Day 3????

[Dixiechick72]

Ok day 3 is here. I still know I can do this but today feels different.  Head feels heavy. I had a tough night of sleep... Always go to sleep fine but wake up about 2 am but I stay in bed and try to go back to sleep... My mood feels different too. I'm just hoping today is the worst... I know I can do this... It just feels different today...

[Dixiechick72]

Hi minn. Missed u in here today!!! Thanks for sharing. So we have a lot to relate too don't we?? Well it's another day in the neighborhood!!! :)

[minn66]

Hi all you Secret Detoxers! Whew, it has been a busy day. I miss being able to talk to you guys during the day.

My ex-husband had an affair as well and I left him (for that as well as his drinking). Before the ink was dry on our divorce papers he married her. I, too, kept myself in shape and even though he was a jerk it still hurt because we had been together since high school. I guess that was part of the problem, I think he blamed me for getting pregnant at 18. It is very interesting that so many of us have had this type of experience. Remember, we are all worthy of love and respect, from others as well as ourselves.

I love you all dearly and will post more later.

The Secret Detoxers Rule! Tawanda!!!

[Dixiechick72]

No way girl. U did it. Good job eat eat and drink and think happy thoughts of treadmills !!! Day 3 I've been on it almost 20 Min now... U can do this too pat. We both got this!!! U know this!!!;) wow I feel spunky lol.

[Pat1956100]

Wow treadmill on day 3.  You go girl.  I did make it downstairs and got crackers.  Yay for me lol.  Treadmill thoughts just kind of make me feel ill. lol.

[Dixiechick72]

Ok I did it. I'm on the treadmill as I write. Did I win??  Did u go to mailbox yet?? Yes I did it. Slower then I'm use to but feeling weak. I guess a little is better then nothing right?!! Go go day 3 woo hoo.
Janice I truly believe god helps and god heals. I have so many people praying for me to go through this I believe that's why I'm doing good. As for not telling ur Hubby that is ur choice. I know for me even though I haven't told them how bad I was abusing just telling them I was in trouble was a weight lifted for me. Who knows maybe someday u will tell when ur ready or maybe not.. U just need to be ok with it. Thanks for support. Keep going everyone. Walking day 3 away.

[janice25]

Great job! i can relate to your story. i amblessed with an awsome man and here i am weaning off tramdol. he has no idea it's my dirty little secret. the truth is i probably will never will tell him. one thing i am sure of that god is helping us. i spent days with no sleep and praying god would knock me out but he didn't. this to shall pass for us we just need to stick together to remain strong.

[Sonrissa]

Just do it! You will feel so much better! I'm trying to get the energy to walk across the street to my mailbox! LOL who will get done first? You or me! I think Minn is at work! I'm sure she will poke her head in to check on the secret Detoxers later today!

[Dixiechick72]

Ok so I'm really trying to get off my butt and on the treadmill. Lol I feel like I'm 80!!!! Oh well. A little effort will go a long way right???
Hey where's minn?? I haven't heard from u today!!! ;)

[Dixiechick72]

Hello there. Thanks for the comment... I'm not sure if I totally blame myself for the affair. In fact it was him who was insecure. I was at my best. I looked good worked out 7 days a week. He didn't. He was overweight and very insecure. So he left. It for me was more of the serious affair that he almost married someone else and almost had a baby with someone else that really killed me. That's when I really lost myself my esteem everything. But... I'm ready to gain it back. I'm trying to motivate my butt to get on the treadmill today!!! I will. I'll show everyone I can do this...

[dominosarah]

Hi ladies~~

I have read thru this and the first thing that jumped out at me was you have both been thru affairs from your spouses and you both took the blame for something they did.  That is always the messed up part.  They cheat and the woman/man takes the blame on their shoulders.  I have been cheated on but i was the cheater in a couple of my marriages.  It wasnt about the other person, it was about MY self esteem.  I thought by being chased by someone else made me whole, somebody wanted me.  All i was doing was chasing my own tail.  

