Day 20 and feeling like a loser!

[Innerstrength67]

I wish I were proud of myself but it's sp hard for me to pat myself on the back. My gf is going to tell her patents today about what I have done and I'm having a lot of anxiety. Not in the mood to be judged. I keep thinking they are going to tell her to leave me. They have a big influence on her and I have screwed up big time. I just want to run! I don't want to feel which is why I have been addicted to one thing or another since I was 12. These are the times when I would usually pick up something to numb myself.
Just need some support from people who really understand that even though I have done bad things, I'm not a bad person. Blah!!!!

[dominosarah]

Now pat yourself on the back, that was some good positive talk!!

[Innerstrength67]

Thanks littlebit. Well I don't know the details but apparently it wasn't as bad as I thought. Of course once it sinks into their heads that might be a different story. It's amazing how I choose to focus on those who I think don't like me instead ALL the people who love me. That is my insecure addict mind. Time to change those tapes.

[littlebit667]

Remember THEIR label is just that THEIR label.  You have done bad things....but being a bad person is not there.  You have been here for so many people including me and that is big.  I know helping helps, because I have been there.  It seems to be who you are.  Do not forget that.  If they turn her against you, then so be it.  If you can get past this without using...WOWO, that will be so big.  Do not use it as an excuse and show them that you are really trying to be free from this addiction.  I do not understand why she is doing that, but maybe it is her way of breaking up..she can blame them for it and not feel so guilty??  I do not know..but if it happens..be strong!  I hope they all fool you and it goes well. Fingers crossed for you...

[Innerstrength67]

Thanks for your support! There are so many people out there who look at addicts as scumbags who have no self control. I know they wish their daughter was with someone who is smarter and has money. It seems like that's all that matters to them.
It will be what it will be. But what I do know is anyone who isn't part of my recovery, will not be in my life. I will not be labeled a bad person.
That is not good for my recovery.

[Free_ovitall]

I hope she is telling them what you are DOING, because that is the important thing now. What's done is done, its water under the bridge. Just remember they can't judge you unless they have walked in your shoes. And if they have, then they won't. They may support you instead.  This is all a  trying experience for your GF as well, so you can't expect her to react positively. She has to get through this as well, and she see's things  from a completely different perspective.

Running away and numbing yourself won't do any good at this point. It won't undo anything, nor make it go away. It can only make things worse, and even be that "last straw"  your GF may be hanging onto.  You are doing this for yourself as well, and no matter what, you will be a better person for getting through this. You wouldn't be the first person who had to pick up the broken pieces and make the best you can of them and move forward. No matter what, life  goes on, and there is only one direction you want to go that WILL make that life better. You need to heal, and she will heal as well, so don't let the negative stuff cancel out the positive outlook you need to have and focus on.  Things will get better.

[ImDONENoMore]

Don't focus on what others think right now.  It's what you are doing for YOURSELF for today that truly matters.

I too wonder why the need for telling her parents today.  But either way don't lose sight of your accomplishment here - and congrats on the 20 days!  That is FANTASTIC!!!

[LeaAnn807]

I'm not sure why she is telling them either.  Not sure of the benefit of that??  BUT.....you are doing what you have to do for you.  I'm proud of your 20 days.  They may be too?  Never can tell!  No matter what happens, you have done what is best for YOU.  It's okay to pat yourself on the back.  You've done good!!! :)

[dominosarah]

Congrats on 20 days!!  Now pat yourself on the back!!  That is a great accomplishment..........sara

[dominosarah]

We dont run anymore, we walk thru it and deal with the situation.   I am not sure what the reasoning is for her telling her parents but you may be surprised and find them very supportive.  You are not a bad person at all and noone has a right to judge any of us.  Our actions speak louder than words now.  Take some deep breaths, it will be okay, no matter what the outcome.  We are here for you~~sara