a family where outside appearance was everything. My father often had big parties and events and the family would have to be there and everyone looking perfect, as if we were just the perfect family, but it was all a lie. I don't think my parents ever knew how to really love me, which isnt their fault i guess, because i think there parents were the same to them. All they ever knew was how to use their money. They bought me and my siblings things to keep our mouths shut. My parents fouht all the time, emotinally abusive, sometimes physically, and they would feed us money to make sure we never told a soul. They scared us into what would happen if we ever told anyone, if we ever ruined "the family name"

When I was 15 my mother threatened to divorce my father, but my father couldnt have that because he had to have a perfect family. He hired a PI and had her followed and found out she  was with another man. He told her if she ever tried to divorce him he would destroy her with these pictures that shed get no money and shed be ruined in our town. She stayed with him but shut down that night and has never been the same since then. We no longer have a relationship. As for my father, he used his money to control people. He already had ruined my mother and their marriage was over as far as we knew, but to the outside they still looked like this happy little couple. But really, My father didnt know how to love us and my mother was gone and he just threw money at us to try to keep us happy. My whole life worth can be defined financially. My father bribes me with money, he controls me wiht money, etc.

However, 3 years after my father threatened my mother and told her she could not leave him, she somehow got the courage to do it. In some ways i was proud of her, i thought i would finally get my mother back that we could have a relationship. I was wrong, she divorced my father and he actually didnt destroy her like he said he would. He let her go. After their divorce she became kind of crazy, she bought her sself thishuge home but she shut down even more. We still had no relationship only after a little while she spent all her money and was runnign out. SHe became resentful of my father and she used me in the middle to bargain with him and made me get money from him to give to her. i began to hate both of them and i was so stressed constantly being in the middle of their fighting. In some way i acutaly thought maybe it was better when they were married ( i no thats horrible of me) My father hated her and didnt want her to have any more of his money and this began years of fihting that still is going on to this day. I couldnt handle it anymore, i was so shut down emotionally and scared to talk about my family and i started using oxycontin. I loved it immediately. I felt like it built walls up and protected me from the world. Nothing bothered me anymore it gve me a false happiness. I thought id found the answer to life.

My father started to see my descent into drugs but he couldnt handle me, he was scared i would do something to ruin the family name, (can u believe that?) he  didnt get why i couldnt stop, he saw me as a liability so he moved me out of the state. He bought me a place somewhere else nearby my aunt and cousins (his sister and her kids) hoping if he could just move me and my problems that theyd go away. Well they didnt, i didnt think he cared about me, he had his own great life and i was just a burden to him and my mother was crazy and off in her own world, the only time she needed me was when she needed more money from my father and my fathers only solution to me was to send me away with money. At first getting away from my family was a good thing, i started going to college had some good friends, but then i started using more and more and things got bad.  Well one night i had been mixing OC with other drugs and had an OD.

My father paid the hospital bill but realized my problem wasnt going away. He said what is wrong iwth u i give u everything u can want in the world and u cant even stop doing drugs, r u worhtless??? All i wanted was hislove and my mothers love but i knew they werent capable i guess. It was just self sabotage to keep hoping for their love and keep getting denied. ANyways, after my OD my father brought me home and got me another place but in town and closer to him, he said he would have people stop by to drug test me occassionally and that i better stay sober. He never had people come by, its like he just forgot, i wasnt important enough. But my od was an eye opener for me, and since then  i have been trying to get sober. I want to be sober for me there is noone else in this world ican do it for, just me. so thats my story i hope u dont think im a terrible person after reading that. This is why its so surprising to see u guys care about me a complete stranger and u dont even want any money, you guys are just genuine, ive never met anyone like that.

anyways, on my third day now. my headache is clearing a bit so i coudl rwrite this and my legs are still killing me but my stomache is getting a little better i hope. I want to make it thru this more than anything. i want to prove to my father im not worthless and i want to do this for myself.

To anyone that took the time to read that, thank u.
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Congratulations...Remember you can't choose your family but you can choose your friends........:))We're here for you:)
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Thanks. Im a little nervous for writing all that. I dont know maybe i said to much and i should have just kept this about my addiction. Ive never really said that before like that so i am hoping it wasnt too much and people wont be disgusted by me and my family and everything i just said. If so i am really sorry if i shouldnt have shared all that..and to all the parents out there i am not blaming my parents at all i take full responsibility for my actions and addiction iwas jsut giving some background but hopefully it wasnt too much..
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You will get no judgement from me...and secrets keep us sick and wanting to get high and feel good...We all have skeletons in our closets...But we can't use them as an excuse...I'm glad you shared...It's good to get things out and it's great you trusted everyone to share something so obviously painful..Learn to forgive and let go..Better things lie ahead:)))
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It's good to get it all out, you should've went longer in my opinion. but after reading I truly see there is nobody helping you, nobody who you are doing it for but for yourself.  Do it for yourself!  I sorta see no reason to rub this in to your family WHEN you become clean.  It seems like no matter what you do your parents aren't happy so focus on on yourself because your family could be a trigger to take pills sad to say.  But you go girl!
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BY...THE...WAY... You and me are approaching day FOUR! Yayeah!!!
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Thank you for sharing!  Anjeliejo is right - we all have skeletons in our closet. I saw this online and thought you might like it:
“I was just sitting here thinking, man my living room is nice and picked up and if someone came in right now it would be ok.  Then it popped in my head…  You know… people go into a house nice and clean and that’s what they see.  But they don’t know what you have just shoved in your closets or what you just shoved in your closet before they got there.  Well this is like a person, a soul, a life.  You know you see a person, you talk to them, you laugh with them, etc.  But you know they have closets too.  Not closets to put materialistic things in but their hurts, their fears, their skeletons, their worries and deep down secrets.  But you know what we don’t know.  You know what is in there.  More importantly we also have a closet just like that person.  Sometimes we need to spring clean ourselves and our personal closets.  Don’t judge that other person for how dirty their closet is because ours is probably just as dirty (if not dirtier).   We ALL have skeletons.  Ones may be simple as disrespect or lies.  In our house we have to clean out our closets in order to find something we are looking for that has been lost for awhile and to also get rid of things we just don’t need in order to grow and put new things in them.  So just like our home closets we have to clean out our personal closets too. Sometimes it just takes some soul searching and cleaning out of our personal life to find these things.”
I really liked the fact that this woman likens cleaning out your closet to make room for new things like new clothes to cleaning out your soul to make room for a new you!  Free from drugs!!!!!
I thank you for sharing.  That took courage and I am proud of you.  I am sure that me being proud of you doesn't mean much but I would be proud to have you for a daughter!  Keep your chin up hon.  You are so very close to a fresh new start and starting over at this point would suck really bad.  :(    
Hugs to you and I will check on you in a bit.  :)  SMILE!  
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@changingbestfriends, love the story, and it's soooo true.  My sister's house (and life) was literally like that.  Everyone thought she had the perfect husband and perfect marriage.  She had the perfect house and life.  Parties all the time, house so clean and pretty, but the back room was filled with everything else.  It happens more often than not like this.

@ HarperOC: You made me cry!!!  How dare you?! lol j/k (but really on the crying part!)  I'm so glad that you decided to write that.  I don't think anyone would ever be disgusted by you in any way, you're amazing.  Especially being so young and realizing all these things and wanting to change.  Wanting a better life.  Money isn't everything, as you know.  Many people think that it is, but it's nothing really.  I know that one day you will have a wonderful life that you can enjoy...real enjoyment, not pretend.  I had a bad childhood parents fighting, abusive, etc etc as well, never had money to cover it up though, but I know what you're going through a little.  It's hard.  As someone said above forgive, and let go, but never forget, because you would never want anyone else have to go through what you did.  I want to write more in a message, but gotta put the kids in a bath and get them to sleep...i'll write it tonight hopefully :)  Keep your head up -- you're doing amazing :)  
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Thank you for the comments i feel huge relief telling that and you guys still supporting me. Thank you so much it is so helpful and thats really the first time ive written that and told people before.

