Aa
Day 3 on my heroin detox
Hey guys....i just wanted to post for support. Im 24 yrs old and stuck in a deathly cycle of heroin addiction. Ive been trying to quit for years now and although i have had some moments of good long sobriety, i always end up self destructing and relapsing. This last relapse, i thought I could do it just "once" (even though i have tried doing it "just once" a million times before and it has NEVER worked out) crazy thinking right...well, one time turned into a few months of heroin use and my tolerance got huge. I spent all my money and sold my soul basically for the drug. It baffles me how fast i went from having over a year of sobriety and a life i was finally building up with a promising future, to heroin junkie doing anything to get my high and avoid WD's. It just shows me how serious this disease is and how fast you can lose everything. I dont ever want to take my sobriety for granted again. I have 3 days sober now, and I am just trying to get through this detox. I don't want to be "heroin4life" and I dont want to let my addiction win. Just wanted to post and see if anyone else out there has any stories or strength or advice, especially with relapsing. Thank you!!
thanks for the update. congrats on your 40 days clean from h.
awesome job getting your doctor involved and tapering down the subs.
support, support, support.......
keep up the good work.
you are doing great.
one step and one day at a time.
awesome job getting your doctor involved and tapering down the subs.
support, support, support.......
keep up the good work.
you are doing great.
one step and one day at a time.
hi guys, i just wanted to check in, with good news thankfully. I've got 40 days clean now. Its still a battle but i work hard at staying sober every single day all day long. Ive built a support group and am trying to get as involved in AA as possible. Just trying to get this again, and do whatever i can differently, to stay sober. I was on suboxone for about 2 yrs prior to my relapse and intermittently throughout it. I have gone to my doctor and told him i need to taper off and I am about 3 wks into my taper. I told him to do a taper with me as fast as ppssible without over doing it. I've gone down 2mg's so far and am continueing to drop down until im completely off it and free. ANyways, just wanted to check in. I have had so much experience with addiction, relapse, rehabs, different drugs, withdrawals, etc. if anyone is new and has any questions feel free to msg me anytime. As for me, im just focusing and taking it day by day and doing everythng i can each day to stay sober.
thank you, you are right, i need to focus one day at a time and not overwhelm myself with the future. all i can do is stay sober today. I have been going to meetings, and i am going to start back up going every day so i have tht support because i know without it i will use. "cunning baffling and powerful" thats sooo true. i am sorry for ur son and his addction as well, i couldnt imagine being a parent to an addict that would be so hard. has he tried to get sober?
Hey there ~
I've read most of your thread here... I just wanted to post to add my support. First, I can tell you have some of learned skills under your belt :) and this is wonderful! Keep at it!!
My son is a heroine addict - 10yrs... he's 27... my heart goes out to you. Keep at this friend. Remember cunning baffling powerful... you WILL have to fight with all you have... put every skill you have learned to work EVERY day ONE day at a time. JUST ONE day at a time... WE do not look too far ahead... right?
I am a recovering addict as well... different DOC. But an addict is an addict is an addict... when it comes down to it... it's what going on between our ears that's the REAL problem... WE have a thinking problem. That's where we have the real work to do. We have to learn how to DO life sober. ONE day a time. When I was first getting clean, I couldn't look at not using "forever" I could NOT do it... I would panic. It was overwhelming... I just looked at the day in front of me... it gets easier with time. I have almost 4 years now. And the journey is good... and precious and worthwhile. YOU are worth it.
I want to encourage you when you are feeling better to get to meetings meetings meetings... you will need that support! There's no better way of support than sitting next to another addict who knows the way... watching and listening to their experience, strength and hope!! :) In the meantime, I also encourage you to read the big book ... you can get the app free on your phone ;)! I read everyday... How it Works... the steps... and the promises... keeps me grounded... love love love it...
"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path..." (how it works BB) seek with all you have! You CAN do this!!!
Keep at it! Praying for you today ~ keep choosing YOU. You are WORTH it!!
I've read most of your thread here... I just wanted to post to add my support. First, I can tell you have some of learned skills under your belt :) and this is wonderful! Keep at it!!
My son is a heroine addict - 10yrs... he's 27... my heart goes out to you. Keep at this friend. Remember cunning baffling powerful... you WILL have to fight with all you have... put every skill you have learned to work EVERY day ONE day at a time. JUST ONE day at a time... WE do not look too far ahead... right?
I am a recovering addict as well... different DOC. But an addict is an addict is an addict... when it comes down to it... it's what going on between our ears that's the REAL problem... WE have a thinking problem. That's where we have the real work to do. We have to learn how to DO life sober. ONE day a time. When I was first getting clean, I couldn't look at not using "forever" I could NOT do it... I would panic. It was overwhelming... I just looked at the day in front of me... it gets easier with time. I have almost 4 years now. And the journey is good... and precious and worthwhile. YOU are worth it.
