Day 30 -- Open Forum

[CATUF]

Good morning all:
     I finally made it to day 30.  It was on this day back in March that I failed when a "friend" called up with what could have been considered a regular order.  At first I said (forced myself to say)"no thanks," but it didn't require much of a guilt-trip to turn me around "for his sake" (as he said he had gone out on a limb to get it reserved for me . . .).  That resulted in a run through early-June, when I went 27 days after a week-long taper while on vacation only to slide for more-or-less the same reason.  
     Something changed inside me since the last fall from grace. I have finally quit because deep in my heart I really want to quit (as opposed to simply knowing that I should) and I now truly believe that there is no such thing as limiting my use to some "safe level" - I know it's all or nothing.

CATUF

[athena]

congratulations on day 30.Your almost past the point that you gave in last time.Keep up the good work and have a wonderful day.

pixi

[Starraven]

Way to go on day 30 Catuf.  I found this forum when I was on day 18 and now because of this forum I am on day 29.  I know everyday I get better and better, but the mental part is driving me crazy.  I still think about those demons in a bottle every single day.  Did you have this problem? or do you?  I just don't know how to get past this.  I still feel blah all the time and sometimes I think if I could just take one pill I will have a little more energy and be more animated like I am when I am on the medictation. Luckily I have not done that and given in to My inner demon that says..Refill, refill..Get that prescription refilled. Is this just me or is this normal?  This is my third time going cold turkey this year and frankly this time is the worst. The first two times I just gave them up, felt like hell for about a week, then returned to my normal self and didn't think about the pills until I blew my back out again and had to go to my spinal surgeon.  I sure hope it gets easier.  
I just know that if I fall off the wagon that the next time I decide to kick it that it will be even worse.  That thought and this forum keeps me on track.  
Keep up the great recovery Catuf.
Hugs
Star

[CATUF]

Thanks for your comments.

starraven, I haven't had as much trouble this time with the hydro "calling" to me.  That's been a major problem in the past and I've often accepted the invitation, telling myself "I just want to feel really good today & (now that I know of the problem) I won't let it get out of hand."  Sometimes I even did that, getting just enough to have one "fun" evening and then not taking any the next day or for upto a week thereafter.  Of course, that lead to the idea that once-in-a-while was indeed OK, that I "could handle it now." But all too soon that lead to needing a bit the next day too (just to take the edge off because I was up until 3 and back up at 6), which lead to some more the next day, which soon had me back in an unending binge.  

I've just done that too many times now -- I'm just plain sick of it.  I still have these "flash-whispers," where as if from nowhere the notion that "a bit of hydro would really hit the spot about now"; but more than ever before, I see those whispers (and the hydro itself) as the insedious lies that they are.

I believe it was pixi who wrote back around 10/5/02 "thoses hydros are still calling my name." I don't know why it hit me then, but it did and like a ton of bricks. It was like some sort of epiphany and for the first time in more than 25 years I
thought of some Greek lit. that I had pretty much ignored back in high school. I printed out the warning about the Seirenes from Homer's Odyssey and that's the page on which I keep track of my days -- just so I'd remind myself everyday that whispers may come, but they call me to nothing but my own down fall, perhaps my own death.

“You will come to the Seirenes first of all; they bewitch any mortal who approaches them. If a man in ignorance draws too close and catches their music, he will never return to fine wife and little children near him and to see their joy at his homecoming; the high clear tones of the Seirenes will
bewitch him. They sit in a meadow; men’s corpses lie heaped up all round them, mouldering upon the bones as the skin decays.”

It's amazing to me that such a fitting analogy to the dangers of our whispers was written almost 3,000 years ago.  

CATUF

[Waking up]

I asked this question further down but i really need to know. my doctor changed my meds from 30mg per day of methadone to 90mg of ms-cotin, will i go through wihdrawel or anything from the switch. any comment woul be appreciated.

[Starraven]

You are so right!  What a fitting analogy!  I read it three times.  Makes so much sense!

This is my first time experiencing the "whispers".  I just don't understand why they are haunting me so now.  Like I said previously,  the last two times going Cold Turkey did not include these thoughts of mine and I was back to my normal self in little over a week, going out, enjoying my clear thinking out of the haze of narcotics.  Really frustrating.  Wondering what in the world I did to my brain this time around.  I went from Lortab, then I was put on Percocet and then down to Darvocet.  I wonder if it is the change in the medications from just one narcotic for a period of time to several different types that might have caused this.  Seems like I have stopped doing the things that I used to enjoy and I am 29 days clean!!  
Whatever the case, I will try to stay strong and fight those whispers.  Hoping that soon they will cease to exsist.
Thanks so much for your post!  Helps alot
Hugs,
Star

[groovygirl]

Waking up - I doubt you will feel any withdrawl, you are simply going from one opiate to another.  Was the methadone not working for you?