[Dixiechick72]

Lesa again thank u for ur strong words. I know I'll tell more as I'm ready. I've wanted to for so long but never knew how to tell anyone without them thinking I'm a freak u know. Very true about being supermoms... I've always felt I've had a higher standard to hold.  As a mom wife daughter grandma.  Anyways this is helping. Unleashing the demons helps free the soul right??  But I want this... I need this. And I will get this and so will all the others who are trying. Stay strong !!  Sonrissa I know what u mean. The support is amazing and keeps us going. I thought of the pills for a split second this morning. It was a weird night for me so I woke up feeling a little down. But I got my boost here like always. Plus I just talked with my dad. I told him but nobody truly knows how bad I was abusing like here. I just tell them I've decided to not take any meds for my problems anymore. My dad was really great. I kept it together even though I felt like crying.  When I told my dad it's day 3... So cute he said well it can't be any worse then day 2 and 1 right??? It made me laugh.. But really. How true. I guess it's what we make of it. I'm choosing to make day 3 better then day 2!!! ;) I will. I can do this!!! So can all of u!!  Stay strong u guys!!! Big hugs and big smiles...

[Sonrissa]

Hey Dixie! Wow! You are doing great! You have a great attitude! Can I just say great, one more time! LOL. I am so amazed at the support on this forum! Everyone reaches out to help! I love this so much! Here we are all in this same river, but in different boats! Everyone getting life savers thrown to help! This is what is so amazing here! We help each other no matter what our race, age, political sides, religion, or gender! No judgement here! Tell me where else does this happen! Dixie, as you (we) go through this, it makes us stronger and eventually better able to deal with life in a healthy manner! You are getting stronger every day! You, and Pat, and so many others inspire me! Thank you, and keep it up!

[10356]

It is sad that we feel we need to cover our pain.. we are under the impression as women as moms we have to be strong when inside we are crumbling..  Yes all the peps that love you deserve the whole you but most of all You deserve to be free of this of the past of this addiction of the pain.. You deserve the whole you.. You will be in a much better position to speak of how you feel when you have a lil clean time... ignoring the problem does not make it go away it just makes it fester.. You take your time on how you want to share ok We did not get here overnight and it takes a lil to rediscover what it is and what we want.. the amazing thing clean we are able to speak of these things without breaking down.. all this takes a lil time.. there is no rush on mental happiness contentment it comes as we work thru our recovery... You will be ok Dixiechick.. You are worth all the effort all the time You are worth everything for you are Precious.. Do not ever forget that..

[Dixiechick72]

Lesa everytime I read ur post I cry. But in a good way... I didn't realize how painful things were til I forced myself to see why I was taking those damn pills... But it has really opened my eyes a lot. Hopefully I'll be able to talk to the Hubby about things. I know we both need to. I'm so so happy I found this place. I know I would have just kept taking those pills if I hadn't of found all the support here. It's amazing and it's saved me. Really it has... There's still a lot I'd like to get off my chest but when I'm ready to... I need to.. I've been through so much... But I have so much to live for... So so very much. So many people who truly love me and I owe it to them to be the best I can. When I'm clean. And really all there!!! U know I was abusing so bad I dont remember seeing movies with my family. I'll see a preview and say hey we should see that... Then I get the weird looks and they tell me... Mom we already saw that don't u remember ??? Omg really??!! Look at what I have been missing... Movies and family time that I should be enjoying ... And stupid me was too busy trying to cover my pain and feel high. So sad... It really is.

[10356]

You are very Welcome Dixiechick !! I also know you can and I know you will !! :)) There is Nothing you can not do while in recovery !! while using we do not love ourselves.. How can we when we are slowly killing ourselves.. by getting clean you will be Loving Yourself again and this alone will shine right thru.. your hubby your children and your Grandchildren will all benefit.. I know how affairs can knock our self esteem right out of this universe and I realize how hard it is too build that confidence back up in yourself.. Keep speaking your feeling ok Keeping everything bottled up just keeps us a prisoner to them Give them a voice... I'm so Grateful you found us and so Grateful you are ready and willing to move on with you and your family's life.. You deserve nothing but the very Best... sending you a very warm hug

[Dixiechick72]

Thank u lesa.. I am too lol.  I just gotta keep this going and I will... I was a young mom.. My oldest is 22 with 3 kids ages 4,3 and 2... So another blessing I never knew how wonderful it is to be a grandma. I love those girls like they are mine. So I have so much going for me... I just gotta do this and keep it going. I know I can. And I will. Thank u for responding !!!

