Day 2, in WD, won't go back

Hi everyone, I am trying again to stop using oxycontin. For some people who have seen me say this a million times I know you might be sick of me or think I am not actually going to do it, but all I can say is i'm trying again. I am really determined to do this. I am going to get sober this time and make it out on the other side and finally experience life clean. I am going to find new ways to find happiness, because I know oxycontin is just filling some kind of void and it is just artificial happiness that leaves me sick and deathly feeling. I have found a volunteer program that works with kids here, which is what I love to do, and so I am joining it. I'm going to find new ways to fill my time and new things to be interested and passionate about. I want to be clean and happy for these holidays and spend them with my family and not be on drugs. I am not going to waste away anymore and barely live my life. I just want to feel real happiness in myself and my life. Today is day 2, I am very sick, but making myself get up and walk to school has helped. Thank you everyone that constantly helps me and doesn't give up, it means so much. So here goes, i'm trying again.

[ZJILLIAN]

What has gone wrong in the past and how can you prevent that from happening again?

[Cassie415]

Um, I think my surroundings and environment. Also that I wasn't really happy and had a lot of spare time on my hands and just sat around in a bad environment. I'm trying to fill my days with other things now that I really like and can focus on.

[Axl_0113]

Awww...don't be so hard on yourself.  Every person here has tried multiple times to quit, before finally sticking with it.  Just chalk up your past experiences as just that- experience.  Try to learn from them and determine why and what caused you to go back to using.  What caused you to relapse.  Learn from that, and do what it takes to not repeat it again.

You will find success.....whenever you figure out why you failed in your first attempts.

Congrats on your new-found courage and another chance to get off of the oxy.  Stick it out this time....and you will be happier than you thought you were when you were using.

If you need anything...please just ask.

good luck!

[corey411]

Glad your trying again Cass. Giving up is not an option. Is there an NA near where you are going to school? It would help if you had some on site help if you needed it. I'm here for you hon.

[Cassie415]

thanks corey. There is na I think, i went to the AA once but i didn't think it was for me and it was all adults. I go to something at my school that is students and kids my age and I am going to keep going there, they are quite concerned for me , so im glad i'll have some good news for them this week.

[salsinator]

Congratulations Cassie on your 2 days.  I have followed your previous posts and know that you have a stong desire to quit using.  Please stick with your plan and don't give up.  Just a day or two more and you will start to feel remarkably better.  Keep posting, every few minutes if you have to.  Get some other support in the form of meetings or with your school as you have indicated.  I am proud of you Cassie.

[ImGettingClean]

You can do it Cassie...before you know it, you'll be outta the woods and enjoying life, clean and sober again! Remember, there is always hope and this can be done...

never give up

Nick

[Isitoveryet555]

It's worth it!! I'm only on day 5 of clean of Oxys and I'm feeling alot better! It feels like I'm getting sober again and I never thought being sober would feel so good. Just a few more days and you've won and won't be looking back because that's how I feel.  Don't give up. You can do this.

[10356]

I'm so Happy and Proud of you Cass !! Congratulations on day 2 :) You sound like you have a immediate plan and are tackling some of the issues you have with filling your time. I hope you continue to see the councilor..  You have a positive attitude and this is great. You may think about picking up a NA meeting ? there should a lot of them in a college town this may help you more stay on track and meet others that have similar struggles. Just a few more days and you will be on your way to recovery.. keep your eyes and thoughts on your goal Cass of going home clean for the Holidays.. what a wonderful gift to yourself and family :)) hugs lesa

[Cassie415]

Thank you everyone!! And lesa I just wrote you a messge back but i forgot that i wrote this post and it's basically just the same stuff lol so no need to read the message.

Thanks everyone, i am really excited. I have to say i wouldn't even be trying if it weren't for some people that just haven't given up on me. It means soo much to me, thanks to those of you, i'm sure you know who you are and to everyone else!!

[KirstenHere]

Sweetheart please do NOT be so hard on yourself...I am 41 and STILL haven't figured it out yet (relapsing I mean). You are a step ahead of me right now...I have NO future plans for tomorrow, which I KNOW is not good.

I have also been here what seems like a million times now. Almost feel like I use the people on here when I decide that I "once again" want to get clean. I made it 8 days once, but my mind was still addicted and that is the hard part.

I am on day 3, almost 4...so I'm working hard to keep it together this time. Still have my dealers numbers in my phone and I know that is NOT good. Just can't seem to delete them...which makes me know that I'm AGAIN not serious about this..but I'm trying like hell. Maybe this time, something will be different. Hey, it's day 3 and I have yet to call one of them..so that is a good thing, right?