Catuf - congratuations!  That is such a huge accomplishment.  I really related to your comments about "whispering" too.  The Seirenes' music called to the sailors and entranced them...the sailors never had a prayer of escape, because it was never a choice for them.  The hydros calling us is enticing as well, however, we have a choice to say no.  So I guess we're better off taking our chances with the hydros eh?  I lOVE Greek mythology.

Seriously, 30 days clean is amazing.  Although I stopped with the hyrdos, perc etc., last April, I cannot claim any real "clean" time as I am still taking Buprenex.  I haven't had any highs since April, but I can't mark the clean time off on my calendar...I have to say I envy those, like you, who can. Did you start with the hydros because of chronic pain?

Also, can you tell me how you feel being 30 days clean...emotionally and physically?  I've been told it takes a good month to really feel "normal" again.

[groovygirl]

just wondering...

[LizzyM]

Hey Everyone..how's it going?  I just finished Detox at The hospital and am now finally home.  It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  They put me on Methadone for 3 days and that knocked the **** out of me..I slept for 2 days straight only to get up to eat and go to group therapy which is required when you are in a Detox program.  I still feel so tired and out of it.  But, it is getting better with each passing day.  Everyone, including other patients were very good to me..except for one woman who felt that I didn't belong there..She said that I was a Hypercondriac because she felt that only being on Hydrocodone for 3 months COULD NOT cause withdrawls?!?!  She was on Hydrocodone for 15 years and felt that there was no way I could have the same withdrawal symtoms like she was having.  This had really upset me and now that I think about it I shouldn't have let her get to me..but she did, big time.
Anyway, now I'm off the Hydro's jand am glad I got it over with.  Those of you who are considering going to Detox, I strongly recommend it..It's not as bad as you think.  I actually WANTED to stay longer!  It was so worth it to tough it out and go to the hospital for help.  
Peace

[rinconmann]

Please Help!!!

I got addicted to Narcs after getting bupenorphene (sp?) from a buddy going through a trial detox. They gave him so much he gave me 4-8 mg a day for a year. I got addicted to the stuff and took 4-8 a day every day. Very stable med. My life was pain free and very stable as you take it 1x a day. I loved the stuff really. When that ran out I went to morphine tablets and took 4-7 100mg tabs a day. That lasted 6 months and then I wanted to quit. Tried darvs and clonadine and clonapine. Clonapin made my back hurt soooooo bad. Anyways, very very hard time going from that dose of morphine daily to detox. Went to 6-8 lortabs a day and still suffered while trying to be dad and boyfriend. tHE LORTABS barely helped.

Ended up in a methadone clinic because I felt hopeless and hydro was too short acting and unstable for life.Started on 35-45 mg a day and tapered over a year to 5-7 mg a day. Well...........when I went off the 7mg a day I took ativan and clonadine (clonadine is a great med for RLS)and anxiety) for a week and thought I was home free. I did this for one week and when the ativan Rx was up, within 48 hours I was in the WD's bad. Bad brain **** and bad lower back pain. I went one more week just on clonadine and just could not take the lower back pain. I dont have herniated discs or anything. Went to a doc and got hydro.

IS BACK PAIN A SYMPTOM Of WD?????????????????????

After 13 days off the Methadone, with the one week on ativan and clonadine I still had bad mental haze and bad back pain and immsonia. I got Norco (10/325)and am trying to tox off using that. Methadone sucks you guys. Done Bup and Methadone. Hard WD's.

METHADONE (DOLAPHINE) WAS CREATED BY Adolf Hitler AS A SYNTHETIC DRUG REPLACEMENT FOR MORPHINE FOR HIS ARMY and named after him. Irony of Evil. It is the hardest Drug to WD from even at the doses I was on. Heard it is harder than heroin. BEWARE AND BE CAREFUL BEFORE YOU GO ON METHADONE maint., IT IS SUPER STRONG AND VERY HARD TO RECOVER FROM. I WOULD SAY THAT 5-7MG OF METH IS THE SAME AS ABOUT 5 LORTAB 10'S, FYI!!

