I'm a recovering heroin addict, and been clean about 7 months. I just recently moved back to my home town where it all went down. I've been here for a little over a month. The last couple of days I've been on edge! All I want to do is sleep. I feel antsy. I'm not sure if this is as simple as "living life on life's terms", or if my brain still hasn't gotten back to normal. I don't know, but it's driving me crazy. Since I've been home, I've had those horrible drug dreams that last all night. Everywhere I go in this town, I'm reminded. Could it be my addiction talking to me? I know when I picked up the first time I was incredibly depressed... and I'm starting to feel like that girl again. Any advice??
First congrats on 7 months!!! Two things come to mind for me..One is PAWS., i know i had it at 7 months and again at almost a yr....IT was terrible...But also it sounds like things were going ok, until you moved back to your home town...Is there anyway you can get away from where like you said , this all went down??? Also, Drug Dreams are horrible, so sorry you are having them....I have never did heroin, so hopefully someone who has can help you more...I pray that things get better for you., YOU have come so far!!!
I went to treatment in Florida, and decided to stay down there longer when I got out of treatment... just to make sure I was ready to come back. I have a 6 year old who I share with his father (we are not together), and I couldn't stand being away from him any longer. So, unfortunately living here is what I need to do. If I wasn't a mom, I wouldn't have ever come back. I have heard about PAWS, but I'm not quite sure what it is. I'm unhappy whatever I'm doing. It's awful. When I'm alone, I wish someone was with me... when someone's with me, I wish I was alone. It's things like that. I'm even annoying myself! I know using is not an option for me. At this point... I don't think I'd be able to come back.
Have you gone to a N.A meeting ? People + places they say can sometimes be a trigger. So do you have clean friends in your home town. Are you keeping the people that you used with out of your life? The also talk about HALT hungry angry lonly tired. Are you exercising ? I know when I don't exercise enough. (Which is only in the form of walking) I can start to feel stagnant.
You did the right thing by posting here. Before you picked up ! Good job ! I hope the dreams are nightmares that you don't want in your real life. I know using H certainly is a nightmare for addicts and thier familys.
Everything you are feeling is normal. And you should be proud of yourself, not down. You have come far and being here, will help you. Stay strong and keep in mind that it does and will get better. I promise. Can you talk to your Dr. about anti-depressants.?
I have not been attending NA meetings since I've been here. I attempted to go to one, but it was located in the ghetto where I use to go cop at, and I just couldn't do it... turned around and drove home. I did use to go to a meeting everyday in Florida. I know I need to find a meeting in a good area that I can attend, but just haven't had the motivation. I guess that's no excuse. I also have not been exercising, but have felt that I needed to several times since I've been here. I've also thought about going to a Dr. for anti-depressants... another thing that I'm putting off. Geez... old behavior or what!?!? I am putting off everything!!! I haven't been in contact with any old friends I've used with. I do check up on my ex boyfriend on myspace (dope buddy) who I was with when I left to go into treatment. I broke up with him in treatment. Although I don't want him back or any of the problems associated with him- my curiousity gets the best of me. I just have this overwhelming feeling that SOMETHING is missing.
I totally understand about needing to be with your son!!! This has to be so tough for you..First i would go to the doctor, and try a AD, can't hurt....you are dealing with alot right now., I would have drove away also, if it reminded me of using...Also keep looking for a meeting somewhere else...I see an addiction counsouler and I have had fantastic results..She is in recovery herself, and understands so much...I can even call her anytime i need....I wish you the best, and look in your sons inicent eyes, and let him give you strenght
Congrats on ur clean time...i see ur predicament..if ur child is there then u need to be near him....and i realize we need to get to the point where we can be around old triggers..and i know it is hard...ur sone needs u but not when u r sick...if u use again, in a way, u may as well live in florida cos he will lose u again and u may lose urself as well...there are lots of groups/NA/ can u find one in a good area..i have the phone number for the find a meeting if u need it?...prayers help...someone told me that today..i have alot on my plate right now and i feel like i am trapped....no one can help i was thinking...and my friend reminded me that God is always there to help..many may think turning to God in desperation is silly....but I can see how it helps me...cos no one else can help/so why not ask? And i will also put u in my prayer today as well
Excellent post Worried ------ We sometimes forget about God and prayer --- but it can make all the difference. CBS, I hope you will remember the steps you learned at the meetings ---- Please keep posting --- it may help you and I know it will help others who lurk on this site. I know the depression you are feeling right now but it too will pass. Stay strong. All the best.
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