And thank you changingbestfriends for that story, it is true, we cover things up and you never really know what someone is going through. I always like to present myself to the world as looking good and always feeling good and rarely would i trust someone to let them see whats really going on which is probably why i was using drugs to help achieve that, which i know is wrong. ANd I know so many families like that, that keep everything perfect on the outside while falling apart on the inside, mine included.

tgtiffany, thank u for the support. it means a lot to me. anytime uwant to write a message id love to read it, thanks for ur comments and support. I want so badly to get thru all this and change my future and make it a positive story i dont want to stay a victim to these drugs.
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thanks for all the help today. glad to have made it thru another day. I am going to try to lay down maybe get a few minutes of sleep but most liekly not. thank you so much for all the support its helping me get through this.
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I've been following you ever since I went CT on Sat with Oxy and Sun AM with a cpl 10mg Hydros.  I orginially started taking Hydros over a year ago to help me sleep and just about 6 months ago started on 30mg Oxys CR.  I was up to about 12 a night and then another 5 during the day, a lot for someone that is only 5'5 and 150lbs.  But anyways, just wanted to let you know what I've done:
FINALLY told my wife, who is a pharmasist(ironic), and she is OVERLY supportive.  She wishes she would have said something earlier cuz she had the intuition, but ya know, I don't think I would be successful stopping for her, knew I had to do it on my own.  So anyways, went to ER on Mon with my wife and confessed, they gave me Ambian for sleep and Clonidine for symptoms.  My worse ones were and still are the restless leg and leg cramps and not being able to sleep(Ambian didnt help AT ALL, just made me more lethargic).  I started these guys to help me sleep and now I can't??  My wife started calling all over for psychiatic doctors to get me in, but I didnt want to do any narcs at all.  Was this close to going to a 3-day in patient detox but after talking to the nurse she said since I was already right at 72 hours out they would admit me but just give me Robaxen(muscle relaxer) and Sinemet(for restless legs) so we were on a hunt(neither are Narcotic or addicting)  Call my GP and they wouldnt get me in, finally went to Urgent Care cuz my legs felt/feel like they are in vices and it just is the worst!  They did give me 30-750 Robaxin but not Sinemet, I've been taking those, Ibupropen, lots of H2O, Restful Legs that I got from Walgreens and baths every 2 hours. We are gonna call again to the psychiatrist tomorow and get an appt, even if its 2-3 weeks out, I think just knowing there is something to look forward to helps me.   As I sit here writing this, with absolutely NO SLEEP since Sun, I can honesly say I feel better.  I know the energy wont come back for at least a month, but knowing I can watch my 1yr baby girl grow up is whats keeping me sane.  You can do it!  I'm on day 5 and my wife is working overnights at the hospital, but when she gets home, shes taking me for a pedicure and leg massage(no makin' fun), I FREAKIN' DESERVE IT!  Just wanted to let you know that your thread and EVERYONE that is replying really helps me "get over" the pain for awhile while I read it and really appreciate it.  Heres to day 10 and on!
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I have put every one of you on my prayer list, supporters and survivors alike... I have never experienced addiction anywhere of this magnitude, and everyone of you helping each other is awe-inspiring.  This being said, here is my prayer:  

Dear Lord,
        Shelter them, hold them close to your healing heart, let them hear your voice in the wind and the rain and the birdsong.  Lift them up in your mighty hands, that they may do your work in all of your ways.  Bless them, every one, with knowledge, courage, strength, and comfort.  May they know you walk among them, touching them each and all, and that you carry them through every moment of every day.  Amen
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Just checking in. Todays day 4 yay....i couldnt sleep at all last night, my legs were so bad just tossed and turned in bed all night. I was so tired from no sleeping that i couldnt move to get out of bed but not tired enough to fall asleep so i just laid there, it was the worst. Now im up and got my legs on heating pads which i think is helping a bit. My stomach is grumbling, im very hungry but scared to eat, and the thought of actually eating sounds terrible. Maybe gatorade or something. thank you everyone for your comments, its nice to wake up and feel like today i am not completely alone in this, thats  a great feeling.
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Cantsleep,
I like your name ...yeah my legs have been killing me too thats def been one of the worst, and it ruins any chance of sleeping. I have barely slept the past few days, i dont expect to get much sleep, but you said youre on day 10 now? Have u still not slept at all? It is great to have a supportive family i am happy for u, your daughter will be lucky to have a father like u.

Blucrystal,
THank u very sweet and means a lot to me, thanks for commenting and my thoughts are with all the ppl going thru this too.
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I am more than twice your age and am near the end of a l-o-n-g taper, coming to this community for support as I am now getting to a stage where it's getting hard. Your Epic story is so inspiring. I know you are still at the beginning, really. But I have known the WD symptoms you describe and it is amazing the extent to which opiates co-opt your thinking and well, actually your entire nervous system.

I believe that after the last day, when I say goodbye to a habit that will be reduced to 5% of its original drug requirement (hydrocodone and tramadol in hideous amounts), that I will still have difficult withdrawals. I tend to get super achy legs and, worst for me, a profound feeling of doom with the latter being much more difficult for me. I believe that I have failed in the past, cold turkey, because I have simply created to much of a brain chemical mess and deficit to deal with. So I am going to "jump off the train" after I have slowed it down, so to speak.

I hope so very much that you stick this out. I think you will.
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Thank you for the post. I am on 4th day now and some of the physical withdrawals are getting a little better I think. Overall I feel like ive been hit by a train, i swear my bodies in like shock, and exhaustion now. I want to keep fighting through this though, i want to see whats on the other side but i know ive got a long long way to go

That's great you're tapering and trying to stop. Yeah i get that depression too, like everything just looks dark and i want to curl up under a blanket and not face the world, but i am trying to stay postive and get thru those thoughts, these drugs defintely do cause a mess in our heads. Thanks for commenting and youve got my support, my thoughts are with you and your tapering.
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Hey, I know you don't feel like it, but try to eat something, it will help even if it's just one bite it's better than nothing at all.  Do you think you're going to get out today?  I hope so, I think it might help a little too.  Someone posted last night to use an electric massager for the RLS, that it helps.  Let me know how you're doing :)
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Now comes another phase of this HarperOC..The exhaustion and lack of real sleep are going to work on you for another week to a week and a half and it gets tiring and old mentally beating on your brain...Just keep your focus on the prise and push thru. This is leaning more toward a worst case senerio on those lingering symptoms. Everyone is different. Some people have rebounded quickly around the tenth day and that might happen with you, but then again it may not..So I'm trying to give you the best picture as to how long some of this lack of energy and wore out feelings may last..On sleep? Maybe around 3 weeks it might get back to somewhat normal or maybe longer. For me it was about the 25th day I noticed my sleep had in fact started getting better. Meaning 4 or 5 hours of uninterupted sleep..

Hang in there. Your past the first biggest hurtle.Getting to day4. Getting there means your odds are in your favor for success! Keep those positive thoughts going. Dav
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Thanks, yes i will try to eat some today. I just had a little something, my stomach feels a bit better, for now. And yeah, i know i have a long way ahead of me. I want to stay positive, but i no all these symptoms will linger a while. I was doing a lot each day and for a long time. I guess i deserve this really, but i no it will take a while and i am going to try to be paitent and sit it out. The thing that makes me keep going is the thought of my future. I don't want to go back and live everyday on drugs, and I know i can say that a million times but it will mean nothing if i dont put forth some action, and for once im finally doing that. Someone said i just have to be ok with not being ok or something like that (might have just butchered that lol) but i believe that. I just am going to try to only focus on the day im on, i dont want to get ahead of myself, and i dont want to get too stuck in the past. I know thats harder said than done but i will try. thank u for the honest gage on this wd process.
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No, you didn't butcher it "You just have to be ok with not being okay for a while" that was Gnarly who said that.  Smart man.  You will get through this :)  You're doing great!
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The longer this day goes on the worse it is getting. i am sorry to keep complaining on here, i dont want to sound like a whiny brat, it's just a tough day. My stomach has this burning feeling and I am sooo nauseas. I was able to eat some but it just made me feel sicker. I am sooo tired but can't sleep, my chest area feels so tight and i am a ball of nerves for no reason, and my head feels like a watermelon like my ears are super plugged i can barely hear. Kind of like when you come down from a plane flight and your ears feel like they need to pop, and its making my head feel like really high pressured, kind of hard to explain. Anyways i am sorry to just be complaining, i know i nee to su ck it up and get thru this, i think this whole thing is just wearing on me and the exhaustion is making it worse. I really hope tomorrow might get a little better. Also I did get out a bit today, i went out to get a smoothie, and i watched a neighbors kid for an hour which was nice, but the longer the day goes the worse im feeling. Sorry  i just wanted to vent, dont mean to be sucha debbie downer, hoping tomorrow will be better. At least i am still sober that is one high point to the day.
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Well, even though i felt horrible earlier i realized that if i kept on complaining about my symptoms and just letting them take over me then of course nothing would ever get better and so i put some of my anxious energy to use and started with the dishes, and cleaning the kicthen and when i completed that i felt good like i accomplished something so i decided to try to go for a run or walk. I got a playlist of my favorite songs and turned it as high as it went and just ran. I felt like i was gonna collapse or my legs would give out but it felt SO GOODD. Being outside, the fresh air, and pushing myself as far as i could go, now as i sit here finally, i dont have the tired restless achy feeling but rather a good tired like i did something and now my body wants to relax. Honestly i didnt think it wud be possible but I feel so much better now. Even if i only have this feeling for 5 minutes i now no wat im fighting for. I know i have so much ahead of me and many bad days but just knowing that it is possible to feel like this (good about my day, myself, and i think genuine happiness) w/out drugs, well, basically that was what i needed today to keep me on this patth no matter how bad it may get. So thank u everyone for the excercise suggestions and support and sticking by even when i was whiny and complainign and im sure annoying.
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Sorry today suc ked for you.  Like they say it has to get worse before it can get better.  Hopefully this is the worst day and it will start getting a lot better now :)  Just try to rest even if you can't get sleep, I know what helped my husband the most were the hot baths and music.  He's charge up his Mp3 player and listen to it all night long, one time it died and he woke up instantly, so I guess it was helping him a lot!!  
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Do you have access to most of the vitamins supplements and aminos this site recommends? Try to get someone u trust to help you out.  Seems like you got so much friends online but you're all alone at your house.  It's a shame we can't just virtually email you the things you need lol Your inbox would have bowls of soup and attachments of vitamins and bannanas etc lol Hey, you gotta keep your spirits up, get some laughs in you, get some emotions and crying out.  It'll push you and lead to good thoughts and memories.