SINCE THE BACK PAIN IS THE VERY WORST PART OF MY LIFE AND DRIVING ME TO USE NARCS, advil and nsaid's don't work for me...................IS THIS A SYMPTOM AND HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE TO GO AWAY??? i'VE HAD IT NOW FOR 14 DAYS AND TAKE 1-3 nORCO A DAY WITH A PLANNED TAPER TO 1 NORCO A DAY THEN NONE.

I AM SO SCARED ABOUT THE WD'S with the back pain. THE BRAIN **** AND BACK PAIN WHICH I CAN'T HANDLE. I RUN A 20 MILLION DOLLAR COMPANY AND HAVE 2 YOUNG KIDS. I DON'T WANT TO BE ON NARC MY WHOLE LIFE. I ABUSE THEM AT TIMES AND TAKE 6-8 A DAY AT TIMES.

PLEASE help. My direct e-mail is ***@****. Post or e-mail me

[DIRTBAG]

Congradulations, I'm so happy for you and I am so jealous man I just want it to be over. I've got a ways to go. Do you think you have it in the bag this time? What is the hardest part of life without pills or is it so new that you haven't had any real bad days.  Here to a great job, it good to see another addict meet the committment to quit, Peace Dirtbag/peagravel/longhauler

[CATUF]

Hi mariposa:

     I never had much in the way of chronic pain.  I had a facial injury (blowout fracture of my left eye) and they put me on some pretty good stuff.  I took it as prescribed, but it made me feel WONDERFUL & I LOVED it.  I don't know why I took such a liking to it -- I'd had opiates in the past and didn't really care for them too much.  Hell, I had one bottle of Lortab in 1990 following an operation where I never got the refill & the original of 20 or 30 lasted for 2 years.  

In any event, this time was different - I had found a friend.  AND, it was the "perfect" drug -- no downside at all that I saw -- it made me happy, sociable, feel great, work hard -- AND NO ONE COULD TELL.  Or at least that's the way it was when I ran into a few every once in a while.  I went for basically 4 years using low amounts when ever I came across them.  If I ran out it was no big deal -- I didn't feel bad AT ALL and I didn't crave them: I simply kept my eyes open as one might for a rare but favored resturant. I can recall knowing that I'd have some in 3 or 4 weeks and looking forward to having them in what I would now have to consider a normal manner -- I was pleased that I'd have them and would look forward to the day, but it didn't occupy my mind as it later would when I was just a few hours away from MANY time the quantity.

     In the spring of 2000 I found a somewhat regular supply and things started to get out of control.  I wish I had listened to the warning bells in my head back then, because in retrospect I see I could have relatively easily quit then.  In 2001 I found more and more supplies and things really went down hill - I went into full blow addiction.  My tolerance went through the roof and I started having all the problems that we all talk about in here.

   Here 30 days out I'd say I feel pretty normal again physically & mentally.  I need to pay a lot of attention to the basic things, which I tend to ignore (eating, sleeping, exercise).  However, if I do that, I not only feel OK I actually feel GOOD -- even GREAT at times.  Still, what I've done to myself, how close I came to ruining everything, what I'm getting over, and the trap I know is waiting for me around any (if not every) corner, continues to be the primary thing on my mind.

CATUF

[Starraven]

I was wondering, since you are having such lower back pain and you say you don't have herniated disks or anything, is it possible that there might be a real issue with your lower back and you are not aware of it?  Maybe using the pain pills all this time might have masked a real issue with your back?  You mentioned you went to a doc and got some pills.  Did you have an MRI or a cat scan to rule out any real problems?  
With that said,  I can't really answer your question about your back pain possibly being a result of withdrawals.  When I have gone through withdrawals generally my whole body ached during the process of coming clean and with a spinal injury and surgery behind me, I still experience back pain.
Maybe someone here has experienced the same and can help you with your questions.  I just really haven't heard of lower back pain so bad during withdrawals that you have to take more pills.
I am thinking there might be something really wrong with your back that should be checked out and possibly corrected so you don't have to deal with this pain and be a slave to the pills in your search for some relief.
My best to you
Hugs,
Star

[CATUF]

Thanks.  I am very leery of thinking I've got it in the bag.  I've thought that before and it lead me right back to where I was.  I do know these things:
     a) I don't need to take any hydro today;
     b) Any use will lead to abuse and I'd soon be right back to using all the time just to keep from feeling like $hit;
     c) In all but the first 24 hours of a relapse I'd be feeling nowhere near as good as I do right now; and
     d) I'm just one slip away from being right back where I was.

  The physical aspects of this latest quit haven't been too bad.  I did an extended taper with my brother's help and I took the recipe, which is a lot better than what happens with a CT.  I still had the runs pretty bad for a week and felt very lethargic. After that first week I gradually began to feel better and better.  