I want to encourage you when you are feeling better to get to meetings meetings meetings... you will need that support! There's no better way of support than sitting next to another addict who knows the way... watching and listening to their experience, strength and hope!! :) In the meantime, I also encourage you to read the big book ... you can get the app free on your phone ;)! I read everyday... How it Works... the steps... and the promises... keeps me grounded... love love love it...
"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path..." (how it works BB) seek with all you have! You CAN do this!!!
Keep at it! Praying for you today ~ keep choosing YOU. You are WORTH it!!
No can't start over now the worse is behind you there is light at the end of the tunnel now!
Yes I definitely relate to you and the fear of relapse and if the possibility even exists of being able to stay clean long term. I keep dwelling on how well i was when i was sober and how the f i let myself get here but i am realizing thats what my addiction wants me to do, because thinking about that will just lead me to another relapse. I think we gotta try n just stay thinking about it day by day and not long term. What am i gonna do today to stay sober, and thats all i can think, thats all i can manage, otherwise those bad voices will get to me and tell me i can never do this and i might as well just use, and i dont wanna give in to those voices. Thats a good mindset you have, "knowing nothing and doing whatever the doc says," sometimes desperation is a gift because it gives us the will to just listen and do what we're told which doesnt always come easy to an addict lol. Im gonna try n be like that too, just do whatever it takes.
I got a few hrs of sleep last night, and it helped big time cuz i swear i was starting to see things from not sleeping for so long, even a few hrs of sleep gave me some small hope. 5 days in it now, and i dont wanna start over.
I got a few hrs of sleep last night, and it helped big time cuz i swear i was starting to see things from not sleeping for so long, even a few hrs of sleep gave me some small hope. 5 days in it now, and i dont wanna start over.
Seriously we could change screen names and would be just about the same person. Same patters, same failures with staying clean, same fears of IF we can stay clean. Watching people on here with years of clean time relapse just chills me to the bone. I can't stand the notion of havin to do this again!!! And that is what I said last time! And last time was sooooooo bad for me, if that does not scare me then really nothing will. So apparently fear of the worse WD on the planet is not enough to keep me from doing it again. It was three weeks before I could return to work and three months before I could feel really good. NAND 7 Days with zero sleep.
So yeah something has to be different or I am guarenteing I will be back here AGAIN. maybe even worse who knows. Or maybe this relapse kills me, or sends me homeless or arrested or I loose everything.
Who knows.
So starting next week I am bookin an appt with a addiction specialist and I am doing wherever the F they say. Cause apparently I know nothing about staying clean. You are doing good though. I know it ***** and it will for a few more days at least because if it's one thing I have learned for whatever medical reason is that each repulse gets longer and harder. That is a fact. But you are almost there. The mental torment gets me as well. HUGE PITA! but once those clouds part all that will lift. It will happen soon. For me it was on about day 7 before I saw some light coming off of H. And even then days 7-21 were no picknick! But I had a great clean summer last year I can tell you that. Felt great. Was on a good path. Then winter hit and there I was poopin my first little vicodin. And here I am now right with you detoxing again. That is what kills me. I was on a great path, such a good summer. Now I am depressing myself lol.
Good luck you are almost there.
So yeah something has to be different or I am guarenteing I will be back here AGAIN. maybe even worse who knows. Or maybe this relapse kills me, or sends me homeless or arrested or I loose everything.
Who knows.
So starting next week I am bookin an appt with a addiction specialist and I am doing wherever the F they say. Cause apparently I know nothing about staying clean. You are doing good though. I know it ***** and it will for a few more days at least because if it's one thing I have learned for whatever medical reason is that each repulse gets longer and harder. That is a fact. But you are almost there. The mental torment gets me as well. HUGE PITA! but once those clouds part all that will lift. It will happen soon. For me it was on about day 7 before I saw some light coming off of H. And even then days 7-21 were no picknick! But I had a great clean summer last year I can tell you that. Felt great. Was on a good path. Then winter hit and there I was poopin my first little vicodin. And here I am now right with you detoxing again. That is what kills me. I was on a great path, such a good summer. Now I am depressing myself lol.