I also want to say you should somewhat try to remember all this pain and suffering you're enduring so you can remember how horrible it all was and when you're clean, you'll say to yourself "I'm never going through this again!"  Make a photo of something that'll remember this day and keep it in your phone or whatever.  It might come in handy.

You are damn tough for real.  You already know you can do it.
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You ARE incredibly tough!
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Thank you all for the comments. This day was one of the worst but I think i managed to turn it around a bit. I was so miserable I honestly didnt think things could get worse so I thought i might as well get up and try something and I got my ipod and went for walk and then tried to run and it was painful and felt like id collapse and body would give out but just kept pushing. Kept music real loud so i couldnt hear my thoughts and just tried to get all the anxious panicky jumpy energy out. I think it helped, afterwards it was brief and fading but i felt i hink it was genuine happiness lol only a few mins, (dont even know what that feels like when it hits me on the head lol) but it felt good. I dont want to give up, i will keep fighting thru this, even thru the worst days, i at least got a small taste of the possibility of feeling good sober tonight and i will keep fighting for that. Not giving up. Thank u everyone for posting u are helping me more than u will ever know.
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ALso, i ran outside on this path along the water, as the sun was setting casting pinks and purples into the sky and against the reflection of the water, it was beautiful. I want to bottle up that feeling. In that moment i felt ok, maybe it was a sign from somewhere out there that im doing the right thing and not to give up no matter how bad it gets. I needed this small sliver of hope that i got tonnight so bad.
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hehehe... sounds like you felt that "Whoah" ;)
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I bet that was BEAUTIFUL!  It's sounds awesome :)  Glad you got that little bit of hope back :)  
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Thank you, I got a few hrs of relief tonight. Honestly most of the WD symptoms are back but i dont want to give up. This is he ll and the more i fight thru hopefully the sooner it will end. Thank u everyone for ur support, it is beyond helpful dont no if id be here without it.
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You are damn right tiffany,  I hope this thread goes down in the books for everyone to see for years to come and the progress of someone we all agree has abused a WHOLE lot of some of the STRONGEST stuff out there and throughout all the odds and the toughest obsticles and extremities... she's managing to get through it... on her own.  The opitome of tough right there.

The title begins with Day 1 Oxycontin withdrawal, and it's coming to a 5 day strong thread.  What an accomplishment and inspiration for many.
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mr new hope,
thank you so much. you have no idea how much that means to hear that. My name and the words "proud" "acomplishment"  "inspirateion" they dont usually go together. Its been tough but i dont want to give in but just reading that makes me feel good. I read it again to be honest. thank you so much. ive never met people like you guys and i feel blessed to just have the oppurunity to meet u. I dont feel as worthless as just 5 days ago and i have some hope i want to beat this, seeing people care about me is a first and i realize mabe i am worth fighting for...i cant thank u enough. I just want to keep trying. I am hoping for a little releif tomorrow, will pray for it
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HEY YOU  just checking in on you.....you should be feeling a bit better at least a little bit better the harder habits can be tuff try out 10+ yrs on the pills and the 6 1/2 more on methadone.....I thought it was going to kill me and there where times I wish it had it got so bad but if your determined and want it bad enough you can break any habit im living proof and so are you .....i cam off oxy a couple of times but it was the methadone that kicked my a ss hang in there you should start to feel gradually better as each day passses now its time to hook up with some form of aftercare.....the stitisic shows less then 10% of the people will make it one yr clean without aftercare this is not an optional part of doing this will fill you in good to here your doing a bit better keep it up we all want to see you get better good luck and God bless.....Gnarly  
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aww, harper you're doing so wonderfully! believe me i know exactly every horrible bit you're going through and how hard it is. but something important happened today- you passed the worse point! i just read your whole thread at once for as it was the first time i have seen it and when one does that it is obvious that you reached the bottom and are on the upward swing now. even though it was just for a few moments after the walk - you actually felt semi-human. every sentence was not about pain. and then you caught a few moments of mental relief where instead of being anxious and hating everything you saw the beauty of nature. that's huge! :)
okay listen i can't lie, you still have much to battle through and in some ways it is harder- you feel okay for a bit and then ugh, back to feeling like shZt warmed over.which messes with your mind. but just know that like today you felt 99% of time horrible and 1% okay, tomorrow maybe will be something like 97% yuck and 3% okay, the next day maybe 95% blah and 5% okay (everyone IS different- i'm just using my last detox for these numbers, different drug and i'm way older so you might have totally different %'s okay?) ..but there comes a day when the numbers change big time and you will be posting 'whoa- i think i broke through today! i felt okay more than i felt bad!' (usually that happens the day after you get some real sleep). just whatever you do, do not give up. the most dangerous time is often right before the big break through cause one gets so worn out. so hold on to that if you feel your resolve weakening - the break through has got to be close. k? hey maybe tomorrow for you, who knows? no one has ever detoxed forever - it just feels like that while you're in it, lol.
tomorrow go to store and get the comfort meds- esp the Imodium (immodium), it will help your stomach and actually your whole body too (it is a weak opioid- but not dangerous to your detox at all- doesn't cross blood/brain barrier).. just throw on some clean clothes and sunglasses and get to store, you'll be happy ya did once home w/ your supplies to help ya through the rest of this. once your stomach settles from the meds you can get some motrin in which will indeed help the body aches. in a way it is sorta good you didn't have them before now that those days are over since they can make more of a difference now plus give you something to look forward to in comfort.
you have a lot of people rooting for you so keep posting. i hope you get some sleep tonight. and tomorrow will be better!  hang in there harper- you're doing just fantastic!. :)
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Mr.NewHope is right too!  You ARE doing amazing HarperOC!  You are the strongest person that I know to go through this COMPLETELY alone.  Well you have us, but still!  You know what I mean!!!  Don't ever think that you are worthless, because it's not true!!  
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You have done so well, it is good to see that it is possible. You are on the other end of the spectrum so to speak with regards to my substances, you are quting opiates and me trying to quit benzos, so I guess the withdraws are different, well I know they are. I think the worse is probably over for you now, I just ish you all the best and hope that you have the strength to keep that want to lead a normal life and not be a slave to those ***** *** pills.
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I've been following your posts and you're doing great.  I'm a pain patient doing a taper and having a hard time with it physically.  Mentally I'm okay.  I don't crave the drug (oxycodone.)  In the past 6 weeks I've got off Fentanyl, morphine ER, morphine IR, oxycontin.  I got off Cymbalta in November (that wasn't easy either.)    Be careful with hydration.  I thought I was drinking enough.  Last week I cut my meds thinking I knew better than the doctor.  On top of that I caught a stomach bug from the kids and couldn't keep any meds down.  I ended up in acute withdrawal and ended up severely dehydrated.  Every time I tried to put something in my stomach, it just came right back up.  I wound up calling my doctor who told me to go to the ER.  That was not a pleasant experience.  They treated me terribly and assumed I was drug seeking, which i wasn't.  I had plenty at home.  I just wanted to feel better.  I was so weak I couldn't even get in the car and had to call an ambulance.  (So humiliating since I knew the EMT.)  And I was honest with both the EMTs and the hospital that I thought I was in withdrawal due to the stomach bug.

