Day 40 no oral surgery for me today

Question

I'm home from the dentist and pretty angry right now. They were suppose to pull this tooth last Thursday and called to reschedule it for today because the doctor didn't feel comfortable doing the surgery on someone who took pain medication for so many years. So the surgeon who was suppose to do it today sent me home because she didn't feel comfortable doing the surgery without medical clearance from my neurologist because I have a seizure disorder. So now I have to wait till I get the medical clearance before I can reschedule again. I am so ready to be done with all of this. And to make matters even worse I am now fighting with my husband. Day 40 and still in a bad mood. I could really use a good day soon. I'm starting to feel like I have a very ugly personality. Soon no one is going to want to be around me anymore. I use to be much more outgoing, fun to be with and happy most of the time. Now I don't even like myself. Holy crap what a pity party I am having over here!

IBKleen · Answer

You have nothing to fear honey. You are not unique and every single person in the room knows EXACTLY what you are feeling. Like it was suggested...let it all out. Reach out and ask for help. You will help the old timers by allowing them to help you and you will help the newcomers in the room by showing them that no one is different there. The weight of the world will be lifted from you if you just speak for five minutes. Even if you just say that you are nervous and afraid. You don't have to tell your story all at once. Just raise your hand, say your name and ask for help. It sounds simple because it is. When I first started in the fellowship in 1987 I sat in the back of the meetings for 3 months with my arms folded. I was scared, frustrated, angry, guilty and alone. When I finally spoke all of those feelings were gone. I was welcomed with open arms and the feeling of that was amazing. One addict helping another is how this whole things works. If I don't reach out and help one addict every day then I don't deserve to be here. 

You will not be judged. You will be welcomed. Will you go on blind faith and give it a try?

refills · Answer

Hey BG sounds like you are getting frustrated. OK, now what do we do? I know you're ready, you listen and always help out others. Now it's time to clean your own house before frustration gets the better of you. It's easy to go back over any check list you might have made or have. These days are very expected and dealing with them straight up or just talking yourself around them is simply what we have to do. I don't have to tell you if something can go wrong it will and it has. Keep lopping off the challenging as you receive them. Knowing they are coming is more than half the battle. So what's the worst thing that has happened? Your normal and your great new sober life is normal. You're doing so great coming on here sharing, expressing and living. You should be proud of yourself as we are of you. Keep up the great things you are doing. Best Wishes Always BG...ike

BearsFan1966 · Answer

Maybe that is what you need to get you over this hump?? Let it all out and you will feel so much better. You are going threw a lot right now and need to vent I promise you will feel better getting that weight off your shoulders!

BraneGame · Answer

Yes have been to a few NA meetings. I still have not spoken very much, but at my last meeting began to start feeling a little more comfortable being there. It takes just about everything I have in me to get myself to go though. I have so much anxiety about being in a room with no one I know. I can't help feeling like everyone is waiting for me to say something. I feel so much pressure to tell my story, but have not got up the courage yet. I still cry so easily and I know I will be a blubbering idiot the second I open my mouth.