Day 4 off pills, but a big night ahead

[martiza]

I am a successful mom of two, work full time, and a graduate student. However, I'm also dependent on pain meds. The person who supplies me with the pills also lives in my home. She has been gone for a few days, and I have been clean now for four days. She's coming home tonight, and will probably have more pills. I was taking around 1.5 to 3 lorcets a day. I really need to stay away from them, for my work, my family, my life. But I'm scared I won't be able to. This is the first time I've admitted a problem. I'd appreciate any advice.

[FLaddict]

Welcome to the site... you found the right place.. Can you tell this person you will no longer be taking them??  If this is what you want for yourself and your family you are gonna have to make some changes and stick with them.. Posting here helps.. we all support each other through hard times.. but it is also gonna take work on your part to distance yourself from the pills.  Is this person a family member??  Does this person have to continue living with you?? Can you ask them to no longer bring pills into the house... 4 Days is great.. no sense in going back now..

[shelby74]

Listen to FLaddict.  Very sound advice.  You are taking a very low dosage now...it's time to stop now!  Don't wait until you take so many that it is absolute misery to quit.  I am sure you are uncomfortable but trust me it can get A LOT worse.  I wish you all the best!

Shelby

[martiza]

Thanks for the quick reply. Good suggestions. To answer your question, I don't feel ready to talk to her about this yet. It's embarassing to admit, but it's my mother who brings the meds into the house. After my father died nine years ago, she came to live with us. She's now legally our dependent, although there are other options of where she could live. The arrangement has worked very well most of the time. I have young children, and she watches them for us a few hours each day. I can't stand the thought of leaving them at daycare for 8 or 9 hours a day, so it's been really helpful. My mom and my dad were addicts, and somehow I managed to stay out of that life for many years. But with her living here, she'd offer me a pill for a headache, or a bad day, or whatever, and I'd always accept. Unfortunately, I've been taking them daily now for close to two years. It's a drag. My husband doesn't suspect any problem, so I don't really want to talk to him, either. I'm very ashamed and saddened by the whole situation.

[martiza]

Thank you for your kind words. I know it's a low dose, and that's why I've lied about the problem to myself for all this time. I'd reassure myself that one or two a day couldn't possibly be a problem. However, knowing how I've felt with zero a day is proof that even that small amount was too much for me. I've had stomach issues, but worse is the not sleeping and feeling like I'm about to jump out of my skin. Any idea how long this will last? I've got to keep it together because it's not fair to be so irritable with my kids and dear husband. They don't know why I'm acting this way, and they deserve better.

[shelby74]

You should not feel ashamed or saddened today sweetie.  You admitted you have a problem.  It is a huge step!  You just need time to adjust and then make a plan to quit for yourself and your family.  I know the feeling of the pills will be here on this day.  Thats all you think about.  It is such a waste of time though.  Its all I ended up living for.  I'll be sending prayers your way.

Shelby

[FLaddict]

Don't feel ashamed.. we have all been there. Most of us on this site are coming off of pain pills..  You have two choices.. you either talk to your mom and say "No more.. I'm done"  or you white knuckle it... I personally think the first choice is better.. Willpower doesn't really exist when it comes to addiction.. You have to have support to get you strong enough that you can do it.. telling you mom will help..
Since you are already 4 days in and your dose was on the low side your physical symptoms of withdrawl are probably done.. now comes the hard part.. the mental withdrawl and cravings.. You are gonna need to make some changes if you wanna stop taking pills.. Only you know what those particular changes are... I know for me.. I didn't have to change any friends cause no one really knew... but I am in the process of changing my daily routine. to start taking better care of myself..

[shelby74]

As far as the withdrawals and how long they last it varies.  I think the worst should be over for you now.  You will need time to adjust to being sober again and things might feel "raw".  That is the best way I know how to describe it.  And if you are a little grumpy with your family that's ok...what you are doing is way more important.  Would hubby understand?  Talking about it always help and if not you always have us here.  

