I had to take lots of imodium today. My stomach is very upset and my head is aching. I want to curl up in a ball and try to sleep. I had those crazy phone calls yesterday from someone I don't want calling and now I have to face the 4pm appt today with the addiction counselor. I am so scared now. I feel sick. I don't want to go but know I have to go. Ugh, how did I get myself into this mess? I just feel panicky and sick. Hopefully the imodium kicks in and the headache goes away. 5 more hours and I really don't know what to expect. I hope it's not another let down.
Pat The Immodium will help your stomach You were right to take it. It will help you with stomach issues fast!
and I Know you are very nervous about going to this appt. today Just breath and remember you are taking steps that will ensure your sobriety. I know its scary walking into a place like this but you are NOT ALONE Take each one of us with you put us in your pocket we will support you and carry you when you cannot walk yourself. please just try a relax I know your stomach hurts but when the immodium kicks in and it will help get out for a walk stay busy dont sit and over analyze your fear too much. remember you can do this .
The unknown is always scary but you have to do this to help yourself and make the changes needed.
Thanks so much for always supporting me no matter what.
I will keep you in my pocket today. I am going to need you.
My stomach is feeling better and I am trying to eat some light foods.
I have to do this and I don't know why I am so afraid. I guess you're right, it's the unknown.
3 more hours lol. Ugh. I have been through so much worse, don't know why this would upset me so much.
You are wrong. Its has the same chemical makeup as an opiate but its not an opiate and does NOT cross the blood brain barrier! So it has effects on your GI tract like an opiate ie:constipation but you do not "w/d" from it!
Pat, you got this honey! Im there with you in spirit and im proud if you! Youre going to make it through this and come out stronger!
Hi Hon! Try not to be scared! Keep an open mind! This is a very positive step! We will be with you in spirit! It's going to be fine! You have worked so very hard and have come a long way! Please let us know how it goes! You will be in my thoughts and prayers!
Thanks so much.
I have huge pockets to carry all of you.
I am going to start to get ready. A long shower should help wash away the negativity.
Thanks again and I will let you know how I make out.
Love to all
Pat, I know you are determined and with all my good wishes..I hope you make it and find some help. There is NOTHING you can tell the therapist that will upset them or judge you. They want to help....let them....I know it is scary but, you have been to hell and back..how is a therapy session going to beat that? You can do this!
Ten days is awesome. I have such week will when it comes to this stuff. I have to separate myself from people and situations. it *****. I look up to people that make up their mind to do something and then follow through, especially something like this. Good for you, now give that counselor something to say, "Great Job!" about.
On another note...there's a way to BLOCK a phone number. Call your phone company and tell them the problem. I've done it here but I'm not sure how to do it for an INTERNATIONAL call...That guy's such an idiot!!
Hi Pat! Im sending you big (((hugs))) and love and support today. I too was so afraid to go see the counselor. For me it was a HUGE step but when I went I felt so relieved! I realized I was scared because I was taking a step to make me better. I was so used to feeling like a piece of sh*t all the time,,used to being sick. I was scared because I had NO idea what laid ahead of me. Life. Life was ahead,,a real life free of pills and the bondage that they had over me. Today is the first day of the rest of your life, Pat. Congrats on 10days!! You made it! Youre doing it! There is a life out there that is pill free! I know its hard to believe. Im so proud of you.((hugs))~Bkitty
Woohoo congrats on 10 days lady! Tomorrow you will be setting new records :) You will do just fine at the Therapy session, you have all of us here rooting for you! Keep me posted on how it goes! :) xoxo
Hi Pat! i keep looking at the clock and looking to see you post I Hope the appt went well I think you are going to feel this big sigh of relief once you get there and get in.
I Hope the immodium helped settle your tummy and the long shower helped ease the anxiety!
I am actually excited for you because today going to this appt. is a positive step in the nright direction no matter what happens you are opening up doors for yourself. (((HUGS)))
It can be really hard to do anything without drugs once you are used to doing everything with them! I know that you can do this. I am amazed at your posts telling us how you have been cleaning up and making meals. This is just one more thing that you have to "just do." I always find out that seeking help is a lot less scary then I had imagined. I hope you find that out too.
You have no idea how much all of your support helped me and gave me the strength to go to the meeting.
There were about 6 of us and 1 guy brought his wife (which pissed me off) I was the only female other than her lol.
The counselor was female and all she had us do was fill out papers.
I guess it was to analyze our addiction. Some people were there for drinking, others for both. The questions were based on both.
There were questions about if family was forcing us to be there, our relationships with our family, friends etc.
They also asked of course about our drug use, what kinds of drugs we have used etc.
I have another appt and I am going to see the same couselor on Dec. 4th.
It was funny because I asked if she did the counseling and she said Yes. I said ":Pick Me" and she said it was random. Then she gave me my appt. card with her name on it.
I just liked her and felt comfortable with her so I think that's a good thing. I hope so. She must have liked me to because she did "Pick Me".
What a waste worrying about it and now it's over and it was fine. It was really hard to go in and say I was there to see the drug counselor and then we had to wait in an open area but once we got into the private room, it was fine.
