Day 3 of Vics....feeling foggy but ok

Today is the 3rd day off Vicodine (6 months straight plus a lot of here and there leading up to it) after having 13.5 years clean and sober. I am done kicking myself in the ***...I am getting ready to tell my spouse regardless of his reponse (A huge fear I have been living with since I realized I had relapsed) and I feel OK...not great...pretty ****** but OK.... The Docotor wanted me to stay home and off from work..I have worked throuhg this all and taken care of my house and my 2 little kids. I even played Coed Soccer last night as I was unable to find a sub and the team needed me. (Story of my life..I give no matter what the cost on my end) but regardless It has kept me busy and my mind of the w/d's My hands are shakey (shaky) as I type...feeling a little crampy,achy, stiff and foggy. I went to a Dr. and they put me on some meds to help aliviate the problem. (Small done of Clondine, celebrex for pain and some other pill for restless leggs and jitters. They seem to have helped a lot although I do not have a cold turkey experience from pills (only herion and methadone 13.5 years back before I got clean) I know I am getting close to the end (I hope) and the pain and suffering is tolerable...Now I just have to deal with guilt and shame of telling people....besides this community and 2 friends NO ONE has known (And I Just told them this week while i was in histericks when i made the decision to quit)  The secret was more painful than the physical pain. Anyhow...I am hoping it will all get better and I knwo I need some therapy to help me.... I truley belive that half the reason I started abusing the pills is becaue I was falling into depression...not oranic but envirnmental.....need to work on things at home.

[krissi31]

Ive only been hot n heavy with the vks for a few months.  I am terrified of the WD!  I was only taking a little in the begining, but it elevated!  i would say that on average (sometimes more and sometimes less) I was taking 10-12 ex strenghth vk a day. with my  worst being maybe 17 and least 0, yes there were still days where I would take none...but they have been becoming farther and farther apart!  i really could use some advice and guidance through this difficult time.  I am so proud that you are willing to tell your spouse!  I don't think I ever could.  It is just something so stoopid that got out of hand, and I am hoping that I can take care of it alone.  I really don't want to involve anyone! I will be depending on these posts to get me through the rough spots.  From what some of the others have said the wd shouldn't be so bad.  I have three small kids and a 30 hour a week job at sbux, so the whole feeling sick , loss of energy thing is really going to be a struggle! But by taking excissive drugs, I faked my body into feeling good, so I feel that I almost deserve to feel terrible.  
Does anyone else , or yourself for that matter have any suggestions to tame the wd's?  Its funny I feel like such a big whiny baby, my problem is small and it pales in comparrison to the others, however I deeply fear my future!!  I feel like if I don't handle it as a full blown out of control addiction, then that is what it will soon become...

[cc70]

I  posted on tis forum for a while before i had the courage to quit.. and read a lot of people going through the same thing...it was my secret and a very easy one to do. I am a working mother of 2 little girsl and I kept everything going...didn't loose anything but being clean (which is huge but I mean that I didn't lose my house, job, husband etc.) ..it is only day 3 but it was OK.. I went to a Dr. and asked for help (huge part of my process to do this) and they put me on some meds to aleviate my symptoms....and it is going OK!!! I was so done that it wasn't that hard to just do it. My husbadn still does not know....but I am finding that the secrets are worse in the long run!!! I am getting the courage to do it...maybe through therapy. But I swear I totally understand not wanting ANYONE to know....that is how I was just until the other day when I quit...day 1 I called my BF and another good friend and told them....that was my first step....I am wokring on telling my husband who will be very upset.....but FOR ME...the secret was the worst part...I felt liberated afer I creid for an hour on the phone woht my Best Friend....

[gizzy32]

I knew you could do this:) For me holding my addiction a secret was costly cause it was so much easier for me to be sneaky and try to hide my use. I think telling someone close is good as long as you know it won't hurt your recovery or them. Good to hear you told your friend, i think that will help with some of the guilt and being open about it. Give it time, you will be much better in a few days, your doing great.