     More later, I gotta run . . .

CATUF

The second week I started feeling good physically, but I couldn't concentrate and I started feeling A LOT of stress -- most of it was work related and caused by finally getting a clear look at all the undone tasks I had ignored in my fog.  It was then that I felt the most tempted to use - hell, I could breathe at times I was feeing so overwhelmed AND IT SEEMED EVERYTHING WOULD BE OK IF I JUST HAD A F'ING LORTAB OR TEN OR TWENTY . . . .  But, I made it through those times by talking with my brother and reading this forum.  Sometimes it was minute-by-minute and I had to do a lot of talking to myself (about how the Lortab fix would be of benefit only in the VERY short term and then it would simply add to the burden that I already thought was too much.

I'm not sure when the super-stress/I-can't-cope feelings went away, but they did

[ConmanwannaB]

teach me...you are so cool.......i run microsoft.......we arent like these people.........you brain ****!

[rinconmann]

Thanks for the reply. Addicts are all the same as there is no borders or boundries. Race, color, religion, economics. If that peron calling himself conmanwannabe is replying to me I would prefer help from you rather than mean comments. We are all in this problem and here to help in anyway. Thats the way we get better. Deep hostility toward another human only hurts yourself. Is this forum your domain and am I infringing upon it? Why don't you post your real username so others that know you better online can see what you have inside your soul and help and understand you. Does it bother you so much that I have worked so hard for 20 years to build my own business that you have to be angered and hurtful? I mentioned it because I have so much to lose and potentially hurt alot of people who depend on the business to feed their families and children. I have lost everything before. How about some help friend?

[Sugarbeens]

I wanted to let you know that there has been a problem with someone coming into the forum and using other peoples names and posting as if they were them.  My belief is this person needs help too and this is his/her way of reaching out.  People here will support you and help you all they can.  I am sorry this happened to you on your first posts.  Good luck in your recovery.  You can do it.  And you should be very proud of your accomplisments.  As we have found, addiction has no boundaries.  I am praying for you and everyone.  Love to all.

[DIRTBAG]

Catuf thanks for the reply, I'm so excited to get clean and my day is just around the corner. I want to change the subject a little, I'm going to Chicago next week to visit and I'm wondering if anybody has been there or is from there and can tell me someplaces to see and go?  I've got just enough pills to get to Thursday and then I'm done I might even flush I cut my connections today and now I'm banking on myself and a strong desire to finish and you folks to keep me pumped up... I'm so happy for everyone who clean, I can't wait to post clean clean clean

[PING]

hope the name is right, where are you my southern friend? if you have posted the last few days, i have missed it, you were the first one that responded to my first post a few wks ago. can someone relate to dreams and nightmares when you use late in the afternoon, or eveing? i stil haven't got below 2 10mg of oxy per day, anyone beleive in prayer, please remember me at prayer time. have a good nights rest.
                                lee.

[puma]

Rinconman,

(Rinconman),

I have found in my own withdrawal experiences that benzodiapine w/d and alcohol w/d give extreme low back muscle spasms. The alcohol w/d's lasted nearly two weeks, while the benzo (Klonopin)w/d's I never made it past three weeks of pure hell.

(Ativan) is another benzo, so that may be part of your w/d's pain, also rebound pain from opiate w/d,s can effect the back more than other muscles in some people.

Hang in there and if the pain doesn't go away after a month or two and Advil doesn't work, then you should follow up with a pain specialist for further testing as was suggested in an earlier post. Good luck.

Also, congradulations to you (Catuf) on your 30 days!!! I wish I could say the same for me, hopefully one of these months. Take care,

Chatahan

[lost friend]

I have a friend who has changed drastically in the past few months.   Some of the things that I have noticed is that he now stays cold.  At first he would sweat all night and have to change his t-shirt at least 3 times in one night and it would be burning up in the house and he would stay cold and not even want the fan on.  I would be about to die from the extreme heat.   Another sign that something is wrong is that he would talk loud in his sleep like he is in pain and balls up and kinda hold his stomach and yells out, "Oh Lord, Oh God, Oh Lord".  But this would even go on when he went to the wash room.  He would sit on the toilet and even look like he was still sleep and he would cry out those words if though he was in pain.  He would also have this evil look in his eyes that would scare me.   He would always be super broke.   His appetite is gone and I just don't know what his problem is but I think it could be a bout with drugs because of his strange behavior.  His sex drive is gone and he is as limp as an overcooked noodle and he use to be very vital in this area.

