Detoxing from Oxycontin

[OxyDout]

Hello Everyone,

Today is my first "real" day of detoxing, I refuse to give up this time, I'm much stronger mentally now then I ever have been before.  I have been taking about 80-120 mg of oxycontin a day for the last year or so.  Today, I took 20 mg, 10 at a time.  I don't plan on taking any more today, and I will continue to do this for the next 2 or 3 days in hope that it will help me through this, what do yo uthink?  Does anyone have any advice.  You can also just write to give me support, I NEED IT.  Thank you all so much for all that you have done, this forum is my best friend right now.  Thanks again,

GWH

[Witchywoman]

Hi friend,
I'll be thinking of you and sending you strength and energy as you face this.  It is hard, but very doable and you will find a freedom on the other side that is so precious.

I think your plan sounds good...Have you got the nutritional supplements from Thomas's recipe to help you get through this? The recipe really, really helps.

When the going gets tough..log on and write to us..tell us how you are feeling, what you are going through.  Remember when it gets really hard, that you can make it through hour by hour, minute by minute.

love,
WW

[skipper]

GWH:
best of luck with your goodbye to oxy-c. i take 40mg. 3 times a
day. every 3-4 weeks i 'll go 3 - 10 days without. i'm in my
fourth day of such a detox. Follow Thomas's recipe. drink a lot
of water and try to stay busy. don't let what other people tell
you dictate how this is going to feel. IT IS VERY DOABLE!!!
keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[Philip1815]

Good luck to you.. one day at a time.

[Telby]

Skipper, I am very inspired by your posting. I so badly want to see my detox all the way through from oxy's.  I get painfully to about day three and I cave in.  Of course this leaves me discouraged and I think the sickness is harder the next time.  I did four 40's today which I am very ashamed of.  It is alot for me when I am trying to lower my tolerance and it made me feel like ****.  I have been taking Thomas's detox and would really like tomorrow to be day one for real. How do you manage your detox?  I am very impressed.  I am so sick of it I do want out but the drug has me feeling so vulnerable and depressed that I never seem to make it. Your thoughts will be most welcome. love, Telby

[deenaT]

Hi. I'm new here but sure looks like we have alot in common! (what a relief to find everyone here!) I was assaulted in Oct. & obtained a bad injury to my arm so for 2 months I have been hitting the Perocets hard.  I am so naive to all this...I've been making excuses to myself to justify that there is no way I could have an addiction to this stuff.  I just keep thinking there is no way...I haven't been taking it long enough or my doses are not that much, etc.  Finally last night I was going crazy w/sleeplessness, etc. from trying to detox. on day #2 (only 2nd time I've tried to detox.) so I had the great idea of checking the internet and I put in "perocet addiction" - search and was amazed at the info available & the wonderful support groups.  However, also, after reading "me" in many of the postings...I was depressed to confirm my addiction.  I don't think my tolerence is very high, but think I'm hooked. ;-{  I am going to counseling for the assault & also have PTSD from the incident which is making me crazy also.
I can relate to Telby 'cuz today I blew it on day #3 also.  It's so hard! Bless your hearts everyone & thank you for listening.

[OxyDout]

Hi guys, yesterday didn't go as well as planned, I have no more Oxycontin and I'm looking at just ending it, I get more and more depressed and upset everytime I fail, my brother has helped me today by pretty much being with me all the time, he refuses to let me give in and I'm feeling the same way, so please, if you read this, write me back and let me know how good it will be once  this is over, thanks again for all the support, I will keep you posted.  Good luck to all of you.  

