Day 34 of suboxene withdrawals is this ever gonna end?

[Dirty30]

Feeling down cuz is constant and never ending. I feel like this is my permanent state. Taking alot of gabapentine to at least not go crazy. Not sure what else to do, any suggestions from people with experience?

[Dirty30]

I meant anxiety attack.

[Dirty30]

They weren't prescribed to me at 1st but they r now and busted thru a bottle of 90 in a week. It's the only thing that helps. Fortuanley my sister knows alot about meds like that and the 1st thing she told me was to stay away from them. But when I wake up in the morning every bone in my body hurts. Yes I realized that I'm going to have to taper when I almost had an anxiety off when I didn't take them for 12 hours. Thanks for ur advice I really appreciate it.

[Smalltownmom]

Hi day 46 from sub taper. I just wanted to say PLEASE start tapering yourself off the gabapentin. I took it for years and tapered off 1200 3x a day to 100 mgs over the summer while I was still on suboxone. I felt crappy when I completely stopped but it wasn't unbearable. A week into my wds from the subs I called my doc and had him give me one month script of gabapentin cuz I knew it would help. I'm now almost two weeks off that script and it's been hell. I was prescribed 800 3x a day but ended up taking more. It only helps for about a week then our bodies get used to it and then more is needed. Long story short (too late) I'm just now feeling better from that! I got the nastiest wds from the gabapentin. Just as bad if not worse than when I stopped the subs. If you look it up you will read the horror stories about people stopping at low doses. Nevermind the high one your on. I get that wds from suboxone are awful and we all want something to help but so aren't the gabapentin ones. I know that 3600 mgs is the highest dose allowed for a day. I took that at once sometimes. I really just want you be aware. Are you prescribed them? If you are it's best if you can work with your doc now and do a super slow taper. This is one drug you don't want to have to stop c/t. This is just what I experienced. I wish you well

[Dirty30]

NA/AA isn't happening in my situation unless ur gonna secretly drug me and bring me in a wheelchair. I'm glad it works for u guys but here it's NOT happening.

[motye51]

The first N/A meeting I went to I remember saying "I think I've done brain damage to myself"..... "and I'm afraid it's permanent"....it's not!  Promise!!!

[motye51]

On Jan 1st, 2016 I will have 2 years clean from subs. I also jumped from a high dose...I think we've spoke before....the only thing I can tell you is that it does really take time.  This wasn't some cake walk we were doing with the subs, we were changing our brain chemistry.  VI is right, I can honestly say it was around 6 months that I can say I was coming out of the fog that I was in. Not saying that I wasn't able to work or keep my family, but everything was "off"....You WILL feel better....just keep pushing yourself!

[ImInAwe]

4 years on 16 mg, then tapered to 4mg over the last year. I've often had people say they'll never go to a meeting again because it's a place to get drugs, or it's just drama, etc.. But I've found that meetings are a tool just like everything else. If someone wants to use, someone will find drugs wherever they are, if they want to seek recovery, they'll find the people there that are serious. Also, like Vickie said, maybe try AA. I go to AA just as much as NA, even though alcohol was never my drug of choice. If you're white-knuckling it, it might be time to seek out some more support, though. Feel free to message me if you need anything!

[Dirty30]

Thank u Vickie. I appreciate ur support. I have my Dad who is older and in bad shape, but he is awesome the best support system I could have. And, I live in a small town so I keep my buisness about this to myself. I have 2 great friends who have listened and support everything for the past 35 days. And, of course u guys who r awesome!!! Around here the AA/NA Group is the place to find drugs so im staying away from there. I will make I know I'm soooo determined. It's just sometimes I get down. Thank u guys for being here and giving me knowledge on this.

