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Day 3 Oxy withdrawal
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Day 3 Oxy withdrawal

First time I have ever posted anything. I am on my 3rd day of oxy withdrawal. This is pure hell. Everyone knows the symptoms. I started using morphine in 2000 after an accident crushed my 4th vertibrae, I was on a pump. I learned how to manipulate the pump and after 7 weeks of 1000mg a week, I went ct. Worst days of my life. You think I would have learned from that. I am 53 years old, sober from alcohol 11 years. I started using percocet 10mg a day 1 year ago. I increased the amount and then went to oxy's. first 40mg a day to where I am now...100mg day. I have to pay street price. I decided to quit wednesday, it's friday morning. I just got a call letting me know they were available if I wanted some...I told him to never call me again. The crash isn't worth the high. I figure I am almost over the worst of this, maybe another 2 days max. I did get a visit from an old friend this morning, my first woody in 6 months...very interesting. There is no way I could have posted this the last couple days, I must be getting closer to the end...Unbelievable hell. I know I am doing the right thing, oh man it sure is tough, especially knowing a phone call will end all this...
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82861_tn?1333457511
Congratulations on taking action to get your life back in control!   I'm very concerned about your last sentence.  A phone call will end much more than your withdrawal symptoms.  You know that.  Remember that woody you just got if you need more incentive.  It's not exactly functioning (or at least not functioning at full capacity) while you're using.  

Everyone here will tell you why home detoxes eventually result in relapse.  No aftercare.  Did you take advantage of AA when you gave up alcohol?  If you didn't, now is a great time to go.  If you did, it's a great time to go back.  As you already know from past experience, getting clean is easy.  Staying that way is another story.  Please keep posting!  Everyone here has been so helpful with my husband's Suboxone detox.  They're here for you too.  :-)
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406584_tn?1399591666
Hi Ctblues and Welcome to the forum.. a phone call would not end it It would just prolong it.. Yes you are just about over the worst.. Hot showers/baths many times a day is a big help as is walking exercising. most of us have to force ourselves but the benefits are Great. Congrats on 11 years of no Alcohol !! and Congrats on making the decision to get off the soul stealing drugs !! not only do the drugs kill our desire for sex they also kill our desire for life.. You are just about over the worst and I wanted to wish you well and to let you know you are doing Great !! Keep a Good Attitude and Keep looking forward ok Life has a way of blossoming when we are clean.. take care of yourself ok.. lesa
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Avatar_m_tn
Welcome. I noticed your comment about being 11 yrs free from alcohol. Whatever you do don't try and knock back the withdrawals with alcohol. It'll make you feel 5 X's worse for the next few days. Congrats on the woody!!!! That's progress! You're gonna be surprised just how many 'new' sensations and emotions are going to come into play the next few days.

You should be feeling better by the end of the weekend. I'm 50 yrs old and it took me about 10 days until I felt that I was over the hump but things got considerably better each day after day 5.

Hang in there....
Toby
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Avatar_m_tn
Good morning, day 4. I really didn't know what to expect posting, I did it twice, not thinking anyone was actually there. There really are people out there that understand. I just got pretty emotional reading your posts, made me feel like I can do this, support is so important. I didn't make the call, I haven't used in about 85 hours. And actually I am doing some cleaning, washing my bedding etc...I feel much better today. Still cold chills, and sweats, real weak...but the aches are gone and my legs are quiet. A little sneezing still.You are right about incentive, what more do you need. Losing that experience isn't worth any drug. Nice to be feeling a little normal again. I really appreciate the support. I have children & grandchildren, no one has a clue, they think I have the flue. Nice to be able to tell someone. I did go to AA, I did the whole program. I need to go back.
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Avatar_m_tn
when I said I need to go back to AA, not because I am drinking, But for the support. I am still sober, I wrote 11 years, It's actually 10 years 5 months.  Thanks again for listening. I do appreciate it, this isn't easy.
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1198664_tn?1368651412
CT I quit the same day you did. I feel the same as you right now. Just awfull. Depression is really kicking in right now. No sleep, mental torture, no energy, body still cold and hot at least the sweats
Are gone though. But yes pure hell. I have been comtimplating swallowing a perc 10 or 2 the past few hours to make it stop.
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Avatar_m_tn
Hey man, it's rough. We are in the same boat. I just keep telling myself that it's going to get better, and it will. I don't want to live like that anymore. Avoiding family because I don't have enough, not to mention it's expensive, and killing me physically and mentally. I am so tired of counting pills, taking laxitives, not even getting the high, just taking them to avoid the crash. Swallowing some percs will only prolong what we have to do. We have to do this, tomorrow will be much better. And only better after that. Stay with me here, lets do this together. It helps to know we are not alone in this fight for a better life.
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Avatar_m_tn
oh, and the advice I was given about the hot baths and showers do it! I have lived in the tub. It really helps. It did me anyways.
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406584_tn?1399591666
Congrats on 4 days ctblues !! I was very Pleased for you that you did not make that call. and very Pleased for your family I'm sure they have missed you. while active we think of only ourselves and how to feed our addiction. There is so much more to life then counting pills and hunting them down. I do not think we were meant to live secretly but to live freely. free to express ourselves free to feel joy/love and even pain.. far better to feel anything besides the self loathing misery and guilt we feel while active.. It is very good you will be going back to AA as support is crucial to staying clean. others that understand of what we speak is like a ray of Sunshine :)

