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2107676 tn?1388973859

Day 10 and scared

I had to take lots of imodium today.  My stomach is very upset and my head is aching.  I want to curl up in a ball and try to sleep. I had those crazy phone calls yesterday from someone I don't want calling and now I have to face the 4pm appt today with the addiction counselor.
I am so scared now.  I feel sick.  I don't want to go but know I have to go.  Ugh, how did I get myself into this mess?
I just feel panicky and sick.  Hopefully the imodium kicks in and the headache goes away.  
5 more hours and I really don't know what to expect.  I hope it's not another let down.
45 Responses
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2107676 tn?1388973859
Yes, it's all good.  That just surprised me.  I really wish that appointment was today but I will be that much cleaner and clearer headed when I go.
I am really looking forward to it.
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Maybe it is the other way around Pat and the men are not coming forward like the women.  Whatever the case may be you are now moving forward and have another appt.  That is a good thing!
Helpful - 0
2083449 tn?1381354708
Hi Pat! Day 11, Yippie Skippie!! Just a question, does the Chocolate Fairy visit you in the night? I wish she would visit me!

I find that strange that they offer residential treatment for men, and not women? I wonder if not enough women seek help with addiction! In some ways it makes some sense. I think it is much more difficult for women to ask for help! At least it is for me.

Have a great day! Carry on and move forward! And remember, "Whistle while you work"  :)
Helpful - 0
2107676 tn?1388973859
I know and there are so many women on here looking for help, it really makes me wonder if women don't reach out enough for help.
Do we prefer to do it alone?
I know I thought I could until I failed so many times doing it alone.
Helpful - 0
2218783 tn?1357571081
I am so proud of you Pat You will see you have many choices of programs
That is odd though about residential programs for Men and yes what about women?
Helpful - 0
2107676 tn?1388973859
So reading over the paper they gave us at the assessment and this is what they say: We provide a range of community outpatient addiction treatment services for people who have concerns about their substance use.
They also say they provide treatment to all persons regardless of race, creed, age, gender or sexual preference.
Then and this is what surprises me,  We also have a residential program for MEN.

What about women??  I was the only woman there last night looking for treatment, along with about 5 men.
Do women suffer in silence?
Helpful - 0
2107676 tn?1388973859
Well it's now Day 11 and I woke up with some chocolate all over me again.
I have to move it off my bed lol.
Chocolate and walks really work for cravings.
I haven't been walking in my sleep that I know of but I still wake up feeling exhausted but it's getting better.
My energy is SLOWLY returning but I have a long way to go.
Every body part hurts, partly from the fibromyalgia and partly from pushing myself to do things.
It feels good though.  It feels so good to accomplish things.
I have a long way to go and lots to do but I am proud of what I am doing.
I will not get overwhelmed.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Pat.
I'm so proud of you. You've came a long way fast baby. Just keep doing the right things. It will lead you to the right places. I'm so so proud your getting help. I hope your proud of yourself. Your getting stronger every day. I promise you. I'm so so proud of you. This is gonna be the best of the best things you've ever done for yourself.

Ice cream sudaes for you......much support.
Helpful - 0
2107676 tn?1388973859
Haha, you are so sweet.
I am feeling good too.
It was a HUGE step.  Isn't it nice when someone finally listens to advice instead of making excuses about why they can't do it.
Keep an OPEN MIND people who are trying to get clean.
It works.
Thansk sweety for your support.
Helpful - 0
2218783 tn?1357571081
I AM SOOOO DAMMMM Proud Of You I actually Yelled outloud WHEWT WHEWT! ATTA GIRL!

