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Do I Stay or Run?
I am 26, a few short months ago I met a guy. The night we met I admit I was drunk so was he however as we sobered up we sat talking until the sun came up. I was raised to know drugs are wrong, not the type of thing I need in my life. I drink socially not often. I am a great person, not to brag but to tell the truth and I have found myself loving a crack and weed addict. Upon meeting him I did not know of either of these habits, he had just moved here a few months before and was living at a mission downtown. He said he was getting a divorce from his wife after she cheated on him and they have kids. Being a child of a divorce and knowing my mom left with only the clothes on her back she had to start completely over just as he did. I guess I kinda felt bad for him....He had a job,quickly got an apartment, and vehicle. We have been together for 5 months...
First came the smoking of weed, which I can not stand the smell of. It seems so common for more people to smoke it, why should I judge? All I requested is him not do it in my presence nor keep it on him if he is with me. He has done just that. He admitted he had been addicted to crack in the past but found a path through our LORD and has been clean for 2 years. He admitted if he ever fell back into it, I should get away. He told me the signs of what he would do if he was using....about a month ago I noticed those signs...he went "MIA" wouldn't answer the phone or text....the next day as we sat at dinner he admitted to using it. I know NOTHING but what I have read of this drug. He reassured me it wasn't something I had done to make him use it but the stress of demands his "wife" was demanding in the divorce. I distanced myself for a few days, not sure what to do. Now I am a smart girl, and usually something like this would send me running for the hills like I was on fire, but I am not running for some reason. I have friends who were addicts and they worry for me but know my head is straight enough to not fall into doing it. Since he has done this 3 other times. This last time he went into the paranoid role accusing me of cheating bc everyone else had cheated on him when this had happened. I want so badly to help him, he tells me every time he wants help. That he needs to give his life back to our LORD and everything will be okay. I have been told they lie a lot and now I just don't know what to believe. Rather hard headed I stand there even though it is breaking me down mentally. How can someone say they want help, want to make the change but do it again and again? Why in the hell can't I send myself running for what I know I deserve to be much better? I found myself babysitting him over the weekend, that's how I see it. Just sitting around hanging out, I'm starting to feel obligated in a relationship I used to love but I'm scared to leave him and for everything to go crashing only for him to fall on his face again.
I honestly just do not know what to do....where to go....what to think....
First came the smoking of weed, which I can not stand the smell of. It seems so common for more people to smoke it, why should I judge? All I requested is him not do it in my presence nor keep it on him if he is with me. He has done just that. He admitted he had been addicted to crack in the past but found a path through our LORD and has been clean for 2 years. He admitted if he ever fell back into it, I should get away. He told me the signs of what he would do if he was using....about a month ago I noticed those signs...he went "MIA" wouldn't answer the phone or text....the next day as we sat at dinner he admitted to using it. I know NOTHING but what I have read of this drug. He reassured me it wasn't something I had done to make him use it but the stress of demands his "wife" was demanding in the divorce. I distanced myself for a few days, not sure what to do. Now I am a smart girl, and usually something like this would send me running for the hills like I was on fire, but I am not running for some reason. I have friends who were addicts and they worry for me but know my head is straight enough to not fall into doing it. Since he has done this 3 other times. This last time he went into the paranoid role accusing me of cheating bc everyone else had cheated on him when this had happened. I want so badly to help him, he tells me every time he wants help. That he needs to give his life back to our LORD and everything will be okay. I have been told they lie a lot and now I just don't know what to believe. Rather hard headed I stand there even though it is breaking me down mentally. How can someone say they want help, want to make the change but do it again and again? Why in the hell can't I send myself running for what I know I deserve to be much better? I found myself babysitting him over the weekend, that's how I see it. Just sitting around hanging out, I'm starting to feel obligated in a relationship I used to love but I'm scared to leave him and for everything to go crashing only for him to fall on his face again.
I honestly just do not know what to do....where to go....what to think....
