Day 6 of withdrawl! Will just 1 really hurt me?!?!

[Livngstrong]

I am on day 6 (cold turkey, no tapering) of opiate withdrawl, I am trying hard, but I just want one! I am a 36 year old female that has been on any pain pill I could get for the past 3 years! I never really had any pain with my withdraws. I had tiredness, irritability, sadness! I pushed through all that for my 3 kids! Couldn't let them know I was dying inside! Mine at the moment is the mental part of it! I could go to about 5 family members and get just one percocet! Would it really set me back or just take away the craving!?!?

[Livngstrong]

Yes, I am with my husband! He works out of town, so we came here to visit and to get away from all the craziness and pills! The withdrawals are no where near as bad as they were last time (coming off a 3 year addiction) I did have trouble sleeping last night and I am pretty sure that's why I am so emotional today! I just can't believe I put myself through this again!!

[Bubulous]

newlife is right in saying that you need to grieve.  I know it is difficult, it is suppose to be.  You are having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.  All of us want out loves to run smooth.  We get use to what is normal and when life throws in a wrench we face the inevitable phase of change and change is painful.
It is not your fault.  It has nothing to do with your strength.  We believe it does bacause other things in our life seemed to be overcome with will or strength alone.  Addiction is not that way.  It does take some strength but it is not what you might imagine.  It takes strength, love, will, support, and wisdom, honesty, and humility.
Notice what you have now out of these and figure out what you may be lacking then correct that.
Strength is what makes you try again every day.  Will is what we turn over to someone through honesty and humility.  Support is what you will find here and/or in meetings.
And love is the most important.  It starts with love for yourself then it spreads to love for everything and everyone else.

[newlife52]

I am so sorry to hear you lost your brother.  My heart is breaking for you......I understand and feel your pain.

You need to grieve......and you need to feel everything.  It is hard for us because we are so use to taking a pill so we don't feel.....

Are you with your family......is someone with you.

[Livngstrong]

Here I am again, day 3! I wish I was strong enough to have stayed away, but I wasn't! This time, I am 1900 miles away from everyone I know with any pills! I lost my brother and the pain from that was unbearable! I wanted to feel numb, I wanted the pain to go away! I did everything I could for him and was even going to give him my kidney! We just didn't make it that far! I'm lost, depressed and wish I could have taken away his pain! Now, I feel everything!

[msdelight]

Damn girl you see? It wasn't all that it was cracked up be in your mind, taking that pill. No you know the lies it tells.  I'm happy for you whether it's day18 or day 5. I hope you find the courage to press on and get past the parking lot to the meeting. You need all the support you can get. And you still need to have the conversation with your brother and get him a lock box. All that said, keep laughing with the babies. That is lifes true high! Now get your guards up!

[jifmoc]

How do you have access to pills? No one makes it if they have access. No one.

[Livngstrong]

I would love to be able to tell you all that I was going on day 18, but I am not! I was doing great, then the anxiety of everyone coming over for Christmas got to be to much! I took one 10mg oxycodone on Christmas Day! I didn't get the feeling I normally would have, I didn't want more and I realized, I didn't miss it! I love the me I am becoming with out the pills! I am ashamed and disgusted with myself!  I have cut out a lot of caffeine because I realized that was making my anxiety worse! At first, I would drink coffee all day to try to break that tired feeling! I get up, have one cup of coffee and just move, I don't stop long enough to think! I am a lot less irritable without pain pills. That one moment off weakness has shown me, that I will start the new year off with not wanting the constant struggle! I am sure I will have my hard days, but, picturing the happy days ahead, will out weigh the bad!

[Livingsfree]

Living strong. Here something to think about. This is my 4 th attempt to quit. The last time I quit i made it to day 13. But I realized something, on day 12 it was the first time I went about the whole day without thinking of the pill. I recall going to sleep in amazement. But.. Unfortunately, my doc came through out of nowhere he next day and I was all over it! Lol. In which it led to another 2 years of a constant steady supply. Now....... I'm running out 2 weeks early and I don't go out and buy of the streets, I have always got it legally. So being tired of worries of when Im going to run out and not getting that great high I used to get.... I decided it's not worth this constant chase. So here I am .... 6 days in.

[Livingsfree]

Living strong. Here something to think about. This is my 4 th attempt to quit. The last time I quit i made it to day 13. But I realized something, on day 12 it was the first time I went about the whole day without thinking of the pill. I recall going to sleep in amazement. But.. Unfortunately, my doc came through out of nowhere he next day and I was all over it! Lol. In which it led to another 2 years of a constant steady supply. Now....... I'm running out 2 weeks early and I don't go out and buy of the streets, I have always got it legally. So being tired of worries of when Im going to run out and not getting that great high I used to get.... I decided it's not worth this constant chase. So here I am .... 6 days in.

[Livingsfree]

Yup.... That's what destroys the wall of will for me. The mental emotions. I can get past the flu like symptoms, but the mind is so hard.

[Livingsfree]

Ha.. Just sent you a pm. I thought u were on the 6th day. I envy you know. Loll loll. I'm on day 6. Hopeless but aware it's temp.

