Day one...I am so scared

[Waiting4myprincess]

Well I am sitting here in my bedroom with my 4 month old daughter on my lap and I have finally broke down and cried. This is going to be so hard for me. I didn't think that I could start the day without a pain pill and now that I decided to go cold turkey and there are no more pills in my house..I feel...so alone. No one knows about my addiction, except my daughter. LOL! (I aksed her to help me through the next couple of days). My husband has no idea, my mother doesn't know and neither does my doctor. I am embarassed to tell anyone. I don't want anyone to look down on me. I am so scared about the withdraw that I am going to go through later on today. I dread the nights because I know that if I don't get any sleep the next day is going to be terrible taking care of a 4 month old. I have been doing alot of praying today and really want God's help with this. I want to do this this time. I want to not have to take these pills anymore. I want to feel normal again. I hate this. I hate that I have gotten to this point. I hate what I have become. I love my children more than anything in this world so why would I do this to myself? Why would I get to the point where if I ran out of pain pills I was making appointments all over the city to get in to see a doctor that I know would prescribe more? I am taking my daughter all over the place to doctors with me when I really should be home with her just enjoying her. How did I get to this point? I need help. I really need help. I don't have the money to go and buy the things on the Thomas Recipe so I am pretty much going at this on my own without the help of meds. I have neurontin for a nerve problem that I have and I have heard that that does help with withdraws a little but I am just so stinkin' scared. I hate myself right now, I hate that I got to this point but I WANT TO DO THIS. I HAVE to do this for me and for my children......its just going to be so much harder because I do have to take care of another person during the day. I would love nothing more than to sleep the day away and wake up and have this all gone, but the fact remains that I can't. I have to be here for my daughter. I have to take care of her the best way I can during the day. Whether I am going through withdraw or not. She deserves that from me. She deserves her mommy the "correct" way, not a mommy that thinks she has to take a pain pill just to start the day.

If anyone has any advice for me, please offer it. I want to make it, I have to make it...I am just so scared!!!

Please help.

[joann1975]

lilyanna...welcome to the forum! you will get so much help and support..this is an old thread...if you will click back to forum and then post a question you can start your own thread...you will get so much support & information. you can do this...we are here to help you!!!!

[lilyanna]

i am a 23 year old female, i started using opiate drugs illegally beacuse after i had my daughter in 06 i have had serious pain in my lower back and my pelvis pops out of its socket. i told my doc about all this pain and he just said it was normal then i switched docs and  now i found a doc to prescribe me these pills. im going to another doc because they think i have indometriosis and im going to be getting an mri if medical covers it. lately im so sick from the pills which are norco, and they make me sick when i do take them if i dnt take them they make me sick. this will be the second time detoxing. i promised everybody i wouldnt let this happen again but i did i have a 2 year old who is curious about everything and i have to work and plus i have to go to college. how and why did i let this happen. i cant even start my day without a norco even 2 sometimes. i have told my parents about it finallly and i finally told my doctor about it too. im wanting to stop more than anything i want to be myself agin even though im not sure who that is. i need help. ive been mean to my daughter while being on these pills and how did i let it come to abusing my daughter for little things that she cant help. im stuck and dont know what to do

[BERGERSWIFE]

I AM IN ALMOOST THE SAME SITUATION AS YOU
I HAVE BEEN ATTEMPTING TO STOP TAKING OXYCODONE FOR A YEAR NOW
IT ALL BEGAN AFTER I HAD MY SECOND DAUGHTER, SHES NOW ONE
THIS HAS BEEN GIONG ON A YEAR AND ITS ALWAYS RIGHT THERE BECAUSE ,
MY HUSBAND HAS BAD BACK PROBLEMS. I TAKE HIS MEDS WHILE HE IS SLEEPING, HE HATES ME RIGHT NOW. I HAVE LIED TO HIM SO MANY TIMES
MY REASONING FOR TAKING MORE IS ALWAYS THE SAME
I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF MY GIRLS, DETOX IS TO HARD AND ITS NOT EASY WITH A 4 YEAR OLD AND A TODDLER THEY ARE NEEDIE BUT IM GOING TO DO IT THIS TIME
WHO CARES IF THE HOUSE IS AMESS FOR AFEW DAYS
AS LONG AS EVEYONE IS CLEAN FED AND SAFE WE CAN GET BY
NOBODY IS GONNA DIE
SOAK IN AN EPSOM SALT BATH FOR 30 MIN.
SCRUB WITH A LOOFA
TAKE 500MGS OF CALCIUM AND MAGNISIUM TWICE A DAY
DRINK 40 OUNCES TO EVERY 100LBS OF BODY WEIGHT
CHAMOMEAL TEA
FIBER
2 CUPS OF CARROT JUICE A DAY
THESE THINGS ARE SUPPOSED TO HELP
IM WILLING TO TRY ANYTHING
GOOD LUCK