This is the short version of my life with being engaged to a CRACKHEAD MALE *****
He told me that all of the women that were in his life including his 3 ex-wife’s cheated on him. I didn’t think anything of it at the time because he sounded so sincere. I trusted this CRACKHEAD 100% He said that he love me and that we would spend the rest of our lives together. I never was married before so I was willing to marry this LIAR. Whatever you do DON’T believe a word that comes out of their mouths they are manipulators, controlling, lying, scum bags.
I was engaged to this CRACKHEAD several months ago he told me he use to smoke crack, he also smokes marijuana and is an alcoholic, he relapsed and started back smoking CRACK. When we first met he told me he use to smoke crack but now he smokes marijuana. I've noticed his attitude started to change for the worst he became EVIL. He said that we should go our separate ways because I didn't have a job which was not true he wants me to support his drug habits? OH by the way he had his smoking buddie and bottie call ***** while we were still engaged. He would lie...lie....lie...lie...lie. He's 47 years old and has no teeth but wears dentures he's not a bad looking guy but that's not the point he's a CRACKHEAD! Had 3 failed marriages, and owe child support, he’s an ex-felon, work at a factory that is not a 9 to 5 hour job. He's really scrawny weighs a buck twenty five. at 6'0 tall. When I look back at it now I’m so glad i didn't marry this CRACKHEAD MALE *****!!!! Run for your life. I LOVED that CRACKHEAD MALE *****. But what love got to do with it…… NOTHING, Take my advice and run for the hills. I can go on and on with this but this is just the short version of it.
He told me that all of the women that were in his life including his 3 ex-wife’s cheated on him. I didn’t think anything of it at the time because he sounded so sincere. I trusted this CRACKHEAD 100% He said that he love me and that we would spend the rest of our lives together. I never was married before so I was willing to marry this LIAR. Whatever you do DON’T believe a word that comes out of their mouths they are manipulators, controlling, lying, scum bags.
I was engaged to this CRACKHEAD several months ago he told me he use to smoke crack, he also smokes marijuana and is an alcoholic, he relapsed and started back smoking CRACK. When we first met he told me he use to smoke crack but now he smokes marijuana. I've noticed his attitude started to change for the worst he became EVIL. He said that we should go our separate ways because I didn't have a job which was not true he wants me to support his drug habits? OH by the way he had his smoking buddie and bottie call ***** while we were still engaged. He would lie...lie....lie...lie...lie. He's 47 years old and has no teeth but wears dentures he's not a bad looking guy but that's not the point he's a CRACKHEAD! Had 3 failed marriages, and owe child support, he’s an ex-felon, work at a factory that is not a 9 to 5 hour job. He's really scrawny weighs a buck twenty five. at 6'0 tall. When I look back at it now I’m so glad i didn't marry this CRACKHEAD MALE *****!!!! Run for your life. I LOVED that CRACKHEAD MALE *****. But what love got to do with it…… NOTHING, Take my advice and run for the hills. I can go on and on with this but this is just the short version of it.
I started a relationship with a guy.Said he was trying to be right with god,did not drink blah,blah.After 6 months of dating we had gone out to the bar,id had some drinks.We went to a party and went back to my house.He said he had to go he had to wake up early,i gave him my car.I looked at my wallet to realize 70 dollars was missing.I soon realized he had taken my car & money to go smoke crack.It was christmas eve.He did the whole mia thing and came back with the whole fell off the wagon story,blah blah.I forgave him ,months went buy he was clean,we moved in together.And again it happened.I have now been with him7 years,it does not get better even up to 9 months of being clean.They think it no problem if they only do it once in awhile.He has forged a check of mine,stolen my car etc,too much too go on.hIS screw up 2 weeks ag after being clean for 6 months.,I KICKED him out for a week told me he'd get help.No sign of him even attempting it.I was 28 when i got with him im now 34 turning 35.I love him but i fear it will never change and ive waisted 7years.Dont make the same mistake get out while u can.He just turned 39,after methrowing him, a nice party i went to bed and he relapsed after 6 months of being clean,being his 39th bday made me realize that 10 yrs later it will be 49th and it will be no different i have alrady put 7 thats almost 10 yrs of hope,patience,tears,his lies and me chasing him over this.I feel there is nothing left im empty and sad and done.Now i have to get him out after waiting so long & being 7 yrs it even harder to get him out,he is a great man when hes clean but it has torn me apart.i have played a babysitter,it dont work,he will do it anyways.Mine has even said he was taking a shower,i looked 10 min late the shower was running 20 min and i looked n he was gone.Getting smokes too,they cannot be babysat every minute of the day.sorry im so upset my typing is all over the place.Please dont waist 7 yrs like i did,you can never get those yrs back.