GWH

[skipper]

hey brave people detoxing:
like i said in my last post, i take 40mg oxycontin 3 times a day.
i do thisn for intractable pain due to spinal injury/surgery. i
like to detox on a regular basis. when i detox i use both Thom-
as's recipe and pil poppa's mineral combination. i also drink a
lot of water. i seem to be able to detox with relative ease. the
reasion for this is the level of pain i go into when i detox. i
think it "short circuits" the standard withdrawal symptoms. back
in the '60 and '70 (yeah i'm that old) i used to have god awful
withdrawals from heroin and morphine.  

to all of you people detoxing, remember this is something that
can be done! there are far worse ways to go about it than what
you will hear about on this forum (i once went cold on the floor
of a county jail).

may you find peace and keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[skipper]

GWH:
sorry things didn't go well yesterday. try to remember that an
addict doesn't go in a straight line from point a to point b
(hey shlub i stole that from you!). Also tell yourself that the
only thing new in the world of drugs is what happens when you get
off them!

keep an angel on yur shoulder
kip

[SHOTSY]

Hey, I understand how you feel. I initially came to this forum to do research on my father. He indavertently went into withdrawal which landed him in the hospital. None of us knew what was happening until the dr. figured it out. Much to our surprise how potent some of these meds can be. On trying to assimulate how this happened to him. I found I also maybe suffering from similar circumstances. Although to a much lessor degree. I have been taking a small amount of pain killer for years due to pain, somewhat. I would constanly have these bouts of not feeling well. Running around checking my temp, thinking I had a bug. Never really comfirming that. And this has been happening for years. Finally from the information gleened from here. I found my body had developed an addiction or habitation. See I thought because I took so little I wasn't addicted. I think some where in my gut I knew. But the forum made me realize that the way I'd been feeling was a physical withdrawal. Now I've gone down half of what I was taking when I started here. Ever so slowly for me. I'm sort of a wimp although I try to put up a good front. I really have no excuse to still be where I am. For I've found there are others that have a very real battle compared to me. But my heart has just been totally taken over for them. And I want to let them all know how much I care for them. Big or small I beleive it is tough.And the most I can do is offer comfort. So that's my extension to you- is to offer my support and caring. ANd I will do my best to give you the postive energy we all need.  Truly,Shoty

[Telby]

GWH, don't you dare give up on yourself and life.  I had a bad day yesterday, and I woke up really ashamed of myself.  I binged on 3 40mg. oxycontins and had to be around people. I think I must of looked impaired and to top it off I couldn't wake up to get my daughter to school.  So today is another DAY ONE, I will keep trying and so must you.  There is no happy ending other then getting to the other side of this and being drug free - at least for me.  I refuse to throw in the towel and believe I can't do this.  Skipper is right - it is doable.  I always think of my sick Junkie brothers and sisters who are living outside or as Skipper said, in jail with no choice but to come off of drugs. Your brother see's who you really are so don't listen to yourself for awhile, listen to him.  Keep in touch, Telby

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

It's great to see that you all are still dispensing such heartfelt advise here! I feel like I've gone full cycle with this addiction process in my life and am a hypocrite for even posting here. Ironically, I was addicted to morphine and heroine years ago, got clean for many years and am now back on the stuff legitimately. It's like having an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other most of the time...and always arguing as my head swings back and forth between the two. Do we really get to pay for all of our indiscetions in this life? It surely feels that way to me!

I just wanted to say hello to all my friends here.  You all sound like you are going to be just fine! Like Skipper says, it's all doable. Skip, if nothing else, I will remember that saying of yours!

Take care, my friends, and Merry Christmas!

J.B.

[skipper]

hey people:
well i'm off my detox. i had almost 5 days clean and the pain from
my neck surgery did me in (or should i say undone me?). to be per-
fectly honest i was starting to enjoy a little time off oxy. now
it just feels like everythings gone to ****....

that's all the crying you'll get out of this junky. 20 years ago
i'ld have already mainlined a "little taste of what the good pain
doc sent me home with... it's almost like a bad joke, all this dope
and all i really want is to be pain free and in the arms of my wife
as much as i can!

i don't plan on giving up, but **** where do i go now. this old
junky can't even fast talk himself anymore. i guess i forgot the
value of this forum. i don't know where i'ld lay this **** down
any where else. it's been a while since things were pretty bad like
they are now. please forgive me for turning my back on this forum as much as i have lately!
need all of you
      &
keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[skipper]

JB:
we must have posted at the same instant! i just want to say that
i for one do not think of you as a hypocrit (spelling). to a cer-
tain extent, perhaps were victums of some circumstance. i think back about the person i used to be and am in utter awe i lived thru
drugs the way i did 'em (all at once!!). i don't know why i was spared when so many of my peers were not!