Keep us updated, please! I LOVE hearing success stories! will keep you in my prayers, promise! :-)

[Cassie415]

Do you have any kind of support system? Do you do counseling or go to NA? Do you have anyone to support you and help you? I know what you mean when you say you stop, but your mind is still addicted. I have done that before, and I will stop, but I am still constantly thinking about using and it's only a matter of time before I go back. You should try to make yourself a plan and put it in your head that you are stopping, that there is no other choice, there is no "what if" or "maybe in a few weeks i'll do it again..." etc because that always leads you back to where you were, or at least that's what it does to me. This time around I am trying to find other things to get involved in and to get happiness from, instead of getting happiness from a line of oxycontin.

BTW, congrats on 3 days! That is a great accomplishment, I hope you keep moving  forward and then you can become one of those success stories that you love to hear!

[Wolverine819]

Cassie
We have talked many times,and this is the most determined I have ever heard you.I am so happy to hear you will be working in the program helping the kids.This is what you were born  to do.You have helped me so much in my recovery ,making sure i never lost focus on what I would lose with another relapse.You help so many,now its time to help yourself.You know i will do anything for you and will always be there if you need anything.You are on day 2,like we talked about before stay in the moment and dont project to far ahead,make each day your goal.Every day will bring you on step closer to the life you want and deserve.
You can do it ,so many people are behind you

[KirstenHere]

Wolverine, I agree with you 100%. Very well said!

Cassie, I have my husband, who does not use anymore...so he is my support. NO one else in my life actually knows I'm an addicted. I actually do have major health problems, so that was ALWAYS my excuse to use. That would also be my excuse to get it from family and friends. I have lied so much and have actually stolen my mothers pills, replaced them with tylenol, or whatever it was...and NOW, she don't take them anymore because she says they no longer work. Ohhhh, the guilt I have from that one is UNREAL! Can't even believe I'm telling anyone this. Ugh!

It's that kind of BS I'm sick of in my life. I have NEVER been a thief...EVER! But I steal off my own mother who has back problems How sad am I? Ohhh, I need to QUIT these things before it really takes my life.

I hope you're still moving on, Cassie! I'm with ya when it comes to the withdraws. Let's do this together, OK? You're only one day behind me, but you can catch up. LoL! Sorry, have to find humor somewhere!  :-)

[Cassie415]

Wolverine819,
Thank you for the comment, your messages always make me feel so much better. I will just focus on each day like you said.
AND
Kristenhere,
It is good that you can say those things and get them out, it's not to late to change, when you get sober and change your life people will see the changes in you and overtime forgive and you will forgive yourself too as you start to pile up more good things on your conscious. ANnd yeah, id love to stop and get off this with you. This wd *****, and on top of it i'm sick too, i think strept lol so it's not pretty, but i'll catch up haha.

[KirstenHere]

I know! It's just such a sick cycle! Right now, all I can think about is that I go to the Dr. next Friday to get my script and counting down the days. Ugh! If I can just change things in my mind from now until then...which is 9 days, that actually a long time...then I can do this, RIGHT? Right !!!!!

Oh, to have to tell people the wrong I have done to them, ohhhh, that scares me more than WD. LoL! For real!

Ok, Cassie, let's hold hand, and do this...OK? And maybe we can exchange Emails just in case one of us falls, we can still talk. Cause I know that when I fall, I don't come here anymore...out of embarrassment I'm sure. People work so hard to help you, feels like you let them down.

[dominosarah]

Hi cassie.....I am really happy to hear some positive things come out of you.  You can do this!!!  Are you taking any vitamins or aminos?  Those would be good for you to get on.  We need to take care of our bodies too.  Drink plenty of fluids like Gatorade or vitamin water.  Keep walking to school as exercise is good for you.  Stay with it now...we are here for you                   sara

[Cassie415]

thanks sarah, its making it a bit harder because I am sick right now, I think with strept throat, and so my body is trying to fight the detox and the virus....this is my luck to get sick the same day i stop taking oxycontin. So it hurts like hell to swallow so i've just been drinking emergen-C's and tea's any other suggestions for how to get better?? My roommate is really really sick and i'm watching her thinking great that's me next lol

And to kristen,
You can just focus on trying to get off the drugs and the other stuff like telling people can come later. As for that script, you shouldn't do it, I know if I knew that in a week or so someone would come to me with 10 free oxycontin 80's I would be thinking about that and waiting for that day nonstop, that won't let you focus on being sober and making plans to stay sober, it's more like feeling horrible and just waiting for when more is coming while happening to not be on it. Dont get me wrong, I think it's still REALLY good you are stopping and trying and all but I think the looming script will get you, you should cancel it!!