at the young age of 17, my son became a crack addict. he was a gifted student-excelled in sports-full of respect-a kind and loving soul. crack turned him into a monster...and in a very short time.
he failed in school...dropped out of sports...lost all his friends...was stealing from his parents, his siblings. he was arrested at 17 for breaking into cars in order to support his habit.
this handsome, blonde haired, blue eyed young man no longer looked like himself. he lost 30 pounds, his skin color changed, his eyes sunk in, and he no longer cared whether or not he even showered.
we sent him to rehab...7 weeks in wilderness camp and 3 months at the ranch. within one month of coming home...he was smoking crack again. arrested again...we left him there. i waited...hoping for the phone call...the call from him telling me that HE wanted to do something about his addiction. it came. a little different this time. he spent ONE YEAR in a program and i'm proud to say that he has not done crack since.
trading addictions. my son was determined not to fall back into a life of crack abuse. got a job and started drinking. took him no time at all to become a full blown alcoholic...went down just as fast as he had with crack.
he is now 24 years old and still battles with alcohol. he doesnt drink every day...not even every month...but when he drinks...he drinks until he passes out. he is an addict and there is never "enough" to make him happy.
what i would like for you to know is that you CANNOT love him sober. he has to do this on his own...HE has to want it (not you). if your boyfriend is DOING something about his sobriety instead of TALKING about doing something...then he is on the right path. if he is serious...he would already be getting the help he needs.
please go to some alanon meetings. so many times, we enable the addict and arent even aware that we are doing it. i know that you feel that you are not enabling...but i can tell you that you are. you can smoke pot-just not in front of me..this is an example of your enabling him. he is an addict...you can NOT give him your permission to smoke pot ! ! ! have there been any consequences to his drug use? or are things the same? him using...you trying to save him.
loving an addict is scarey at best ! ! he was clean for two years...yet he relapsed because his soon to be ex-wife was giving him a hard time. did he learn anything in those two years? did he learn to cope with life's ups and downs, without drugs?????
i wish you the best at your "attempt" to save this man. i would personally spend more time trying to save MYSELF from him.
he failed in school...dropped out of sports...lost all his friends...was stealing from his parents, his siblings. he was arrested at 17 for breaking into cars in order to support his habit.
this handsome, blonde haired, blue eyed young man no longer looked like himself. he lost 30 pounds, his skin color changed, his eyes sunk in, and he no longer cared whether or not he even showered.
we sent him to rehab...7 weeks in wilderness camp and 3 months at the ranch. within one month of coming home...he was smoking crack again. arrested again...we left him there. i waited...hoping for the phone call...the call from him telling me that HE wanted to do something about his addiction. it came. a little different this time. he spent ONE YEAR in a program and i'm proud to say that he has not done crack since.
trading addictions. my son was determined not to fall back into a life of crack abuse. got a job and started drinking. took him no time at all to become a full blown alcoholic...went down just as fast as he had with crack.
he is now 24 years old and still battles with alcohol. he doesnt drink every day...not even every month...but when he drinks...he drinks until he passes out. he is an addict and there is never "enough" to make him happy.
what i would like for you to know is that you CANNOT love him sober. he has to do this on his own...HE has to want it (not you). if your boyfriend is DOING something about his sobriety instead of TALKING about doing something...then he is on the right path. if he is serious...he would already be getting the help he needs.