JB i just want to say thanks to you and everyone else who has been
here in my worst hours.i am truly honered by the company this for-
um has provided me with!

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[Telby]

Five days clean sounds like a miracle to me.  You do not have to live in pain, I have no such justification.  I got through one whole day today but I think you are my hero with five. Your postings help me very much, my husband is on methadone and we go way back as on and off junkies.  He is doing great, I am at my lowest point.  The monkey defiantly caught me and I'm not some young thing anymore that can shake it off.  Anyway, love hearing from all of you.  Take good care, love Telby

[SHOTSY]

Hey, buddy. Well maybe I'm just dense or naive but I didn't totally understand your post. Would you elaborate on it for me. And why are you sounding like your distancing your self? I don't want you to do that. Okay, I still need and want your contact if possible. Stay in touch, Shotsy

[OxyDout]

Hey guys, I hope someone reads this......... You all have been incredible, I think If I can break away and not take anything tonight, then I can DO THIS, the thing is, I'm really craving mentally and physically, I NEED HELP TONIGHT, I'm going to see my girlfriend at work, but I'm gonna need some support when I get back, so the first thing I'm gonna do is check in.  I hope someone is around, if not, I still will be thinking of you all.  Thank you SOOOO much.  

Wish me luck,

GWH

[Telby]

Hi, I will keep checking this forum until I go to bed which will not be before 11:00pm.  I am so glad to hear from you, you have really been on my mind.  I definatly am following your progress closley as I have been trying and failing to detox from Oxycontins for the past three months.  I seem to get sicker each time I try and I feel like I am falling apart.  Everything feels really hard, even the simplest things seem difficult.  I want to be off of this **** so bad and put this chapter of my life behind me.  I have been cheering for you because as you know it helps to have someone who really understands how tough these pills are on us and yet how hard it is to get off of them.  I am very proud of you and remember how sick and discouraged you felt a few days ago.  You can get through this night my friend and the next and the next.  If you need to post I will be reading your words and sending you all of the good energy I have.  we can do this and remember it is not you, this is a nasty drug that grabs on fast and hard and fights to stay attached.  Every day you are stronger then it is and soon it will cease to exist. Please be good to yourself and stay on board - you are not alone. love, Telby

[Telby]

I just had another thought,  maybe you could help both of us by writting what these past days have been like for you.  Don't worry about scarring me, i have been in and out of withdrawl like a revolving door so I know.  But I would like to hear your withdrawl experience - not just for selfish reasons but it will show you how far you have come.  Just a thought. Telby

[OxyDout]

You are awesome, thank you so much for showing how much you care.  These last few days have been hell.  I hate it.  Its funny cause when you are taking OC's you know you need to get off and you tell yourself, I'm gonna do it, but then, once your off, all bets are off and you can't stand it.  These last couple of days have been so horrifying, the physical pain, and the mental.  Everytime I come close to staying away, I think about how much I want to just take one pill, and how it won't be a big deal, that I can start tomorrow.  The thing is, there is always a reason why I want to be on them.  I took a total of 40 mg this morning, 20 and 20 and I promised myself I wouldn't take anymore, but I think I might take another 10 or 20, just enough to let me sleep but not get the same feeling.  ITS SO HARD TELBY!!!  I have 3 40's sitting in front of me, but they have to last, if they don't then I'm in trouble.  You want to hear something funny, well, not really, but I even have my dealer checking in on me to see how I"m doing.  He is the one who is trying to help me.  He tried to get me methadone but couldn't do it.  He got me some last time and it helped me out so much!!! but I was too stupid to realize that I should have stopped then.  In anycase, my point is.  Your always going to have a reason to keep taking them, I guess we need to see the future and just trust and know that it will be much better on the other side.   Ok, I hope your doing well, trust me, I'm in no better position then you.  I can't tell you how much i appreciate you being here for me, your the best, I wish i could give you a hug.  In anycase, where do you live (state only) don't need details, and if you don't mind me asking, how old are you? I'm just trying to get some type of image, sometimes it helps things out, but you don't have to tell me if you don't want to.  THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!