[bmdad]

It sounds like you have a great game plan Cassie. I've been through withdrawals in the past due to back and sciatic problems and know that having a plan and taking a different approach makes a world of difference. Also, setting goals like you have will give you something to look forward to. Like being clean before the holidays, that should be a great motivator and is a goal worth achieving. I'm currently tapering this time and getting ready to take the plunge. Coming on here and reading the success stories helps me so much! Seeing how you're are fighting on and know this will be the time gives me hope that I will make it too. I was clean for a year until this last relapse. It was due to surgery but I'm to blame as I always end up taking more than prescribed and take them longer than needed.
Congrats on day 3! It won't be much longer and you'll be feeling great! So sorry you have to deal with the flu at the same time. I guess it's better to have the flu now than to have it right after withdrawals as that would make you think they are lasting longer. Might as well knock them both out at the same time. Just continue pushing the fluids the best you can. Keep exercising as I know for sure that it helps more than anything on speeding up the whole process. Once you are able to swallow, check in to the amino acid protocol. I used it last year and it really helped. I think it also helped mentally as I was still able to stuff pills down my face. The difference is that they are healthy pills! Just keep going strong and never look back. You are so close to the downhill side of this. Never let your guard down once you are clean. If you ever get the urge be sure to get on here and post. With all the caring replies you will get there is no way you will take one again. Also come back weekly and read your prior posts. It will help remind you of the fight and willpower it took to get to that point in your life.
I think it's great that you are working with kids. Just watching and taking care of them will be another great motivator. I have a 9 year old son and 6 year old daughter. My son has a learning disability so I know how important it can be to help work with children. I make sure I go to all the school functions and field trips I can to lend a hand and support my children and the other special needs children. It really makes you feel good. Hobbies are something we really need to keep us thinking of the pills. I need to get back in to my hobbies. I have always been a very active person but have gotten a bit lazy after this last relapse. I just don't have the energy due to the taper. I've done cold turkey a few times in the past and have made it through the worst every time. I don't know what my deal is this time! In the past I was completely ready to get off of them and didn't have a problem kicking them. I just need to get that strong mindset back. I know it's just around the corner and I just have to reach out and grab it! Sorry for the long post and kinda hijacking it but just can't seem to fall asleep tonight. I wish you the best and if you need anything, please let me know. I've been there a few times over the past few years so know exactly how you are feeling. Sorry for rambling but as I'm sure you know, it helps! Take care and remember that you will beat this addiction this time around!
Brian

[Cassie415]

I don't mind if you write a long response or if you "hi-jack" it haha. No worries. I agree the hobbies are important it's a way to be happy and satisfied in something other than drugs. Also, in the past I just kind of sit around almost waiting for a relapse, I don't want to do it this time, I really want to get some actual clean time, i've never even made it to a month before. But for now, i'll just focus on today.

Also you mentioned how you couldn't get back in the right mindset and I know how that feels, sometimes I will be so ready to get off and so motivated and that's what keeps me going, but then if I relapse and try again I have absolutly no motivation anymore. It's hard, I have a list of reasons why I need to/want to stop, that helps to remind me when I am thinking of using again or when my head starts to tell me " I never really even had a problem" Thanks for all the suggestions. And I hope you can get to sleep, I haven't fallen asleep before 4:30am in a long time lol so you've still got a few hours on me ha

[worried878]

DAY 2 is awesome..u r probaly farhther along now tho!

Nobody judges here..and almost nobody makes it to cleandom on the first try...u keep trying tho..a very admirable and a very strong trait in ur personality..also a strong trait that u keep coming back..u hide nuttin..u r up -front and honest!

People like u get this crud done..i feel it in my bones..if u can think of sumpin u can add or change this time/be it friends, aftercare, etc...be sure u implement it into ur plan

keep us postedf

[worried878]

I re-read and c u have sought counseling at ur school..a place where u feel comfy...and postigng here daily too can help...it took me over 10 meetings including aa and na before i found where i fit in..as long as this school meeting is helping then go for it!

Support is the key to recovery cos we r powerless over our DOC ...most can not do this alone but many have to fall on their face several times to realize this..postimg here reminds me of what drugs can do..of what I turned into/a monster almost..it wasnt me...u r trying girl and u sound like u have a plan...dont forget this disease never goes away//have a plan for times of stress in ur life/even 10 yrs from now...be safe girl..always move forward...and never let go of ur support system/includint his forum/cos it rox!