Backtome swallowing the percs will not make you feel better They will just lead you back to where you were when you first jumped off. it does not get better while we are active it just gets worse.. Yo are almost through the physical aspects of the wd If you can force yourself to walk clean exercise in any form will help a lot with the depression.. getting those feel good endorphins pumping again on there own Helps. Hang in there ok You can do this !! reach out for support check into meetings AA our NA You are not alone. read of others experiences and gain strength thru them. There is light at the end of the tunnel but we have to go through the dark to find it. I wish you the very best.. lesa
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Avatar_m_tn
Your awesome, thanks. I know tomorrow will be better. It's strange, one minute I think, ok, this is good...the next minute I feel like hell. Something I have to go through to get better. And I am going to do this! I need to do this. There is no alternative, mind over this evil drug...You are right about my family, although no one has a clue, they will eventually if I don't stop. Just tired of the chase. Time to get my life back. Looking forward to day 5 Thanks again.
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406584_tn?1399591666
Your welcome :) although your family does not know of your addiction They know you are not the same. while active we think we have it under control and nobody knows.. but active addiction changes us so much we are the only ones that do not see it. it deadens our emotions instead of seeing in color we see in grays. I truly em so Happy for you that you are breaking free It is akin to being reborn ! we notice things we have forgotten. The birds singing a Beautiful sunset the smell of food so many things.. I look forward to you rediscovering all the amazing things our life and world has to offer :)
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Avatar_m_tn
wow, you are so right. I am taking your advice and going for a walk... It's cold here, however I need to breath. I don't want to go out, but I am pushing myself to get better and I think this may help...get the muscles moving. Wish I had an appetite, I guess that will come soon enough. Jesus, please help me...
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1198664_tn?1368651412
CT it's freezing here too man where are you? I'm in Michigan. Anyway I did not take that pill. I took some klonopin and slept some. Feel somewhat better now. I just cannot stay off the dam toilet!! Really it's like every 2 hours or so. I'm doubling up on the imodium (immodium) right now to see of it will stop. I HAVE to eat. I have not eaten in two days and I am starving but whenever I try it goes straight through me all day. :(. Anyway my day 3 is complete at 6:00pm. Bring on day 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. At 10 I am usually perfect again. By 7 pretty good.
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Avatar_m_tn
I'm so envious of your day 3.,,going to go off percs at the end of this week and dread it!
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Avatar_m_tn
Im in Ont. I am about a day ahead of you, really glad you didn't take the pill...it's going to get so much better, your doing great! hang in, you will be rewarded. I can't believe the difference from this time yesterday. I went out today, minded my own business. Even shaved. I felt really proud of where I am, My last 40mg was at 7PM Tuesday night. I never thought I was going to make it but I did. I even hung up the phone and didn't call him back, huge step. The sh its will stop, imodium (immodium), take it. Are you trying the hot bath? do it. I am so tired now, but it's a good tired. I really think I will have a good nights sleep. I deserve it... I haven't eaten anything substantial either. Tomorrow will be better than today...

The_doors, man if I can do it, you can too...going to be rough for 3,4.5 days. Be prepared, get imodium (immodium), liquids, take time off...and do it.
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Avatar_m_tn
just re read your post, you know...day 7...
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Avatar_m_tn
How you doing today? I am doing ok, day 5. Slept pretty good once I fell asleep. Hope you have a better day today...the weird thing is, feeling like I do, is a high on it's own. I haven't felt like this in a long time, still looking forward to day 6 but man...the worst is over. I am never going back...ever.
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Avatar_m_tn
I can not tell you how many times I have read this...