The nurse was the worst.  Kept making comments.  Finally I told her if she couldn't treat me like a human being to get another nurse in.  And I told the doctor to call my doctor at the pain clinic.  Their attitude changed a bit after that.  (And my doctor is calling the director of the pain clinic at that hospital and telling them they need to do a training session with the ER staff!)

Anyway, I would up getting 5 bags of fluids IV, plus a little Ativan, and they did give me a tiny bit of Dilaudid (though not enough to get me out of withdrawals.)


The doctor told me for the stomach trouble to literally take one sip every 15 minutes or do ice chips every 15 minutes.  I did that and then graduated to popsicles.  And we redid my taper to something I'm happy with but will also bring me down a bit.  (And my blood work did show I was fighting off something.)

Keep up the good work.  You're doing great.
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Thank u all for the posts and comments.today is day 5 yay... it is nice to wake up in the morning and have something to read. I did sleep a little last night finally. I was so desperate at like 4 i took a sleep med and slept about 3 hrs, better than nothing. I was woken this morning by my jerking legs as always. I think i feel a little better today physically but my body feels like its has 1000 pound weights on it, i had to think about getting out of bed for 20 minutes before i cud make myself do it. its crazy my heads so foggy and depressed. i feel like i cant even move right now. On top of that i woke up with 3 texts from dealers. i deleted their numbers but i knew exactly who they were when i read it. i think illl have to delete texts now before reading them. Today is rough again but i no i cant expect so much its only 5 days and i was using almost 5 years. But i no my head is kinda weak today. In some ways this tired depressed feeling is worse, but maybe not. I just got to be careful maybe ill turn my phone off. My self will can only do so much, i am hoping to get some good times in today even if its only for a few seconds :) This is a definitely a wearing process, but i will keep going through it.
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I am doing along taper on my own. I am curious about how others handle the reduction. Do you and your doctor establish a set schedule and if so, does that seem to work? I have a rolling monthly calendar where I set what I hope to achieve each day. However, I have found that sometimes I can handle a particular dose reduction better than others. So i make adjustments. I have even taken a step backward form time to time, and jumped ahead sometimes. The feedback I look for is twofold: Am I waking up at 3 in the morning with leg aches? Am I achieving a feeling of "normalcy" with the doses. "Normalcy" is hard to communicate, but for me it a feeling well short of euphoria, but one I would describe as between "not depressed and anxious" and "mildly ebullient about life in general."

My experience is sort of the opposite of yours in that I can buck up and power through the physical part, but lean toward depression and anxiety anyway and have an emotional dependence that is very difficult at times.

Maybe this a little off topic, because we are all here pulling for HarperOC, who is doing great. Keep up the great work. You'll never fail if you keep trying!
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Good job on erasing and deleting those texts!  You should change your number as soon as you can though!  It's not worth the one day that you feel bad and actually call or text back.  Don't even keep that as an option at all okay?!  You're doing so good I hate to see that as an available option to screw you up in the end.  
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hey guys.
well i just went to store to get coffee, is this bad to drink it during detox? (i got hylands but i couldnt even get strength to walk around more in store i know lame)  I just had so low energy today just breathing was hard. like it actually hurts my chest and body to breathe. I cant hold my head up so weighted down and lethargic so i thought a coffee might help, hopefully it wont give me anxiety though. Is it normal to feel like this? I have the hot and cold sweats back too. At least im not throwing up but i hope im not backtracking this is a tough process but i just want to no if u think im still doing ok?
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Have you been able to get any sleep at all??  
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a few hours here and there, always my legs or stomach wake me, so not much really. i am not throwing up today and my stomach seems maybe a little stronger. The aches are a little better. But everything is a struggle. i am curled up ony my couch with heating pad under 5 blankets. so cold. i cant even imagine doing anything right now but maybe it wud just help to get up and push thru it. i dont even know. day 5 at least but this is so tough, im just trying to breathe and think about the good things in my life, why i want to stop. i know this is just the drugs getting out of my system but wow this is he ll.
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also i dont want to sound like such a downer. Yes this is he ll and i feel horrible but each day there is a small part of me growng stronger and i can feel genuinely good about myself at teh end of the day that i made it without drugs. i didnt go thru the day in drug induced haze, yes im feeling terrible but at least im feeling. I will keep thinking positive and get thru this day even if it is a tough one. and my thoughts are with anyone out there going thru this or that have somone they know going thru this
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I think your body hasn't had proper rest yet because you finally got a little bit last night.  Could be the sleeping med you took still in effect making u weak. Take some Advil gelcaps for the pain, immodium for the stomach.

I read somewhere caffeine might cause high blood pressure which is prolly where the sweat is coming from.  Try an energy drink like monster or redbull.  Get some B vitamins, Vitamin C, slip a B12 under your tongue.  try to move as much as possible but don't strain yourself.

The breathing sounds like anxiety?  Take another 5htp or l-tyrosine if you got it.
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It does sound like anxiety to me as well. I can't imagine one cup of coffee causing such craziness, although it might play a small role.  I think a lot of everything right now has to do with you not being able to get sleep.  Try to sleep as much as you can so your body can rest -- I think that will help you the most right now. Also, have you eaten anything yet?   I love how you're thinking right now too.  That you feel terrible but at least you are feeling :)  It will get better over time!!  
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yes i think it just has to do with the wd's. theyre just lasting a while, i was using a lot of every day and all day not a second went by when i wasnt smoking or snorting the pills. Some day 5 80s some day 6 or 7 just whatever i could get my hands on, i knew going into it this detox was going to be he ll, this is what ive done to myself, but i dont want to go thru this all over again.
i do agree tho i think if i could just get a real nights sleep that will be so helpful, my body feels like its goin on empty and not bein able to eat doesnt help either. I will try to get something down. thanks everyone.
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well just checking in.

One of my best guy friends came in town today and stopped by which was nice. He knows ive been struggling with this a while. His family grew up near mine and we had the same things to deal with and became very close.  it was nice seeing him and he was so kind and supportive and sweet to me. But he brought his a hole brother whos not a very good guy. When my friend  left the room well his brother took my weakness for something else, im sure you know what I mean. I just had them both leave I cant stand his brother, and his brother said some mean things when i said no, even offering me drugs saying he knows me and he knows i wont get through this and i will always be a dope fiend. I hate that kid so much and hes done some bad things to me in the past and still showed up at my house today, i should have kicked him out when i saw him but i promised my friend (his brother) id make an effort. Thankfully he stuck up for me when his brother went off and literally had to drag him out. His brother's been like this for a long time and I used to use drugs with him, and i think he always hated that his little brother and i were so close, like an actual real friendship, i love that boy really, I also dont think he wants to see me sober honestly. ANyways,  other than him being there it was really nice to be able to see a friend and just tell him everything. Im hoping i can trust his brother not to spread this around town, because my family would kill me.

Besides that things are a little better than this morning, i think seeing someone helped distract me for a bit. i just want this whole process to end i soo worn out and drained in every way possible but i do feel good that i have made it so far.  thanks for everyones support.
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overall just grateful to have made it thru the day, trying my best to hang in there. i appreciate this site and everyons support more then u can ever no, thank u to anyone out there whos read this.
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What a jerk!! Let your friend know that you'd prefer if just he came next time. You don't need that crap.

Your doing just great!!! I know it doesn't feel like it but seriously, you got this. When I detox and feel those moments of doubt I'm going to re-read this thread over and over. Your a real inspiration to me, I can't say it enough. The physical crap will break soon. I was doing a lot too my last detox and not til day 7 did I begin to feel a bit better. Your sooo close! Sending you a big hug and want you to know your a source of motivation and inspiration to me and no doubt many others. Stay strong and keep posting!!
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Good for you... Sounds like you got throught quite a dilemma with certainty and focus.  I hate to say this, but there will be more to come as I'm sure you know.  Prepare for it and don't let your tough *** guard down lol.

I know what you mean when there's people you trust, but some are connected with ones you don't trust... What can you do?