Can anyone offer me some type of assistance as to what you think might be the problem.

Please advice.

Lost Friend!

[Rdytoquit]

I think the reason my last 2 posts were deleted from this site was because I take the meds for pain and no other reason. I wish I could make others understand that even though we use the drugs as directed, people like myself suffer many of the same troubles and dispair as the people who came to the drugs for other reasons. Some times I get so depressed at the thought of having to be tied to a pill bottle the rest of my life. I used to feel the need to explain exactly why I took the meds and my medical condition that makes it necessary. Now I just let the pharm. and others think I am some bad person, doctor hoppin to feed my habit. When I read about someone who is trying to get off the drugs I wonder if he/she understands how blessed they are to not suffer the pain that the drug is made for! It has been a long painful day .... I am sorry if I offended anyone here. I will understand if you need to delete this post to keep the form on track. Les

[puma]

(First painless),

I feel for your situation. I don't think your posts were deliberately deleted. As you notice the threads now don't include who the messages are to. That is to save RAM space I believe.

I personally have very bad pain, from Fibro and Lupus. Others have had surgeries on their backs and elsewhere that have left them with constant pain. Read the forum all the way down, it takes time but you'll learn you are not alone.

Do not feel quilty, if you truely need the meds, take them. If you feel they are starting to control you, instead of you controlling them, then you know it is time to analyze whether you have become addicted and need to address the issue. We are all here to help so keep posting.

(Lost friend),

Don't always assume the worst, it is possible your friend has a real problem with his health and is afraid to see a doctor. Might I suggest you subtly ask him how he feels physically and tell him he talks in his sleep and appears in pain. Show true concern, not accusing words or tones. He may have a legit problem, he may have a drug problem and may come clean with you. If you care about him, take it gently and compassionately or you will surely scare him away. Just my opinion. Keep us informed we are ready to listen and give support.

Good luck to all.

Chatahan

[bmac]

Hey, I am still here.Just been going alot.
I hope things get a little easier for you soon.About the dreams.When I first got on methadone and took it before bedtime I had terrible dreams.Tossed and turned all night.I told my doc about it and he told me to take the last dose by 7 pm so by the time I hit the bed most of it was already in my system and not getting a high amount as I started to go to sleep.Oxycontin never did that to me but when I was using oxy I was also smoking pot and drinking.So I am sure all that put me to deep sleep.
Since stopping the alcohol and getting off methadone I sleep
pretty well now.Except for the pain I have which wakes me up during the night.
Well keep in touch!!
                Praying for you,
                     Bill(bmac)

[athena]

Hey friend
Hope your doing well today.The rain has finally stopped but the high Sat. will only be 44.What a shock to our southern system.lol pixBe good today and email me when you have a minute.

[diso]

Hello,

I have read several times over the past few weeks that you used methadone to detox.  I believe you have written that you dropped from 10mg to 0 at the end and thought that was too abrubt.  Could you tell me what taper schedule you used?  I have posted elsewhere here and described my addition to oxycontin (140mg a day).  I am currently on my third day of taking methadone (30mg per day).  Hellbent wrote to me and said do not do the 60 day detox schedule the clinic I go to has me on.  He recommended a shorter schedule.  I have told the clinic I want to do a 30 day schedule but am now concerned that even that is too long.  Could you give me your thoughts on the matter?  

Thank you in advance for any info you can provide.

[bmac]

Methadone is a great way to detox but I didn't use it to detox I used it for pain control and became addicted to it.I took it for over a year.I decided to taper and I was on 60 mgs a day,then went to 40 mgs a day then after a month went to 20 mgs a day then
went down to 10 mgs a day.I stayed on 10 mgs for about a month.
I decided not to taper any longer and stopped.BIG MISTAKE.
I had terrible withdrawals because I didn't taper right.
Hellbent is right about 60 days to detox.If you are using it to detox 30 days is perfect.If you are using it for pain that's another thing.If you stay on it for 60 days or not, you must taper to 2.5 mgs.At this point it has no effect on the body but you will still have some withdrawal symptoms,mostly mental.
You are doing the right thing regardless of the 60 or 30 day thing.Taper just as the clinic tells you.Drink tons of water and start the 'Famous Thomas Recipe' now.Also I used clonidine,a bloodpressure med.It really helps but will make you a little
lazy for a few days.Good luck.
                            bmac

[Bodymechanic]

Regardless if you have withdrawals or not your doctor did you a big favor.  There is nothing more difficult to withdraw from then methadone.  Stay away from it unless you are prepared to suffer when the time comes to get off.