[VICourageous]

Hi Dirty30. I like your screen name.
I have been following your story for a bit and thought I would chime in.
A little over 3 yrs ago I jumped off of 3 meds and one was Methadone that I got prescribed for pain after the hydo/oxys did not work. I went and got help and they did give me the Subs. I used them for such a short, short time and I thought I was doing good so I stopped. What a mistake that was by not following the program with this. I do believe it would of made my w/ds less intense and not so long if I would of done these for a short time and tapered down.. I just did not want to trade one for the other. It was 10 days later that I went into a bad w/d.
During this whole time I have been studying Addiction and what all these types of pills do to the Brain Chemistry. The other day I pulled up Subs and Methadone and I found out that these pills hit at least 10 or so brain chems. Like Transmitters and Receptors and so on. I knew about 5 of them but not the others. I was told by a Brain Dr many yrs ago that it would take a yr or more for my Brain Chems to balance back and adjust. Man was this guy right. It took a few yrs. SO the thing is, that YOU will be OK. It will just take some time. Time & Patience are the 2 worst words we use around here and we hate those words. lol Most people get over the physical soon, but it is the Mental that takes awhile. This is the part that can make you or break you. YOU have come to far now and I think you will be balancing back way sooner then I did. Just hang tight and this will pass. We did not do this over night, so we just have to have some Patience here. I think YOU are doing a wonderful Job too. However, Support is a big key in Recovery. Maybe try some AA. I go to both even if I had not had a drink in over 10-12yrs. I just traded the buzz. Having a Support system set up at home is great too. I know you will see that the grass is greener on the other side soon. I wish you the best!
Bless
Vickie

[Dirty30]

Lol what?

[Dirty30]

How many milligrams did u come off from?

[Dirty30]

Nah I've had some pretty disturbing things happen in NA so I refuse to do anything like that. I'm using 1-1 counseling 2x a week. I'm just so ready to move past  .  This but I'm just stuck in limbo day after day feeling horrible. I did have the thought for the 1st time yesterday of calling a sub doc and being put on a low dose but I have come this far so it's a lil too late for that I feel. I do have to say I ate a ton yesterday and my normally flat belly now looks like I'm 6 months pregnant.

[ImInAwe]

Hey, I'm on day 46 from suboxone today and I just wanted to say it does get better! I was at day 30-something feeling the same way, lil is this how I'm going to feel forever?! Just hang on! You know what they say, the night is darkest before the dawn! Have you tried AA or NA? Maybe try out their whole "higher power" crap... It works for me and a lot of other people. The more food you can eat the better... Not sure how a liquid diet would do much good, but as long as your getting that protein and vitamins! Try a chewable kids vitamin, they are easier on your stomach... But my best advice would be to find some AA or NA meetings, because those will help inspire you and get you mentally through the rough spots!

[Dirty30]

Thank u so much.

[Dirty30]

Thank you for ur words of encouragement they r much needed. I'm open to most suggestions. Does anybody have any insight? Thank u so,much!!

[pillguy]

Hey, congrats on  days!  If I recall correctly, you jumped from 16mg/day.  How long your symptoms will continue is hard to answer as we are all a bit different.  In my case I jumped from a tiny dose compared to you.  It was 30 days before it was anywhere close to tolerable and 60 days to realize I was actually recovering and 90 days to feel somewhat normal.  Just remember that it's going to continue betting better.  Surely you are better now then when you were at 1week in?  In 2 months you will be amazed how much better you feel.  I'm around 8+ months in and feel pretty much normal and it continues to improve.  I talked with my wife about this a couple days ago and she agrees that my recovery continues to this day.  I think going CT from 16 mg/day is an incredible accomplishment.  I'm not saying this lightly!  It's certainly one of the most difficult things a person can face.  Keep up the great work.  Take advantage of what you've already accomplished and keep moving forward.  We DO recover and can get back to how we felt before opiates.

[pillguy]

34 days.  Not sure how I missed that.  :-)

[pillguy]

B lj.kil il

[Dirty30]

Thank u! I appreciate all the insight it helps more then u know.

[Dirty30]

Also, I wish I would have researched suboxene withdrawl before I just blindly jumped with minimal knowledge. And I cannot take a bunch of other pills to help me feel better cuz I have unfortunately damaged my liver with all the prescription pills. It's starting to heal so I would like to keep it on that path.

[Dirty30]

I know it's a high dose but it's the only thing that helps me feel better.