[bmdad]

Worried nailed it when she said you have a very strong trait in your personality. You aren't hiding anything and not ashamed to come back after relapse as many are. Being honest with yourself by coming on here is great. I've read where people say relapse is just part of the process. With many of us, including myself, it has been. The thing is, it doesn't have to be a continual part of the process and eventually it won't be. We have almost all relapsed. Some a few times, some many times. All relapsing means to me is that we need to go about it a different way this time and have a better plan in place. And from what you have wrote Cassie, you do have a different and great plan! All we can do is keep trying and eventually we will get there. I know last year when I quit cold turkey I was just so sick of running out of pills early, going through withdrawals for a week waiting for my script and then right back at it. It was a vicious cycle and I finally had enough! Everyone gets to that point and it's a great place to be. For me it was what it took to finally stop the cycle. I was so sick of it and mentally frustrated from the pills I went cold turkey and honestly it wasn't that bad that time. It just seemed easier than other times. I think that taught me that it is more of a mental battle than physical. Mentally I was fine which seemed to make the physical part a little easier that time. I was even working 7 days a week 12 hour days during this. I still have no idea how I did that! It did help take my mind off of it though. Another time I went through withdrawals before that I just laid around and didn't do a thing. It took longer and I felt much worse. That just goes to show how much exercise or just getting out and about will help. That's why I think you have a great plan and I know in my heart that you will make it this time! You are going about it a different way than before. You realized what didn't work before and changed it. Well here I am rambling again! Sorry about that! I just love seeing success stories and getting on here and typing helps so much. If you're up until 4:30 that means I'd have to stay up until 6:30 to match ya! I was stationed out in 29Palms, CA. I was out there for 3 years. I did do some training up in Northern Cal in Bridgeport and loved it up there! S Cal and N Cal are like 2 different worlds!
Just keep fighting Cassie and know you are not alone. There are many that are going through, getting ready too, and many that have made it. You will be there very soon. Hang in there!
Brian

[bmdad]

How ya hanging in there Cassie? Sorry for rambling last night! The no sleep thing just drives me nuts! Hope all is well and you're feeling a bit better today!

[10356]

I also em wondering how you are doing cass.. I really hope you survived the test of last night my friend.. let us know ok.

[KirstenHere]

Cassie, wondering how you're doing out there, hon? I'm on day 4...that makes you day 3...come on girl, catch up with me. If I can do this...ANYONE can, trust that. (I know, told so many times, but sooo true, huh)

[SophieShine]

Hey there Cassie!
How is the mood today? Keep on posting sweetie! and remember one hour at a time!!!
love you! xoxoxo. sophie

[Cassie415]

Hey everyone,
thanks for checking on me. I am alright but just really really sick. The WD is bad but I think my sickness mixed in is just making it that much work. I am just lying on the couch and I had to skip school. Hopefully this gets better soon because this is not a fun mixture, I don't even want to try and stand up right now.
And bmdad, thanks for the post no need to apologize for rambling, it is nice to read it.
'

[10356]

hey cassie if it is strep throat you need antibiotics. this is very serious. if strep is allowed to continue it could turn into scarlet fever You do not want to experience this.. Please go to a Dr. clinc.. the back of your throat will have white patches if strep. a red rash will break out all over your body if scarlet fever.. I'm proud of you cassie 3 days !! You can do this but please get checked..

[SophieShine]

Thank you Lesa I was just telling her the same!!!

[Cassie415]

haha you guys are like a team, but yes ma'am i will go lol

[bmdad]

Hope you get feeling better very soon. Withdrawals are bad enough but being sick on top of it must take its toll! You're one tough cookie! Hang in there Cassie as it will get better, the flu and the withdrawals. Keeping going strong! It will be so worth it!

[10356]

this is good to hear cassie :)) Sophie and I will high 5 now lol congrats on day 3 !!!!!! I'm so Proud of you !!!!!!!!!!!!

[SophieShine]

You can say that again Lesa!!! lol
Sooooo proud of you cass!! you rock girl !!! Love you frame of mind lately :)))
Keep on fighting the beast and rocking in a free world!
Tons of mwah's and zillion os hugs (w/o the strepts!! lol)
sophie.

[corey411]

Hi Cass, congratulations on day 3. The virus that I had started out with the worst sore throat that I ever had in my life(and I had strept x2) I could not even swallow. I used a lot of Chloroseptic spray and it gave me really short relief. I didn't have a fever at first but that came later when my chest started getting congested. I also felt like I was going to pass out when I got up. It was the first virus I had and lasted about 2 weeks. You should get antibiotics for the throat just in case. You do sound more determined this time. Your also getting great with the advise your giving out:o) You are helping a lot of people. Much love to you and sending you healthy vibes.

[Cassie415]

Thanks everyone for the responses. And Corey, that virus sounds nasty I really hope that's not coming up for me. I've got midterms in like a week or two and I really want to get better.

I also went to group therapy today and last week I was high and didn't say much just made jokes and acted immature. This week they said I was a completely different person, and they believed my determination. And I was wd'ing the whole time lol I was probably a funny sight.