[Witchywoman]

Skipper my friend, it is so good to see you posting again. I've missed your presence, a lot.  I know I've said it before, but I've got to say it again...you are a hell of a wonderful human being, you've helped me more than you will ever know, and I just think you deserve to know that.  

GWH, please feel free to write all you can about how the taper is going..it is so hard to taper!! I never was able to manage it. Had to do the cold turkey thing.  Oxy is harder to withdraw from I hear...my thoughts are with you, and I just want you to know that at least you've got people thinking of you, and willing to support you through this.

lots of love,
WW

[Telby]

I rushed back to see if you had checked in, so glad you did.  I am in Ohio and I'm in my mid forties.  I think that is why I got in trouble with these so hard and so fast, my age.  The monkey caught up with me and it is definatly attached to my back.  I didn't do anything yesterday but did three 40's the day before. Tonight I did a little bit of an 80, I am trying to lower my tolerance so I can somehow ease out of this.  It has really been awful as you know, I spend more money then I have - get ripped off by jerks - and find daily living very hard.  Not that I am suicidal but just everything takes me forever to do and often I end up doing nothing.  Your dealer sounds like he has a good heart and that is important, he could be a big help or a big problem.  I find often people have radar, when I finally feel like I see the light at the end of the tunnel my phone will ring with an offer I can't refuse.  Stop beating yourself up that you started up again, it is a process not an event.  It helps me to remember even though I am down I am not as low as I have been.  Just being able to write freely on line allows me come outside of my issolation and depression.  It is good for me to know that you are out there and that you understand what I am going through. I can and will do all that I can for you, sort of do as I say not as I do.  We will get there, I have high hopes for us. love - Telby

[Telby]

So glad WW jumped on board for you.  She is very smart and dedicated to helping people on this forum and another one.  Just one of the incredible people on line who have found peace on the other side.  It is so difficult to be open and honest about addiction and this is a great way to conect with other people and help ourselves at the same time.  I get very discouraged with myself when I try and fail, try and fail - it is tempting to turn off my computer and not share my disasters.  Then I remember that all things come for a reason and the fact that this format has been so helpful for me to the point that I think about and worry about the people on it means I must see it through.  I believe in miracles although the OC's have blocked my spiritual vision I still know the light is there even if I can't see it.  So GWH, you are part of my miracle and I will believe we have found each other and the others on line for a reason.  Faith in what I can't see with my eyes, that helps me to make it day to day and to not give up.  love, Telby

[OxyDout]

Hey guys, thank you so much for everything.  Two days ago I had 120mg of oxycontin, yesterday I had about 80, maybe a little less and today I had about 50 mg.  so im slowly getting there.  Tomorrow, I'm gonna take about 30 mg and maybe the same thing the day after depending how bad I feel.  I don't know, Ill figure it out, the hard part is just following through, you know?  Anyway, thanks again for posting so often, i really do appreciate it.  i will keep you all posted.  good luck to all of you and I hope all is well.  

GWH

[Telby]

My last post before bed.  I do suggest you try not to do this dropping dosage everyday.  I have read that to successfully taper in a way that accomodates your tolerance you should do what you have done and then maintain at a low dosage for a couple of days, then lower again for a couple of days to give your body time to adjust to the change. Then when you do stop you won't have such a huge trauma to your system.  You are doing great, I am only suggesting if you drop tomorrow that you maintain that for a couple of days.  The big thing is to not binge and bring yourself back up again if you can help it.  You are on your way and I am so proud I could bust.  Start thinking of yourself as a hero because that is what you are.  Remember this is a process that you have been in for awhile, the relapse last time was part of that process and has brought you where you are now.  Under no circumstances should you come down on yourself and beat yourself up no matter what, you are not alone and I can see the light ahead of you.  You've made my day. love and sleep well, Telby