[s10sittnondubs]

I know you love and care for your daugter like nothing else in the world...I can tell.  But remember there is nothing more important in your life right now than your sobriety and serenity.  I hope you can get some good support because beating opiates alone is a hard buisness.

[mimi1313]

You can do this. You have gotten great advice. Don't feel bad about putting some videos in for you daughter to keep your daughter occupied. She will have her mother back soon and that's what counts. Good luck!!

[Mikeinthesouth]

I have learned that I am honest whatever that helps with my wife she don't understand a bit but there is not a thing to be embarrased about being addicted I would be embarrased a bit more to not even try to get clean.

[Mikeinthesouth]

This is day three for me after giving in and using for a couple weeks and yep withdrawals again and did not give myself time to get through the last time. I had like 11 days and I take care of young ones too my oldest daughter here and my dughter with my wife and she is 2 so I am running although my wife is here to help it is a bit much do do and withdraw at the same time. I hate what I have become as well but can and will get better as will you to sweetie. Hang in there and pulling for ya, Michael

[dove3053]

Stricklyforpain is right on the money. You can do this. Your a Mom and if you have gone thru labor you can do anything. I never recommend anyone tell their spouse about this if they don't know, because you never know what kind of reaction you may get. I also didn't have much money to get the things from the Thomas recipe. If I were you I would just tell my husband I have the flu and treat it like that. It was hard for me but I found out it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Good luck,

Dove

[toxictome]

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!. You have gotten alot of good advice.

Take HOT BATHS...they will help w/ restless legs and aches and pains.

Immoduim for the runs.

Drink LOTS of fluids..staying hydrated is critical!!

Try to get out and walk or exercise..it helps to increase your energy level and mood.

Keep your mind busy and occupied...don't dwell on wds...pretend its' the flu...treat it as such and know you will feel better soon.

KEEP POSTING>>>this will be your life line for the next 3-5 days. If you can..tell your hubby...his support will be very helpful..if you can't tell hiim...tell him you have the flu.

DIG DEEP and FIND the STRENGTH!!!  Good luck!!
Keep posting

[spacecadette]

I'm sorry your going through this.  when i withdrew from methadone cold turkey i had a 4 month old as well.  And no one knew either......i thought i would make it but methadone withdrawls lasted 4 weeks and by the begining of week 2 things got so back i broke down and told him.  I told my fiance that i'm so scared to tell him something because he'll leave me.  he came home from school instantly and demanded to know....first asking, are u pregnant again? do you have cancer? did you cheat on me? and then i told him..."i'm withdrawing from methadone" he flipped at first but then he was completly there for me and  we are so much stronger now......maybe re consider telling your hubby? Your going to need help with your baby.  I know at least for me that i would hurt so bad that i couldn't lift her out of her crib in the morning......i'm praying for you.....also remember that you'll become very irritable and easily upset...my daughter would make me SOOOO upset about the smallest thing...like "omg are u kidding..!!!!!!!!! you pooped!!!!!!!!!!!or.....i have to feed you!!!!!!!" etc...lol.i know...completely insane...but nonetheless is how we are wired during withdrawl.....i truly hope you'll reconsider confiding in someone you can trust. all the best...