Peace

[bmac]

Amen to that!It is very hard withdrawing.Be careful with the 'Done.

[twos and fives]

Hello everyone,
     I have checked out this board from time to time over the last few months. I have read some really good info and have also been very pleased to see a community of people supporting each other through the desperate times of addiction. I decided to post today because I would like to make a couple of comments..

catuf- You don't know me, but congrats on day 30. I really beleive that is a day that things start to actually look up. Keep your head up.. After 90 days you might even go a whole day without thinking about the drugs. Thats when I really started to feel free again. Good luck!

Rinconmann- I know what you mean about the back pain. After 4 days of detox, I began to sleep again etc. but I had pain in my lower back that mabe it excrutiating just to walk to the bathroom. It did start to recede after a few more days though. I would suggest a mild muscle relaxer to help with the back pain. Muscle relaxers like cyclobenzaprine can help with the sleeplessness and spazms in the beginning too.. I think Starraven is probably right, you more than likely have a problem in your lower back. If you see the doctor about it, do yourself a favor and let him/her know about your struggle with the hydro. You won't get any narcs, but maybe some muscle relaxers that might help you.

About methadone- Has anyone here done a short detox with the help of methadone? I once took methadone for one week, then cold turkeyed with very little problems. It is my beleif that the clinics make so much money off the 'done patients that they do not encourage actually stopping your drug usage. A 12 month taper just seems absurd to me..

Good luck all!

[diso]

Do you think that I will have a hard time withdrawing from Methadone after a 30 day detox beginning with 30mgs and decreasing 1mg a day thereafter?  I guess my question is whether I should try a more aggressive detox schedule in order to avoid needing to detox from methadone later?

Thanks.

[hippy]

lower back pain for addicts can be pian in our liver,
from all the drug abuse , i had lower back pain due to all the
perc's and vike's i was taking,
as far as this fourm and posting, this fourm is for people dealing with meds , getting off them and learning how to take them for pain  withoout abuseing them. we are all here to egt better and hopfully help each other in the process.
i am one of the people who has found a way out of the nightmare of abuseing vikes and perc;s. wih the help and support of the fourm members, and thier advice about thhomas's receipe.
i went cold turkey  and took the receipe as it was suggested.
that was back in late march 02, i also go to na meetings  and
stay away from people places and things that might lead me back into the nightmare of active addiction, i only hang around people who are on the same path as myself. recovery.
we all have to take this one day at a time.
those of us who are in severe pain have it a lot harder and thier struggle is  very difacult and they have our support
here at this fourm.
peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[hellbent]

A damaged liver causes actual lower-spinal problems? I thought that lower back pain was caused by damaged spinal tissue / lack of cartilege, etc... Where did you find this out? Kinda curious as I have noticed some real discomfort after playing basketball and doing other sports. I had assumed it was just age...

[taeme]

I am also new to this entire forum and I say congratulations to you on your 30 days.  I'm just figuring out exactly what I want to admit to myself about my problem when I am truly honest with myself I hope that I too will be able to share as openly as all of you have.  Until then I'll keep writting and listening to your stories.  I've got a long history to investigate.  Stay strong and keep up the good work

[mickyc]

A couple of years ago, me and my ex-wife were divorced. About a year before that, I had a car accident with back injuries. Our local doctor, who cared for me, kept me on Lortabs, 7.5/650, for almost eight weeks. I was getting them so regularly and staying high all hours of the day, that when it come time for me to be released from the doctor, I seem to make my injuries not go away. It was pretty convinent, considering it was all covered by insurance. I moderately stayed on them until the divorce. At that point I went freaking nuts. I had to have them, or so I thought. I got to were I was faking injuries to get my fix. I got so bad I could fake a kidney stone and noone knew the difference. I was taking around 25 to 30 pills a day. And when I ran out I could not stand to live or breath. This had gone on for about a year and a little over, when I was running out of money and started to realize  the damage I was going to cause. I had went to different doctors, under different names. One day I went to a doctor and got fourty lortabs 5/500. That lasted a day and a half. Then next day before I ran out I went to another doctor and he gave me the same. When I got that batch of pills I put ten of those jokers down my throat. On the way home I realized what I had done and stop my car and broke down crying. I went to my mothers and handed her the bottle, which she new nothing of my addiction, and ask her for help. I eventually quite cold turkey. And was off of them about ten months when I got ahold of some more. The thing of it was they made me fill like ****. Thank God

Good luck to all of you!