Mistakes aren't the end of the world, they are the reason why we become wiser.
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i have to be honest i just found an old plastic bag in my bathroom with 2 40mg oxycontin pills,  4 2mg xanax bars, and a little bit of H and tin foil with tracks on it and some other stuff....this is so hard i just sat there for 5 minutes going back and forth in my head on whether to just do it that "noone" would no. its like all the work i did over teh past 5 days and now its right in front of me and the voice in my head is louder than ever. i am going to get rid of it i keep saying this but ive got this other little voice like no just do it. i feel like im goin crazy here, please hlp im desperate
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Its tough but don't knock yourself back days. Read your posts from the first day!
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You know I looked at my last empty bottle I took last Sunday... and I said... "You a**hole!" ...  then through it away lmao

You gotta make certain things dramatic sometimes.  It puts things into perspective and makes it soooo memorable!
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i did i read throughmy whole post and just sat there and said its out of my hands, hoping for some sign and i got wat i needed. i dont want to go backwards i dont want to lose this or go thru this again. i just threw it out sry to be such a drama queen just caught me real off guard. im sorry everyone todays just not my day, i wish i could sleep for once and just forget about the day and get to tomororw a new day. i feel like im losing my mind from no sleep and exhaustion and im not even thinking straight anymore. im sorry  to everyone for posting my problems 24/7 i appreciate everyones suppport all the time i hope u all no that, and im sorry for whining on here all the time. i am praying tomrorrow will be a new day and a good day and il get some sleep. thanks guys and again im sorry for posting so much but thank u for support
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Hey, that's heavy temptation your just said no to! Bravo!

You could post here every minute and it would be fine:-)
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By "i just threw it out" what did you do with it????  It has to be gone, like completely not even be able to go out to the dumpster and get it kind of gone!!  I'm glad that you got rid of it though.  Like criminy1 said, stop saying sorry about posting here, that's what it's for.  Think of it this way, if you don't want to help and don't want to be "bothered" by it (not that it is bothering at all) but we just wouldn't log in and come to this thread!  We are here to help you and you are NOT going to get rid of us :)  You're stuck with us FOOOOOORRREEEEVVVVEEEERRRRR! (Sandlot, you know that movie? lol )  sorry, off topic ..lol.  Anywho, don't start over, you've already been through SOOOO much!  Read my story again that I sent you, you don't want to lose everything.  It's not worth the high to not have your life.  You CAN do this.  I know that was a lot of temptation for you, glad that you did the right thing :) Post every second if you have to okay?!!!!
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Harper I'm SO GLAD you tossed it. I had forgotten about the tests...seems when we addicts get clean all of a sudden we are tested like crazy. Be aware of that and keep your guard up. It comes out of the blue. I remember the same thing happening to me. Me, who NEVER just happens to have a few pills forgotten about - I thought the devil himself put them there I swear. Before I could think too much I flushed em.

Way to go!!! And post every second. This is not easy and we all know it. Right now yo need to get your feelings out, to interact, to do whatever it takes to get you through. Keep posting, post lots. I love reading your posts and I think your awesome! That must have really threw you for a loop huh? You were tested bigtime - and you passed! With each test passed you will gain more and more confidence..but enough tests for awhile huh? I think you've been through a helluva lot today--well, all week of course. Why not jump in a hot bath, put some music on and try to quiet your mind. I'm hoping you can catch a few zzz's. Your worn out and tired but tommorows a new day and hopefully one that will be better. Remember you are so close to feeling better. You stay strong and keep it up. Harper..YOU ROCK!!! :D
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Harper...you DO ROCK!!!
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tgtiffany is right...don't leave it where you could possibly retrieve it later. flush it, I remember there were times during my detox I tore through the house like a bat out of hell looking for something..and I stopped and thought wtf am I doing?? What am I going to do if I find it?? screw it all up?? It's a real headtrip detoxing. You are in a battle for your life. Your addicted mind will try everything to keep you in chains. Yes, please FLUSH that crap. You have been through hell and back..your almost through the worst of it. Do not make all these days of suffering for naught. Stay strong and keep going. Keep the big picture in front of you. Your gonna get through this and your going to get your life and freedom back. Take it a minute at a time, a second at a time. Now go flush that crap and jump in a hot tub, it will make you relax a bit and I'm hoping you'll get some sleep tonight. And keep posting! You got this. Your almost there hun, just hang on a while more.
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i did flush the pills and the h and got rid of the tin. The tin is just tracks no actual OC or h left on it.

You guys I just went outside to walk and try to clear my head and i came back and thought id just log on and see and i saw all these comments from u and i thot u guys wud be annoyed and ur still supportive and i am in awe i almost felt like i was gonna cry (and i never do that everrrrrrr). It actually makes me feel so good i cant even tell you, u guys r amazing. i feel so much better just from reading ur words. I am amazed everyday how you guys can care about me without needing somethng in return adn when u dont even no me...this day has been bad but i am glad to be sober and i am grateful to u guys, u have no idea really how helpful u are. You keep gettingme thru thank you.

and tiffany i will always reread ur story it is so helpful, also btw i know that exact scene in sandlot haha thank you :)

Also im sorry for all my typos i swear the day i start typing like a normal human wil be the real day i start feeling better
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also
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If I can do half as well as you have during this when I go in to detox (for the third time uggh) then I'll be happy. You've accomplished the hardest thing a person can do as far as I'm concerned and should be so proud!!. When I do start my detox I'm bookmarking this thread so I can read it to keep me inspired when I'm going through it..for the LAST time, God willing.  

Better days are near, just keep strong and keep posting ok?
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sorry didnt mean to send that yet, but also, sad_woman thats so true, i swear i never ever ever everrrrrrrrrrrrr misplaced a drug when using, how happy i would have been to find that bag when i was still using and coudlnt get any dealers to answer oneday, and now when i stop up pops the bag!!! i guess it is a test, thats a good way to look at it. thanks
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thank u so much you guys are too nice to me thank you thank you thank you
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Sandlot?????

That's mines and my son's favorite movie!!!!  May I please have in on this pretty please??? lol
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Sorry I have missed you for a little while!  Hope you are still doing great. (As far as not using.)  Have prayed for you daily and think about you throughout the day often.  If there is anything I could pass on to you it would be to know that you are so worth what you are doing.  Don't listen to the negative talk that comes into your head or that others have said to you in the past. I am so proud you are doing this for you.  Honestly, that is the only way that it will work with any lasting value. Even though you are young, I can see how wise you are in that you already have that one figured out, lol.  Take care sweetie.  Will be out of town all weekend and away from a computer but will check on you when I get back home from taking care of my dad.  Kisses and hugs.  (Lots of hugs!!)      
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Read through some posts before going to bed and wanted to tell you how proud I am of you for flushing the pills.  You did that.  No one else did it for you.  I remember flushing some myself and I also remember wanting to dive into the toilet after them and knowing that if I got them out of the toilet that I WOULD take them.  (YUCKY POOH)  (If you knew how germ conscious I am you would know how big of a deal that would be for me, lol.) You so deserve a great day.  It is coming, I promise.  You hang in there sweetie!  Sweet dreams. :)
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Hey it late but I just wanted to see if your sleeping yet ?? this stuff lets go of you a little at a time now REMEMBER it 1/3 physical 2/3mental be ready for this to start to mess with your head get some aftercare in place the physical is gone now comes the mindscrew be ready for it good luck on your road to recovery I wish you well God bless  Gnarly
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gnarly 1, nope still not asleep but desperately hoping ill fall asleep at some point tonight. I am so tired my body and mind is so exhausted but no sleep yet. Im hoping it comes tonight.

Changingbestfriends,
Thanks for your support and encouragement i was wondering where u were and hoping all was ok with you and am glad it is. You are great i love reading wat u have to say thank you. It means so much to me. I am going to try and sleep, it hasnt come yet but the night is still young, opiate detox wise haha, im hoping tomorrow is a little better. Thanks for everything thank u so so so much.
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I've been lurking and reading through your posts. I am about to "jump" myself and your example is really something admirable! I hope you do get some good sleep tonight. You've earned it.

Best wishes

Wolf
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HarperOC, a thought.