I Knew once you got there and took this step it would be okay so glad she picked you :))))
Smilling Big! For You Ms Pat!
Helpful - 0
2107676 tn?1388973859
Thanks to all of you.  I know it is great to see things again but even better to feel again.  Even if it is sad feelings.  It just feels good to feel.
I seriously never realized how good fresh air felt. It's been a long time since i Just breathed it in.  Usually, I was rushing to get somewhere praying that the pills would kick in enough to get through the day and that I didn't lose it with a customer.
Clean just feels good.
Helpful - 0
4341997 tn?1514588688
so happy for you Pat!!  now it will be my turn next!!  i just need the energy and find the right place to go!!  thanks for sharing this with us!!  you are a brave strong woman!!  xoxoxo  it gives me encouragement!!  
Helpful - 0
4149717 tn?1389503561
Pat, I think my therapist has now started therapy for herself since meeting me!! hahaha So I understand that!! It feels SOOOO good to  talk about things I have kept hidden for so long!! Your going to learn to love it over time! Its tough, not gonna lie but extremely cathartic!
Helpful - 0
1416133 tn?1351123217
Tonight you relax.  Tomorrow you for for a walk, you get something done around the house - you get RID of the cobwebs.. (lol - believe me, I remember how much I didn't see in my house back then SHEESH!!).  But you'll get it done tomorrow.  I am giving you the night off!! :)
Helpful - 0
2107676 tn?1388973859
Maybe she will read all the papers i filled out and think, "this girl needs help and the quicker the better " lol.
Helpful - 0
1855076 tn?1337115303
Makes me happy to read this.  Love how you said you hope the week goes by  fast and that you're ready for this!
Helpful - 0
2107676 tn?1388973859
lol, she may run but she can't hide from me haha.

So nice that you hear the hope that I have.  I feel it too.  Every little job I do gives me hope.
I can't believe how I didn't notice cobwebs and piles of papers when I was high.
Dust was fine with me lol.
So much to do but one thing at a time.  I haven't even made a dent in it yet but I am doing the best that I can.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am so happy for you! I know this was huge step for you and am proud of you! You are an inspiration to a lot of us here including myself! Congrats on day 10 and congrats on this accomplishment! :) xox
Helpful - 0
1416133 tn?1351123217
Right?  She may run for the hills!  kidding JUST kidding...this is going to be so good for you, you'll see.

And not sure if you've noticed this, but you sound different.  Different because I hear HOPE in your words.  And that makes me smile so thank you for that!
Helpful - 0
2107676 tn?1388973859
I do feel good about myself and I feel like i made a huge step towards staying clean.  I need help and I found it. Poor girl, I may never shut up once I get talking. lol.  I have a ton of issues and have suppressed so much, she may regret her decision.
Such mixed emotions, even filling out the forms with some of the questions they asked.  I could have cried several times but of course too many men there lol.
I wish I didn't have to wait a week to see her but hopefully it goes by fast.
I AM READY and yes, I am feeling good and positive about it.
Helpful - 0
2083449 tn?1381354708
I'm so happy, Pat! You took a very huge step today, and you lived through it! There is hope! I'm glad you liked this counselor! I think this will be key for your recovery! I can't express how proud I am of you, and how hopeful I am about the future! You are amazing! Nothing else I can say!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm making believe I'm hugging you right now!!   I'm so proud of you! I think this is really the hardest thing to do after wd's are over. Coming out and taking action is an enormous step. I know how relieved I felt at the time...

Ice cream to celebrate!!
Helpful - 0
4149717 tn?1389503561
I am SO happy Pat!! I know without a doubt that ur going to do this! You're such an inspiration to me, more than you know!

Proud of you girl! :)
Helpful - 0
1416133 tn?1351123217
I am SMILING so much right now!!!  I'm so happy for you, pat, you have come such a long way and have been so brave about all of this (yes, I mean brave).  The steps you're taking now are going to carry you into your new life.  This is really exciting!  Girl, you ROCK.

And how wonderful that you feel you made a connection with her.  This means a lot, pat, so keep going.  And GOOD for you for doing the walk.  I bet you're feeling kinda good about yourself, tonight, aren't you?  Just a little I hope?  :)
Helpful - 0
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