Well thanks everyone for writing something and giving advice.

[KirstenHere]

Was just talking about you! Was starting to worry!! So GLAD to hear from you. I'm going to send you a quick Email now. :-)

[KirstenHere]

Oh yea, I'm still winning...you better run fast to catch up with me. LoL! Ohhh so have to have humor or you will go INSANE! I think it's funny...sorry if no one else does. :-)

[Cassie415]

haha I am trying to catch up. I am staying home tonight, I can hear everyone partying next door. It's so hard, but I am trying to stay focused and remind myself why i'm doing this.

[Cassie415]

Ugh this is so hard, nextdoor my neighbors are partying, in here my roommates are taking diluadid. I can't seem to get away from this no matter where I go. Every second is like a test, but nobody even knows its a test for me. Taking diluadid would be like the same as taking oc right? ( i mean i think i no the answer) but just to be sure, it would just send me back to where Iwas right?

[bmdad]

It sure would! Any opiate is going to drag things out. I'm telling you, when us addicts are in the process of getting clean someone upstairs knows and tests us to our limits! If it's not one thing it's another. All this is gonna do is make you stronger mentally knowing that you can say no. You did say no, right?!! I'm sure you did as you questioned your question. Keep going strong Cassie! Another day is just about over!
Brian

[Cassie415]

yeah i said no, but everytime it is brought up or around me i just get so much anxiety and it launches my head into thinking about it again. tonight is rough, ive been throwing up and cold and then hot then cold, my body hurts, it just *****. but im going to try to sleep, i have a little trazadone to take. I really need to sleep because i cant keep missing school, i am so behind and ive got midterms next week.

[bmdad]

So sorry you are feeling so crummy!  The hot and cold stuff blows! I hate laying in bed under the covers freezing with the chills and then the hot flashes! Boy that drives me nuts! I hope that trazadone helps you with some sleep. I know they helped me before. Lack of sleep can really make our lives frustrating especially when having school the next day. Just remember, all of this will pass very soon. You are doing great and pat yourself on your back! You should be very proud of yourself! You are putting up the fight of your life and kicking it right in the nuts! Tomorrow will be another day closer to the end of this pain. Hang in there!
Brian

[10356]

Hey Cassie this is day 4 !! You are almost over the Hump and should start to feel a lil better very soon.. Hope you got some sleep.. The diluadid is not worth taking cass. One leads to another and then leads back to oxy.. keep fighting !! You will be so pleased you did when your thoughts clear and your emotions are true.. know I have been keeping you in my thoughts and em pulling for you my friend..

[Cassie415]

thank you both. I am feeling a bit better today so hopefully tomorrow is even better.

[worried878]

I am so happy for u cassie!  I have seen u post over the time i have been here and glad u r moving forward...congrats on ur clean time!  u deserve every second of it!

[bmdad]

Each day will get a little better and then eventually you will feel great! Congrats on the progress you have made. Day 4 with nothing is a huge accomplishment! Be very proud of yourself. Keep moving forward and never look back! Just think how great the holidays are gonna be. You couldn't ask for a better gift to give to your family even if they don't know it. Just stay strong and remember every day clean is better than a year of being in the fog of drugs! Keep up the great fight!

[Cassie415]

Thanks worried and bmdad, i really want to do this and i'm going to keep reading this post anytime i start to second guess myself.

[leeisgettingclean]

i know you can do this girl;! just hang though and u will get through this. Just remember you have to change something to get differant results!! : )

[Cassie415]

thanks lee
I was just on my way to the bookstore, i was going to just try and get better, read a little, do some how, and on my way my neighbor told me hes having the party of the year and bring as many drugs and alc as possible, that is going to be insane. just my luck lol. what to do what to do, i swear every night something like this happens, somebody is testing me.

[leeisgettingclean]

girl life is more important than school at this very moment, you might have to drop, move home, get clean and active in a program, then go back. I know you say u lose schoolership doing that, but thats what i had to do and i lost my schoolship however every door that closes God opens 2 more. YOU LIFE IS #1 RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!

[Cassie415]

I think i'll be okay. it just caught me for a second, but im spending the night doing homework and reading and being a loser haha, but at least not on drugs. I also don't have a scholarship here? But i'm going to try and stay here and not leave, i'll just have to keep my guard up more, i think i can do it.

[bmdad]

How ya hanging in there Cas? Hope you're feeling better and able to get a good nights sleep! Keep going strong, I'm pulling for you!

[Cassie415]

im alright....Do you think an earache/headache, like throbbing pain on the left side of my head/ear could be a wd symptom?

