Day 10

[frankis]

im feeling a little bit better but i seem like im suffering from some severe depression....i struggle to fuction in everyday life and when it ry to i end up having a breakdown i was thinking about talking to my family doc i have an appt in a few days about anti depressants for a few weeks...any feelings on this....anything else i should ask him about? is there anything that can help my brain get better....i know its from the ill use with dopamine and everything....but its so hard sometimes....i knowpain pills are just a temp soloution. any advise would be great

[tootough]

If I cut the dose, I wake up every hour, usually 36 minutes past the hour.  What is that?  Oh, and I found out Benadryl makes me anxious.  Perfect!  Ambien used to help, but I no longer have a script-plus, I, in true form, wanted 2 or 3 pills instead of one.  BAD idea.  Blackouts, no sleep w/o them.  The sleep thing is something I have to work on constantly.

[tooklastdose]

For sleeping, can you take half of the Trazedone if a full tablet makes you to sleepy the next day.

[tootough]

I was clean for 6 months many years ago when I got committed for homicidal ideation.  I have never hurt a fly, and have worked rescuing abused animals for a long time.  But my chemistry went awry and, having been a victim of violence before getting clean that time, someone said something that hit my pressure point.  I was put on risperdal, but also an antidepressant and therapy.  Over a short while, the risperdal, an "anti-psychotic" wasn't needed.  But the antidepressants and therapy changed my world of gray since 5 years old to a manageable world with a future.  4 years later, I stopped the pills and got high.  The relapse started way before I picked up again, and I take full responsibility for my lesson, nothing changes if nothing changes.  I'm now suffering through methadone withdrawal.  I never did before, I was only on short-term detox with methadone.  This time I didn't go to treatment.  No insurance, No money.  And a doctor who would prescribe me methadone.  Seemed like a good step at the time, 3 months ago.  I thought going from 60 to 20 to 10 to 5 to 2.5mg would be manageable.  I have been off totally since 8-2-07, 3 weeks and I suffer.  But as soon as I can I know the help I'll need is with managing my depression.  I don't feel it now, I am too physically challenged from the withdrawals.  But success for me has always been contingent on mental health.  Dad's a schizo, I have his manic depression but luckily no voices, even in my 3+years clean from before.  And as for sleep, Trazadone gives me a hangover and some messed up dreams.  I don't know what's worse, not sleeping or waking up feeling like i ran a marathon, being chased!  I hope tomorrow's a better day.  This is almost too tough.  And I say that in one of my better moments.  Best wishes...

[katie_s]

Whatever you do, don't take Ambien.  It's not good for people who are in withdrawals, because the likelihood of sleepwalking/driving are too high.

[frankis]

ok after reading all this stuff im going to skip the anti depressants...i dont want to mess with my brain anymore.....beach im going to 3 hour outpatient 3 days a week and hitting a meeting on the weekend...i know i should probly be doing more im just not feeling up to it right now....this is my first time recovery and trust me i dont want to mess it up....but on a side note i cant ignore.....NOT SLEEPING....so many mornings i have gone to outpatient at 9am with 2 or less hours of sleep....i have some trazedone but feel like a zombie the next day....ive been taking so much melatonin it feels like its killing my stomach.....i see the doctor tuesday but was thinking bout calling for something to sleep...any suggestions for something non addictive?

[beachtowel]

You can't just stop using and say Ok I'm done........now when will my body be all fixed.......

It does not work that way...........

We are not responsible for our addiction but we are 100% responsible for our recovery.....

[FLaddict]

I used natural therapies for depression. I had been on a anti depressant and occasional xanax for panic attacks for 4 years.. 2 of those years I also used pain pills.. When I stopped taking pain pills I stopped everything else.. tapered down and supplemented with amino acids and vitamins that have been proven to help rebuild the dopamine, serotonin, GABA, and endophin parts of the brain. I have not suffered any depression from stopping any of the meds. Depression is from a deficiency of serotonin in the brain. Some of us have that naturally or from genetics, others get it from drug use. SSRI"s and the newer anti depressants do not make more serotonin.. they take what little you have and recycle it.. and actually deplete it over time.. which is why alot of people have rebound depression or anxiety when they attempt to get off of these meds. In the long run its a band aid for the actual problem..

[GA Guy]

Listen to beach...the most important thing I've learned from him is that "failing to plan is planning to fail". You need to see a doc and see about quelling the depression and thinking about long term recovery. Talk to someone..12 step program..therapist..support group. It will help lift the depression knowing there are people like you out there. And..on that note..I'm going to bed and rest my arm..Good night frankis, beach, FLaddict, rosie and everyone else...

[beachtowel]

so what are you doing to get rid of your depression.......
what steps are you taking for your recovery........

do you have a plan to feel better?

[bettersoon00]

Hey. I know exactly how you feel. From my experience it was at the same time I started getting depressed as well. It will pass but if the Dr can help you in the meantime I say go for it. My Dr gave me a prescription but by the time I had my appt and got it in my hand I was feeling better. It's been almost 1 month and I am not as depressed. In fact, aside from being tired I feel good. (not totally back to normal but better than I was when I was on the pills). Just keep coming back to the forum. It saved me. Seriously. Best of luck to you, you should be really proud of yourself. This will get better, I promise.