I have found that listening to audio books when I am REALLY feeling bad to be helpful. You don't have to sit up and stare at a screen or hold a book but they help to take my mind of how I'm feeling.
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You are going cold turkey from 5 80s a day?!? Wow good for you. Know that it will get better. Keep posting. Good luck
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Hope you got some sleep last night :)  How are you feeling today?
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hi guys
I am really happy to say day 6 AND i finally got a little sleep. I feel better. Not bouncing off the walls with happiness, but i dont feel like I want to destroy everything in sight anymore. I had to take about 3 baths last night before i could finaly get to sleep probably around 530am but i slept til 1030 which is 5 hours and im not gonna complain thats better than nothing! Things still arent great today and i was awoken by a horrible horrible stomach ache had to run straight to br but still i think compared to the past few days this might be a tad bit better, im hoping so at least. Ive got my legs on heating pads again and cant do much but i am praying for a better day today, trying not to let my mind wander to drugs this is strange but i had dreams last night that i was high like really high and i hate to admit it but in the dream it was nice and fun, i woke up so worried that i relapsed then remembered where i was. I guess its just my head messing with me. im lookin forward to the day my head and i can be back on the same page lol anyways, thanks for checking in it means a lot to me. it helps to wake up and have ppl i can talk to that no about this!!
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also,
thank u red rocks its really nice to hear that it makes me feel better, i hope you are ok, and no u can do this, dont give up. And the audio books are a good idea i dont have that but i will try it hthanks you
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Man!... 5 hrs? I only got 3hrs as usual...Soo jealous right now :)
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Back2me how you doing? I remember when you went through the same thing. You still clean? How's is life now without drugs?
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HA!  FIVE hours!  That's amazing, I didn't even get that!!!  (of course I have two small children to wake me up AS SOON as I fall asleep again lol)  Glad you're feeling better though :)  That's good to hear, keep your head up, today is going to be a good day !!! :)
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I know I dont know how i slept but so grateful to have. I thought i was going to go crazy if i couldnt sleep last night. I swear i was in the bath from like 2am to 5am lol it was miserable, my legs would not keep still and i was freezing slept with 5 blankets two sweatshirts and sweats but at some point i mist have fallen into sleep cuz i woke up and was so happy to have finally fallen asleep. My head feels a little clearer from it. It rained all night and all day today and the sound of the rain helped too i think.

When i got up this morning i tried some breakfast, but i couldnt keep it down, do u think its ok that its been 6 days and my body still is rejecting food, is this normal for OC withdrawal, anyone out there still having this around this time?

thank u everyone i cant say thanks enough for all the help so far.
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Just keep trying to eat a little something.  Don't try like a gourmet breakfast or anything big like that lol.  Toast or something might help, a few bites here and there, don't try to eat even half at a time if you can't.  Just one bite will be better than nothing, then wait a while if you gotta and take another bite.  Even if that while is an HOUR it's better to get something in you. What did you try to eat this morning?
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You know I tried the electric massager on my legs and actually helped.  I kept it on all night between pillows and my legs and I stood still the entire time!

But you wanna know what the lamest part was? I was laying there thinking, oh yeah I'm getting me some sleep tonight! Yet, I just laid still with my eyes closed but still couldnt sleep for like 2 or 3 hrs, my mind kept thinking of things.

I also can't get food in, I just drink protein drinks as my meal. I'm losing alot of weight too.  I'm sure it's all perfectly normal.
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cereal and fruit. pathetic right? my stomach is destroyed i guess, hopefully time will help with it.
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yes your prob right, i just need to learn patience. what a concept lol
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haha.  love to see you finding the humor in things :)  try some toast, cereal dry maybe?  milk is NOT fun to throw up :( eeeww.  I remember having morning sickness w/ my daughter and trying to eat a big yummy bowl of cereal.  Let's just say I don't eat cereal much anymore at ALL lol.  

Mr.NewHope ...do you have a thread? I must have missed it...
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Again, HarperOC, you're doin great!  I'm just one day ahead of you CT, and I feel ok, eating normal, but my freakin' legs are still killin' me AND of course, I CAN'T SLEEP.  I guess I did get 2 hrs last night, thats more than the whole week combined.  Hang in there, EVERY SECOND that goes by means you're getting better.  Ya know, I called a treatment center a few days ago and we were talkin' about my symptoms and he actually said since its been about 80hrs since I used last that if I had a pee test, it'd come up clean.  I dunno, just felt like that first big milestone....like its all out of my body!  Keep up the GREAT WORK and it only gets better from here!
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I bet that did make you feel awesome cantsleep029!!!  Keep up the good work as well :)
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Thank you. I get so down on myself sometimes i forget to think like ya it has been 6 days sober, i mean thats the longest in 4 years so thank u. Ive always had this mentality like ill always be a drug addict and never be able to stop that literally its just engraved in my head now and i have to take a second and step back to think like wow maybe I do have a chance at life other than drugs. Honestly when i started this thread, i wanted to stop so badly but never ever thought id really be able to do it, which is why i am so thankful of everyone on here and SOOO appreciative . Btw i no i have a way way way long way ahead of me and everyone says the mental is even worse, im not trying to be like look at me im amazing (not at all i hope it didnt read that way i wouldnt even say that lol)  but i am happy to be continueing to go forward and not backwards. I cant say thanks enough for the help so far it gets me thru each day. And thank u for that clean test thought, it is nice to think wow i could pass a test right now lol again what a concept haha a non addict would probably look at me like im crazy like thats somethingyour proud of?? hahah

And yes tiffany, no more milk for me, learned that the same way u did hehe...i will try something simple thank you soooooooooooo much. you guys are amazing. and i am just lucky to have posted.
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Really CantSleep? So that mean's I'd come out clean too.  It's just nice to know those little things that are HUGE to yourself.  The damn poison is nowhere to be found in my body hehe

tgtiffany... first of all YOU ROCK!  I have a thread but prefer to reply to other people. I'll be perfectly fine.

There is someone I worry about on here... Irishann and her post  "looking for IMDONENOMORE"  This poor girls on day 3 feeling awful AT WORK of all places. Whats worst is she says she has to work 10 hrs?? Are you friggin kidding me?  My heart goes to her right now...
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Thanks, I"m here to help you all.  I'm not an addict, but know everything basically about it, and my husband was for many many years.  Also a psychology major so that helps a LOT with understanding different people.  The thing you say sometimes I have said them too, so I know that you really will be okay when you say you will.  You like to help people too and would rather post on others threads.  A lot like myself in some things I read from you.  Glad you are helping others, but don't sell yourself short either!!!  

You are ALL doing an amazing job at this, and frankly, if I WERE an addict, I don't know if I could do it like y'all are.  It's so hard I know.  

HarperOC you can also try just saltine crackers maybe start with half of one and see how that goes.  Just a thought, that's all I could eat for almost a whole month lol Although I know detox and pregnancy morning sickness is COMPLETELY different, it might help :)
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yes thank u i will try. my friend from yesterday justcame by and made me walk w/ him. felt good but i think too far i barely made it home in time and was over the toilet throwing up (sweet visual i no) i am gonna lay down now dont feel good at all. hopefully in long run it will help. to everyone out there i hope u keep fighting thru ur detoxes. i want to read others posts/messages and see how they r but just cant at the moment i will be back soon just a little dizzy and out of it. thank u everyone so much, its so nice to see people helping ppl and everyone trying to get off drugs and all.
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I think that if you are getting dizzy and stuff that you might be pushing yourself too hard.  You have to remember that you haven't eaten basically anything OR slept in a few days.  Even on a NORMAL day without WDs you wouldn't feel your best to go walking long.  Don't push yourself too far okay?!  I think it's good that you are walking though, but maybe not so long in one time you know? Like spread it twice in the day instead of just once.
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yeah, i am so cold to my bones that it literally hurts right now. but then theres like this firey burning feeling in the pit of my stomach and body. i might try a bath. i wish i could eat but the thought of food immediatly turns my stomach,  i think im dehydrated cuz my face is on fire and my mouth like cotton mouth even tho my bodies freezing. This is just wearing i wud love the day when i cud just come on here and say wow i feel good!! rather than complain to u all. i do not no wat to do right now, maybe bath. thnx for checkin in, sry im being a debbie downer. this is what i signed up for when i decided to become an addict now i just need to       su ck it up and get thru this.
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Just read your entire thread and my heart goes out to you!  You are doing SUCH a great job!!

You have made the hardest choice you've probably ever made in your life, you chose YOU!  ANd that's great because you chose life, we're only giving one and your taking yours back, hats off to you girl!!!  

Please don't ever think that your sounding like a downer, this forum is a safe place, without judgment to help you get through the tough patches.  Most of us here have been in your shoes and can relate to you on a level that only people who've been there and done that can truly relate.   Your mind is your most powerful tool, and your head is in the absolute right place.  You can do anything you put your mind to and look how far you've come!  Think about that and take strength from that!! Good job!

As for how your feeling, you need to get some nutrition in your body.  Food for me was a no go, so i drank alot of shakes and smoothies.  Try something that is easy to digest but high is protien.  Dizziness can be from low blood sugar so try to drink something good for you.  Exercising is great but don't over do it because remember your poor body is just starting to heal itself, now is the time to be nice to yourself.  Do whatever you have to, to make yourself happy other than take more drugs.