[jvette]

Wow seems like you are very determined to do this! I'll share a bit of my experience with you. Long story short I first tried OC about 16 months ago and it took me down QUICK. This past August after many failed attemps at quitting and me consistently snorting 320MG (FOUR OF 'em!) of Oxy I finally came clean with my family and admitted I needed help and could NOT do this on  my own. Between seeing an addiction therapist and AA I am starting to get my life back. I went cold turkey and just withdrew my *** off for about a week and dealt with many lingering symptoms for another week or two. All I can say is AFTERCARE is VITAL, at least for me. I can't imagine how I would be doing this without either NA or AA. Between the meetings, the fellowship that I have now, and the steps, it's all keeping me sober. In terms of my clean time, I got up to 32 days, relapsed on what would have been my 33rd day, got RIGHT back up the next day and went back to AA, and am now at day 29...and all I can say is that I feel AMAZING! Good luck to you :) You can do this!

[MyBabyGirl668]

Hi Cassie.....Just wanted to let you know that my daughter is in Medical detox (oxy) as I type this note. She has been there for 2 days.  I think of you often as I know you are going through the same hell as she is.  She is 17 and in an adult Medical detox centre where she is the only person under 18 (there is nothing available for youth).  Most people have been in and out for years.  I hope she sees in them what she does not want for herself and maybe will be helpfull when she gets her cravings.  Are you doing this alone?  If so.....I really urge you to get help.  If you are able to go to a rehab for 3 months (I know it sounds long) it will be your best bet.  From what I've learned this drug cannot be fought by one lone soldier.  I have the task of convincing my daughter of this and I know she will not believe she can't do it on her own.  She has a very strong character but I think this is even stronger than her.  Take care.

[bmdad]

Not sure if the earache is related to the withdrawals or not. You did say you had the flu and maybe strept throat. It might be because of that. But people do experience different symptoms during withdrawals. I know I got one of those awful headaches that I felt right behind my eye. I've never had that before until I went through withdrawals and it didn't start until around day 5 or so. Have you been to the doctor yet for your flu? If it the earache doesn't get better in a couple days I would get it checked out. Hope you are feeling better otherwise!

[Cassie415]

Jvette,
Thanks for sharing your story with me, and congrats on getting off the oxycontin. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?

Mybabygirl,
I'm glad your daughter is doing well and is in medical detox. This thing is quite a lot to fight, especially at a young age. Sometimes I think how I even got to this point, but I know  I am lucky to realize young and try and get help young. In terms of doing this alone, I come on this site often and I go to a group meeting at my college and occasional counselor. I have not told my family, I don't think I will, although I know so many people disagree with this.

And BmDad,
It's better today, my flu symptoms/wd feel better too. I have been staying home and taking  a lot of anti-oxidants and vitamin C so hopefully everything is getting a bit better.

Last night I had a dream that I was using oxycontin, I said only a day, but then the  next day I kept doing it too. I woke up soaked in sweat and I am so happy it was just a dream.

[bmdad]

I also had dreams the last time in went through withdrawals. Heck, I'm still dreaming about the sh!t even though I'm tapering! I really need to get mentally ready and just say the heck with the tapering. I do know tapering helps but it does kinda drag it all out. I went cold turkey last time and was clean for a year and then my back started acting up again. I should have known better than to think I could take them responsibly! Live and learn I guess. Glad to hear you are feeling a bit better. Eventually the dreams will stop and your mind and body will be back to normal. Keep up the great fight Cassie!
Brian

[WDsRawful]

I was off the board and thinking about you so I came here to see if you had posted anything and i'm soooooooo glad to see that you are still on track and doing ok.  I was worried.  You're doing soooo good, girlie.  Stay on track and know that me and everyone else here is pulling for ya.  You're like the forum daughter!  lol   Keep me posted.  

[worried878]

reading/staying busy is important right now..i read a book called "a million little pieces" when i was going thru detox...great read on an addicts story..i also read the NA book...but sometimes fun stuff/things u like to read can be better so u can "escape" the knowing u r in wd for a while...staying busy/MOVING/helps...write down the reasons u quit when u crave..post often..u can do this girl!  and i will c u posting here months from now helping others who r where u r at right now

[desperado57]

Hello everyone... I accidentally came across some information that may be helpful with opiate withdrawal.  My son had sinus surgery yesterday and has been suffering with nausea.  The weekend on-call doctor prescribed Zolfran for the nausea, and while I was researching the drug, I came across this info in Wikipedia:


Opioid addiction
Researchers at the Stanford University School of Medicine have demonstrated that ondansetron might be useful and effective for treating withdrawal symptoms of opioid addictions.[8] Unlike the existing treatments methadone and buprenorphine, it is not itself an opioid.[8] And it doesn't require continued supervision like treatment with clonidine.[8]

The original experiment used mice who were injected with increasing doses of morphine, assayed with naloxone and then underwent haplotypic analysis to isolate a gene candidate.[9] HTR3A which codes for the 5-HT3 receptor emerged as the primary candidate, which suggested 5-HT3 antagonist ondansetron as a possible treatment.[9] The researchers were then able to show using an acute morphine administration model the efficacy in withdrawal symptom control in humans.[9]


I don't know if Zofran had been the subject of discussion before, but I thought I'd throw this out there for anyone who may wish to explore it further.

