Day 25 and still going strong

[BQ77]

Quick about me to those who haven't read any of my posts.  Was a 20 a day hydrocodone addict and have been clean 25 days by taking the Suboxone route to sobriety.  I'm currently tapering the Suboxone to be down to taking nothing by March 16th.  I will post each day as I taper.  

Today was my first day at 4mg of Suboxone.  Going from 6 to 4mg wasn't bad at all.  I have some aches and pains today, but I think it's from working the last few nights.  We've gotten much busier at work.  I will continue to be at 4mg for the next 2 days then I will taper again.  8 more days to my tapering plan.  Wish me luck!

Now onto my "addiction days" story of the day.  Something a little bit embarrassing about something about my addiction crossed my mind tonight.  Most of us know that most pain killers cause constapation.  For me, for the majority of my 2 years of addiction, it was a normal cycle.  I would take my prescrition, be constipated for a couple days, then be fine.  When I would run out (always way too early) or wouldn't be able to find any hydrocodone on the street then I would be off of them a few days, going through withdrawls each time....withdrawls getting worse every time I would take one of these "not on purpose breaks"...then I would get my next prescription and again be constipated for a couple days, then be back to normal.  A viscious cycle just like many things during our addictions.  Well...that eventually got worse too.  Another reason (out of the many) that I would decide to quit hydrocodone was that the constipation was lasting much longer.  A week at the longest.  So, then I was forced to take laxatives each time.  IT WAS HORRIBLE!  It made me so scared that my body was shutting down because of my habit.  I'm happy to say that I'm doing much better on that front nowadays, but still not 100% back to normal.  I'm sure that won't happen until I'm off the Suboxone for a bit.  But, I'm not going so long that I think it is hurting me real bad.

Now for the "clean days".  Something happened before work.  My main pill dealer called and left me a messge.  Which of course meant he scored a ton of pills.  I thought about how I would act before.  I would call him back ASAP and hook it all up, usually spending all of my money doing so.  It is one of the so many awesome things about being clean.  Not chasing the high and not spending stupid money on it.  It's already reflected in my bank account.  I decided to keep testing myself.  I went and looked at my roommates stash.  I thought in my head that he would only have like 4 pills and I would have no issue looking at it and putting it back.  Well, he had like 20.  My heart skipped a beat.  I totally laughed at myself because a month or 2 ago, I would have taken a couple of those no problem.  I passed the test and it made me feel better.  I was able to not call my hook up back and was literally able to have the pills in my hand and not have an urge to take one.  So, before someone gets on me about how horrible it is that A. I haven't cut ties with my dealer and he's still calling me and B. I haven't told my roommate to either hide those pills somewhere I wouldn't know where they were or get rid of them all together.  Well....I NEVER answer my cell phone.  I'm one of those people who wait for the voice mail and call back, haha.  I don't wanna talk to my hook up whatsoever and I feel he will get the hint either now or maybe the next time and I'm not worried at all that I might have the urge to call him back.  As far as my roomie...he's not addicted at all.  He only takes his once a month maybe..if that.  Plus for the first time in a verrrrrrrrrrrry long time I don't wanna go back to there.  Since starting hydrocodone, I've NEVER come close to 25 days of not taking them.  The mere thought of starting over after 25 days completely upsets me.  So that's that.  I know all of you care, so I wanted to mention all that.

I want to thank everyone who reads my posts and gives me some positive feedback.  I don't express it enough I don't think how much that I appreciate it.  So, I wanted to get that out there.  Especially if you read my long winded posts, haha.  I type like 72 words a minute, so typing a ton of stuff is easy for me.  So again...thank you.  Good luck to all of those cleaning up and may God Bless you all.  

BQ