[nettie1961]

OMG!! I'm very happy to have found this site. The OMG is because I've been hiding behind 24 mg of subs for almost 3 yrs. and I'm so scared!! Although I have kicked from shorter acting opioids cold turkey, several times and methadone when I was much much younger. Clean_in_ks your advice to Dirty30 is so true an insightful. Scared trying to stay positive in Miami.

[clean_in_ks]

Did I read that correctly?  1800 mg of gabapentin 4x day?

If so, making some gradual reductions in your dose will make you feel better, imo.  It has you on overload....adding to your sluggishness and many other symptoms I would think.

And what you are taking for your stomach is Imodium/Loperamide, right?
If you can take the "recommended" dose now that you are 34 days "in"...that might help too.  I understand about having to add foods gradually that you can tolerate.  Your brain just needs some protein to heal.

So glad you have changed your old world....now it sounds like you are on a mission to build a new one.  Other recovering addicts, whether alcohol or drugs, know what we are going thru.  Perhaps a small group of some kind where there are more addicts in recovery would benefit you.  We have SO many choices as people in recovery~

You're so right....if you can handle all life has thrown at you with grace thus far, you can "grow through" this too!  16 mg of subs is a HIGH dose to jump from...and I personally think you are doing FANTASTIC!!!
I'm leaving for the day, but will look forward to reading updates from you☺

[Dirty30]

And my doc put me on a liquid diet and to ease back into regular foods and have me knowledge on what to eat and not to eat but food is an absolute no right now cuz from my stomach to my hips is a total mess.

[Dirty30]

I'd say alot of gabapentine is 3 600mg 4x a day. Loperdime is otc it's for my digestive tract pill form and stronger then pepto bismuth. I changed my friends, places and habits during the year and a half of subs and that's the problem is no one can relate. I have a really good friend who was an alcoholic so when things get this bad I talk to him cuz on some level he understands. I'm an intellect so I more read on armchair psychology to distract my mind. And TONS of positive music but sometimes reality hits and that's what gets me down. I'm abosulety determined to get thru this and have no cravings. And am taking vitamins and airborn. But when I wake up I feel every single symptom of withdrawal and it's a harsh reminder of my curre t state. I've been thru ALOT in life and have handled it with grace, but this is the ultimate test of mental strenght. Thank u for the support it really helps.

[clean_in_ks]

Stick with it.....how you feel today is NOT your permanent state.

You were on 16 mg for a year and a half....and because of the long, long half life of subs and it's cumulative affect, it takes a minimum of 21 days just for your body to rid itself of the bupe.

I was only on subs (also 16 mg) for a total of 28 days.  I jumped off at that dose, too.  I was ignorant going ON them, and ignorant jumping off.  I was sick for a very long time myself but I also cold turkeyed off 2 other drugs at the same time which really confused my brain and body.

You mentioned you are taking a lot of gabapentin.  What is a lot?  I was also on gabapentin but only 300 mg 3x/day.  In another one of your posts you said you were taking a lot of lopridiem?  What is that?

Are you eating small amounts of protein? Consuming any protein drinks?  Drinking A LOT of water and other fluids with electrolytes?  Tried any Emergen-C (which has much needed vitamins AND minerals plus electrolytes)?

You said you are seeing a psych dr one on one for support?  But do you have any real life contact with other addicts in recovery?  Even just one person you can talk to?  Have you changed the people and places you hang with?  How about reading some recovery meditations to help support you and give you new ways of looking at life now?
Exercise....even just walking short distances?  Sunshine (when you have some)?

Please do not tell yourself you will ALWAYS be like this....you won't.
Subs are harder to recover from than short acting opioids....especially when we jump off a high dose and don't taper....it just takes us longer....but you ARE healing....every single moment.  I kept a journal and wrote down my symptoms and my thoughts and feelings for the first 55 days.  It helped me to go back and read when I would get discouraged and feel like I wasn't making any progress.  I would always find at least ONE thing that was better....and it was a source of personal encouragement for me.

Our bodies believe everything our brains tell them....so we have to change the language....the self-talk.  We're here to support you any way we can~