Day 3

[MSmith2220]

All I can think about is why can't I have some every now and then? It can't be that bad? Why not have some, why not feel great for the day? Why is it so bad if it makes you feel so good? Stupid little demon in my ear.

Ill be OK because I am determined not to relapse ever again... but this is bull crap.

W/D, they are a joke this go around. I think this W/d phase is a gift from someone who is giving me a mulligan. Which I am grateful for.

Just checking in. One day a a time. Day 3, lets get it started!

[ncole1980]

I'm a recovering addict, I've been clean without and slip ups for 2 years. 3 days clean after you do backslide is a big accomplishment. A lot of people can't see this but they also haven't had to fight a monkey on their back everyday for years and years. Every time I would give in and use I wouldn't stop after one day, so I know you deserve a big congratulations for being able to use then get back on track again. Good luck with your journey I know it's a hard one.

[MSmith2220]

Feeling good is the start. After that its a big guilt trip. I think I will make a list too. Thanks for the insight.

[HappyDays2Come]

Always keep your guard up and definitely change the way you think. Those pills do NOT make you feel good. That's what I tell  myself...they make me feel guilty and hopeless and sad. Looking at my daughter while high made me feel soo incredibly guilty. I made a list of all the awful things about pills and every time I got a craving I looked at it that really worked for me!

Day 3 is great...if you can make it past day 2 (worst for me) you're on your way! Keep looking forward and live one day at a time. You can do this :).

[OpenMind24hours]

I go to NA/AA for aftercare, along with reading and writing on here every day. It's saving my life. Addiction is a progressive, lifetime disease that can be arrested, but not cured. The only way to arrest the disease is total abstinence. The one major symptom is an uncontrollable desire to use. It's that "uncontrollable" word that's important here. If you don't feel that you're powerless over your drug of choice, sure, your going to want to use your drug. And If it isn't making your life unmanageable, nothing anybody can say will stop you from continuing to use. But if you truly feel powerless and it's screwing your life up, you're going to do very well now. Aftercare is the most important thing in my life. I can't stay clean by myself. I can't we can. Keep on keeping on!!

[Teresa1717]

that Demon whispering in our ear will probably never stop! I am learning that even having 65 days without opiates! My biggest problem has been when it sneak attacks me! Most of the time I have my guard up but when it gets me when I have let my guard down, thats when I will pay dearly! It almost has a couple of times but Talking to sober friends and having aftercare has been key! I dont know if your looking into aftercare but if your not, I suggest it strongly! Without, MOST of us will continue to fail because eventually that demon in your brain will win.

Keep on fighting and never  give up! Your worth it!

[MSmith2220]

I'm done. There is no turning back and although I never looked at it as a form of insanity for a sober person, I did realize that there will be a never ending battle in my mind.

Insanity...

I know I'm done using. I might fall off, I pray I never will and I believe in my heart I can, but I will never become even a shadow of my former self.

[YesLife4Me]

Let me tell you, 15 days later and the thought you are having doesn't go away.    That's the trap addicts fall into.  We think each time it will be different.   That IS the definition of insanity.   "Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result".    I understand pain and wanting to escape it.   BUT...do you want to try and outrun w/d or pain?  That's the choice.  

[MSmith2220]

Mind games are my worst enemy. Not only the above but when I have actual, real, pain. Then I need someone to punch me in the face.

[Conjen]

For me after I quit mind you it was only 2 weeks and now I'm trying again and it's not going so well it was the mind game I found blaring music in my ears was the best remedy to get my mind off of it! I wish for my sake and my families sake I was as strong as all of you day 3 is huge congratulations

[MSmith2220]

O, maybe you also didn't know that I am a 7 year (5 year without long breaks) addict. I have gone through TONS of withdraws for lack of refills and this right here, this day 3, is a relapse from 31days clean that I started on November 1st.

[MSmith2220]

When I am saying the W/d aren't to bad, I mean, they are more like a bad cold with some abnormal bathroom breaks and slight insomnia mixed in. If I didn't know that I just came off a large intake of pills I would say I was having a bad cold.

No flu symptoms, no restless leg, no zingers, hot flashes lasted 1 day, this is a cake walk compared to some of my other binge withdraws. Ill just say it was a gift and I wont throw it back in the face of the one who gave it to me.

[gnarly_1]

HI first thing you need to realize is this is not about the pills you need to change the very way you think to overcome this for me I take'' the just for today'' approach using N/A to make up my aftercare and it is working for me you really need to put some form of aftercare in place or like Ang said you will just be ''white knuckling'' your sobriety most of us have tried it going alone only to wind up right back here again google NA in your area it will help put your feet on solid ground good luck and God bless....Gnarly  

[Leaveurfearsbehind]

I'm pretty much over the wanting to get high part but my back pain has me wanting to take something! I'm  fine as long as I'm not hurting. I'm trying everything I can not to use, chiro, hot and cold packs and stretching. I'm  exercising daily but this back pain is driving me nuts. I guess that's just part of being old and broke up. Lol. I can relate to you wanting just a few to feel good but we both know where that would lead. 1 or 1000 there will never be enough to satisfy us. Just hang in there and take it one day at a time. I'm 51 days clean today and I can tell that I'm starting to turn the corner. Wishing you the best of luck!

[ang_811]

I could only white knuckle sobriety for so long and then I'd relapse. Each time I did it got worst then b4. Then I got some aftercare. That's where I got help with the same thinking ur having today.

Congrats on 3 days. That's great

[dominosarah]

Recovery can make you feel good every day.  I would really seriously think about aftercare.  You need to change your thinking up as those pills are very deadly.

Congrats on 3 days!!  Keep it going~

[Norco1947]

Hi MSsmith ,  Great start 3 days is fighting hard .
Did they really make you feel good ? Or did they make you sick , rob you of careing for anything but needing drugs .
You can be drug free & happy by Christmas , Stay positive ,,,,Ron

[LeaAnn807]

That's definitely dangerous thinking.  Better get that right out of your head!  Now is a good time to start some serious aftercare.  That will help your stinkin-thinkin!

What to you mean when you say that the wds are a joke this time?  Not too bad?