[Livngstrong]

As I sit here on my 8th day sad, depressed and want to give up! I find myself crying happy tears! Tears because I see my children playing, really playing! Playing with the same toys, in the same room they played with many times before, it just seems different! I am whats different! When I laughed with them, it was a real laugh! Something I forgot how to do! I am sure many of you if not all, know the hurricane of emotions that swirl inside of you! The emotions that if I tried to explain to anyone else, they would think I was crazy! I am to afraid to admit any of this to anyone else for fear of judgement! You all above will never know how much you have heled me the last few days! From the bottom of my heart, I thank  you!!

[msdelight]

Fantastic advice! Call him tonight LS. You can do it! We're sending you strength.

[msdelight]

For the sake of your life, and your childrens lives, you must find another caregiver for your brother. This is a must.  Your addict brain knows it can get you to run over there where the pills and their lies lay in wait. It's a set up. One that is setting you up to fail. Get up tomorrow and instead of going to your brothers, find a meeting and go. Set up home health care for him and stay away as much as possible. Only after going to a meeting. You can't continue to numb yourself in order to be everything to everyone . You're going to end up leaving orphans. Is that worth a pill?

[Ndetox]

*i should have proof read! Sorry bout that:)

[Ndetox]

Hey girl! First I want to say that I am super proud of you for not caving! We should always acknowledge our victories... As small or as big they might be seem;)
I would like to give you some advice. Have you told your brother/family that you have a problem? I know it is a big step. If you tell anyone I think it should be your brother. I noticed that you said you have to help him to tomorrow. I wouldn't trust yourself to go over there and do this with only willpower. It's not that I think you can't handle things, it's just that this is bigger than us.
I'm sure your brother wants what is best for you. Tell him to hide his medication and if you ask for one tell him not to give it to you. Please consider telling him now! Keep us posted!! Much love--Jess

[Krissy_123]

I think your biggest down fall right now is you still have access to them anytime you want. In the end this may screw you. I've cut all my ways of getting them,so even if I did cave I can't get my hands on one.  

[Krissy_123]

Motye51 is right,I remember them first 10 or so days,especially when I first woke up. If I got myself thinking about a pill I'd start shaking from the inside and I'd get this awful sweaty neck along with the palms of my hands. I'd just tell myself NO,and I'd just start doing something with one of the kids or blare my music. I started learning that I brought them physical feeling on myself,the shakes etc.. Because I'd start thinking about the pill how good I could feel,but I didn't want to start over,I still don't. That's always won out so far.

[motye51]

STOP.....alright, your letting your drug addict brain get the better of you, thats all.  It's time to find that inner strength that we all have....you just have to find it.  Not even kidding, when my brain would start messing with me like this I would put my headphones in my ears and listen to anthem type music, push yourself music, even techno music, just to get a good positive beat!  I would also go in the bathroom and yell at myself in the mirror....tell myself to not be such a pansy!  Suck it up...it will pass, but your stuck in it!  You've got to get out of your head right now!  Music helped alot....push yourself, it's just that your brain is crying out right now b/c you've not put the drugs in it!  That's all....it's a ******* mind game!  Dance, jump up and down, yell, punch a wall....I don't give a ****, but get some of that built up angst OUT!!!!!

[Livngstrong]

No, I didn't cave! I wanted to, I want to bad! Still do! I have overcome and conquered a lot in my life! I had all three kids with no medicine during or after! I have always considered myself a strong person! I will admit, this is the hardest thing I have ever done! I feel weak towards it. I still haven't been to my families house for fear I won't have the power to not take a roxy 10! My brother needs me tomorrow and I can't tell him no! I guess I will see how truly strong I am tomorrow!

[dominosarah]

1 is too many, 1,000 isnt enough.  There is nothing glamorous about this addiction.  We have 2 choices...either we decide to live or we die.  You are not exempt from this.  Death is the bottom line.  You have everything to gain by getting involved with some form of recovery care.  I hope you make the right choice.

[Ndetox]

Hey girl! Please tell me you haven't caved! IBKleen is right about the detox getting harder every time. It got harder and harder for me too. I could take 3mg of Xanax at once and I would still feel horrible! I'm on day 6 of no opiates or Xanax. I'm on day two of no soma. It's really hard!
I did go to celebrate recovery last night! There was a meeting at 6pm and it lasted till 9pm. The hardest part was walking in the door. Everyone was really nice and made me feel very welcome. I believe that Jesus died for my sins and I have a personal relationship with Him. I think that is why I liked the way Celebrate Recovery is set up. It is a small group(9 people) so the next two weeks there will not be meetings because of the leaders going out of town. I'm going to find some other meetings in the area. I think I'm going to try an AA meeting Tuesday night.
I got my first blue chip and was very encouraged because everyone there has many yrs sober:)
I highly recommend you get to a meeting hon.(I'm from the Deep South;) lol)
Please keep us posted!! Praying for you! --Jess  

[msdelight]

So just like yesterday, you need to wait, redirect your thoughts and push through until the feeling passes. It will be okay. You may meet with these parents and actually get to know them now that your head is clear.  Don't give up!

[Livngstrong]

I think I would rather take my chance on the "just one" than to feel this way! It started at my daughters party. I walked in and realized I have never been around all those parents sober!