From 10356:
Your welcome :) although your family does not know of your addiction They know you are not the same. while active we think we have it under control and nobody knows.. but active addiction changes us so much we are the only ones that do not see it. it deadens our emotions instead of seeing in color we see in grays. I truly em so Happy for you that you are breaking free It is akin to being reborn ! we notice things we have forgotten. The birds singing a Beautiful sunset the smell of food so many things.. I look forward to you rediscovering all the amazing things our life and world has to offer :)
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Avatar_m_tn
Day 6...I would like to say thank you to everyone who has been their for me the past few days. 10356, jstntime, You may not know it, but you really helped me out. Thanks again. ct
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Avatar_n_tn
Wd gone on day 6?  
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Avatar_m_tn
No, not gone... the worst is over...I am feeling much better. Still some hot and cold chills, one minute feeling good, the next not so good...but yeah, the worst is over. Just so tired of being numb. So many emotions coming out, cried my *** of over a pepsi commercial...looking forward to day 7, each day will be better.
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Avatar_m_tn
Day 7, I feel great. There is something to be said about clarity. Today is the first day I have felt like myself in a long time. Had a good nights sleep, up early and went Christmas shopping. Today is Tuesday, my routine for the last year or so has been every 2nd Tuesday at 9 AM. I get my two week supply of pills, street price. I spent less money shopping for 6 grandchildren, then I would have spent on pills. Clarity...Now to keep my head clear and be the man I am capable of being... to myself and my family.
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617347_tn?1331296681
congrats on your clean week and glad that you are feeling great.... keep on my mind that there is the mental part to fight ... keep positive, it is the best advice cause some days are tough, exercise if you can, eat healthy, take those vitamins and keep walking.... some days you will feel really tired, don't stress out , it is normal, just take each day at a time and enjoy the christmas holidays with your family :)
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1525404_tn?1291918116
Hey, when you feel good, we all feel good.  Coming here was my first step in getting serious and I mean really serious about being done with this. The thing that kept moving me forward was relating to those that were on the same timeline as me as far as days quit and what I was going through.

So feel good about this as you go through the day, your 7 day success will have a more immediate impact on those that are standing where you were seven day ago. It reinforces that it can be done. That a person can go through the withdrawals and live to tell about it.
Being clean is my new addiction, and stories like yours help to feed it. Good job and keep it up. No stopping you now.
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Avatar_m_tn
You guys are awesome...finding this site was a blessing. I really appreciate the positive words and support. To think, I would hear from Spain?? Thank you, all of you.

I just heard from an old friend, Robert, love ya man.

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617347_tn?1331296681
yeah, supporting you from spain here :) i have never thought either i could feel i have a big american family but i have one now :)  life is some times wonderful
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi Spain, we are all under the same sun. I am here in Canada. Thanks again for your support!

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Avatar_m_tn
Day 8, what a difference a week makes. Last Wed. at this time I was just starting cold t. Today, I feel great. Last night had dinner with my daughter's family, played with my 6 year old grandson until we were both exhausted from laughter, went to bed at a decent time and woke up refreshed. This is the way my life is supposed to be. No more waking up, grabbing a handful of numbness, counting out the day and sinking back into my secret...No more, new day new attitude, new beginning. I am probably going stop writing on day 8...no need to be redundant...on second thought, that is exactly what I want to be...redundant, every day forward. Thanks again to everyone here @ mh...kind people, positive words, you know who you are, and you helped me get through it.
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Avatar_m_tn
To my fellow Ontarian!!!!

So happy to see you turning the corner.  A good attitude makes a huge difference.  You're doing an amazing job.

Hey....I get lots of help from Spain too!!!  Many other places as well.  I'm glad you've found this place and that you are winning this game.

You hang in there and post all you want.  Congratulations for showing everyone how it is done!!!!

bob
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Avatar_m_tn
bob, thanks, you are a big help. I appreciate you, and am pulling for you as well. Thanks again ct
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406584_tn?1399591666
I'm truly Happy for you ctblues.. May your life continue to grow and may everyday bring you something to smile about.. warmly lesa
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1198664_tn?1368651412
Man I almost forgot those early posts I put on here I was in such HELL at the time. I don't think you should stop posting at day 8. I think you are a TON of inspiration on here and could be a HUGE help to others! I am really going to try to stay on posting for the same reason. That is as soon as my sheit is together. You are one day ahead of me brother and I would be happy to keep it that way FOREVER!!!!
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Avatar_m_tn
Thanks Lesa, you are one of the good people. I appreciate your kind words.
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Avatar_m_tn
Great attitude, I want to stay 1 day ahead of you too...forever! We can do this...slow things down, take a step back, and keep it simple.

Today is day 9, I feel good...I didn't plan on posting, however...

I went to my granddaughter's Christmas concert last night. I was so proud of her. She isn't the kind of child that wants attention, she is quiet, a thinker.

She had to get up on stage in front of a standing room only crowd, you could tell she wasn't comfortable, she would much rather be reading a book curled up in a chair, or having a one on one talk. She had the option not to participate, it isn't mandatory. She chose to participate.

I was inspired by her. I looked at this little girl and thought, wow, what courage. In her short life this is the hardest thing she has had to do.
You could tell she was out of her element. Afterwards she hugged me, I told her she did good. She said "I did, didn't I poppa" I said yes baby girl you did good.

Today, I too am going to do good!


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Avatar_m_tn
Day 10, I am winning the battle for now. I am myself again. I have energy back, taking care of business. Moving forward. ct
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406584_tn?1399591666
Whoo Hooo I Love your positive attitude !! It is amazing what we can learn from innocence :) I can picture poppa in my minds eye bringing comfort too your grand daughter.. these moments shows us what we gain when we are clean :) I also think you are Good people !! You prove it everyday that you move forward.. lesa
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Avatar_m_tn
Really happy to see you hanging in there still.  10 days huh???  Way to go.  You should be incredibly proud of yourself as well all are of you.