[susanlea]

did anyone watch 48 hours tonight?  Very scary, all about Oxycontin addiction.  They showed a young man who had a 240mg aday habit who went into the rapid detox clinic in California, The Wasserman detox.  Anyway he seems to be doing great 2 months later. He will be on Naltrex?  Not sure what the name is, Wiz, JB or Thomas would know.  Anyway if you can to see this, it's really informative.   Wishing you all love and my prayers.  Susanlea

[OxyDout]

Thank you so much Telby, you are such an inspiration to me!! I"m gonna try to keep things under control, I took about 30 mg this morning, I don't plan on taking anything else today, so hopefully it works, I think I will do the same tomorrow and maybe the next day, depends on how i feel, but then I will go down to 10-15mg the last day and I will hopefully be done!!!! I hope this works.  The weekends are always tough, you know?? but I will just have to stay busy.  I can't tell you how much your posts have meant to me!!

Lea, I didn't see that 48 hours, however, my dealer and other friends take up to 480mg a day, about 5 80's a day.  I have seen some people snort up to 160mg at once, its very scary.  I thank god I haven't done that and that I hopefully never will.  Well, i'm at work, gotta go, but I will be sure to check back in.  Thanks again everyone, TELBY!! I really appreciate it, I won't let myself down and I won't let you down.  

Keep an angel on your shoulder

GWH

[goldie]

its way too easy to be hard on yourself after hearing all this stuff about oxycontin and the evil it is.  Frankly, while I know for a fact I am addicted to it, and was addicted to mscontin, and duragesic, and percocet, and on and on and on, I need it for pain. I do not abuse it often, I used to.  I got scared and my prescription for 120 of the 80mg tabs would last 10 days or less instead of 30 days and it scared me.  I had saved a stash of mscontin to tide me over the other 20 days until I saw the dr or I would make up some excuse about (and go in early) that I'm leaving on vacation, or pills got lost, or wife threw them out, or somthing.  Obviously that wouldn't work but once every 6 months or so, my point is this:  If you need them, take them.  Don't beat yourself or let anyone else like pharmacists, family members or anyone else.  If you abuse them like I used to, then you need to be straight with the dr so that he/she can either switch you or give you a few days at a time and require you to go in every few days for a new script.  I'm really glad that I found this forum, I've been reading it for a while and learn alot from you guys.  Hang in there all of you and if I can help you, let me know.  I'd like to find those herbal recipes too by the way.

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

I watched 48 Hours last night about oxy contin.  That young man was banging $300 per day IV. Whoa! Luckily, I've never had oxy contin. I am on MS Contin, presently. It can be abused as well...hell, anything out there can be abused. As for us addicts, we love that "feeling" and never want it to stop... until it destroys everything good in us. Non-addicts have a very difficult time understanding how we operate and tend to fear us. We are very threatening, indeed, and many people would love it if we all just died. It's pretty sad, isn't it?

J.B.

[OxyDout]

well, I have made i through today with taking around 40mg, 20mg in the morning, and 20mg in the midafternoon, around 1:30 or so, but I have taken nothing more, and I don't plan to, I feel so great, I'm really starting to understand how much better off I will be.  I hope I can stick this out, i never want to go through this again.  For anyone that is reading this and is having trouble stopping, just think about this for a second.  

Everyone around including yourself and your other friends that abuse narcotics all know it needs to stop............You especially know it needs to stop but you always say "next time"  well I got news for you, there is always going to be a next time to take something, but there won't always be a next time to stop.  Just think about how bad withdrawal is, do you really want to have to go bouncing back and forth through withdrawal all your life?!?!  Thats what I thought, so really give it a hard thought and give it that extra effort.  I know its hard TRUST ME, as a matter of fact I watched the movie 28 days the other day and  a quote stuck out in my head.  It was when the head counselor said, "if they had any idea how wrong it felt to be sober, they would never even think of asking us to quit"  how is that for a great description of how we feel.......  Its awful, it really is and I know that if I can somehow make it through this, or atleast make it this far, then all of you can do the same.  Thats it for my motivational speech.  I hope all of you are well and that I hear from you soon.  Have a great night and keep the posts coming.  