Shelby

[liscamdave]

PLEASE, PLEASE...listen to me... I am a mother, of one, and recently lost my husband to Oxy-Contin. I myself have been an addict for over two years and have just cleaned up. It started out with a toothache!! Can u believe that...a toothache ruined my life. Anyway, I love how the perc made me feel and so did my husband, (who at the time, took them recreationally because I had them for my teeth), anyway, we just kept taking them and taking them until our tolerance grew and grew, then we were introduced to OxyContin. And began taking that, and out tolerance grew and grew. Long Story Short, my husband over-dosed 8 months after our wedding. I was too high and too scared to stop, so continued to take the pills. I was up to about 700mg, a day at one point and got it down to about 400mg, of oxy a day. I got about 80,000 in death benefits from my husband, and spent every last cent on Oxy's..Now, I am finally clean, finally thinking straight and can't believe where I am right now. I am broke, having to work and take care of my daughter while withdrawaling from this deadly drug...It was the worst thing I could have done to myself. Coming from two parents that were drug addicts, I vowed to never touch drugs for fear of addiction, but I did and it brought me to the depoths of hell....literally...So please, I know you aren't me and you think that may not happen, but it soooooo can...To anyone. Just be careful. If you dont need the meds, dont take em....GOOD LUCK IN ALLLLLL

[FLaddict]

If you are having a problem sleeping pick up some Melatoin at the drug store.. buy the 1mg ones... take 1 an hour before bed... if it does not make you sleepy you can take up to 3..  I find its better to start out small and take another than buy the 3mg ones and be hungover and groggy the next day.. After taking it get into a dark room..  helps it re set your body clock for sleep..  If you are still having diarreah get some Immodium.. it works best for us addicts.  Green tea has an ingredients that helps with anxiety and restlessness.  

[fedupinmt]

hi honey i was getting my pills from my mom also she has rx for arithrites and shared with me if i didn't have my own. I didn't tell my mom that i did not want anymore i just told her about this  amazing site i found and all the things that these pills do to your mind and body. my body hurt more when i was taking the pills then it does now 19 days clean. Just gently let her know your going to clean your body out and then it will be all will power and prayer. Visit the forum, read and post everyone on how you are doing and we'll all be praying for you to stay strong. I want to add that it can be done I don't live w/mom but see her about everyday. Yesterday i was at her house by self and i watched tv i didn't even think about looking for her pills till later on in the evening and then it was WOW  THAT IS GREAT SO PROUD OF SELF. sending prayers and best wishes your way Terri  

[markbrewer38]

Hi, I am on my 3rd day of w/d and truly understand your situation.  I said this in my very first post here...something that makes you feel this bad when you do not take them must be very bad for you.  You are already on day 4.  If you can, you should take this opportunity to free yourself from the shackles of addiction.  I really believe there is no good ending for any of us when taking a pill becomes our primary focus.  Your dosage may be small now, but the monkey will increase its appetite and you will eventually have to increase your intake to feed the monkey.  Use this site to help.  I truly feel with the help of those that know and care anything is possible...including a life free from dependency on drugs.

[martiza]

I am so sorry for your loss. Words aren't adequate, but I'll pray for you and your family. My husband lost his best friend last year to an overdose -- combination of oxycontin, methadone and xanax. You'd think that would have made me stop, too, but it didn't. I know "there but for the grace of God," and all that, but I just wasn't ready at that time. I think I am now. If I can stay off the pills for a few more days, I'm going to talk to my family about this. Not telling them is driving me crazy, but I want to wait until I have a few more days sobriety under my belt. Thank God for this board. Otherwise I'd be completely alone with the 200 pound gorilla.

Hugs to you, and thank you for sharing your story.

[Tim2H]

Your story was powerfull and really told the story of what can happen when you abuse. I am so sorry for your loss and hope you work hard on your recovery. Today is a new day and please make the most of it. Your child needs you more than ever. Best of Luck.

Tim