Keep keeping!!!!!  You can do this!!!

bob
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1198664_tn?1368651412
Man CT I am glad you are doing very well!  Myself on day 9 not as good. I seem to have developed a fever from the wd. At least I believe that's what it's from. It's lower grade but still kicking my arse. Makes it hard to feel good and have energy. And eating for me it such a task anymore. I mean I am STARVING probably because nothing stays in for long. But when I do eat I am just drained from it. I have to lay down immediately. Hopefully I few more days and I can be where you are. I HAVE to get out and find a job next week :(
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Avatar_f_tn
Just a little heads up immodium has a synthetic opiate in it that could be prolonging your ****** feeling thats what happened to me i was pissed to find that out soo watch what your taking and hang in there!!
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406584_tn?1399591666
but it does not enter the blood stream so therefore not having this effect.. In the old days when they sold the liquid it had this effect but no longer.. lesa
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Avatar_m_tn
I carry what you wrote to me on Dec. 11th. I have read it many times. Thanks for your encouragement. I am at a time in my life where I need to do this. I will continue to work this. I am really enjoying being clean. I keep the evil thoughts out and try to focus on the positive. Day 10 was good. Thanks again. ct
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Avatar_m_tn
hey buddy, how are you? I have been thinking a lot about you. I hope things are going better and you are starting to feel comfort. When I started withdrawals 10 days ago, I thought I would never get through it. I did...go figure. Now to keep it simple and just work this 1 moment at a time. Thanks bud ct.
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Avatar_m_tn
Damn, I wish I could reach out and help you. I do know that with each day you stay clean, you will feel better. Your symptoms remind me of when I detoxed from Morphine in 2000. I remember day 9 being horrible. It took me awhile to get right. You have to stay with this. You are going on day 10. It will start to pass faster and faster. I know you are hurting, and life is testing you. This is the time when you will find out what you are capable of doing. Read that post I left you on your page, be strong and stay clean. I can't emphasize enough how much better your life will be. ct
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Avatar_m_tn
Day 11...didn't sleep that well last night, couldn't turn off my head. Thought of everything from A-Z and back again. I sleep with a miniature Schnauzer, she snored all night long.

Looking forward to another day clean. Another day sober.
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1198664_tn?1368651412
Slept a little last better last night. Still nit great but better. Went to my first meeting ever last night. I thought it was helpful. Im just going to make myself continue to go to them. Anyway my low grade fever has been up and down but maybe getting better. Last night it dropped to 98.1 and I felt like a popcycle. I don't know. Still going though!!!
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Avatar_m_tn
Really glad you are going to meetings. It's a great way to get the support you need. As you know, this will end. It is taking longer this time for you. One more reason to stay clean. Never have to go through this again. You should start to feel better real soon. Your doing great man! We both are. ct
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Avatar_m_tn
Good morning day 12. All is well. My body is good, my head is in a good place, the pieces of the puzzle are fitting well.

Anyone, thinking of going clean, or just starting the wd's. It goes fast. At first you think you will never get through it, you will. Once your body rids itself of the drug, you will feel like a new person.

I am so thankful for making the choice to get my life back. I sincerely believe I will never go back. ct
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Avatar_m_tn
Way to go Ontario!!!

So so happy to see you hanging in there.  You really DO need to believe there is no going back.  You can't stay clean without being 100% committed.  

Kudos for sharing your story and encouraging others who may be sitting on the fence right now reading and who may decide to begin their journey on the heels of YOUR success.

Keep sharing, some of us need to keep hearing it :)

bob
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Avatar_m_tn
2 weeks today. I feel great.

We all have issues we are dealing with in life. I have mine you have yours. I guess what being clean means to me is... One less issue to deal with.

Wouldn't it be nice if all you had to do to drop an issue was to stop, be sick for a week or so, and it's gone.

That is how I am looking at this, keep it simple. Just stop. Amazing how much better life is.

God grant me the serenity...

Just Stop. ct
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Avatar_m_tn
A quick story...

10356, you wrote to me on Dec.11. I was on day 3. It meant a lot then, however this morning I get it.

I just got off the phone with my oldest daughter, she is 32. We were chatting about this and that. We have always talked. During our morning conversation, my daughter say's to me "Dad, you seem rejuvenated" she said, I don't know what it is, but you seem different.

She used the word rejuvenated...I guess that is what you mean by "seeing in color"

Wow I am rejuvenated cool...