GWH

[susanlea]

Well, there was another special on MTV tonight about Oxycontin. My children asked me to watch it so I wouldn't forget all the hell we went through with my ex. Funny 9 months later and he has been calling just about everyday. He has a different excuse every time, but has yet to show up. I hope I am stronger now, he wants to come by Saturday night, insistent in fact. Wants to pick up only his bed, guess he wants to put it in his parents basement.  I saw him daily chew up at least 260mgs aday,  that doesn't mean there wasn't more.  He would also use the methadone (Va drs can give you a perscription for pill form) so he has been dancing full circle with the dragon.  I am sure he is up to more, his dr's nurse told me he now gets scripts for 40mgs, so we know he is still abusing.  I don't think it would be healthy for us to see him, especially so close to Christmas.  It has taken months of NA and Alanon meetings, for me to come to terms with all of this.  As long as he refuses to seek help, I can't see him, he hurt us too much.  I need you guys, he is rearing his ugly self and my children and myself are the one's who will suffer.  Why can't he just get all his stuff?  I refuse to take all that **** again....love Susan lea

[Telby]

I couldn't post yesterday but I was so happy to read how well you are doing.  Remember you are my inspiration.  I could relate so much to your post. Living between withdrawl sickness and temporary wellness is awful.  It may start to feel normal but it sucks.  GWH, best of luck on this sunny December day. love, Telby

[lanzo]

hy
i am writting for the first time and i like to have some idea about how long it is gone take  from the time i stop to the time i will fine ok.

is it in hour, days, weeks,

For months now i been taking these pills for pain (cause i have 2 hip prostheses and ready for shoulder, knee, hanklle)

i dont now exactly how much i take in mg but it was from 8 to 10 pills a day. When i stop because i had no more WOW what i weird felling i felt so bad i told my Doc and his reponce was you have to stop tacking those pills and he send me on my way with a small prescription of half-percocet.

Please tell me how am i can make it easier, do you have any suggestion to make less painfull.


also, if my english is weird it is because i am from Montreal,and my first language is french.
So i hope that you still can understand the meaning of my words and help me cause i am in deep shhh....

thanks   Lanzo

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

From your post I wasn't sure what Va meant. Is it the state of Virginia or Vetrans Administration?  At any rate, if your husband has been as devious as I've been, you my be surprised at the amount he is taking. Addicts are marvelous con-men and can manipulate almost anybody. Including other addicts!

Just be wary of anything he tells you. I'm not suggesting that addicts are "bad people" but when it comes to drugs, beware. We only obsess about it 24/7 afterall! It probably sounds like I'm stereotyping here but I am speaking from experience.  Mine!

J.B.

[littleguy]

Ditton on JB's obsessing comments, for this addict anyway.

littleguy

[joedice]

all of you posting on this board are such a great help to me.. i,m new here and would like to thank you all. i will tell of my 12 years of addiction and all the hell that goes with my life if you all will listen later..   have a nice nite.....joe

[Telby]

I just sat back and read all of the posts on this thread, like so many times I am amazed at how folks from all over the country (or world in some cases) come forward when someone cries out for help and understanding.  Humans are so cool.  I am blown away that a stranger sitting at their computer in California or Maine, or whereever can absolutly reach out and connect with a stranger at a computer miles away.  To see my thoughts, worries, fears, and struggles spelled out so many times on these threads has given me a new course to follow.  It really is unconditional regard - no one gets recognigion or any pay off for their coments other then people their fellow humans.  I just love it and am grateful for all that participate.  It is so awful to live in issolation and feel that no one could ever understand whatever the internal pain is and this and other formats give us a resource that is a true life saver.  I am very proud of all of us and so grateful beyond words to have stumbled upon such survivors and hero's.   As JB said, drugs bring the worst out in us and its best to call it as it's seen - under the lies and manipulation is the real deal and that is what you all bring to a forum like this.  I believe we all have the desire to be the best we can and sharing our grief with strangers is a way to fight for our lives and find hope when none can be seen.  I better stop before I break into song.  love, Telby