[Bodymechanic]

1day

I suggest that you avoid methadone altogether. A buprenx which is becoming widely available is a much better option.  I recently did a 7 day detox with methadone for an oxycotin habit.  My goal was not even to get clean but to lower my tolerance for the drugs.  The 7 days was enough to give me a mild methadone habit.  It took me 5 days to shake that.  If I had just cold turkeyed the oxycotin it would have only take me 4 days to shake it.  My point is if you are going to use methadone go only for the first 2 days of the detox. It is long acting enough to take you well into the 4th day and past the worst of the symptoms.  I have known too many people who have done the 30 day detox and ended up with such a bad methadone habit as to require methadone maintainance.  Methadone maintainance is a prison not made of bars but of chemicals.

Low back pain

The liver refers pain to the right shoulder and between the shoulder blades.  The kidney refers pain to the lower back and flanks.  Withdrawal will cause lower back pain and general muscle aches.


Peace

[mickyc]

To be honest with you, I never got to talk with anyone about my addictions. It ruined my chance at haveing the greatest wife and kid by my side. It has been almost a year and six months since I killed that devil. I think being here with you will bring some closure and peace to my heart. At times you think you are all alone, but it seems that the more you stay true to yourself and travel down that bumpy road of life, God sends you a gleem of hope. And when you get that sense of hope, it makes you realize that you are just as good and beatiful as everyone around you. If I could take one thing away from drug addition, it would be that horrible place you go to called depression. I would rather die than go back there. I am thirty years old and I figure I have thirty more. Of course it is hard no to lust after that demon, but I keep my eyes on my four year old son. I will be there for him, and I think with your help, I will be. Thank you for small favors. God Bless.

[athena]

Hi micky and welcome to the forum.Sounds like you have had a rough go of it but you made it!Give yourself a pat on the back.Children are a great motivator for doing the right things in life.I hope opening up to others will give you the closure your looking for.This is a great place to spill your guts.Keep posting and God bless.

pixi

[hellbent]

You sound like you know what you are talking about here. The first few months of my detox I noticed that my "love handles" area was sore. I was losing alot of weight (lost 55 lbs since detox, a good thing in retrospect). Anyway, there was definitely light pain in my sides. It's since subsided, but is this the "flanks" you mention?

I kind of freak out whenever I get weird pain anywhere and I start convincing myself that I have a serious problem and am going to get sick and die. I'm not a hypochondriac or anything, but I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop on my health due to the time I was on drugs and the amount I was taking.

I was doing Oxycontin for years, which has no tylenol, so I hope that my liver was spared somewhat. Anyway, I've asked some M.D's these questions and their answers were less informative than I hoped: got the idea that they didn't really know either...

[puma]

To misd,

congrats, on day-3. It is great your withdrawals are not too hard on you. Keep up the good work and good attitude.

Sundown I already said congrats to you on a higher thread but I'll say it here too, congrats on day-28, you are doing great.

Chatahan......wildcat

[misd]

HI everyone, i am kind of new here, but i have posted already and noone answered my question but that is ok because I already know, i have been an addict for a while now, havent taken anything stronger than lortab 12 or lorcet 10 or perk , what i mean is no oxycontin.lol I have been clean now for 3 days and i feel better now than i have in a very long time, the diareaha has finally stopped and I actually got up this morning and loaded my dishwasher and went to Wal-mart. HURRAY for me, I am so proud of myself, I can actually say that if someone were to offerme a pain pill I would not take it. Im gonna start taking a multi-vitamin so maybe I will feel even better than now. cant hurt huh? I just hope and pray that i feel this good tomorrow.
I told my husband today that it was strange feeling good and not being high. well tomorrow is another day and I am actually looking forward to getting up and not having to worry about where my next fix will come from. I will keep coming back and reading posts from ex users . it always inspires me to read the posts. any advice to help me stay withitwill be greatly appreciated.
Mis

[Sundown]

Making it three days and feeling good already is terrific! Iy should encourage you to keep going. Today is 28 days for me, and I know that feeling of feeling good without the drugs. Keep coming back here, becuase it really helped me get this far, which I really never thought I could do. Multivits aree certainly a good idea, but living life and seeing it can be good without the drugs is the most healing experience for me.