Rejuvinated: To return to original
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1198664_tn?1368651412
Great to see you are doing so well man! I am better little by little every day. I am not rejuuvinated yet exactly but maybe recesitated :)

Let's keep rolling man you are still one day ahead of me!
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406584_tn?1399591666
That is so great ct that you heard her... while we are deep in our addiction that conversation would not have had a impact It would of just been shuffled off to the recess of our minds.. I have been reading your post and I'm glad you stuck around You have a amazing good attitude and this will take you far !! Life clean has it own set of difficulties but for myself I would rather feel them then to feel nothing at all but my own misery and guilt.. Proud and Happy for you !! Your family must be feeling a great deal of relief for you sound like a wonderful man and I'm sure they were missing their poppa for a time.. Congrats on 2 weeks !! Whoo Hooo !! lesa
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Avatar_m_tn
Thanks I appreciate all the kind words and incredible support. ct
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1134902_tn?1296069744
I have a friend hooked on oxys, I've seen them take her down, lose custody of her child and lose the trust of her family... She's only 29.  She buys them off the street and spends $380 a day.  She sleeps with the old man that sells them to her when she has no money.  When she tries to quit the pills, she starts drinking heavy... Congrats on the motivation to straighten out... Don't be afraid to take advantage of any help offered.  People will not think of you as a weak addict but rather a strong committed person!!! All the best!!!
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Avatar_m_tn
Really sorry to hear about your friend.  What she has to do to afford a 380.00/day habit is going to kill her, if the oxy's don't first.

Life doesn't have to be that hard. All you have to do is stop. Yeah, it su cks for the first week, but man what a feeling once you turn the corner. I guess she hasn't had enough yet.

I am on day 18. I wanted to have 20 days in by Christmas. I went bowling with my family last night...bowling?? I had a blast. Laughed naturally.

Life doesn't have to be that hard.
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Avatar_m_tn
I could not have given myself or family a better Christmas present, Merry Christmas ct. 19 days clean. What a rush, just saying that, 19 days clean, I get chills...good chills.

I have been reading posts, some good some not so good...Anyone on the fence, wanting to jump off and get your life back. I can not tell you how good you will feel. I have not felt like this in a long time. I feel light, happy, myself again.

You have to want to be clean.

No more counting pills, no more denial, no more laxatives, The $$ I will save, All the BS...gone, because I had enough and stopped. 19 day, looking back it went pretty fast, I remember the first 4-5 very well...

I am taking my life back on my terms...you can do it too.

I say this not just for you, but it helps me to hear it as well.

Tomorrow I open my Christmas gift to me...20 days.

Merry Christmas everyone.

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Avatar_n_tn
This is great. I always wondered how you feel once off.  
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406584_tn?1399591666
I agree what a Wonderful gift to Yourself and Family Have a Very Merry Christmas 20 days and going strong !! warm hugs lesa
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Avatar_m_tn
Thanks Lesa.

I had a wonderful Christmas. Received great news, my wife is American, I am Canadian. We have been apart for 14 months. She was cleared to come back to Canada!

I was told several times that I look good. One person told me I look 10 years younger, that would put me at 43! I said I feel 10 years younger and laughed.

During Christmas dinner an infant started to choke on food. I jumped up grabbed the child, turned her over slapped her back and she coughed the piece of food out.
I like to think I would have done that anyway, but in reality, I reacted much faster than I would have under the fog. It was all over in seconds and we went on with our meal.

My family looked so proud, I did all I could not to burst the buttons off my shirt, not for the reaction...but the way my family looked at me. Dad,Poppa& husband is back.

I did see the guy who I bought pills from. He looked like he crap. he congratulated me on my will power. I just said "thanks" and walked on...

ct
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Avatar_m_tn

The feeling is fantastic.
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Avatar_m_tn
Day 24...

I don't get it. Why do I feel like I am always being tested. Everyone is gone for New Years, flew out yesterday to be with their Mother in California.  Sitting here listening to Dave Matthews & Neil Young...Alone and forsaken.

There has been an envelope on my desk for months. It has a web page written on it. I picked it up to throw away, felt something in it. What do I find...yup, 1 pill. 40mg oxy.

I am sitting here looking at it.

Why am I always being tested? The right thing to do of course is to get up and throw it down the toilet. Then my brain says, you could keep it, you never know when you may need it for pain...yeah right.

I decided to come to mh and write about this. I am still looking at it. Can you believe this bs...I will be alone for New Years, feeling kind of down...I can't go to the States because of immigration paperwork, another story.

This *****. I haven't really thought about using in 24 days. Trying to stay positive...then when my guard is down I find this.

Still looking at it.

ok, lets think this through...I won't dare pick it up, never know what my hands might do...can't trust my hands right now. Actually my palms are sweating. And I feel a little shaky. I wonder if it's the shock of finding it, never in a million years did I expect this...or is it because I am scared of what I am thinking.

I have to think this through...

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Avatar_f_tn
go flush it right now and then it's over, no more thinking about it.  That one pill won't make you feel better and will just bring regret.  I am sorry that you have to be alone on New Year's but look at what you have accomplished.  You are going into 2011 pill free and I have a feeling that this upcoming year will be your best one yet.  Stay positive and be thankful.  love and hugs! lyn
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Avatar_f_tn
PS>  You know what might help, go read posts of the people that are going through what you just went through right now.  You don't ever want to go back and have to do that again.  hang in there!  Remember, it takes time for your brain to heal and your emotions to get under control again.
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Avatar_m_tn
I just flushed it. It's gone...problem solved.