Best to all....

Sue

[bmdad]

So, what's the big test tonight? Any big parties going on!!! Just kidding. Hope you're are feeling better. Maybe getting out to a movie or something would be a nice break. If you didn't live so far away I'd invite you to a movie with my wife and kiddos! When I was in the Marine Corps I made the drive from Cali to IL a few times and don't plan on driving that far anytime soon! Especially with 2 young kids in the truck so the movie will have to wait! Hope you have a great Saturday evening!
Brian

[Cassie415]

hey guys, thanks for the comments. I spent the afternoon at the bookstore and I bought a book, which i'm excited to read. For some reason I can't stop thinking about OC. Like all my past memories/experiences with it, they are just like swarming my head. I think it's because my roommate is going tonight to get it with the people we usually go and knowing she will be back here with it makes it hard so it's got me thinking of all these old times I used to do it. Times I didn't even know existed. Most of my memories from the past 2 yrs are something to do with drugs and alcohol and now it's all I am thinking about since I am not doing it anymore. DOes this ever happen to anyone else?

[Cassie415]

Also, worried I know you said to get out and do something, but even when I was out doing stuff I just kept like spacing out thinking about all these times.

[Revann]

this is kevin, the guy that you are talking to on my forum topic. cassie you have really been helpful to me in trying to quit this. and i think that you and me can work on it together. i was talking to someone today that was addicted for 3 years, quit and now has been off of it for 5 years. and she has a family, a job, a house. i know you feel like the withdrawals will never go away... i know because its day 3 for me. and i think we can do this. yes it is hell, and once you go threw it you will become a better person. with a better understanding of live.

so hang in there, im here for you
if you want my phone number so we can talk each other threw this
just message me

we can do it

[jvette]

Cassie I'm 22. Feel free to shoot me a message if you need anything! I've been where you're at..

[Cassie415]

thanks guys. its 5am here....i dont think ill be getting any sleep tonight, its been a long night.

[10356]

Day 5 cassie !! I'm so proud of you !! sleep will come just try to stay active and go about your day.. it will not always be like this. Your first night sleep without drugs feels so damn good and refreshing and to wake up not sick just rejuvenated it the bomb !! I swear cass after all this time I still get a thrill that I can wake up and not need a thing except coffee lol to feel good !! and I have found clean the process of falling to sleep is enjoyable so give it time ok. I hope your headache and earache is clearing up the ear probably hurts from your sinus being blocked.. love ya lesa

[bmdad]

Sorry you couldn't get some sleep. For me that's one of the worst parts. The constant tossing and turning and just wanting to scream drives me nuts! You should start getting some sleep soon. In the past after the first week I was able to get about 4 to 5 hours a night. After I hit about 2 weeks my sleep was just about back to normal. Just keep up the great fight and your body will be back to normal in no time!

[Cassie415]

yeah, I can't wait for the night I just fall asleep and wake up feeling so good and rested and excited for my day. you guys are right and usually I have sleeping meds for the bad nights like last night but I just couldn't keep anything down so it was pointless. Today feels better. thanks everyone.

[HelpinSD]

You guys are really the best. I am addicted to 5-500 hydrocodone and was taking about 6-8 a day. This is day 2 for me, and I'm already in wd hell. Yesterday, I couldn't stop crying and every time I thought about my family (I'm in CA, they're in IL) I got so homesick and lonely and just lost it!

Today I feel a little better, but I have this anxiety about trying to get to sleep. I know I shouldn't expect to sleep for another couple of days, but every time I've relapsed, the wds were different every time. I don't have a support system--all my friends out here are wrapped up in their own lives, and I can't jeopardize my job by telling people at work. So I'm in this alone...

I can take the physical symptoms, it's the depression and loneliness that kills me every time.

[Revann]

i think its only day 3 now, but for some reason i feel good. i got really good sleep last night, and thats all i need. the reason we can not sleep is because of that restless leg thingy. well i found a way to stop it, without pills or sleeping medication. all i did was jog/walk around my block a few times before i went to bed. my legs were to tired to be restless. then head straight to bed after your run, and drink plenty of water. sure depression and the body ache, is still there. but with that good nights sleep last night... i have the strength to go on a couple more days.

