Hi everyone. I come on here and read everyone's posts all the time, figured it was time to join. I'm 34 and have been on and off painkillers for the last 5 years. It started when I had knee surgery, I would get 35 7.5 Vic's at a time and they would last me a few weeks. Cut to a few years ago, I'm in and out of the er constantly for "back pain" (I broke my back when I was 18, no I never got into the pills then), really just trying to get more pills. About a year ago I found a pain doc, he prescribes me 150 10mg norcos or percs a month. At first they would last a few weeks, I was taking about 8/day. Well now I'm lucky if they last me 1 week, I'm taking 20-25/day. I have forged rxs (added pain pills to another rx), bought illegally, complained of "cough" to my doc to get codeine syrup when I run out of pills. I took my last norco 3 days ago, I really want to quit but I admit its going to be hard when all I can think about is going to my doc for more pills. I have to wait at least 2 weeks until I see him again, hopefully I will be able to be strong. Right now I feel so out of it, these few days have been total hell. I'm so depressed, sad, hopeless, anxious, have no appetite and my whole body aches, I feel like the biggest loser in the world. All I think about are these pills. Right now I've just been smoking lots of pot the last 3 days, taking ambien to help me sleep, taking lots of ibuprofen, energy drinks, water, bananas. I have an rx for soma that I might pick up tonight, but really nothing besides an opiate is going to get rid of this doomed feeling. Thankful to have my loyal dog at my side right now, he forces me to get outside for walks. If anyone out there can offer any support or tips to get through this I would appreciate it. I'm supposed to go back to work tomorrow. I wish I never took that first Vicodin :(
You can quit with just willingness. I think you've come to the fork in the road which is stop or sink deeper and deeper into something that isn't working for you anymore. I know the feeling. I tried to ration my supply just to feel "normal" without running out and it got worse. I'd run out sooner every month and what I was taking didn't get me buzzed at all anymore. So I took the road to recovery and have never looked back.
If you look below on the right click on the Thomas recipe and get those items ASAP and start up on them. Also, hot baths with epsome salts are the ticket to get you through the WDs. We're here to support you. Post and let us know where you are in the detox process and how you feel. Sharing really helps. You're not alone with this.
Thank you so much. This is the first time I've admitted I have a problem ( I told my boyfriend a few days ago, he has never had any drug problems and really doesn't understand what I'm going through. He keeps saying its "no big deal", just stop taking them), I can't tell you how much it means to have support from someone who understands what I'm going through! I started crying reading your response, hey I guess some emotions are coming back, that's gotta be good. Does the Thomas recipe really work? Is is expensive? My boyfriend and I are currently living in an expensive motel (we live in one of the most cutthroat rental areas in the country)and are completely broke, but if the Thomas recipe really helps I will find a way to afford it. Thanks again, I can't stress how much your simple
Response has helped me!!!!!
Hi, glad you decided to join in. I can relate to everything you are saying. I had to C/T so many times because I could never make the pills last until the next refill. With each refill of Norco I found myself going through them faster and faster, counting pills every day and the dreaded feeling of knowing withdrawal is coming because you know you can't make 10 pills last for anther 2 and half weeks. It just never seemed to be enough. I'd been on that roller coaster for the last four years and was finally confronted by my husband, family and friends because my husband outed me to everyone. It finally put me at a place where I want to quit and am now on day 19. If you really want it....It can be done. You can do this but first you have to want it!!!
How are you feeling on day 19? I'm so worried about the next few months, I started abusing painkillers to deal with my depression and IBS, now I'm just waiting for all those painful feelings to come back. I'm going to have to find new ways to cope, that's gonna be hard.
I started because I have Rheumatoid Arthritis so I got the scrips for the pain but I wasn't taking it for pain anymore I was taking it for the high for a long time. I too was scared of the pain coming back but I have found I have had little to no pain at all. I almost think the pain pills make the pain worse. It's an excuse for our addiction to take over and tell us we need the pills.