It must have been very difficult to be feeling so crappy and throw out those drugs, but again look at what you accomplished!! It's amazing that you had that strength, and hey, give yourself that credit!!! Good job!!

We're all here for you and your in my thoughts!!
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thank u so much that was so nice. honestly i opened my thread and was nervous someone was gonna tell me to shut up already lol but thank u your post is very helpful. i know i desperately need to eat, i can tell its destroying me and i am dizzy light headed when i stand up i see black spots but its like i am so  worn down i cant even help myself. id love to make a smoothie or go get one but the thought of moving is painful right now and i am throwing up constantly i cant go anywhere. my energy level is so low that i stand up and have to sit right back down. i just cant do anything for myself right now i have no motivation i am so worn down, i did have a glass of water at least. not much else i can say right now i am sorry. i will not use but i feel so sick right now i want to cry im just so frustrated. i just want to get better.
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I remember from one of your posts you turned a crappy day into a pretty good one. You probably just hit a small bump on the road. Do what you have to do.  I think we all agree you will eventually get better.  You got tons of support from absolute strangers hehe.  That should keep ya motivated.
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yes you are right, i will get thru this, i know this is just part of the process
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If you cant' leave becuase of the symptoms, try a teaspoon of peanut butter.  It's got lots of protein and some sugar.  I think that if you had something in your stomach you might feel better.  You sound like i did, i couldn't eat, felt light headed, shakey (shaky), nausious and couldn't even move.  I feel so bad for you but  i promise it will get better!!  And everyday hereafter you should feel a little better and it will get easier!  We'll all here for you!!

One of thing best things about this site, is everybody's been thru it, and nobody judges, so that means we can be open and honest without fear.  SO keep posting and we'll keep supporting you!!!  Maybe watch a movie you like, i watched alot of funny movies and tried to keep laughing.  Just make sure you keep fluids in becuase getting dehydrated stinks!!!
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I got addicted to oxycontin from a neck surgery I had back in 2008. I am wanting to stop taking them so bad...and was thinking about tomorrow being that first day. I need to get a job and go to nursing school and I can't do that being on this. My problem is that I get so sick to my stomach and I throw up uncontrollably. That's the only symptom I get when I don't take them. Any suggestions?
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I believe if you can get a script for zofran to help with the nausea and vomiting? I read people use it during opiate withdrawal as well.  I thought my doc gave me some but I read the bottle and it says Ondansetron??  I dunno why he prescribed it, because I don't really get nausea but he also gave me klonopin for anxiety attacks which were the worst for me.  However I dont feel anything when i take klonopin so I have them on standby.

Basically have a plan so you don't get the urge to relapse due to a small thing that couldve been preventable. Try to get all the vitamins and aminos acids recommended on this site.

Its good to see you want to quit and I'm guessing you've been reading this thread and can relate so much to it.  Keep posting on this site and maybe start your own thread by posting a question (the green button on top)  Lots of people are here to help :)
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Avatar_m_tn
Sorry I just googled it.  Ondansetron is the generic name for Zofran hehe.  Either way, maybe it will help you with the vomiting.
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1235186_tn?1339127464
The dizziness and black spots are definitely from dehydration.you need to drink much more.do you have gatorade and juices.you need to drink those.are you still vomiting? Are youu home by yourself?
Praying for you to feel better
Debbie
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Avatar_m_tn
HI  you need some nutrition even if its just a protein drink many here have used enshure
try 1 oz every 15 min but you got to get something down you or your heading to the E/R you already sound badly dehydrated do the same with the water 1oz every 15 min if you cant hold that doawn off to the e/r this is nothing to mess with where only looking out for your safety........Gnarly
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1697690_tn?1329127238
hi guys. I got some water and some gatorade. i had a few bites of powerbar and some chocolate chips and have kept it all down so far, after eating the chocoalte i actually felt noticeably a bit better. i just took a bath and i am going to try to lay down and relax.... hope i dont wake up til tomorrow. thanks everyone for not giving up on me tonight was bad i think i let myself get too dehydrated and i am sorry to scare people didnt mean to do that, i am hoping some rest will make me better i know i need to take better care of myself. And  I no ive been quite a mess these past few days and the help and support mean so so much, just glad to wake up tomororw to a new day, clean, day 7 it will be yikes what a week but worth it I know.

And to at the beach,
yes i wil try the peanut butter tomorrow i love peanut butter and yet i looked and didnt have any here, but a few ppl have messaged me with that suggestion too so thank u and yes i am here by myself thank u for the well wishes

thank u everyone.
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1641357_tn?1322528430
I hope that you are doing better!!!  Have you been able to drink more like everyone suggested?  And eat a little something.  The peanut butter idea is good, don't know why I didn't think about that before! DUH! lol I think now might be the time to ask one of your friends to bring you a shake or protein drink like the above posters said.  They don't have to know anything more than you are super sick with the flu, so don't let them in to chat, just give you the stuff and go away! lol If they do know/ find out and they judge you or whatever than you don't need them as a friend anyway.  Think of it that way.  You gotta do something or like they said you're gonna end up in the hospital.  You said that one friend came to take you for a walk, I'm guessing that he knows what's happening??  Ask him for some help!!!  Let us know how you are doing?  You're in my prayers!!!!
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1697690_tn?1329127238
well so much for sleeping. been taking bathes all night maybe fell asleep for 30 mins, but legs woke me up. it could be worse though, i have kept down everythng the past 6 hrs and i think thats helping. i know i shudnt be expecting much sleep. just gonna watch tv or something.
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1641357_tn?1322528430
So glad that you're keeping things down :)  That should make you feel a little bit better!  
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Avatar_f_tn
SO glad you got some food in you.  I know how hard it is to eat when your stomach feels so crappy.  Now that your at 7 days your over the hump for physical stuff, and sleep well, just roll with it.  tuesday will be 4 weeks and sleep is just starting to get better.  I stressed out big time becuase i couldn't sleep and made it worse for myself so my advice?  Don't stress about it, if you can't sleep, watch some movies, fold some clothes, do something else and just accept it as part of the healing process.  It's ironic isn't it, that sleep being the one natural escape from misery comes so hard when we can use it the most! I even called my doctor and asked for something to help me sleep, and it didnt work!  So please don't get worked up about not sleeping.  Is there anything that you enjoy?  Music, books, movies, hobbies??? Try keeping your mind busy as that was the only thing that made the time go by faster for me.  Harper, your doing so incredibly well and im so proud of you.  Very few people have the internal strength to do this and reading your post make me swell with pride because you have it!!! Great job and hope today goes well for you!
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1697690_tn?1329127238
Thank you so much :)
Um hobbies, not really unless throwing parties, doing drugs, mixing drugs, finding new drug dealers, finding drugs at cheaper prices....any of these  count? Jk (i no its not something to joke about)
But my point was not many healthy hobbies i guess. Kind of lame. I like meeting people, i do like writing, psychology, the ocean? not really sure what else or if those even count for hobbies. The thing is my mind seems like its hazy or like in a fog I can barely think and nothing sounds good enough to actually follow thru with....do u experience this?
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Avatar_n_tn
Hey everyone,

Day one (again) from snorting 10 - 15 oxy 30's daily for about 5 years. I was really happy to see this community and the assistance it offers. Every time I have tried to do this, I've tried the 'cold-turkey, personal hell' technique. That's going cold turkey, but not asking for support. So here I am (barely), and loving everything I'm reading here. Thank you all!
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1697690_tn?1329127238
hey guys i feel better physically today, not nearly as bad as last night, but i swear my head is literally screaming at me to get high. Like i cant stop thinking about it which i no is bad to even entertain the thoughts. i am trying so hard to resist but theres like this voice thats like just do it once stop fighting give up, u havent done it in 7 days, one day wont hurt, just one pill.... its all i can think about its driving me insane
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Avatar_m_tn
Remember the hell you went through just to get to this day alone. Day 7!!!! You should be proud.  I know you Know it's just your head.  You're just being observant.  

Say you do take just one pill and of course none of us can ever know... then what? Think about what would happen after a few hours if you take a pill, then think about tomorrow and so on.  