[salsinator]

Congatulations to Both Kevin and Cassie - I have been following your posts and it's great how you two are supporting each other along with all of us here on Medhelp.  You both are almost over the hump - keep it up.  I am proud of you both.

[MyBabyGirl668]

What are you taking to help you sleep?  Have you ever heard anything about melatonin?  

[Cassie415]

i had some ambien and trazadone and I have melatonin too and i've been taking nyquil too. Not sleeping is the worst and the restless legs are really annoying too. it is day 6 today, almost a week now, my entire body feels restless and hurts still, i hope it passes soon. Thanks everyone for the help.

[bmdad]

It will all pass very soon. Day 6 is awesome! Once I hit a week things started to come around and I started feeling much better. Just remember you are so close to getting this devil off your back! Don't let him win! Keep on fighting as it is one of the toughest battles you will ever have to deal with and you are kicking its @ss! Keep going strong Cassie, you are doing great!

[bmdad]

How was you day today? I hope you can get a good nights sleep! I think the lack of sleep is one of the major reasons we have such a lack of energy. I work a union job which requires some physical work at times and even when I was clean I would have no energy on the days to where I didn't get much sleep the night before. I guess it didn't help at that job due to the fact I had to drive over a hour each way, work 12 hours, and 7 days a week. Not everyone of my jobs is like like that. I go from one power plant to another as needed so sometimes they are closer to home and not the long work weeks.
You have been doing awesome at this Cassie! You are so so close to being on the downhill side of all of this. Keep it up and remember that failure is not a option!
Brian

[Cassie415]

Thanks for checking in. I am doing much better, and each day I am starting to feel a little better. I cannot sleep at all though, I always have bad insomnia, and even on oxycontin I would take ambiens, now i've run out so I just have to deal with no sleep lol. I have so much catching up to do in school right now, and midterms are a few days away so I figure i'll just study all night if I can't sleep. Eventually I have to pass out at somepoint, just hopefully not during my tests lol

Thanks for all your support, it has really been helpful. How are you doing? Did you say you were almost done with a taper?

[bmdad]

I'm so happy that you're doing better! Once you can actually say that you know it won't be long and you'll be able to look back and realize that you can do anything if you want it bad enough! I have about 10 days left if I stick to my taper plan. I might try and speed it up a bit more. I woke up this morning and felt great. Any other day I would have woke up and have had a small bit of the withdrawals such as kinda cold, anxiety, the aches, etc. You know what I mean. I always have had to take one right away to "wake up". Today was different though. I woke up and felt fine. I was clear headed and wasn't even craving. I didn't take one until about 3 pm and that was the only one I took today. I think I'm gonna try and do the same tomorrow. I don't want to cut back so much I feel like ****, but I don't wanna take more than I need. I'm afraid if I try and speed it up too fast I might end up back taking them like I use to. I've tapered before so I know what I need to do for my taper program. I always tell people to let their body do the talking. I've already promised myself if I do veer off my taper schedule by taking more, they are getting flushed. I think they may be getting flushed sooner than planned due to the fact that it is working great this time as of now. I'm just anxious to see how I feel tomorrow. That will prove if today was a fluke or not.
Guess I'll just have to wait and see! If only I could sleep better! Why don't you call and read me a bedtime story! Maybe we could write one....Twas the Night Before Withdrawals....
Twas the night before withdrawals and all through my head, thoughts are running wild, God if I could only go to bed...The next verse is yours!........Hope you have a great night and get some zzzzzzz's

[bmdad]

How are you feeling today Cas? I pray today was better than the last! Keep going strong!

[Cassie415]

I didn't sleep last night, not even a minute, and the past few days I haven't been sleeping or eating much. So I don't feel great but it could definitely be worse. Glad to hear you are tapering off and that it is working for you, thanks for checking in with me!

[struggling_college_student]

Hey cassie.......just back on the boards after 6 months of clean time then a relapse of a few months.  Anyways.....my biggest withdrawal symptom has always been the restless legs at night....the twitching you know.  I found that Hyland's Restful Legs is a great product that works wonders!!  You can find it a Rite-Aid or Walgreens and they just dissolve under your tongue.  As far as falling asleep, I use melatonin and then just put on a movie and if I fall asleep I fall asleep.....if not....another movie!!

Im on day 2 and luckily I wasnt using heavily(I am a Norco addict and before my 6 mos of clean time I used to take about 10 a day) so my WD's arent too bad....just the mental thing your talking about.  I too am in school and am finding that keeping busy with schoolwork is a lifesaver!!  

Congrats on making it this far....you sound determined and that really is the first step!!  You're almost out of the woods and then the real trials start.....staying clean.  I wish you the best!!!

Jeff