Day 14 and backsliding

I feel like an impatient complainer every time I post.......but need the support. As I mentioned in an earlier post on day 11, I felt much better energy & mood wise for one day. But the following day felt ghastly like it was my first day, just nasty. Yesterday a severe depression consumed me, somehow I managed, out of utter desperation to drag myself outside and went for a long walk. Was so hoping this would rustle up some endorphins but I was miserable during and at the end of the walk. Last night, major struggle just to eat. Today, same scenario, killer depression, malaise etc. O.K., I have read many posts on here and other articles explaining how the brain needs to repopulate the receptors with natural endorphins and this takes time; what my presently muddled mind does not fully understand is why these major setbacks? Why not steady progress, albeit slow? I asked a similar type question several days ago, but am feeling worse by the day and am concerned. Also, some say avoid dopamine, others say don't, does anyone really know?

[JimiMiddleFinger63]

Dont' ever feel bad about needing support. That's what we are all supposed to be here for. I'm on day 11 right now and feel pretty good. sleeping, getting exercise.....seems all is well right? But it isn't. I have this underlying anxiety disorder that leaves me miserable about half the day. feels like a belt is wrapped abound my chest and I struggle to breath. But I just take it a day at a time. Yawns and sighs. I won't go into the condition, it's confusing, but it frustrates the hell outta me and I feel like I have made no progress. I had this grand dream that the pills were the cause and it would all disappear when I got clean. Dream shattered. I'm fighting the same s**t . But I'll keep fighting.

Give it time...I know that's not what you want to hear. But I can totally relate to your frustrations. One thing that will help heal your brain (Gnarly preaches this) is that Whey Protein Powder drink. Has all these amino acids and such, give it a try. I think it has helped me. I'm not great at advice because I am a repeat failure at this game....but I'm good at support and such. Be well and prosper..

asaalam alaikum

[innocencelost]

Thanks for your response......I too have a major anxiety disorder, w/d only has exacerbated it greatly. I will get some whey protein powder, anything is worth a shot at this point. All the best to you.

[JimiMiddleFinger63]

And the best to you....I'm on here a lot lately.....can't go back to work in this state. They don't allow people freaking out to drive heavy equipment where I work lol. So i'll lend what support I can.

One more thing....I think the dopamine idea is a good one. Haven't heard anything to the contrary. I eat a ton of Hershey's chocolate and hot chilies in everything I cook. Give that a try too cant hurt.

Hoping for your speedy recovery.

Increase the peace.

[tryinsohardtokickit]

I know your pain also. I am on day 9. Some days Im ok and others its seems like it's hopeless bc I feel like it should improve each days. But just like life itself we all have our good and bad days. But overall each day is a step towards getting better. Dont get me wrong Im struggling badly just want you know your not alone in this. So we shall keep moving forward and we will be thankful we did.

[atthebeach]

Time will be your healer. Press on. One step at a time. You didn't become addicted in 11 days and you won't heal in 11 days. Please be patient.
Relapsing will only take you down a darker path of destruction.
Stay strong. Think positive thoughts. Keep on keepin on. Keep the faith. You are breaking free and you are healing body, soul, mind and spirit.
Make sure you are eating lots of fruits, veggies and protein. Keep up with the walks. You will heal.
Debbie

[adexec181]

Hang in there...I'm on day 19 and the past 3 days have been remarkable for me...not that I am myself, but I have had about 5 hours a day of feeling great and actually having fun again...looking forward to things, socializing a bit and out of the fog.  Doesn't last all day...and back to the roller coaster, especially from about 1-6pm, then again at bedtime when sleep doesn't come.  Days 7-15 were actually the worst for me...felt totally isolated, exhausted, couldn't do anything..,and the TEDIUM of it all really got to me.  Want sure I was going to make it...there were days I wants to crawl out of my skin.  But somehow, day 17 I turned some kind of corner...and I actually see a light at the end if the tunnel.  I know it's going to be slow and long...some say three months or longer...but remember, it's a marathon, not a sprint and you WILL feel better and more lie yourself...I promise just keep on keepin on...slow and steady wins the race.

[Beckers74]

I am really glad you posted innocencelost! I was feeling very alone on why I feel like I am getting better, then the next hour I am right back to being on the floor. I literally had to sit down in an aisle at wal-mart on my 12th day! I have kinda been beating myself up for some of the things I did in the beginning that postponed my withdrawals. I am now on day 14, I went to get my car washed today,  and the car wash guy had found one of my old pills and set it on my dash. I was almost tempted, but I threw it away. I understand it will be a process, but it is frustrating. I have been trying to re-enact what I did the day, or day before of my good days. The best I felt so far is when I forced myself to drink a ton of water and powerade. I also am taking multi vitamin, magnesium in the morning & at night, calcium, b-complex & l-tyrosine. It seems that I already have the hang of popping pills...I also am drinking smoothies w/ whey protein. Any suggestion, I try.. May the force be with us

[innocencelost]

Yes, you nailed it, the tedium of it all (along with the physical & mental discomfort too). And the isolation too, the day just seems endless yet the night offers no respite, rather a menacing marathon of sleeplessness. You articulated exactly how I am feeling, today just wanted to crawl out of my skin....mind racing on what I can do to remain sane. I'm not working right now and I salute all who have to work whilst going through this. Thanks for your post and giving me a dose of hope and patience.

[innocencelost]

I too try to think of everything I ate, did prior to a good day and reenact it. Like there is some magic combo. No luck thus far. Your the second person who has suggested whey powder so that is my big challenge for tomorrow, to go purchase some. Wow, my productivity level is awesome, I dazzle myself daily with how little I do. This too shall pass.

[selfinduced]

Just lending my support your way. Haven't read the above post so forgive me for duplicating. Your not a complainer at all. It is very frustrating for us addicts to have stopped the drugs and still have to pay the piper. Time is all you need now. You;ll have good days and bad days as you always did, but the "pink cloud" phase has passed and now it's just you and your brain and body rebuilding back to post pill form. Your doing great and all your expierencing is so normal. Listen to music to lift your spirits, help a friend thats struggling, keep downing the vitamins and above all treat yourself with care. You've come along way, remember that. With each passing day your healing. Hang in there and keep reaching out.