Sundown

[misd]

Thanks you guys it is day 4 and I am still feeling ok, i actually got up and cleaned my kitchen this morning and i actually feel good. I was scared i would get up this morning and have to start all over again, congrats to you on your 28 days, keep up the good work, I will be back on here later to read more of your alls uplifting stories.
love to all,
mis

[MethMan]

Hello,
I am now in my 4th day off off Methadone and am having HELL!  I can't sleep, I've lost 35lbs, my skin is crawling, my limbs jump.... it's hell. If I have to deal with this for an extended period of time, I don't think I have the will power to go through with it.
PLEASE! Someone give me something to go by here.
I was tapered from 40mg in a methadone clinic for 10 years and (as I said before) have been off for 4 days now completely.
Anyone been there, done that?  How did it go?  When did you feel better?  When could you sleep?
Thanks everyone!

[puma]

Thanks for posting and keep coming back here as alot of people have posted in your situation.

I know nothing about meth therefore cannot give an intelligent feedback. I will pray for you though. Take care and good luck.

Chatahan........wildcat

[bmac]

Don't be discouraged.It does sux but the good news is it will pass.I withdrew from methadone after a year and a half addiction.Methadone withdrawals are not easy.You need to get some clonidine(bloodpreesure meds)and some kind of phenobarb or valium.Find the famous Thomas recipe and start it now.It is listed throughout this forum.
Believe me you are not alone here.Several of us have been thru the meth thing and believe me it will hurt for about 20 days.
After that you will experience the brain fog.The Thomas recipe will help more than you will know.Keep posting and post near the top,noboby cares if you post up there.You are not alone.
                           bmac

[MethMan]

Thanks for the encouraging words.  I took your advice about the Thomas Recipe and the clonadine.  This is day 7 for me and after two days, the WD is a little better. I'm having to take 100mg of Trazadone and 10mg of Ambien to get at best 4 hours of sleep at night.
My willpower and hope are better than the last two days.  THAT is what I have been concerned about.  Because with a long methadone withdrawal, it can beat you down if you let it.
Right now, when it starts to get bad during the day, I get up and just start moving around. That helps some..
Another thing that has helped me (I don't know why) is to put on my Sony CD Walkman, put on some Mountain, Ozzy and Hendrix and crank the volume.  I guess it short circuits the brain's attention or something. Either that or I am REALLY screwed up in the head :)
But of all the things that has given me help, is to know that someone else has walked the walk, been in hell and came out to live a life and feel good. Thank you for renewing my hope bmac.
With a cold and Methadone Withdrawals, my worst day off the **** is FAR better than my BEST day on it.  It'll take a lot more than THIS to take me out.  The road I am on now is a one-way street and no U-Turns.  I just wish the speed limit was a bit more than 10 miles per hour. :)  God bless ALL of you good people.
Mike

[bmac]

Sounds like you got it figured out now.A little of Ozzy and Leslie West would help anyone.Keep on getting straighter.
Everyday a little bit of the drug wears off.Sooner or later it will be gone.Peace to you and keep up the faith!
                                   Bill

[MethMan]

Thanks for the encouragement bmac.  I'm hangin' long and strong.  Well.. long and shaky, but still hangin'.
The WD symptoms are lightening up with each day. It seems like when I get up in the AM (Actually sleeping a little now) that I don't feel horrible like I did.  Just a little shaky and fatigued.  But, that is a LOT better than living inside a Steven King Mindbender! Man, those first 3 or 4 days were something else.  I will NEVER forget that.
I think the reason that I am slowing beginning to feel a little better is because of all the support received here in this forum. The "Thomas Recipe" seems to be working pretty well for me too.  I am acutely aware that my WD's are not over yet. BUT, after day 4, the nightmare becomes lighter and lighter with each passing day.
I sort of equate it with something that most of us men have said before.  "Hell, for a million bucks, I'D get in the ring with Mike Tyson!", then you get the chance but he hits you so hard you can't spend the money and it takes you a month to get up. :)
The point to all my rambling is that I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there in my darkest moment with hope, and to maybe provide hope for someone that is in the middle of their hard time right now.
God Bless all of you,
Mike

[bmac]

The 3 to 4 days is just like a Stephen King novel for sure.It is something you will never forget.It hurt me more than anything has ever hurt before.Worse than any drug withdrawal before.
You are going the right way,just hang in there and keep praying.
                           bmac

[misd]

Hi all, today makes day 15 for me, shew it has been a long 15 days too. I feel alot better finally feel like my old self again, I have had a hard time this past week, my husband has been sick and in the hospital, he is home now thank god but it was a scarey week for me, i have been so worried about him , i keep balming myself for him getting sick, he is only 30 years old and was having stroke like symptoms and of course i blame myself, but I am still clean and still kicking, I will stay that way. I just wish all of you the best and good luck at staying clean, This forum has helped me so much with my recovery process. Thanks to all who posted to my questions and god bless.
love,
mis