[butterbean]

Telby, your words of kindness are great.  I was wondering how you were and I read all the  posts you posted yesterday.  I hope you are doing well. I am doing well, and am taking my meds as perscribed.  I know I need them for the pain as it very bad at times, so I scared myself enough to know Ihad to do it right.  Telby, as I said in a posting yesterday to someone, I think we are the strong ones, because we come here and post to each other and admit our addictions.  It is showing that we want to be better, and we are all kind people, because we are here for each other and only offer support, love and caring.  Good luck Telby and be good to yourself.
Love Butterbean

[Telby]

Hey it is good to hear from you.  I am struggling and sitting here crying as i have been all night.  I am determined to get well and stay well - one of these times I am going to make it Butterbean I swear. This is the fight of my life and I am in much preperation spiritually and physically to go all the way.  You are such a sweetheart and I love you - your kindness and support has been incredibly helpful to me.  Don't go away as I need my Butterbean.  By the way, you should feel so good about yourself, look how far you have come?  You and GWH and everyone is in my heart, this day has been tough but I love seeing familier names as the day comes to an end.  I saw from WW you were trying to get on the other forum, keep trying as your old and new friends are spending a lot of time over there.  I jump back and forth as I depend on both and feel part of both. Stay in touch, love Telby

[susanlea]

J.B.  You are so right about the manipulation and lies, I've heard enough to last a lifetime.  By the way, it's Saturday nite, he never called nor came by.  But....I really didn't expect him to.  He's been saying this sort of stuff over the last 9 months.  Since he left, he came by around 7 times, but stopped in July, no phone calls, nothing.  He started calling around Thanksgiving, and has been pretty consistent about every day or two.  Never leaves a message, but tries until I answer. Then he says nothing, just wants to pick up this or that, but never does.  I don't understand what he is doing, it is confusing me.  But I will try and remain strong. Thank you J.B.

Little Guy   Please tell me more.  What other things about an addict should I watch or listen for?  I lived with him for over 2 years that I knew he was abusing.  I am sure there were other drugs, or other lies I didn't know about in the 6 years I was with him.  I need all the information I can get.

Butterbean   I emailed Cin with the link to the other forum. Let me know.  I am rooting for you.  

To everyone   It is the season for giving, but also the season for forgiving, yourselves.  This place is a big step towards recovery, reaching out.  Love all you    Susan Lea

[littleguy]

lea,

First please keep in mind that this is just what has been true for me.  I think about it all the time.  Where I will get it, how I will pay for it etc.  When I have gotten caught by my girlfriend, I minimized my use and lied.  And I can make up some crazy stories.  It has turned me into someone I don't want to be and furthermore someone my girlfriend no longer knows.  There was a time when there was nothing that I wouldn't do to keep her in my life, and then she said it was her or the drugs.  I love her as much today as I ever did (13 years together), but even knowing the potential consequences is not enough to keep me away from the drugs.  I'm obsessed.....

littleguy

[susanlea]

Back this past March I also gave my ex an ultimatum. Either go back into detox and a program or leave.  He said FU about 20 times got up and walked out.  That was it.  No talks no explanations no more promises.  It had gotten to a point where he became emotionally abusive to my children and myself.  All he did was sleep, stay in a room by himself, not even have dinner with us.  I know he stole from me, and lied to me.  He hurt us very badly.  This is a man I had truly loved.  It wasn't the addiction I couldn't handle.  It was the lies, deceit, emotional and physical withdrawal from us.  He just wasnt' on the same planet anymore.  He is 39 with 4 kids, lives with mom and dad, looks like what society says a junkie looks like.  He has grayed, lost alot of hair, long long hair now.  His skin is very bad and yellowish gray.  He is bloated, and he has dead eyes, they just don't look alive anymore.  He just exists in space.  I couldn't tell you what he does I don't know.  I dont' believe he has changed much since he left.  I am sure he is still sleeping, abusing, just sitting there vegging.  The only excitement he has is dancing with the dragon. Please do not let this happen to you and the one you love.  So much resentment builds up and if you don't talk about it and be honest about it.  You may end up with nothing.  Like I said.  It wasn't the addiction that drove us to the end, but the rest of the **** that he dished out.  Honesty we can handle.....god bless you.....love  Susan lea

[littleguy]

lea,

Fortunately, for me, I am still relatively 'functional'.  I have what most people would consider to be a good job and a good career.  Although I have used my own financial resources to support my habit, I have never stolen from my girlfriend.  I have always provided for her when she is not working, etc.