Don't buy into it!.... it's a ripoff lol.
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i know youre right. and i know in my heart i want to be sober, my minds just messing with me.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi there, I was visiting with relatives yesterday and couldn't get to a computer but was hoping you'd start to feel better. I'm glad you've managed to get a bit of sleep. That must have felt great to finally catch a few zz's. Stay strong and post as much as you need to to get through those cravings. I am jumping tomorrow. The last week I've been thinking A LOT about everything and reflecting on the last few years and I REALLY want to get clean. Really, this crap I've gotten myself into has made something click inside me. It's like the lights finally came on and I have taken a hard look at myself and it's made me really really want to get clean and be someone I can be proud of and face in the mirror. Your thread here has given me tons of inspiration. Like you I'm also jumping from high amounts of opiates. I know what I'm getting into but I keep telling myself that 1 week or so of suffering and I will be FREE from the pills.  It won't last forever and really do I have a choice? It's either keep using and die or quit and have a new life, one I can be proud of. I hope you are really proud of yourself because you really are amazing!! Truly, you are a source of inspiration for me. I can't say it enough because it's sooo true!! You are clean and have your whole life ahead of you and a world of opportunity. No longer does life revolve around pills. You have earned a new lease on life! How awesome is that!!
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Ballgame: not doing perfect but better. Not totally drug free either sorry to say. But no where near where I was. Had a setback about a month into my soberness. Had a kidney stone that lasted for like a dam month! I did not over do it but still.  I would go a week or so then the pain would kick back in so it's been moderate WD on and off since like February. A few weeks good here and there. I am done with the stone but you know how it goes. Right now I am just taking "scraps" as I get them. I know it's not good but i am no where near the 160+mg I was doing back in november. Now it's a Vic here a perc there, it's rocky ground but depression over not having a job and tons of other stuff has been just about unbearable. Have had lots of interviews lately but nothing yet. I believe getting through this rutt will
Help. I have no not beaten this yet but I am not letting myself get crazy either. Not that I could
Afford it anyway. And I have lots of neck pain issues to sort out also. As soon as I get insurance I am going for an MRI. So all in all not great but not horrible. Every few weeks I have a mini-detox. ***** but right now it's where I'm at. :(
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1641357_tn?1322528430
My major is psychology!  Haha...I don't know why I was so excited about that...sorry. lol   Anyway, writing -- what kind of writing do you like?  That might help you get through all this.  You say that your 'voices' keep telling you to get high etc etc.  Have you tried "talking back" to them OUTLOUD?  It might help.  I know that it might sound crazy, but it really does help suppress them a bit at least.  Try it next time, no one has to know...;)  You've gotten so far to go back now!!!  Go read my story again :)  You don't want to fall to the bottom girl!  Keep your head up !!!
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i am so sory everyone. i feel so ashamed i am a failure. after all the help and support everyone has given me i screwwed up and i used. i am so sorry i dont even no wat to say i wasted everyones time i am pathetic. the second i did it i knew i F'd up bad and just hated myself for it. i am worthless with this. to everyone that has said this thread is inspiring i am so sorry to even have to type this message right now. i was gonna just not post and stay away from here because i am so ashamed and feel like sucha failure but i thought id be honest with you guys. i no i am pathetic i will take any yelling u guys want to give me, if u even still want to speak with me. i understand if u guys are mad and dont even want to post here anymore. i know how bad i screwed up i am so sorry to be a waste of everyones time. believe me i no how pathetic i am i am hating myself right now. Some "friends" stopped by today and ten mins in they pulled out some pills and it was like i had no defense, immediately i was doing them. I cant play victim it is my fault completely i chose to do it and somewhere deep down i think i probably knew these ppl were not ppl i shud be hanging out with. i hate myself for it. i feel so ashamed and worthless and i am so so sorry. i dont even no wat to say, i am so down on myself and feel so bad to have ben such a waste of everyones time and all the peopel that have said i shud be proud of myself and that this thread was inspiring well i am so sorry. i no sorry doesnt even do it justice i screwed up very bad. i am so ashamed of myself. I understand if u guys are sick of me after all the complaining and all the time you guys spent posting and helping me and i go and do this. i am so so sorry.
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Avatar_m_tn
You won't get any judgement from me, just 110% support because you're worth it in my book.
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i dont even think i am worth anything right now to be honest. i am so mad at myself. i am so ashamed and i am so sorry for wasting everyones time this whole week. i know in my heart i want so bad to be free of these drugs and i jsut ruined it today i am so sorry you guys i rly dont no wat to say.
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But you see, that's where you are wrong my friend :)  You ARE worth it.  Like a billion and ten million thousand huge trillionnnnnnnnn times worth it.....lol.  We don't hate you and we are not giving up on you.  SO you screwed up.  Get back up, get over it, and move on.  But DON'T do it again!!!!!!  You wasted no one's time, if we didn't want to be here, we wouldn't be, simple as that.  You are amazing.  Next time don't answer the door.  Pretend you're not home, who cares if they think they know that you are.  And besides, who cares what they think anyway?!  (omg, i don't know what I just did, but my screen just zoomed in to like a million percent more lol sorry ) back to what I was saying.  You are amazing and you just need to get back off, dust yourself off and get back to your plan!!!!! And stop putting yourself down because it won't help one bit!!!
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Avatar_f_tn
Harper OC, calm down!!! Take some deep breaths and realize that you are NOT a failure!!! This recovery thing is hard work, but dont let one slip cause you to tumble all the way back down the mountain! You dont have to you know. Yea, so you made a mistake. It happens, now pick yourself up, dust yourself off and continue on your still inspiring rise to victory and recovery!!! I am just now 6 days in, but I have done this a few times before, andI have hit many bumps in the road and made a few mistakes, but I am still here fighting this fight, and I know that neither you nor me or anyone here is a failure, we are simply human beings and addicts. And s#$t happens to the best of us, but dont let one little slip make you fall back down the mountain you worked so hard to climb! You have a choice here. Its like you made it to the top of the mountain and it was superhard to get there, and now you can slide back down to your old ways and more pills and thats not a good quality of life we both know, or just stand back up and finish climbing that mountain. Shoot your almost there now anyway you might as finish your climb because the view at the other side of the mountain is very beautiful and peaceful from what I hear and I know your gonna love it!And I know you can do it! You are a very strong person and I know you can do this just like I know I can! We are in this fight together!!!
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1697690_tn?1329127238
Honestly, you  guys are so nice to me, i dont even know how to accept this kind of genuine caring and kindness. I am shocked and am so appreciative. I just am so down on myself right now. I dont want to sound like im having a pity party its just i am beating myself up pretty bad. Its like all the things my friends and family say about how ill never be anything more than a drug addict and i cant do this etc. well i fulfilled that exactly today. I am sorry because i feel like i wasted everyones time and you guys have been amazing to me all throughout this week, ive honestly never had anything like this before and am just amazed at this support and the way people care. I just want so badly to do right for myself and be more than a dope fiend, i dont want to die a drug addict. I know in my heart i want to be sober, i just lose hope easily and buy into what i am told by family and friends. Yes i do feel worthless right now, but i will do watever i have to, to keep fighting. I just took some time to think about it, i do want so badly to keep fighting for this. i dont want to give up on myself. Honestly i did think u guys would be done with me, and i do understand if you are upset with me or getting sick of me. But i will keep trying and i am so sorry everyone, i know ive let myself down thats for sure but i will not let this take me back out again i will keep trying my hardest to beat this. I am just very upset with myself right now and feeling like a failure. I dont mean to say this like "feel bad for me tell me im not a failure!! blah blah" the self criticising are just my own issues ill have to deal with. i am really sorry everybody, u guys are amazing i dont even feel like i deserve this kind of support but thank u for showing me what genuine caring is, i am amazed.
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Avatar_m_tn
Now you've just changed my sh*tty day into a good one. Thanks! :)  Now go change your mood :p
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1697690_tn?1329127238
i guess i just lost hope for myself for a bit today. i dont want to be just another dope fiend drug addict and yet thats what i am. i want to break this addiction so badly, i do want to be more, i just need to find my strength to get back up, i dont no i am just down right now. i am doing this for myself but it wud be nice to just have the love of a parent or someone to help me when i am down and cant see the hope anymore. but thats just me complaining. like ive said i knew since day one if i did this i have to do it for myself. i cant make excuses and say poor me. i dont want to give up, not yet.
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1697690_tn?1329127238
i am just sad. I see how this addiction is so much bigger than me, i no i am playing with fire, sometimes i just dont no wat to do. Its like my own mind is against me. I guess all i can do is learn from this and try to move forward. I am sorry to let everyone down, I dont know what else to say right now..
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Avatar_m_tn
I also believe this addiction is stronger than me, but I want to believe the list I made is stronger.
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