please go to some alanon meetings. so many times, we enable the addict and arent even aware that we are doing it. i know that you feel that you are not enabling...but i can tell you that you are. you can smoke pot-just not in front of me..this is an example of your enabling him. he is an addict...you can NOT give him your permission to smoke pot ! ! ! have there been any consequences to his drug use? or are things the same? him using...you trying to save him.
loving an addict is scarey at best ! ! he was clean for two years...yet he relapsed because his soon to be ex-wife was giving him a hard time. did he learn anything in those two years? did he learn to cope with life's ups and downs, without drugs?????
i wish you the best at your "attempt" to save this man. i would personally spend more time trying to save MYSELF from him.
I know that it is different. COMPLETELY different and harder and more hell. But he wants help, and she wants to help him. At least give her some credit for trying to help!!!
u are kind but crack is different then vikes it will bring people to places they never imagned, she cannot help him until he helps himself he will bring her down. we are responding to this because we have been there. run unless he goes to rehab
I don't think you are understanding from the non-addict side of things. My husband is an addict and so I know what she's going through. Although she's not married to him or have kids with him she still loves him and cares about him. She knows that she is going to hear all of these things but I think she felt bombarded about everything. I was the SAME when at the beginning of everything. i stayed with my husband and now things are getting better. She wants to help him and I believe that she can. She knows of all the things that might happen, I even explained all the hell and bad things that I went through, not having anything, living in my car, losing my car, living in hotels, etc etc. But she wants to help him. I think we should be supportive of her trying to help as long as it doesn't bring her down to the point of insanity and losing everything. I think it's good that everyone is trying to help her get out of this situation though. You all know how y'all are as addicts or people living with addicts and don't want her to go through all the bad stuff. I support her in her decision to try to help, as long as it doesn't drag her down too :)
Im new here but i have to add to this thread. u seem to get upset because you r not hearing what you wanted or expected to hear. you don't have the tools to help him he needs professionals. if our spouses or loved ones could help there wouldn't be so many addicts out there. this is a bad situation any way you look at it. look in the mirror and be honest with what you see and what you want out of life. if it's pain and misery and no money then stay put. if it is anything else run like you/'ve never run before. don't you deserve somone who can put you first, before a drug. hes not evening puting his kids before his addiction. you are in for HELL if you don't get this man out of your life NOW! that may be hard to hear but it's the absolute truth! Good luck.
I read through the responses here 4 times, very slowly and I do not see where anyone put you down. Quite the opposite. What the members are doing is sharing their experiences with you and trying to help you understand that you cannot help him until HE realizes he has a problem and asks for help. Loving an addict is hard and trying to help one get and stay clean is harder yet. I hope that you will return and talk with us.
I do feel it is important to tell you that crack addicts very often engage in unsavory sexual activity. If he is disappearing for the evening, or for days, it is important that you get tested for STD's and HIV. Please protect yourself. I apologize if this came as a surprise or shock to you. It is common knowledge amongst addicts but you are not all that familiar with addiction and felt it very important for you to know. I certainly hope that he gets and stays clean but my concern right now is for you and your future.
I wish you the best and really do hope you return.
I do feel it is important to tell you that crack addicts very often engage in unsavory sexual activity. If he is disappearing for the evening, or for days, it is important that you get tested for STD's and HIV. Please protect yourself. I apologize if this came as a surprise or shock to you. It is common knowledge amongst addicts but you are not all that familiar with addiction and felt it very important for you to know. I certainly hope that he gets and stays clean but my concern right now is for you and your future.