I feel pretty good, Im still struggling with fatigue a lot and my emotions are still out of wack but i sleep better at night then I did the first 10 days so sleep does improve with time. All of it really does we just have to be patient. It took many years to get to this point so it's gonna take time to get back that's what I keep telling myself. I'm now going to start attending NA meetings because I think that's that next step for me to stay on my road of recovery.
the cheapest version of the thomas recipe is drink lots of water, epsom salt baths, imodium, fruit (mostly bananas), ice cubes and towels for sweats and chills, then ask for reccomendations as anoying symptoms come up, you may not need everything,
Pot may actually be increasing your anxiety, use a natural supliment like valerian root or melitonin but check for reactions to other meds you may encounter.
I've been doing all of that...lots of baths/showers, water, bananas. Considering the supplements too, as long as they're not TOO expensive. To be honest I just wish I could take a norco or 2 right now :(
No I didn't. I did do a lot of hot baths and that really helped with the RLS. I went back to work on my 3rd day of detox which was extremely hard but also it kinda takes your mind off of things a bit so it may actually help you.
I don't think the Thomas recipe should cost you more than $20 . You don't need large quantities of anything because you should be through with all of the heavy stuff in less than 10 days. Magnesium will help with RLS, and behold the power of hot baths!! You'll be amazed how well they work. Too bad the motel doesn't have a hot tub. That would work great also. You can do this!!
You can do this! It may feel like you can't, but you will make it through. Now the question is what will you do once the withdrawls are over. WIll you go right back to your dr. and get more pills? This absolutely is a fork in the road for you. If you are serious about quitting, then you are going to have to tell your secret. Tell your dr so that he/she won't write you any more pills. As strong as we are, there will always be a weak moment where we will cave in if the pills are available. This site is a great place for support, and encouragement. Please stay with us. We are here for you! Congrats on 3 days! I know how rough the wds are. Just remember that you can do this! Take it one day, one hour, or even one minute at a time if you need to. I wish you nothing but the best of luck in your journey to recovery.
You are an addict and you need to come to grips with that fact. If the only reason you're on this forum looking for help and/or support is because you won't see your doc for another two weeks, then this is all a waste of time - you are just waiting until you get your next script. And using other drugs "smoking lots of pot... taking ambien... have an rx for soma that I might pick up" to help is foolish. You aren't allowing your body to flush the crap out when you keep putting more in.
I'm going to be very blunt with you because after reading your initial post I think that you are in trouble and are heading down a long road of relapse after relapse after relapse. You will continue to harm your body and mind, and as you get older (if you get older) the detox process will get harder.
Stop BSing yourself. Are you really going to stop? If so then there are things that you need to do - hard work that has to be done to insure your recovery. If you're just waiting for the next script then you need to admit that to yourself and consider your future. No one on this site can help you if you have no intention to quit.
Harsh but true. Right now I just feel so lost and hopeless, I want to quit...but I don't want to quit...what do I do? How do I get out of this cycle? I was feeling better earlier, now I feel like I just want to crawl in a hole and die. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this so much....
All of us get to different points where we just can't do it anymore. On July 3rd I'll be clean for a year and a half - 18 months. Never, ever had that kind of clean time. The reason I got clean? I could no longer look at myself in the mirror (no drama, just the truth). The shame and regret would wash over me the minute I woke up in the morning and would never leave. The more meds I took the worse it got; the "high" lasted for maybe an hour or so, then the crap.
The way I did it was very simple...First, I cut all my sources. Told my doc, pharmacy, dentist, etc., that I'm an addict and should be red flagged as such. Then I told my secret; again, my doc, friends who used to give me meds (or if not I'd steal from them), and finally my wife, kids, family. THAT was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. They are now a important part of my support system. Which leads to the final piece - after care. I went to lots of NA meetings; got a sponsor. My wife is great to talk to but she is not an addict (doesn't understand the concept), and I need to talk to other addicts.
That's it. The 3 S's, as someone called them (Sources, Secrets, Support).
And I'll make you this promise - there is life after meds. It is wonderful. Really. Not that I don't still think about pills; my addict's brain never rests. But the longer I'm clean, the easier I can manage my mental cravings. I've accepted that this will be a life long struggle, and somehow after I accepted that, I felt sort of free.