[10356]

You can expect to feel like you have a bad case of the flu, The neurontin will help with shakes and hopefully sleep, the worst is over in 3 to 4 days in the mean time you will get a runny nose, sneezing a lot, restless legs and back? take hot baths they help better then any otc med. Bananas people swear by to help with muscle cramping as they contain potassium also headache you can take aspirin for. You will feel like cr*ap for a few day's then you will start to feel better. Diarrhea for a day or so I just let happen naturally helps to flush the body of toxins, Drink lots of water and keep posting as there is always someone here to help you thru the worst of it YOU CAN DO THIS it is so worth it. You your family is worth a few day's sick and the benefit is great.
As for taking care of your daughter tell your husband you are coming down with the flu and he will have to help with family, you might be surprised at the energy you have during this process. I was. It is best if you can exercise or just keep busy it helps to fight the physical and emotional symptoms.
There is know way you can confide in your Hubby? The support is great to have. You will have a lot of support here and any time you need I'm lurking around somewhere.
I'm happy that you have made this decision, the worst will be over in a few days, then we tackle the cravings, don't be scared, try to stay positive as this is for you and your family

[strictlyforpain]

I personally found caffeine and advil very helpful. I also thought staying busy was critical. For me outdoor air was very helpful. Throw your kid into a stroller and take some walks.

A long time ago I got hurt really bad and it ripped/robbed me of a dream. I was a SEAL once and am no longer and the warrior in me dies every single day. I learned though that if I can survive BUD/S I can survive anything.

Let me tell you a secret. I became addicted to eating. I went from being able to do 600+ push ups and sit ups at 165 to a fat blob at 265. I couldn't crawl up a flight of stairs let alone enjoy life with my 3 kids. One day I decided enough was enough. I started to train again, like I was going to try and get back into the teams. I worked hard, very hard. I lost 90 pounds and I feel like I can take on the world. There's a secret though when battling addiction.

There are other things you can enjoy that are not addictive. I tapered off food very slowly. I used to drink two or 3 Venti Starbuck Mochas a day. I ordered them extra sweet, whole milk as many calories as I could get. On top of that I ate about 6000 calories a day. I decided there was no way to win unless I felt I was the one in control. So I stopped to one mocha a day, skim milk, sugar free, extremely hot. I had to sip it slowly to really enjoy it.

For you walks with baby (I'm a self-employed father of 3, one of my kids I had to keep alive for 3 years in a horrific battle like nothing I've ever seen and believe me I'm used to combat) are a must. Get out and get some fresh air. If you sit in a house and dwell you are dead meet. You will look at that cupboard and you will remember it having everything you wanted and you will feel empty and you will hurt.

Take baby, get in the car. Drive to a coffee house with a favorite book. Read for exactly 15 minutes (you know you can make it for 15 minutes right). Get up, order a wonderful coffee exactly how you like it (maybe decaf is better for you, I needed lots of caffeine to come of Oxycontin/Oxycodone). Ask them to double cup it and make it extremely hot. Get a plug for the sip spout to hold in the heat. Calmly get back in your car and drive home or somewhere beautiful. You would be amazed how much you can beat addiction simply by enjoying life. There is tremendous strength in doing the things our ancestors loved. Get outside, fresh air, walking... If you are at all interested get a digital camera and photo journal your baby in nature.

You can do this and you have no reason to be afraid. I trained for years to learn that fear is very weird. If you can control your fear you are actually a much safer individual and less likely to make mistakes that will kill you. How do you control your fear? Routine, habits, schedules. You have to plan each day in advance. Make time with friends a priority. People will notice you are out of sorts my wife and mother saw it in me. They knew though because I don't hide anything from wife or mom. I need their support way too much.

You are a strong woman. My God! Think about it. You are a mom. That takes more courage and more spunk than hell week with a bunch of grown men wanting to be warrior elite. Raising children (mine are 3 years, 6 years and 7 years) is not for sissies. You are no sissie.

I'm not into the feminist movement at all but I've seen strong women. My wife is a strong women (she has to be I drag her through all of my interests some extreme and dangerous... she raced mountain bikes with me just to be with me even though it scared her white).

You are a woman and dang it that makes you strong. Your gender is strong. You are fierce in your heart. You have had to overcome sexism, being lusted after constantly and being constantly solicited by the eyes of men. You are a strong woman and you have nothing at all to fear.

Now to the sweetest part. Your faith in a loving God will sustain you. Cling to it. Draw comfort from it. He's been where you are and done what you are doing. He knows. Let Him draw you out. The victory is yours to claim. All yours, nobody elses. He is there and He is waiting. You have a beautiful child that doesn't know or care about your weaknesses. Pour yourself into her. Focus on her. When times get tough get outside. Tell your husband you are not feeling well and you need to go for a walk. Get out and go. Be safe at all times. Have a cell phone with you but keep busy.