Good luck you are almost there.
and also damn i dnt want to sound whiny and like im complaining but today is a rly hard day...just feeling so depressed with these mental wd's like i just cant even move i am so down and every little task just seems completely impossible like my brain is zapped and all i can manage is just to sit here and not move. i know this is part of teh mental wd's but i really desperately hoping tomorrow is better. even just the smallest littlest bit better ill be so grateful
and back2me and gettingalifeagain, thank u too for sharing. The relapse thing is hard and it wears u down and beats u down after so many continuous relapses....todays day 4 and i finally slept an hour on the couch but im still not feeling great and i missed school but i did get honest with some people in my life today and that felt like a big weight off my shoulders. i think next i have to figure out some aftercare and actually commit, but thats my problem i never fully commit and i never see itt all the way thru either
wow, thanks for sharing that, what do you think it was after 1000 days that made you relapse? Thats still what im working on, how i relapsed and how i can have hope that i can get sober again and actually stay sober no matter what without building things back up again only to self destruct and relapse all over. I know its a day to day program, but that fear in the back of my mind is still so big
I started H when I was 17 and was stung out for a year a good friend helped me out to get clean he worked on a ranch in Socal and I just chilled there for about a month. my issue is taht of all the drugs I feel the best on H or any opiate , coke and that stuff makes me slow down I dont really want to move talk nothing and I can quit anytime with no issue BUT the pills are a WHOLE nother story these things have had me begging for more the mental side is a ton of weight the craving off the hook and talk about the three times in the past that I have quit they all SUCKED this is my third time after being clean for more than 1000 days and now I'm on day 11 the first few days of my recent detox I knew excatly what to expect hr by hr sleepless night after night but I feel great today and so will everyone else if we all just talk and work through this together good luck " PILL FREE"
I have the EXACT same pattern as you. Exact.
When I'm feeling strong I am a menace to my own society.
And I did not sleep not one wink for 7 compete days my last H detox. It was insane. It's in my old posts but man I will never forget that. Well aparently I did cause I'm back here again lol.
When I'm feeling strong I am a menace to my own society.
And I did not sleep not one wink for 7 compete days my last H detox. It was insane. It's in my old posts but man I will never forget that. Well aparently I did cause I'm back here again lol.
I can relate to the relapses. I can get clean and sober, but I have a struggle with staying that way. Speaking for myself, my self pity and resentments get me into trouble. Guilt remorse and shame for the past keeps me stuck.
I just wanted you to know you are not alone....
I just wanted you to know you are not alone....
haha yeah maybe im strong because i havent caved and used but i promise you i feel like absolute death. i havent moved from my spot curled on the couch unable to do a thing in days. But i am so used to these feelings and symptoms of the detox, the freezing cold then burning up hot, the sweating, the muscle pain, the leg cramps, the throwing up, the stomach pain, the skin feeling on fire, the anxiety, the depression, and the list goes on and i have gone thru them so many times that i no what to expect and i know exactly how im feeling and that theres basically nothing i can say or do to fix it except painfully wait it out, which i am trying to do. I havent slept though since starting my detox and thats killing me. I definintely relate to your story though and i think NA could be good. I have gone in hte past and it worked, i think when i stopped going is when i truly stared to mentally relapse and set up my actual relapse. The hardest thing about detoxing right now for me, aside from the physical deathly torture of it, is trying to maintain the responsibilities of my life like school,work, etc. it is so hard to get up and go to class or work, i feel like an empty zombie right now barely holding on but i just have to keep remembering how much this *****, how much the cycle of using and wd'ing destroys life and keeps me from ever moving forward or doing anything worthwhile at all with my life. When im using, my day is completely contingent upon my dealer and when i get my H, otherwise i cant get out of bed and thats just one of the many ways this addiction steals life. what scares me most is staying sober once everything gets "good," because thats my pattern. I use, i do all this work to get clean and put my life back together, and then just when im about to go forward, i relapse destroy everything and the whole cycle starts all over. ok, its 5am and i sill havent slept in days so i dont even know what im saying or if it makes sense lol but im gonna stop rambling now, thank u for posting and sharing ur experiences, it helps so much to read it
First off you sound very strong. I have to say that at day three I am usually shriveled up in my bed sweating and kraping myself and just whining like a huge BEEOTCH. You come off very reaonable but i can tell you are in pain. I am like you. We all are here. I don't think there is one of us on here who has not relapsed dozens of times BUT then there are those inspirational people on here ( you know who you are) who have years and years of clean time. I guess all we can do is listen to them and use them as an example. Some people it takes rock bottom. Some people get it earlier on. I myself feel am and have been close to my bottom but then I talk to people that have lost EVERYTHING and been homeless and in jail. And that was their rock bottom. Not quite bad as mine see. I lost all my money, put myself in crazy financial debt that will take me over a decade to pay off. I was clean about 9 months then did just like you. I ripped through every cent I had built back up in like 3 months. Now my bank acct is nothing and I am back to week per week living. And just about quit/lost my job (which is a whole other story). But I had to take two weeks off this time just to get through the WD and finally went back yesterday. Needless to say they were not happy. But I don't know alll your or my answers. All I know is I HAVE to keep listening to the success stories in here and just keep trying different things. I'm going to see and addiction specialists this time around. And maybe to NA. IT REALLY seems like NA is the one pure path on here and I have been fighting that. It's dumb I know. If the specialist recommends it then I am doing it. And finding your higher power seems to work wonders on here as well. Another concept I have been avoiding due to lack of trust in religions. But maybe I will work it out this time. Maybe you will two. Let's hope for the both of us that this is it. Cause you know this only leads to eventual death. Death actually or death of your potential of a prosperous life. But usually death actually. Good luck to you.