[10356]

I'm so Proud of you Dixiechick !!

[Dixiechick72]

See lesa u always hit it on the nose!!! U made me cry !!! U do understand. Cause yes those were the issues. Affairs... So we went our ways but stayed close for our kids. 2 girls from previous which he raised and 2 boys together. It was painful. Very painful. Then the questions u ask but really don't want to hear the answers to.. But I did it anyways. The girl he was with got pregnant but aborted cause of me and him being close... But the devastating thought of him having a baby with someone else nearly killed me... But like u.. I've put a lot into this relationship. I don't want to lose what we have and gained back. It's been rough on both of us... But we can never really talk of the issues without fighting so we just don't talk about it... So I'm glad u brought it up because I do need closure with it!!! I need to put the past behind me and realize were together again and thats all that matters. That and my kids!! Thank god for kids. They really are the sunlight of my day. They have always been my reason to keep going... So thank u for truly understanding. I really guess I need to face these past demons and put it to rest!!! Maybe now I can do this...;)

[10356]

That is very Cool !! You are allowed to rest :) You are putting your body thru a lot.. I have been married for 30 years.. we have had our issues and I believe we may have faced some of what you and your husband faced.. I do not know if this applies but my husband had had a couple of affairs thru the years Early on.. Probably the second most difficult thing I had to learn to accept. The first was the rape of my stepfather.. trust is such a big deal and when it is broken it is very difficult to get back much less deal with all the emotions that come with it.. I do not know if this is what you and your hubby have gone thru but I do know that in any long marriage a lot of things happen.. we grow up together and we make mistakes while growing.. I have learned to let go and that alone is Probably the biggest blessing besides finding recovery.. There is nothing we can not get thru if we want it bad enough.. I love my husband and my family and I was going to be damned if I was going to give it up easy... Nothing worth having comes easy... You sound like a very intelligent and caring women. I was reading your post yesterday You also sound like a wonderful mom.. Your Husband is very fortunate... I'm so Happy for you that you are finding your way back. Our problems are still there when we get clean but we are able to deal with them so much better.....

[Pat1956100]

I feel crappy but day 2 crappy.  Upset stomach, really weak.  I am just glad I got sleep and the anxiety is very low.
I know what you mean, I woke up and thought I have to let everyone know I'm still alive and still clean.
Hope your day goes okay.  Keep posting. Day 3 can be rough.

[Dixiechick72]

Hi pat!!! How are u hanging today??? Are u doing better ??? I've been thinking of u!!! It's funny cause if my mind drifts back to negative things. I think of everyone here. It keeps me going!!! I have too many people to let down now... Anyways. How are u doing today???

[Dixiechick72]

Hi lesa... One who makes me smile!!!! Thank u. U just lifted my spirits again... I'm feeling tired so I did force myself up to take kids to school and came home to lay down... It was a rough night. My thoughts kept going back to the issues that got me abusing pills in the first place... Like I said. I know the issues ..but maybe I still need to talk about it with someone... My husband and I have been together 20 yrs... We did have a brief split where we divorced but stayed close and ended up back together and remarried... I really started abusing when we weren't together. To not feel the pain. The weird thing was it got worse after we got back together. There were so many issues of when we were split and getting back together... Painful issues that need to lay to rest because we are back together.  I'll be up and moving soon... I just feel exhausted right now... At least my tummy isn't hurting. I'm norco free for 3 days!!! How cool is that ??? ;) thanks for the lift.

[Pat1956100]

Hi Dixiechick.
Thanks for all your help yesterday.  Stay strong today.  I am right behind you and pushing you through this.

[10356]

Good morning Dixiechick.. Yes you can do this !! Day 3 and 4 are the worst days so force yourself up and moving ok.. This will not last forever the worst will be over very soon.. You are doing wonderfully Keep that Positive attitude going ok You go this !! Congrats on day 3 !! lesa