Wow, that was scary. Ok, then...thanks for the reminder, and so quick too. You are so right...I just needed to think it through.

Not looking at it anymore.

Finding that pill wasn't very fair. I shake my head sometimes and wonder..how did that happen. Then I start thinking, ok...there may be more surprises hidden about. Be ready to handle it. I passed my first test.

Bugger eh...
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271792_tn?1334983257
How about this for a reason to stay clean, you wrote this 4 days ago:

"I had a wonderful Christmas. Received great news, my wife is American, I am Canadian. We have been apart for 14 months. She was cleared to come back to Canada!

I was told several times that I look good. One person told me I look 10 years younger, that would put me at 43! I said I feel 10 years younger and laughed.

During Christmas dinner an infant started to choke on food. I jumped up grabbed the child, turned her over slapped her back and she coughed the piece of food out.
I like to think I would have done that anyway, but in reality, I reacted much faster than I would have under the fog. It was all over in seconds and we went on with our meal.

My family looked so proud, I did all I could not to burst the buttons off my shirt, not for the reaction...but the way my family looked at me. Dad,Poppa& husband is back."
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Avatar_m_tn
Yeah, exactly. I was weak there for a moment. Sure glad I came here as fast as I did.

I had a moment, caught me by surprise. I handled it. I feel ok. Of course part of me romanced the high...I am good again. Flushed it down.

Just when you think you have it together...you get knocked down a notch.

I am ok, thanks for having my back.
ct.
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Avatar_m_tn
crazy thoughts..so many crazy thoughts went through my head in minutes. Like, clean for 24 days, a 40 would kick my ***. Or cut it in 2, 20 would do fine...I can handle it, I just quit, I can stop after a 40...

We can be our own worst enemy. I just read my post on day 3...a little reminder of how far I have come.

I need a meeting.
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Avatar_m_tn
HI just wanted to say congrats on 24 days clean and passing a very hard test I cant even be around the bottle let alone handle the pills and I got 438 days clean you did great
my wife has a torn rotor cuff the doctor has been giving her percs 60 at a time
just the though of them being in the house drives me nuts she keeps them in a safe place well out of my reach but a trigger is a trigger you will learn what sets you off as you move along with this and yes get to a meeting and air this out.......Gnarly
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Avatar_m_tn
Day 25...
Good morning, Thanks people for your support yesterday. Thinking back, it doesn't seem like a big deal today. Flush it and move on. I am in a much better mood this morning. I think if I found it today, probably wouldn't have been an issue?

Your right F_H_L, I would feel regret, I feel guilty just thinking of what I was thinking...however short it was.

Anyway, new day new me...New Year. New chapter...
ct
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I am getting my clean days all mixed up...am I on day 30 or 31...it doesn't matter I guess, the important thing is I am clean. ct
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Hey, Congrats on this your first month !!!! :) well done !
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I think it adds up to day 29 :)  Thats cool!
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Avatar_m_tn
Thanks, my last pill was Tuesday, Dec 7th @ 7:PM. I remember that like yesterday. My thought was save the pill for the morning, or be done with this life right now...I had to attend my grandson's school Christmas concert Wed. morning at 9AM. I remember sitting there looking at all the parents and grandparents thinking, no one has a clue, here I am getting ready to go through detox, full blown cold turkey...here we go, the calm before the storm...time to break the chains...I was already starting to feel extremely tired, my nose was starting to run. I told my family I thought I was coming down with the flu...

So it's 30 days today!! I can't tell you how glad I am that I don't have to hide my life, today, what you see, is who I am.

Yeah, that is cool. Thanks again. This site made all the difference, good people that really care. I just googled oxy withdrawal on my 3rd day, and clicked on it, next thing you know I posted...the rest is history...I feel pretty good, and proud of myself.

I never want to go back to that life, ever...the monkey is off my back.

I wish everyone going through the early stages of withdrawal the strength and determination to hang in, the reward is worth it.

