Aa
Day 8:) Updated all...and sharing my little bit of hope:))
Day 8....PRAISE GOD!
Wanted to update all those who have held my hand, and carried me, literally.
As you know, I wrote a goodbye letter to my family. To even say those words now makes my heart and my stomach hurt more than you will ever know. That is how low, how deep this relapse was.
This morning I got up very early by myself...forced myself to read the letter (oh god you have know idea how hard that was, but I HAD TO, I HAD CHOSEN TO WRITE IT)... Then I sat my the fireplace, said a long prayer, and burned it. And asked for forgiveness. Then, I wrote another letter. A goodbye letter to my DOC....this one I will keep. Now, on day 8 how crazy it is to me that i was going to leave the goodbye letter to my family, the love of my life, my amazing children, not the goodbye letter to the drugs, the pills.
For those that are struggling...there is hope, it is possible. It is not easy, ever. This relapse was worse than ever. I have used for a little over a year, so for those that think "oh, its not like I have been an addict for 10 years", dont fool yourself. The time does not matter!!! The drug does not matter! Addiction is a disease (this I learned from a very smart member, thank you Kleen!), and there is no cure. It is a fight, and one I plan on winning. With aftercare this time! NA here I come!
You can do this....I can do this. Reach out, ask for help....and when it gets dark, pray....He will carry you! GOD IS GOOD and SO AM I!!!
Thank you:)))
Wanted to update all those who have held my hand, and carried me, literally.
As you know, I wrote a goodbye letter to my family. To even say those words now makes my heart and my stomach hurt more than you will ever know. That is how low, how deep this relapse was.
This morning I got up very early by myself...forced myself to read the letter (oh god you have know idea how hard that was, but I HAD TO, I HAD CHOSEN TO WRITE IT)... Then I sat my the fireplace, said a long prayer, and burned it. And asked for forgiveness. Then, I wrote another letter. A goodbye letter to my DOC....this one I will keep. Now, on day 8 how crazy it is to me that i was going to leave the goodbye letter to my family, the love of my life, my amazing children, not the goodbye letter to the drugs, the pills.
For those that are struggling...there is hope, it is possible. It is not easy, ever. This relapse was worse than ever. I have used for a little over a year, so for those that think "oh, its not like I have been an addict for 10 years", dont fool yourself. The time does not matter!!! The drug does not matter! Addiction is a disease (this I learned from a very smart member, thank you Kleen!), and there is no cure. It is a fight, and one I plan on winning. With aftercare this time! NA here I come!
You can do this....I can do this. Reach out, ask for help....and when it gets dark, pray....He will carry you! GOD IS GOOD and SO AM I!!!
Thank you:)))
God is good!! God will listen when your heart is ready for him. Congrats! 8 days is amazing! you have been inspiring me. I am about 4 hours from a week clean! feeling better today.
God Bless!!
God Bless!!
HI.....been following your story for the last few days......Glad you got things worked out your in good hands with IBk got yrs of experience....I just wanted to chim in and say well done
work your aftercare and you can beat this thing....just ask any one with significant clean time and they will tell you about there aftercare.....there are few exceptions good luck with your Recovery.........Gnarly
work your aftercare and you can beat this thing....just ask any one with significant clean time and they will tell you about there aftercare.....there are few exceptions good luck with your Recovery.........Gnarly
WOW.....
Is all, I can say to all, that were there for Jammerson.
I can't believe what I have witnessed, over the last 8 days !!!!
A Group of strangers....pull so close and so tight.
You Saved A Life !!!!
I just want to say....You are all VERY Special people....maybe heaven does have a special place for you...but in my opinion, you also hold a very special place here.........You Are Angels on Earth !!!!!!!!
Jammerson....all I can do is smile for you.....you are in GREAT hands :) !!!!
Is all, I can say to all, that were there for Jammerson.
I can't believe what I have witnessed, over the last 8 days !!!!
A Group of strangers....pull so close and so tight.
You Saved A Life !!!!
I just want to say....You are all VERY Special people....maybe heaven does have a special place for you...but in my opinion, you also hold a very special place here.........You Are Angels on Earth !!!!!!!!
Jammerson....all I can do is smile for you.....you are in GREAT hands :) !!!!
My angel!!! SOOO happy we can laugh about it now...Your posting made me literally laugh out loud!!! Drove me crazy? I think not, more like saved my life! XXXOOO
To everyone else who reads this....reread what IBKleen wrote...it could not be more true. This is my second relapse..I will tell you why, it is because of exactly what she said. Once the physical symptons were gone I thought I had it under control. I just went back to life...not getting help, not recogonizing triggers. I told my self NEVER AGAIN, God and I meant it...But here I sit. The only difference, I DID NOT GET HELP AFTER. It is everyones choice, I realize that, but if one person can learn from my experience. I am scared, I am ashamed. but I am going. And if that doesnt work, I will go to another one and so on. I will buy books, I will call hotlines. I will do whatever it takes to control my addiction, not let it control me.