I wish you the best and really do hope you return.
he will lie to you and talk about god and how bad and sorry he feels or he will go to rehab be safe dove,,,,, ,,,, i am being truthful
Honestly honey i will not tell u to leave nor will.i tell u to stay. U seem like a very smart n wonderful person u have not left yet bcause u love him n smethg is keeping u there. My advice to u is let him knw the deal if he wants help u will help him,this is not a game he must b fully committed to stopping n getting his life back together. Let him knw u r not a babysitter both of u r adults tell him to please b honest with u in wat he really wants to do. Also pray,prayer is the most powerful thing in this world. Gd luck n God bless u
So basically he is a crack head, a pot head, he is getting a divorce (what he says) he has kids and he goes away and doesnt return you text msgs. Have you ever heard of the term "Tough Love". Save yourself all this time that is going to pass and leave him!!! Also it makes me sick how he talks about the "lord". I hate when people run and disrespect god thinking it will mask all of there problems. He only needs god when his crack runs out right? He wants to be a man of the "lord" then tell him to be a father to his kids. If you are upset with my comment and all these comments and are still protecting this guy then you are in denial. You are 26, the princess deserves a prince. Find your self asteem and go live your life.. and please do not fall for his find the lord scam.
COMMUNITY LEADER
We are in no way putting you down. We are telling you what happens as we have been there. We are recovering addicts and we are telling you what can and will happen. If he really wants to get off this stuff he is going to need some outside help. We cant do this alone. Also our actions speak louder than words. You can be supportive but it has to be in a healthy way. We deal in honesty on here and that is what dove and i are doing right now. I know it is easier said than done with what we are telling you. Our family members were put thru he!! due to our addictions. We dont want to see you go thru that and that is why i said if you are vested in this relationship than get some help for you also. Addiction affects everyone in the family.
unless he is willing to re hab it, its very hard to kick it. i know from being there i am not putting you down i am just trying to protect you. this drug is morew powerful than u think and people do crazy things to get it. just protect yourself we are here to help, listen and advice just wanted you to be prepared for the truth...dove
You know I understand what you all are saying however is putting down the situation something all of you want to do? I am not looking to be put down or made a fool of for trying to help someone who is admitting they need help. From what I am taking in from this you all are not encouraging one bit. If I wanted to be put down I would go to my parents. I posted here after reading some very helpful and positive postings from other people. So how am I being an enabler for trying to help someone I care about?
I seen and witness my baby cousin live a life of drugs and if we all walked out where would he be? Probably jail or dead in the streets? Instead we supported him and he has not only turned his life around living 3 years drug free from weed but is an outstanding father and military personnel.
I seen and witness my baby cousin live a life of drugs and if we all walked out where would he be? Probably jail or dead in the streets? Instead we supported him and he has not only turned his life around living 3 years drug free from weed but is an outstanding father and military personnel.
i know your thoughts are swirling but plz hear my/ our advice make arrangements to leave..save yourself iam i being dramatic no way i know what crack addicts will do ask me ?? i am here...dove
COMMUNITY LEADER
One more thing.......Guard your personal property as it will be gone if he continues using.
COMMUNITY LEADER
There are so many red flags flying here.......You met each other drunk, He isnt even out of his relationship with his wife who he claims cheated on him, i have a feeling there is alot more to that story and now is he is back using, telling you everything you want to hear and you are falling for it. There is nothing you can do to get him clean and to stay that way. He has to want that. He needs to face his demons head on. If you choose to stay in this you need to get some help yourself. If you see a bright future for the 2 of you then great but i have a feeling you know what you need to do....Life with an addict is very draining both physically and mentally.
my dear freind showed me how to ssmoke coke, something different i had know idea it was crack that dreaded drug that everyone in the inner city of ny was hooked on. one hit and i was hooked!!! i hid it well as i am a control freak but things did nt add up and my huband realized our money was dwindling and then came the ?? he threaten to tell my family and leave me and i quit c/t never would i smoke coke/ crack again it was the hardest thing i ever did but i knew i would lose it all people will only stop if the consequences are great.... he has no cosequence for using unless u leave and never come back ... he will lie, cheat, steal your money and pawn your things for crack. i have not done it in 4 years and have gone back 2 school for my doctorate... save yourself..dove
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