thank you so much i cant even tell u how much that means to me. I know i cant think that way its just hard. And these nights are just wearing on me too. No matter what i take or how much of it i take (otc/vits i mean) i just cant sleep at all. I just lay in bed while my mind spins. And i stopped the xanax as well so ive just got insane anxiety. Im so worn out but cant sleep but also dont have any actual energy to do anything. And it all just makes for a very unpleasant experience and a mind that feels like its against me some times. But thank u for that comment, seriously.
Oh sweet girl, dont ever give up. Ive fought my addiction and relapses for 15 years and look at me, now im clean. So it can be done.
You deserve your freedom back and to have a wonderful life without a vicious circle of drugs.
You can do it, you've already proved that. Dont be like most of us on here and wait till your in your 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's.
Your so young and your a warm, caring and smart person.
We will help you as much as we can always.
We will never stop believing in you. So dont you ever stop believing in you : ) xx
You deserve your freedom back and to have a wonderful life without a vicious circle of drugs.
You can do it, you've already proved that. Dont be like most of us on here and wait till your in your 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's.
Your so young and your a warm, caring and smart person.
We will help you as much as we can always.
We will never stop believing in you. So dont you ever stop believing in you : ) xx
Thank you amandag78 I appreciate all the help you've given me and merri123 thank you for that post. I needed to hear that. I rly like the picture idea and i will do that.
Its scary starting all over and i try hard all day to think positive and not let my mind go to thinking about getting high, and i am trying to stay strong in the detox and try and picture myself getting things back together and doing well again and then this other voice in my head says ill never be able to do it. That maybe i can get some time again but ill always relapse and screw it up just like ive done countless other times in the past. And that scares me, because even though i know its just the "addict" voice in my head, its still true...its what ive done the last 5 years. I know tho that i cant think like that and got to try and stay positive and just think about each day as it comes but its hard sometimes. anyways sry for rambling, thanks guys for the support though i rly appreciate it.
Its scary starting all over and i try hard all day to think positive and not let my mind go to thinking about getting high, and i am trying to stay strong in the detox and try and picture myself getting things back together and doing well again and then this other voice in my head says ill never be able to do it. That maybe i can get some time again but ill always relapse and screw it up just like ive done countless other times in the past. And that scares me, because even though i know its just the "addict" voice in my head, its still true...its what ive done the last 5 years. I know tho that i cant think like that and got to try and stay positive and just think about each day as it comes but its hard sometimes. anyways sry for rambling, thanks guys for the support though i rly appreciate it.
You have all you need right in that post. You don't want to be heroin4life anymore. That is your strength.
You are young and have a whole life ahead of you clean and sober. Remember how that 1 year felt. To be drug free. And how it has been since you started again. That is what you remember EACH time you think about it. And you know you will.
Take a page out of the movie Varsity Blues. That heroin is telling you to do some, to be that again. You look in the mirror or at the spot on the wall that represents the heroin you - a picture of you taken during the using days - and you say to it:
I DON'T WANT YOUR LIFE!!
Say it loud and clear. Hold your head up and walk away.
Get rid of your sources, contact #s, old call logs and text messages, any friends or people you know from that life.
You are on day 3 which means you are doing great. Another weekish and it will be better. This time go to AA or NA meetings weekly. Get really involved. See an addiction counselor. No methadone or suboxone etc.
You've got this. Moving forward only. Never backwards.
You are young and have a whole life ahead of you clean and sober. Remember how that 1 year felt. To be drug free. And how it has been since you started again. That is what you remember EACH time you think about it. And you know you will.
Take a page out of the movie Varsity Blues. That heroin is telling you to do some, to be that again. You look in the mirror or at the spot on the wall that represents the heroin you - a picture of you taken during the using days - and you say to it:
I DON'T WANT YOUR LIFE!!
Say it loud and clear. Hold your head up and walk away.
Get rid of your sources, contact #s, old call logs and text messages, any friends or people you know from that life.
You are on day 3 which means you are doing great. Another weekish and it will be better. This time go to AA or NA meetings weekly. Get really involved. See an addiction counselor. No methadone or suboxone etc.
You've got this. Moving forward only. Never backwards.
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