I have been clean for a little over 2 months. I just did it. Went cold turkey and never looked back. I actually went trough detox in a semi truck! My bf is a truck driver and I am out on the road with him. I was on the meds for legitimate pain. A lot of people on here started out that way. I just got so tired of depending on these pills to do everything. As Kyle said, the 3 S's are essential. You just really have to be sick and tired of being on the merry-go-round of opiates. Once you commit to quitting, you have to set up a plan for the steps you need to take to do that. Also now is a great time to start thinking about aftercare. AA/NA, counseling, etc. You can do this. I know that you can. You are going to have to cut off your sources though. That will be the thing that sends you right back to using if you don't do it. If you are seriously ready for this, and want it, talk to your dr. Stay on this site. It can be a great tool in your recovery. We want to see you succeed. Just remember, you can do this!
I'm so afraid to tell my family...Mom, dad, stepdad, brother. They love me and will support me but the thought of telling them right now breaks my heart. I went through a few months of cocaine addiction about 7 years ago (god, quitting that was nothing compared to this...), I told my family and quit cold turkey, it was pretty easy actually. The thought of telling them I ****** up...AGAIN...is horrible. Especially since they all think I've been doing so well these past years. Yep, I've become an AWESOME liar. I've even convinced myself of my own lies, like the pills are making me a better person, I'm happier and have more energy, I'm more social, I can control how many I take (yeah right), I'm not like other people, I won't become addicted. I believed all that crap. *sigh* in reality, I used to be an active, artistic, smart, outgoing, athletic person with close friends and interests and a life. Over the last few years I've pretty much stopped contact with all my friends, stopped skateboarding and drawing, lost my ability to think critically, basically I'm numb. I feel like an idiot at work, it's so hard for me to concentrate on anything. Rambling here, but as you all probably know it helps to write this **** down. Crying.....
What you describe is very common addict behavior. Addicts will lie, cheat, and steal to get their drug of choice. I know how hard it is to tell loved ones that you are an addict. It is crucial though to tell at least one trusted person. We have to be accountable. Obviously none of us are very good at being accountable to ourselves, or we wouldn't be in this situation. Your family may be a little hurt at first, but they will support you. They will be so proud of you once they see that you are serious about your recovery. Please consider telling at least one person. We need all of the support that we can get!
Does your family think you're perfect? Probably not. So, since they know and have accepted your past, they will certainly understand your current struggles. You have to involve them. No matter how much it hurts. I used for 15 years - my kids are 24, 20 and 18. You do the math...How much of their childhood did I miss? I'll never get those years back; talk about heartbreak.
And on top of that - imagine having your father - the provider, the strong one, the one with all the answers, the one you look up to as a child - imagine hearing that he's an addict and has been lying to everyone for 15 years. But they forgave and still love AND respect me.
You have to tell. Your emotions are in overdrive right now. That's why this all seems so difficult. But you have to tell. If you don't you will continue to use behind your secret.
You're making such progress....just since you started posting above. Hearing the truth of addiction from other addicts is the only way to hear it.
We ALL became awesome liars. We can't be honest with others until we are able to be honest with ourselves. You are, right now, in the process of surrendering.
You have 2 weeks before you can get more pills. Why not do it now? So you don't have to do this again and again and again. You are still young.
Your family will LOVE you more...and be there for you. You will LOVE yourself MORE because you will be FREE.
Hang on to this: you will ONCE AGAIN be active, artistic, smart, outgoing,
athletic and have close friends again. The isolation from others and ALL we used to be and do in our lives is what addicts DO. But you CAN recover....and you CAN be all you can dream again.
I pray you will make this you "final time". Remember, we really don't need a backup plan.....if we are truly done. The power of choice is awesome....and gift really. Hope you will choose FREEDOM and a clean life~
Blessings to you,
My gut feeling about telling your mom, dad, stepdad and brother? if you came clean to them you would have their love and support. But you would also create a sense of accountability to them. You and I know, if you kept going back out it all would wear thin with them, right?
You need to really, in your heart, have the desire to put this all behind you and learn to live your life without drugs and really enjoy living that way. It's entirely within your grasp. But the willingness and desire must come from you. Nobody can scare you into it or shame you into it. You got to be ready from within, yourself, to give it up for a new way of living, and it's yours to have. Like I mentioned above, this is a cross road you're at and you found yourself reaching out for help. To me, that's a spark of willingness that I think you can fan into the desire to give up the old life.
Day 4...heading to work. Feeling ok (well, "ok" is relative...) at the moment, my stomach hurts and I have that weird floaty head feeling. Thinking about getting the Thomas method vitamins today, any thoughts?