You said, "It wasn't the addiction I couldn't handle. It was the lies, deceit, emotional and physical withdrawal from us."  While, I have always been emotionally withdrawn, the lies, deceit and the physical withdrawal are the addiction - this is not the kind of person that I know myself to be.  Maybe when I know what the truth is.... I can share it with her.

It sounds like you did what was best for you and your kids (and probably for your ex as well) in forcing him to make a decision.  And of course, sticking to that decision. With my girlfriend it is just a threat.  But it did make me realize what a mess I am.

littleguy

[raptor182]

I, as a 6 year perscription pill abuser would like to report an unexpected success in the area of self-treatment.  I have found success in recovery with the use of clonidine.  I have found that after a relapse one can actually forgoe 95% of the pain of withdrawl by careful use of clonidine.  I usually will take two 0.1mg tablets before bed, leaving two additional tablets by the bedside.  When withdrawl is in full effect a patient/abuser can rarely expect more than 4-5 hours of uninterupted sleep.  When I wake, I quickly take the two other  clonidine tablets and wait to fall back to sleep.  In addition my doctor has me using the Anti-depressent/Sleep medication Trazadone.  Using this method one can expect to get 6-8 hours of sleep or more.  Also, by maintaining clonidine in the blood supply one tablet every 6 hours while awake will have the effects of keeping muscle spasms to almost nothing.  I have found that by keeping the physical symptoms to a minimum, the focus becomes the inherent depression one feels during withdrawl.  I keep my mood up by watching fun entertaining movies and eating "comfort foods".  NOTE TO EVERYONE: If an patient/abuser is taking powerful doses of dangerous narcotics in large quantities this method does not help.  This method is useful to pain-management patients and pill abusers that use between 1 darvocet (very weak) per day to 2 percocet (very strong) four times a day for long periods of time.  This method has the best effect for patients/abusers using hydrocodone 5/500mg three times per day.  

Many doctors I have spoken with feel that an abuser should feel the pain of withdrawl so they are relunctent to make the same mistake twice.  I understand the logic in this, but I can't help but feel this information would benefit doctors that have patients that become addicted through no fault of there own.  

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[Rue]

Thank you all for sharing your stories.  They have really helped me understand the addict that much better.  Even though I know it is a disease, like someone else said the lies, deceipt, isolation and withdrawal from the family is unbearable.  It got to the point where I started dreading being around the addict because of these behaviors, not to mention the nodding out all the time.  It would make me and everyone else around him so uncomfortable.

Today I can proudly say it has been nearly 2 months clean for him.  At least that is what he told me today, and I really want to believe in him.  I do see major changes in his mood and behaviors.  He is becoming loveable again.  When an addict uses, they are not loveable, the drug sees to that.

Anyway, the problem he is having is the anxiety and panic attacks at night.  I have read that this can be expected for some time, because the narcotics effect the part of the brain that manufactures serotonin and it can take around 10 months to get back to normal, thus making normal situations seem unbearable and fill you with anxiety.

Did anyone go through this anxiety and any suggestions in dealing with it.

Thanks.

Rue

[littleguy]

There are a lot of nutritional supplements that can help with sleep and or anxiety.  There is a url posted in the 'Winding down off of Oxycontin" thread.  When you get there, you will find a recipe that inludes some nutritional supplements that may help him.  Besides what's there, here are a few other things he can try (and what I have found them useful for).

valerian - stress / anxiety
5HTP - mood
melatonin - sleep

Of course there are also some non-addictive prescription solutions available as well.