You are woman! You are strong! Do your gender proud by making this a non-event in your life. You delivered a child. Compared to that and lugging that burden around for 10 months this will be nothing.

I'm here to tell you right now to get organized, quit feeling sorry for yourself :) (I mean that in an encouraging way.) and take the fight to life. Don't be a victim.

Wake up each morning with purpose. Organize your day into 15 minute chunks (you can make it through 15 minutes) and those chunks become hours and those hours become days and you are strong. Use caffeine if it works for you. Do not use other medication (cough syrup, etc...) as a crutch you simply transfer your addiction.

It's time to fight the good fight and run the good race so that in the end you will hear, "Well done good and faithful servant. Enter and find your peace." That's yours, bought and paid for. You can do this. You were made to do this.

You are a mom and mom's kick butt!

[GoingToMakeIt]

Worrying and anxiety is normal but don't get too worked up. As Hops said, it is like a bad flu. Keep posting, posting, posting. It is your lifeline. Look at the health pages and read the Thomas recipe. Get what you can to help the symptoms. Immodium, Gatorade, bananas etc.. The worst is usually over in 4-5 days.

[lostdreams]

Hey, you can do this.............dont beat yourself up, easy for me to say but you are obviously a strong willed person to decide to come off the pills......YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!
Everyone here will offer support and listen to your prayers also. I will be thinking about you. Try to think of it like the flu, tell people you have the flu also, you never know......they may offer support with caring for your children, giving you some 'ME' time. Take care and keep posting.
Lost

[hopsing94]

Waiting you are freaking yourself out which is normal. It's not as bad as it me seem. You are at home (a comfortable place). The only one around is your daughter and she doesn't know whats going on so don't worry. You have had the flu before and the physical is about the same as having the flu. Right now your beating yourself up and freaking yourself out about something that may not be as bad as your are thinking. The last time I went c/t i stayed positive and really worked at convincing myself it wasn't that bad. Guess what it wasn't. Don't be so worried right now.

[Penelope14]

What pills were you taking? Im guessing most likely opiates of some type? I recently detoxed off methadone & have gone cold turkey off oxicotin & vicodin many times, & I was scared to, scared of withdrawals, & believe it or not, I feared being drug free, this was only because I had forgotton how to live without having something to mask reality. These fears that you are having are going to be your biggest enemy, & can make things worse in your detox, I had such a fear of withdrawls that I was making myself feel even sicker, once I kinda opened the door to my fear & sort of accepted it & stopped pushing it away, I started to feel emotionally better, & just like you, I to hid my addiction from everyone around me, even my own husband! no one knew, I was scared & ashamed that people would look at me & think I was a loser or not the person they thought I was, but finally after 8 years of hiding, I told almost everyone, they were surprised but no one was mad at me & no one thought any less of me, & this was a big turning point in my addiction, after that I had a big weight off my shoulders & starting getting better & better, I believe in reaching out to others who suffer the same disease is needed in recovery, I have lots of support, I have this forum, I have a therapist, I have a counselor, & I have na, the whole combination & a positive attitude has helped me in my 8 year journey in getting clean. I cant stress to you enough how important it may be to talk to someone about this, you need to talk & you need to hear yourself talk. Try not to be to scared to reach out for help, try to talk to your husband as you may find that he will be alot more understaning & supportive then you think. As long as you want it to & allow it to, it will get better, one day at a time. I wish you well, Penelope

[Waiting4myprincess]

I was going back and forth between 7.5/500's and 10/650's. I was up to 12 of the 7.5's a day and like 10 (or maybe more) of the 10's. Are my withdraws going to be very bad? I don't know what to expect and that is scary.

[10356]

Hi I'm on my 15 day of wd from norco and soma due to medical reasons I was not able to take anything either for the symptoms I did it, it is doable,
What are you taking and how much/ It will give an idea of what you are going to go thru.

[Waiting4myprincess]

There is no one that can help with the kids. My husband works all day. He doesn't get home until after 4:00 and then he tries to help with the kids but he is so tired from working all day. I am trying to stay positive and I am constantly praying, so we will see.....I am just so scared of the unknown.

[kiki661]

I am thinking about you and pray that u will be okay today......   Ive been in ur boat and i
KNOW how hard it is.... Is there anyone that can come   over to help u with ur kids? BE stronggggggg