ct

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66 days and the monkey is still off my back. Sure I think obout using, I romance it for awhile, then I get a reality check. I come back here and read my journey. Pill free for 66 days...pretty awesome. ct
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137 days, I am at a point where I can't remember what it was I craved. All is good.
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Thats great, I'm not far behind you..:)
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137 days that is wonderful ct !! Look how far you have come !! :)) Congrats ! It is always good to see you checking in :) warm hugs lesa
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iam hitting the wall on day 3.5 at 5 ok in the morning. your story and the people who really want you to win .i am sure they want me to win too.first 3 days were kind of easy  then it just hit like a sledgehammer . after feeling back to myself.iam taking minute by minute hour by hour day by day.no sleep today i must get up soon and try to live my life opiate free.how the heck can i stay up days on end with no bad effects
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5 days and feeling much better.no desire to take another one of those poision pills the doctors call cash flow.my pain i was beening treated for still hurts i realize it will always hurt.keep the pills rite by my bed i aint afraid of them i dont want them
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Hi Butch I had just seen this and wanted to Welcome you to the forum also to let you know that yes the same peps that supported CT. are here to support you :) Congrats on day 5 ! That is Wonderful !! You are just about over the worst of the physical.. I'm just going to be upfront with you, the pills sitting next to your bed will call and sit on your mind, although you may think you are showing how strong you are to yourself, Our addiction is always stronger.. I sure hope you flush those pills so you do not have to go thru this again. The pain you feel could be rebound pain It seems the pain we have intensify's for awhile while our brain is trying to get us to take more opiates as it likes them !! So this will ease the longer you are clean.. Anyway I look forward to reading of your progress and sure hope you flush those pills !! Congrats on taking your life back ! lesa
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thank you so much for caring didnt matter if anybody was listening as long as i could write it down to remember if there was a next time.i have had about three next times .they were all caused by surgery.  5 days ok but 2 years come on i didnt need it that long.i also have fibro oxy dont get rid of that pain.i have replaced it with yoga.not the manly thing to do but it really helps you can mix it with arobics or what ever .you need to move.yea i am a big shot with leaving the pills there.but i always have been that means i am getting back to normal.i understand your concern.thanks for the love coming from your heart trying to help a stranger.
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Your very Welcome Butch.. Getting back to normal this is what we want.. I sure hope you do not need anymore surgery's and that this will be the last time.. I agree about the yoga I have arthritis and as long as I keep moving I do better.. Hope you get some rest tonight and that tomorrow is even better..
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sleeping seems to be the big problem havent don much in the last week.but today i drove my car for the first time in months.didnt feel like i should put someone else at risk because of my problems.thanks again for caring an know that you are helping someone very much
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Sleep is the last to return for most of us.. can you believe some sleep thru detox ? This has always amazed me.. you could try some valerian root with melatonin this is Natural and can be bought at any drug store our walmart. a warm bath with a heating pad will help some.. it took me 8 days to sleep when I went thru my wd with lil 15 min cat naps but when I did sleep I slept for hours :) It took a few months to regulate. we appreciate sleep like no other ! I love to take long drives so I was pleased you are driving again It helps so much to get out of the house it helps us to get out of our own heads ! The time you were on them was long so it will take a lil longer then your 2 previous times but you will get back to feeling well..as said you are very welcome Butch. Active addiction robs us of caring I think one of my most treasured emotions I got back was the ability to care..
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thanks again i havent sleep more then 20 minutes any day so far.one time when i got off i was up 5 days straight .i got off to get  surgery and it was great with post op the stuff they gave me worked but i was then back on oxy.a year later i needed more surgery didnt get off and every thing they gave me did nothing.the only thing i had was my yoga breathing.my doc decided to give me fentalyn patch.said you cant abuse it and you will keeep your pain relieve constant.i put that patch on and withing 6 hours i felt like i  couldnt breath and ripped it off .if i would have fallen a sleep  i would have been dead.i knew i couldnt trust the doctors anymore so i did it myself.two days down to 20 mg from 30 a day then cold turkey.i
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its seven o clock after not sleeping i am going to work with my son how do we keep function without sleep?was in extreme pain last nite i knew one pill would let me sleep.i kept thinking how do i live with this pain .wasnt even thinking about taken a pill i truly know the pills will never be my ans . i rather die of lack of sleep.   then take a pill.people out there when your doc gives you pills to long it is just because its easy for them and they dont want to treat your problem.these  pills are for short term or they are making you comfortable as you die.
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it is now 11 oclock.didnt help my son with some work.got a little sleep between 7 and 11the only thing i liked about those pills when i got up 45 minutes latter  i felt ready to go,now getting moving after sleep is very hard and could take hours . as time goes on maybe it will get better .DONT TAKE THESE PILLS FOR MORE THEN SEVEN DAYS.with my health  issues i realize i will have pain .PAIN PILLS DONT GET RID OF PAIN. sorry for the preaching just want to help one person .just like a couple of people have helped me.opiates are for surgery recovery and dying.if you are doing one of those things take them pills if not go smoke some pot maybe that will work for you if not at least its easy to stop.
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You will sleep Butch I sure hope and pray that it is tonight... I do not know how we function but I do know that you will eventually sleep.. The pain will ease up a lil the longer you go You really are doing very well.. Thank goodness you were aware enough to know the patch was too strong !! damn, so glad you took it off and got clean. You sound strong and determined and a lil angry. this is good this will get you past this part of the detox..I will look forward to your update..