Now I can just go in and ask for her by name and not have to worry about other people hearing lol.
So I do have to wait another week to see her but at least I did make that step and I am so glad I did.
Thanks for the push ImDone. Oh and the walk to and from there was exhausting and freezing lol.
I am SMILING so much right now!!! I'm so happy for you, pat, you have come such a long way and have been so brave about all of this (yes, I mean brave). The steps you're taking now are going to carry you into your new life. This is really exciting! Girl, you ROCK.
And how wonderful that you feel you made a connection with her. This means a lot, pat, so keep going. And GOOD for you for doing the walk. I bet you're feeling kinda good about yourself, tonight, aren't you? Just a little I hope? :)
I'm making believe I'm hugging you right now!! I'm so proud of you! I think this is really the hardest thing to do after wd's are over. Coming out and taking action is an enormous step. I know how relieved I felt at the time...
I'm so happy, Pat! You took a very huge step today, and you lived through it! There is hope! I'm glad you liked this counselor! I think this will be key for your recovery! I can't express how proud I am of you, and how hopeful I am about the future! You are amazing! Nothing else I can say!
I do feel good about myself and I feel like i made a huge step towards staying clean. I need help and I found it. Poor girl, I may never shut up once I get talking. lol. I have a ton of issues and have suppressed so much, she may regret her decision.
Such mixed emotions, even filling out the forms with some of the questions they asked. I could have cried several times but of course too many men there lol.
I wish I didn't have to wait a week to see her but hopefully it goes by fast.
I AM READY and yes, I am feeling good and positive about it.
I am so happy for you! I know this was huge step for you and am proud of you! You are an inspiration to a lot of us here including myself! Congrats on day 10 and congrats on this accomplishment! :) xox
So nice that you hear the hope that I have. I feel it too. Every little job I do gives me hope.
I can't believe how I didn't notice cobwebs and piles of papers when I was high.
Dust was fine with me lol.
So much to do but one thing at a time. I haven't even made a dent in it yet but I am doing the best that I can.
Tonight you relax. Tomorrow you for for a walk, you get something done around the house - you get RID of the cobwebs.. (lol - believe me, I remember how much I didn't see in my house back then SHEESH!!). But you'll get it done tomorrow. I am giving you the night off!! :)
Pat, I think my therapist has now started therapy for herself since meeting me!! hahaha So I understand that!! It feels SOOOO good to talk about things I have kept hidden for so long!! Your going to learn to love it over time! Its tough, not gonna lie but extremely cathartic!
so happy for you Pat!! now it will be my turn next!! i just need the energy and find the right place to go!! thanks for sharing this with us!! you are a brave strong woman!! xoxoxo it gives me encouragement!!
Thanks to all of you. I know it is great to see things again but even better to feel again. Even if it is sad feelings. It just feels good to feel.
I seriously never realized how good fresh air felt. It's been a long time since i Just breathed it in. Usually, I was rushing to get somewhere praying that the pills would kick in enough to get through the day and that I didn't lose it with a customer.
Clean just feels good.
Haha, you are so sweet.
I am feeling good too.
It was a HUGE step. Isn't it nice when someone finally listens to advice instead of making excuses about why they can't do it.
Keep an OPEN MIND people who are trying to get clean.
Thansk sweety for your support.
I'm so proud of you. You've came a long way fast baby. Just keep doing the right things. It will lead you to the right places. I'm so so proud your getting help. I hope your proud of yourself. Your getting stronger every day. I promise you. I'm so so proud of you. This is gonna be the best of the best things you've ever done for yourself.
Well it's now Day 11 and I woke up with some chocolate all over me again.
I have to move it off my bed lol.
Chocolate and walks really work for cravings.
I haven't been walking in my sleep that I know of but I still wake up feeling exhausted but it's getting better.
My energy is SLOWLY returning but I have a long way to go.
Every body part hurts, partly from the fibromyalgia and partly from pushing myself to do things.
It feels good though. It feels so good to accomplish things.
I have a long way to go and lots to do but I am proud of what I am doing.
I will not get overwhelmed.
So reading over the paper they gave us at the assessment and this is what they say: We provide a range of community outpatient addiction treatment services for people who have concerns about their substance use.
They also say they provide treatment to all persons regardless of race, creed, age, gender or sexual preference.
Then and this is what surprises me, We also have a residential program for MEN.
What about women?? I was the only woman there last night looking for treatment, along with about 5 men.
Do women suffer in silence?
I know and there are so many women on here looking for help, it really makes me wonder if women don't reach out enough for help.
Do we prefer to do it alone?
I know I thought I could until I failed so many times doing it alone.
Hi Pat! Day 11, Yippie Skippie!! Just a question, does the Chocolate Fairy visit you in the night? I wish she would visit me!
I find that strange that they offer residential treatment for men, and not women? I wonder if not enough women seek help with addiction! In some ways it makes some sense. I think it is much more difficult for women to ask for help! At least it is for me.
Have a great day! Carry on and move forward! And remember, "Whistle while you work" :)
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