Much love and respect to all of us that struggle with this...there is a special place in heaven for us:)))
To everyone else who reads this....reread what IBKleen wrote...it could not be more true. This is my second relapse..I will tell you why, it is because of exactly what she said. Once the physical symptons were gone I thought I had it under control. I just went back to life...not getting help, not recogonizing triggers. I told my self NEVER AGAIN, God and I meant it...But here I sit. The only difference, I DID NOT GET HELP AFTER. It is everyones choice, I realize that, but if one person can learn from my experience. I am scared, I am ashamed. but I am going. And if that doesnt work, I will go to another one and so on. I will buy books, I will call hotlines. I will do whatever it takes to control my addiction, not let it control me.
Much love and respect to all of us that struggle with this...there is a special place in heaven for us:)))
Good Afternoon Young Lady!!!
So good to hear from you and almost see a bit of a smile from here. I like the idea of writing a goodbye letter to your doc. DominoSarah always says to do that and I know it is helpful. Hang on to it and read it when you feel cravings--it will help you remember what you left behind.
I have to share something funny----The last two nights my husband has noticed I have been typing a lot and asked me what was going on. He sits in a chair by my desk in the den and he can hear the keyboard chiming away. I told him I was getting in touch with treatment centers and looking for meetings, etc. for a very special lady that I met here. He said "Wow, it sounds like you are writing a book over there. Are you able to help her out in any way?". I told him "Well, so far I've got her flying to Antigua and going to a men's meeting. I don't think I am much help at all". And then I had to laugh---you poor thing, I must have drove you crazy. LOL If nothing else I was probably entertaining!!
But you know what? While we were doing all of that--you didn't use!! That is the cool part!!
And you promised that you were going to start going to meetings and that is a good thing too. I know it is very hard to understand, but this is the danger zone you are in. You are almost through the physical withdrawal, the worst of it anyway, and you are starting to feel better mentally. Often at this point we float around on a pink cloud and everything seems fine. We are sure that we have this beat and tell ourselves that we will never use again. And BANG!! It sneaks up and whacks you in the back of the head when you least expect it. THAT is why aftercare is so very important. You learn to learn what your triggers are you and need to get the tools to fight them when they hit.
The disease of addiction is cunning, baffling & powerful. It is also patient and will wait for you until your guard is down and then it will get you. Don't think it is any different for you than it is for me. I still have thoughts and I still have cravings. Some days I can laugh it off and some days I hold on to the chair for my life and pray a lot. Having the tools I need and surrounding myself with recovering people is what is helping me stay clean.
I hope you follow through on the meetings-make some new, clean friends who have learned to live life without the use of drugs and promise life will be good!! And keep posting...the community needs to hear success stories and you are a good example to the new people who come here struggling.
So good to hear from you and almost see a bit of a smile from here. I like the idea of writing a goodbye letter to your doc. DominoSarah always says to do that and I know it is helpful. Hang on to it and read it when you feel cravings--it will help you remember what you left behind.
I have to share something funny----The last two nights my husband has noticed I have been typing a lot and asked me what was going on. He sits in a chair by my desk in the den and he can hear the keyboard chiming away. I told him I was getting in touch with treatment centers and looking for meetings, etc. for a very special lady that I met here. He said "Wow, it sounds like you are writing a book over there. Are you able to help her out in any way?". I told him "Well, so far I've got her flying to Antigua and going to a men's meeting. I don't think I am much help at all". And then I had to laugh---you poor thing, I must have drove you crazy. LOL If nothing else I was probably entertaining!!
But you know what? While we were doing all of that--you didn't use!! That is the cool part!!
And you promised that you were going to start going to meetings and that is a good thing too. I know it is very hard to understand, but this is the danger zone you are in. You are almost through the physical withdrawal, the worst of it anyway, and you are starting to feel better mentally. Often at this point we float around on a pink cloud and everything seems fine. We are sure that we have this beat and tell ourselves that we will never use again. And BANG!! It sneaks up and whacks you in the back of the head when you least expect it. THAT is why aftercare is so very important. You learn to learn what your triggers are you and need to get the tools to fight them when they hit.
The disease of addiction is cunning, baffling & powerful. It is also patient and will wait for you until your guard is down and then it will get you. Don't think it is any different for you than it is for me. I still have thoughts and I still have cravings. Some days I can laugh it off and some days I hold on to the chair for my life and pray a lot. Having the tools I need and surrounding myself with recovering people is what is helping me stay clean.
I hope you follow through on the meetings-make some new, clean friends who have learned to live life without the use of drugs and promise life will be good!! And keep posting...the community needs to hear success stories and you are a good example to the new people who come here struggling.
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