Day 4...and at work....good for you! Almost any protein drink will be good if you have now appetitie. Most convenience stores have ice cold muscle milk...vanilla or chocolate or strawberry.....it's a tad expensive....there are a lot of protein powders that you can mix that are cheaper...but for a quickie pick up....just find a protein drink that ice cold....use a straw..or over ice with a straw. It goes down easier.
If you have time, in addition to the Thomas Recipe, in our health pages, bottom of this page....there are some articles that will help you to read.
The amino acid protocol is really important (imo) and also there is an article about foods that increase dopamine....I ate a lot of turkey, swiss cheese, eggs (hard boiled or fixed anyway really).....Vitamin Water..the Revive one is full of essential B vitamins, potassium, vit c, and electrolytes...you can even pop those in the freezer for a bit...and have a slushy drink....it's really hot here so they taste FABulous to me...I'm drinkin one right now as a matter of fact lol
It's really important to drink, drink, drink....water, green teas, powerade, but just be sure to hydrate. It majorly helps!
Thank you! There is a health food/vitamin/natural pharmacy (yes...my pharmacy...isnt it weird knowing there are hundreds of pills just sitting there?! Ugh. I try not to think about it) store right next door to my work, I'm gonna head over there and stock up. I've been eating really bland food--last night I had oatmeal with bananas and milk for dinner. With a ton of water.
Oh AB, I know how you feel. You have to keep marching on. You need to go thru it to get over it. As you've read, this dance with these demon frickin pills is a dead end street. PLEASE know, these edgy, crappy, dark, shaky days will be over very soon and what you'll gain will start your life on the track it was mean't to be on. Good, bad and the ugly.....but all with a clear head, a clear conscious and not a slave to some pills that will never fill the void. Our tolerance grows and our deception grows. Stay strong AB. You can push thu this.
Hi! I just wanted to chime in and say the mental feeling is normal behavior. Please do not Beat yourself up or feel ashamed you got addicted to using these for this or that reason. This Disease is a well spread on throughout the World. It is considered a Disease now just like Cancer ect.I would like you to go in here or on the Web and look up the "Disease of Addiction and the Pleasure Pathway". This will give you a onsite on what go ones in the Brain.If you click on my profile you will see a bit I put in so far. I only put in the "Nature of Addiction" I am no spring chic and have used off & on for 40 years or so. The opiates led up the Methadone and 2 other meds for the last 12 years. I did c/t and no it was no walk in the park. For me it got to the point of DO or DIE. It takes a lot of work as the above posters mentioned and YOU have to really want it. I sure do wish you the Best!!
PS I am now walking in my 10th month and it is good to go so far!
Also hit some meetings you will understand more there too!
I didnt read all the responses so maybe someone else mentioned this, but high doses of immodium AD seriously take away a lot of the physical pain, not just diarrhea. I am 6'0 225lbs and I would take 25 pills a dose once a day unless it was really bad then maybe two doses a day about 12 hours apart. Walmart usually has the bottle of 200, 96, or 72 pills and you dont have to unwrap each pill like most of the brands of loperamide.
Kratom works really well too, but its technically an opiate and is addicting after awhile even though its relatively light. Since you are already on day 3 I dont know if its worth ordering, by the time it will arrive you will be feeling a lot better. Day 3 is the worst day of withdrawals for pretty much everyone. You get dramatically better everyday after day 3.
Hey everyone. First off thanks for the support and tips and stories, you're all so helpful and NICE, it's great. Second, I had another horrible feeling day, my stomach has been hurting so bad and I have this weird feeling/taste? (It's really hard to explain!) from my tummy up through to my mouth. Plus just feeling so blah. But I just took my dog for a walk after work and found myself running around playing and laughing with him and felt really happy! It's day 5, I know I've got a lot of rough moments to come but it's nice to know there are good moments too!
Get loperamide HCI immediately it's in Almost all antidiarrheal Over-the-counter medication. Take 20 the first day and if that does not help take 10 more it will completely stop any withdrawals whatsoever. Believe me it worked miracles for me I take about 40 the first three days and about 20 the next three days I have been totally off at any hydrocodone for over 10 days feel fantastic and had no withdrawals at all. I don't know how it works but it's a miracle!
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