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thank you 10356.i guess i am angry not at life not at my pain just at these crooked docs who are making a fortune and causing pain when they say they are curing it.and to the govt that allows tons of poison to be put into our society and yet put people in jail for smoking a joint that helps many people cope with there problem.today was a bad day maybe the rain maybe the rest of withdrawal but not getting out of bed all day is not what i do.i am not depressed .i am angry and glad i got this far .thanks for your help when you are down and out not many people want to help but when things are good everybody wants a piece of you.
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You were on the oxy awhile that is some hard hitting drugs.. it is going to take a lil while to feel better That anger will fuel you to get over this part of the detox. No I have heard form many that have been given medication with no warning from the Dr. how difficult it is to get off, It is in the paper work that it is addictive but I think it is a conversation the Dr. should be having with us and if they know how to get us on it they should know how to get us off it ! But they usually do not so here we are. This is day 7 going on 8 so you will be noticing a easing of the symptoms soon, then your appetite will come back ! energy will take a lil longer but it does return. sometimes we have to force ourselves to move but it is worth it. I forced myself to walk everyday I think that helped more then anything.. Anyway I sure hope you are sleeping and will look forward to reading how you are doing..
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5:45 in the morning no sleep but not really feeling discomfort.what really makes me mad when  i went from three percocet to  4 when i was in breakaway  pain  because of a needed knee operation i went to my doc  who was giving me the pills without a visit just a phone call.i went to see him and told him i was short pills that month because of extra pain.he freaked out and said i dont give four to anybody you have to go to pain doc in our practice.first thing he did was take a drug test for 600 dollars.not to see if i was taken any other drugs drugs to make sure i was taken the percs.he didnt trust me .i said if you dont trust me go to hell i dont trust you.then i called for all my medical records.i noticed for the last 6 years on my annnual physical he said the he did a didital exam for prostate he said the size and condition of my prostate only problem he didnt do it.i know this guy for 15 years and he risked my life to save time but he got paid for something he didnt do.today should be better sleep or no sleep
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i cant wait to have a  desire for  food .since sept i went from 190 to 165.told that to doc .the genuis wants to run a complete cancer screening.never even considered the percs.this must be put in perspective.10 years ago while doing an mri for a urinary tract infection they found something in my psoas muscle the thigh muscle.they told me it was a sarcoma and i had to have it out now or i would die .one inch slice no big deal best cancer hospital in manhatten .6 in slice later pulled out my sciatic nerve pain there for the rest of my lifeand guess what it was a cycst it would have dissapated in my leg by itself.they told me i was lucky.it didnt feel that way still dont.thats not malpractice the law ***** too.between the lawyers and doctors .if i never met one i would have had a  much better life..sorry for ranting please everyone be carefull of both  doc and lawyers
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Hi butch I have been following your posts. Maybe you should start your own thread on the main page, post a question.
Yes you should move around as much as possible, stretching ,swimming.
It is important to eat, try to eat small amounts of light foods every couple hours, soups, yogurts, drink ensure or boost, crackers, you need your strength.
Many times the pain gets worse on the opiates. It is called hyperalgesia, opiate induced pain. Have you tried alternative pain management?
Acupuncture, chiropractor, massage, physical therapy, massage, hydrotherapy.
You can try these things to help relax you for sleep also,Alteril, sleep by nature made,  valerian root, sleepy time tea.
Keep moving forward. You are doing great.
Debbie
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strange thing about hot tubs i use to go in  mine just about every day when i started the oxyi i counld not go in any more made me feel faint.i started going back in again nothing better then going in a hot tub.getting close to beating this thing.the good part for me i never liked the feeling of these pills i took because i thought they were medicine.some people like them it must be much harder on them.i was more like depend i do not know   the difference they are both bad.i ended up here for some reason and you and 10356 have been very caring and i really appreciate
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Good afternoon Butch. Hopefully tonight you will sleep. You have every right to be angry with your Dr. Loosing trust is never easy and to be left with needless pain and lied about... Yes you have every right to be angry.. I do hope you find another Dr. and that you are able to form a relationship as you know with everything going on you may need one in the future.. What Atthebeach is suggesting is starting your own question to the community by going to the top of the page hitting the post the question button and telling of your journey there. That way more peps reading the forum would see it as you are posting on a old thread.. more visibility more support :) others also follow and your story will help them just as CT helped you. We have many kind members :)) Yes your appetite will be returning very soon and for many it is with a vengeance !! The hot tub must make you feel much better for a lil. It really sounds like they were over medicating you Butch.. I'm so Glad you ripped that patch off and found us !! Debbie gave you some great advice on nutrition till you feel like eating a good amount. You may not have been lucky that time but you were this time You woke up to what the opiates were doing to you.. I'm really glad you are not a addict as that comes with it's own after the detox, You are not the first pain patient to find us I wish more would as we are good at helping to get off the stuff. Looking forward to your update Butch. lesa
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i am detoxing for the 5th time I've been on them for 4 years and now and then have quit cold turkey once for a month once for 25 days once for two weeks and once 9 days and i can tell you the dtox gets easy even enjoyable knowing you will have energy and control again but let me tell you once the self gratification of going through it wears off the boredom will get to you and the routine don't ever underestimate the mental addiction it is more powerful than you think this time I'm gonna keep reminding myself that like any drug once you get used to it it looses its kick and starts to destroy you you really have to think long term and give your self long term goals and keep busy to battle the boredom this is the hardest part good luck everyone i wish you the best
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Hi and welcome ! You are posting from a very old thread ! Copy and paste this to a new question and you will get better results as far as answers . Jimmy
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